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Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 2:42:05 PM

Supershovel83

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Well heres what happen. i was out with my Dom last night, and i became rebelious and bad. As My Master was having a conversation, i was feeling neglected and lonley so i kicked at My Dom in the arm 3 times.. My Dom and i went to have a cig and told me i had done wrong.. i concured and submitted to my punishment. But by the time we got back i started to back track and became afraid of punishment. So i tried to point fingers and play the back and forth game. By the time my Dom and i got home the argument became quit intense. When i have had alot of alcohol my pride tends to step in and take over my common sense. i threw in my Doms face that He was a bad Dom, and then i further attacked a lifestyle and relationship i really love. i told Him, He was the reason that i was a whore and how much i hated that. i also sunk lower than that i told Him that i was better appriecated by my father and son. How do i make it up to my Master to secure him that it was only said out of anger and that He is my world. i'm very upset with my behavior and actions. How better i punish myself? please help.. i don't want to lose my Dom.. Writing this at my Masters request. Just trying to understand and improve.

Post #: 1

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 2:46:32 PM

IceyOne

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

Hmm, no offense but since you know drinking tends to do this to you...maybe you should start with a promise to yourself that you will not drink anymore...just a thought.

As to the rest, well, childish, and immature...yes that is how you acted...the best you can do is try and talk to him...let him know how sorry you are and then promise that it will never happen again...and then STICK to your promise.

From the sounds of some of the things you threw at him...had a ring of truth about them...maybe you need to sit down and REALLY discuss where your relationship is and make sure that you are both wanting the same thing.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 2

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 2:56:14 PM

meridia

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

if there's one common theme throughout this ENTIRE site, it's one word: COMMUNICATION.

if you and your dom have an established relationship, and this is a completely out-of-the-ordinary outburst, then you learn from it and move on. it will help the relationship for you to accept his punishment along with your own self-inflicted punishment. if you truly are sorry, it will never happen again. if not, then maybe that outburst was a symptom of other problems in the relationship. is it possible that the episode was PMS-inspired and for some reason your moods went nuts (which happens to me all the time)? is it possible other stressors in your life got to you and he just set you off? without a little background on your situation, it's hard to tell you how to "improve".

i can tell you my own experience... i recently disobeyed my Master, and he was angry with me for about a day (side note: we've been together a year and a half, and that was the second fight we've ever had, and the longest he's EVER been mad at me). he told me it wasn't the Master part of him that was punishing me and demanding obedience, but it was most definetely the sub part of me that was responding to him being upset. he and i both know that we are human and tend to fuck up from time to time... but for as angry as he was at me, i was far angrier with myself for disobeying him. i spent most of that whole day crying, and my world got so much better when he made it clear he wasn't mad at me anymore. i don't ever want to go through that again, so when he makes a request, as Master or as fiance, it will be obeyed to the best of my ability.

~meridia

_____________________________

why couldn't you just put the bunny back in the box?

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 3

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 3:06:59 PM

Hallittlelolita

Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

If i were you i would be praying for forgivness at least my ass would lol

Sorry but just be honest with Him and tell Him you are sorry and that you fu*ked up and it wont happen again. That is all you can do and learn from experience, you know maybe not drinks so much i dont know much you drink but i know what happens when i do, i tend to be on a high horse as well. Just put it this way when i drink i am looking for trouble and it usualy finds me and then WED my ass

. i wish you the best luck

sincerely Master Hal's lilcumslut slavegirl andie

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 4

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 3:40:04 PM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I would say sit down and talk. re evaluate you and him and decide if you want this lifestyle. If you do....then walk the walk

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 5

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 4:30:24 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

Well heres what happen. i was out with my Dom last night, and i became rebelious and bad. As My Master was having a conversation, i was feeling neglected and lonley so i kicked at My Dom in the arm 3 times.. My Dom and i went to have a cig and told me i had done wrong.. i concured and submitted to my punishment. But by the time we got back i started to back track and became afraid of punishment. So i tried to point fingers and play the back and forth game. By the time my Dom and i got home the argument became quit intense. When i have had alot of alcohol my pride tends to step in and take over my common sense. i threw in my Doms face that He was a bad Dom, and then i further attacked a lifestyle and relationship i really love. i told Him, He was the reason that i was a whore and how much i hated that. i also sunk lower than that i told Him that i was better appriecated by my father and son. How do i make it up to my Master to secure him that it was only said out of anger and that He is my world. i'm very upset with my behavior and actions. How better i punish myself? please help.. i don't want to lose my Dom.. Writing this at my Masters request. Just trying to understand and improve.

