Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

collar before love...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> collar before love... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
collar before love... - 1/20/2006 4:15:09 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Just wondering... i myself have been in the lifestyle for many years , about 14 years to be exact. i was collared first to my husband , but after i married him he introduced me to his hidden secret , he saw a slave in me and thought id run.. well i am divorced and found my Master , who i thought id never find, and i was collared before i fell in love. I do love him , probably far more than he does me. my question to all you subs/slaves is, do you find it harder to adjust being in love then collared or collared then falling, or do you feel it balances out? Love makes things easier for me.
what do you think???
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: collar before love... - 1/20/2006 5:44:17 PM   
doubleLeo


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		For me, being collared is a signifigant expression of love.
To be collared is to say ' i love you'.

dL

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: collar before love... - 1/20/2006 6:00:51 PM   
IceyOne


Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

Just wondering... i myself have been in the lifestyle for many years , about 14 years to be exact. i was collared first to my husband , but after i married him he introduced me to his hidden secret , he saw a slave in me and thought id run.. well i am divorced and found my Master , who i thought id never find, and i was collared before i fell in love. I do love him , probably far more than he does me. my question to all you subs/slaves is, do you find it harder to adjust being in love then collared or collared then falling, or do you feel it balances out? Love makes things easier for me.
what do you think???


It really does not matter what we think, only how it makes you feel. If you love him, does it really matter WHEN it happened?

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: collar before love... - 1/20/2006 7:15:41 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Im not concerned about what you "think of me or my relationship" i was asking a general type of question, to see how others felt about D/s and "love". I feel a deep connection to D/s when love is involved.

(in reply to IceyOne)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: collar before love... - 1/20/2006 9:08:01 PM   
Hallittlelolita


Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		i agree completly with sweetpetjenny on this one i was married before i was collared and then 3 1/2 years later i am collared so it happens differently with each relationship. i can tell you one thing though is i fill more fulfilled collared and owned then when i just had my ring it is different to everyone but that is how i feel.

Sincerely Master Hal's lilcumslut slavegirl andie


(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: collar before love... - 1/20/2006 9:39:36 PM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		good question jenny, its the old what comes first, the chicken or the egg, the love or the collar. For me, it runs both ways. I could not love completely before the collar, but could not give complete love until after the collar. Maybe that doesnt make complete sense, but matters of the heart rarely do

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 7:00:59 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

do you find it harder to adjust being in love then collared or collared then falling, or do you feel it balances out?


For me there must be love first. Doug and I are celebrating our 7th year as a couple in March. I have no collar yet. Of course this is also because I have chosen not to accept one yet. I feel the wedding ring should be in place for the love to be deep enough to accept the collar.
The wedding ring goes on in a few months. In any event the collar has been offered several times. So, now he has told me when it feels "right" to let him know and we will go shopping.

So, yes for me the love must be a very strong bond as well.

As you already know for other's...there needs to be no symbolism about it. We are all very different beings.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 7:17:00 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline 		i could not have accepted a collar if i did not love Him, and if He did not love me.
To be collared is a deep committment, not something i could do casually.
And while i could submit to a Dominant without love, i could not be slave for
a Master without love.
The M/s dynamic is just so much more powerful than anything i've experienced before.
i didn't set out to become a slave, i was happy submitting.
The relationship deepened on it's own as the love between us grew.
The trust and devotion between us is what allows me to wear His collar and be His slave.

< Message edited by Tapestry -- 1/21/2006 7:58:19 AM >

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 7:39:45 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I have never been collared. I would not consider a collar without love. To me, a collar is a very big committment. And my hope would be that person presenting it would feel the same way about it. To me it's about a lot more than ownership.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Tapestry)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 7:47:02 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I have never been collared. I would not consider a collar without love. To me, a collar is a very big committment. And my hope would be that person presenting it would feel the same way about it. To me it's about a lot more than ownership.


I am not a submissive/slave, and am not fully awake yet, but just wanted to say I totally agree with the above statement. That is how it works in my mind.