I think your Dominant needs to evaluate whether you're worth putting up with in this manner. You're actions show that if you aren't dealt with immediately, you will only be a bigger pain in the ass a moment later. You pushed his limit to see how far you can go. You're Dominant has to either man up and give you the punishment you deserve or bow out and release you from his collar. You need to either take the punishment he gives and keep it in mind next time you open your mouth or request release because you can't be the submissive he requires you to be.

You saying that you don't want to lose him is just a lot of fluff. You were really afraid of losing him, you wouldn't have taken it to the extreme that you did.

You dug yourself a nice, deep little pit here. Personally, if you were mine, you'd be wearing a gag for a while on top of a good paddling and or corner time. Which ever works best.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 6

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 4:49:33 PM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Don't know how much help i can be.

All i can do is share what i have done or would do if it was me.
Bottom Line the situation. Find out whats really going on with you.
The things said in anger were they true at all/partially true?
Then discuss them. Alcohol? You think it's a problem, you have said it yourself,
i myself am allergic to it. Saying and doing things while under it's influence i
would "never" normally do. Cut it out it cut out the problem. For some it is
just hard booze? Anyway? Bottom Line the experience to finding out what's wrong.
Trying to get Your Dominants attention, when it was focused elsewhere, was the
start of this you said. Search that bottom line within your heart, honestly, deeply.
Then fix what needs to be fixed, and what part concerns your Dominant? you can
discuss with Him. After you have discovered what you need to fix about you!!!!
Guilt? right now will do nothing for either one of you, unless it motivates you to change.
i always found beating myself up only slowed my progress at fixing whatever it was. The work you do at changing, will hopefully show Your Dominant, all He needs to know about how you feel.

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 7

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/20/2006 5:59:12 PM

doubleLeo

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

For me this really goes back to the 'kicks' in the arm. You felt ignored. I would look at that.
Perhaps you need more time with him? Can you ask for this with him? This is something you need, obviously if your 'kicking' him. Would he give this to you with open arms? does he care about your needs?
There wouldnt be a need to play back and forth games if your needs were met to begin with. Im sorry, women, in my opinion, need and deserve attention and love. So do men, and we all need it to make sense to us. To make us FEEL loved.

You can ask almost anyone- alchohol and D/s play are a double edged sword to be playing with. I personally do not allow it for harder sessions.

Maybe you mentioned your father and son because those were examples of other males in your world that gave you that reciprocal need of love and affection. Theres nothing wrong with intimacy and caring.

Try openly discussing .. I think communication was mentioned here several times. But more then that..get to a place of honesty. Approach him with good intentions to solve this..not out of fear or resentment or emotional triggers. Just be strait with him. It doesnt have to be defensive or accusitory. Just say this is what I feel when we go out. I think this is why. I think I want this. Could you help me? I love you and your the one who I want this from. Let him know you need him, but let him know you have needs too. Be fair to him. Pick a time to discuss this when he can be fair to you. Be a freind to him.

Do not worry so much about any one experience you have...You might lose your dom, but you will always find yourself.

dL

(in reply to mossy)

Post #: 8

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/23/2006 10:32:27 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Holy crapola. If I dared to do something as aggressive as kick any Dom I have had, i'd expect to be in a pine box or wish I was in one. Much less adding insult to such and mouthing off.

One thing I have learned is - the marks He gives me with hand or tool will go away, but words leave scars that are never forgotten and never go away. They can destroy love and trust. The WORST hurt I have ever felt, worse than any physical punishment, was when my vanilla ex told me I was fat, as a size 12. His words of demeaning and undermining utterly killed off the love I had for him. I may always love him on some level, but the scars those words left were so destructive I could NEVER give myself to him again. The things he said revealed to me he never saw me for who I was and my love meant nothing to him.

Hurt can make people do crazy things. But as an intuitive, I have to guess that what triggers you to do such outbursts is not your dom/master in truth. It is something he does or says that reminds you of something/someone that cut you to your soul as a girl. Find that and heal it and you can have love without killing it off. This book saved my life - Heal The Hurt That Sabotages Your Life by Bill Ferguson.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to doubleLeo)

Post #: 9

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/23/2006 10:55:17 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

quote:

When i have had alot of alcohol my pride tends to step in and take over my common sense.

If your sincere and serious> Quit indulging in alcoholic beverages!

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 10

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/23/2006 10:55:49 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

Isn't alcohol supposed to loosen the lips and free various and sundry things that one normally keeps under wraps...

Living with an alcoholic for my entire life he always seems to get quite a bit more honest after he's put a few away.

Maybe you should examine what it is you really want. Maybe you need to figure out what you really feel. Do you really feel like a whore? And if you do - does that really bother you? I know a few people who revel in that... and wear the term like a badge of honor. And that works for them... but does it work for you? If you were raised to be a good girl... a proper girl... perhaps you're trying to come to terms with being sexually liberated. And maybe it just isn't for you. Maybe this isn't who you are. Only you can figure that out.

You said that when you have a lot to drink your pride roars to life. Does that mean that when you're sober you aren't proud of the way you're living your life? Or was pride the wrong word to use... do you instead merely become aggressive?

You said that you became afraid of the thought of punishment? Why? I don't want to start throwing the A word around - but why should you be afraid of someone who supposedly cares about you? Were you afraid because he was incredibly angry - and wanted to punish you physically while he was incensed? Or is the thought of punishment simply not something you'd care to submit to?

I'm of the opinion that you need to think long and hard about what transpired. You should definitely talk to your Dom... make sure that he knows what's going on in your head. The only way any relationship ever works properly is if it has open channels of communication. It sounds as though you went a childish route in trying to get his attention. Try to figure out what you were feeling... what thoughts were going through your mind during this incident. Write the entire thing down... and share it with him.

Figure yourself out. Only you can do that. A bunch of faceless folks can't really tell you, "Be good!" Nothing will change. Be honest with yourself and with him. Be open with him.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to classykindasassy)

Post #: 11

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/23/2006 11:05:30 PM

NotN2U

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

So... I am trying to figure out (for my own mind)... how much of this little display was played out for the attention it got you? Go ahead and get pissed. Seriously though: how much? You stated you were "feeling neglected and lonely", so is that the reason?
Also, why, if you were sincerely ashamed of your little tantrum, would you come here to air your dirty laundry and in doing so, brag about your little show?
Makes no sense whatsoever why some submissives think its cute to act an ass and then come online to brag about how "bratty" they are.
Sorry if this offended anyone, but I just felt it needed to be pointed out.

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 12

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/23/2006 11:26:03 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Supershovel83

Well heres what happen. i was out with my Dom last night, and i became rebelious and bad. As My Master was having a conversation, i was feeling neglected and lonley so i kicked at My Dom in the arm 3 times.. My Dom and i went to have a cig and told me i had done wrong.. i concured and submitted to my punishment. But by the time we got back i started to back track and became afraid of punishment. So i tried to point fingers and play the back and forth game. By the time my Dom and i got home the argument became quit intense. When i have had alot of alcohol my pride tends to step in and take over my common sense. i threw in my Doms face that He was a bad Dom, and then i further attacked a lifestyle and relationship i really love. i told Him, He was the reason that i was a whore and how much i hated that. i also sunk lower than that i told Him that i was better appriecated by my father and son. How do i make it up to my Master to secure him that it was only said out of anger and that He is my world. i'm very upset with my behavior and actions. How better i punish myself? please help.. i don't want to lose my Dom.. Writing this at my Masters request. Just trying to understand and improve.

I have to say that I think this says alot about the training that you have received from your Dom. I am a firm believer that how a submissive acts in private and in public is a direct result of his/her training. If you were mine, you would be facing alot more than corner time or a spanking. I would have you back to "basic" training. It sounds like you embarrassed your Dom on purpose, what does this say about your loyality to him? What does this say about your relationship with him? Drinking? No excuse whatsoever. If you know you have a problem while drinking, STOP DRINKING. Period. Simple as that. Good luck to you, sounds like you are going to need it.

_____________________________

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 13

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/23/2006 11:50:53 PM

MTslave

Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

I'm a brat.. It even talks about that in my profile (btw I think brats get a low rap when in reality the true meaning of it is lost)... I'm an attention whore in the highest degree... but I'm still a slave and that means that I am a reflection of my Master. I can not even fathom acting out in such a manner in a public setting... I'm sorry but my thoughts lie along those with MrDiscipline. Swift and unforgettable punishment should have been given. Something that would not only have your backside stinging for days but would leave an impression on your heart and mind forever. When the sting subsides whats left to remind us of our indiscretions.... our souls... and thats where you need to start looking.

My humble opinion
MTs slave

_____________________________

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.”- Erica Jong

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 14

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/24/2006 4:40:23 AM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure that punishing yourself, as you mention at the end of your post, is the most productive use of your time and energy right now. Following all the good advice already given here would serve you well. It certainly seems clear that you and alcohol don't mix and need to call it quits.

I'm torn about the underlying cause though. I do believe it was an attention-seeking ploy, but I have a couple differing thoughts about that. First, I've been involved with a Dominant in the past that was not available to me, and did not give me the time, attention, and care that I needed. Clearly, what I needed and what he needed were 2 different things, and we were not compatible. Needless to say I am no longer involved with him. We do need to be matched up with people whose needs and desires are compatible with ours. For me, that means being involved with someone who lavishes His time and attention and love on me, just as i in turn lavish mine upon Him. Find out what that means for you, and look honestly at whether or not your Dominant can meet that need.

My second thought about the attention-seeking ploy though, is that if your Dominant was strong enough to be your man, you wouldn't have behaved that way. If you knew that you were his first priority, you wouldn't need to test those limits and boundaries, you'd be able to give him the time to converse with other people. If you knew that he would not tolerate such behavior, and that punishment would be swift and memorable, you would not need to test him. Maybe he still needs to prove his ability to Dominate you, as you are headstrong and willful.

Master may ask things of me that i prefer not to do, or that take me out of my comfort zone, but i always know He has my best interest in mind, and often knows what's better for me than i do. He is able to be more objective about things than i often can be. And since my behavior reflects upon Him, i am very careful to obey, whether at home or in public. Yet this is not difficult for i would never want to displease or disobey Him. It seems if you had a Dominant for whom you felt the same way it would be easier for you to be obedient. Perhaps you are mis-matched with your current Dominant.

Good luck to you, whatever path you choose.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 15

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/24/2006 5:11:25 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

The one thing that comes over quite clear is that there IS a problem and it needs to be discussed between both sides of the situation. I may only have limited experience in D/s but I can simply not envisage this occuring, even if there was a problem I hadn't seen that would provoke such a reaction, the first kick maybe have landed but the second and third most certainly wouldn't have!

The dynamic between you definatly needs assessing and where needed changing because something is clearly not working. That really isn't something that anyone can help you with, it is between you and your Master.

However you also ask "How can you punish yourself"... speaking as a Dominant... you DON'T. If you genuinely regret the action, work with your Master to ensure it never happens again but as for punishment, that is HIS perogative and responcibility.

(Other peoples view on that may vary, just my opinion. I don't do the 'one true way' rubbish)

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 16

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/24/2006 5:57:02 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

My first bit of advice would be quit drinking...you know you act out when you do, so don't drink so much. You might also want to think about the things you accused him off, while drunk. Sometimes things come out in those situations, that you never would have been able to admit sober.

As far as the scenario goes, i can't give much advise. If i had pulled this, i would have only gotten one kick in and would not have had to wait till we went for a smoke to find out that was bad.

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 17

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/24/2006 6:22:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Is this a pattern of behavior? Perhaps this is how you have taught yourself to deal with emotional issues? If so, you have a long hard road of retratining ahead (if you really want to change)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 18

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/24/2006 7:16:06 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Well first i think you should accept the punishment he gives you. Then i think you should beg forgivness for you actions. If your Dom is not paying attention that is his choice you were acting childish and you know that. If you know alcohol has this effect on you why do you drink? If you value this relationship talk to your Dom.

Good luck

littleone

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 19

RE: Help Me!!!! I have been a bad submisive. - 1/24/2006 11:12:33 AM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

1) Don't drink, and especially don't drink excessively. If this seems a very difficult task, consider AA or another type of program.

2) Do some self examination. You say you want to make your Dom feel secure that you only said those things out of anger. Typically when we are drunk and angry, we do say foolish things. However, there is often some ugly truth in them as well. Try to determine if you said those things because 1) they were the most hurtful you could think of and you wanted to be a bitch or 2) if there are some underlying issues revolving around feeling "whorish", your lifestyle choices, feeling underappreciated, etc.

3) Reflect honestly and determine if you routinely "act up" in order to get attention from your Dom. Think about the ways you try to "get out" of something you do not want to do. Make a list of any time this has occurred that you recall. Share it with your Dom. Together, think of other ways you can ask for attention or ways you can communicate. Decide what is acceptable and what is not.

4) Don't promise it will never happen again. It probably will. Habits are hard to break and it is a process. Instead, make a plan of what you will do to try and prevent it from happening. Determine what the consequences will be if it does happen.

(in reply to Supershovel83)

Post #: 20

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