Bob

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 8:25:29 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Sweet Pet
First off, as long as you are happy.....that is what is of the most importance.
I can tell you are and I am happy for you. I have read your post for a long time now and you deserve it!

I have never collared a submissive to date. Why, because I didn't love them.
A collar is a symbol of not just ownership, but two people who grow together as one.
When I collar, it will be forever.......I hope!

Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 8:26:16 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

Just wondering... i myself have been in the lifestyle for many years , about 14 years to be exact. i was collared first to my husband , but after i married him he introduced me to his hidden secret , he saw a slave in me and thought id run.. well i am divorced and found my Master , who i thought id never find, and i was collared before i fell in love. I do love him , probably far more than he does me. my question to all you subs/slaves is, do you find it harder to adjust being in love then collared or collared then falling, or do you feel it balances out? Love makes things easier for me.
what do you think???


With us there’s no collar but when I was owned by him (or when it was initially offered) I didn’t love him, nor did he love me. I mean we had affection, etc for each other but not love. By the time I was pierced for him (which was a couple of years later) I did love him, but he didn’t feel that way though he definitely had a deep affection for me. It was that way for about two years after the piercing which was fine with me, I don’t believe in forcing emotions.

Nowadays we both love each other, I was probably the first one to experience those emotions. I don’t think we could have done the branding without love on both sides. I think that’s because the brand was done by his hand and was of his initial, which made it intensely personal and bonding both during and afterwards. For me it was bonding during it, but he was just super focused on doing it right but now that the brand has healed we’ve developed this habit that every time he sees me he likes to see the brand and kiss it .

So for me, I don’t need love to be enslaved by someone. In some respects I see how love can complicate things, it can give people feelings of entitlement and equality which depending on the person can be difficult to balance out. But it is also a nice thing to have in the relationship.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 8:59:43 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		love is but a 2nd hand emotion

love dont pay the bills


when the $$$$ runs out...so does the so called love

the day "I" find 1 woman willing to do without..in the name of love...is the day i'll believe in flying pigs


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 9:47:35 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I need to love someone to belong to them.

It doesn't need to be typical romantic love, as in, I don't need to be their "one and only, one true, always forever" partner. I -do- need to care about them deeply, and love them. I need to have that kind of affection to be able to give myself fully into their keeping. So, yeah, I need love before the collar, but not necessarially romantic love.



_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: collar before love... - 1/21/2006 1:10:43 PM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline 		I collar when I'm with someone I want to have in my life, preferably forever.

I've only collared twice.

In one case, that person left my life long ago but he left such an impression that I don't think he's really gone.

The other person is still in my life.

In both cases, I loved them but only in one case am I *in* love.

Yve

_____________________________




If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: collar before love... - 1/22/2006 9:46:20 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I'm not a submissive, but wanted to offer a viewpoint that no one else has yet mentioned.

Being in a D/s relationship (collared) doesn't necessarilly mean being an "in love" romantic couple. A Dominant may have several collared submissives who are more servant/service oriented, who sleep in a seperate bedroom, or a seperate home altogether. The Dominant may be coupled in a loving relationship with another Dominant, or someone else. There are many different scenarios.

I just wanted to point out that romantic love might not have anything to do with a collar for some people.
:)

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: collar before love... - 1/22/2006 6:30:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny
my question to all you subs/slaves is, do you find it harder to adjust being in love then collared or collared then falling, or do you feel it balances out? Love makes things easier for me.
what do you think???

Life is hard. Relationships are work. Love is a state of being.

I love love, but it doesn't really make the hard parts less hard, it just helps feel connected when you go through them and learn more from them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: collar before love... - 1/22/2006 7:34:03 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

the day "I" find 1 woman willing to do without..in the name of love...is the day i'll believe in flying pigs


Do you mean one woman for 'you' or just one woman in general because if it's just in general, I assure you, we do exist. :) There are those of us who grew up in such a way that 'getting' was such a rare commodity, that it almost makes you uncomfortable later in life to even have anything material offered to you. A hovel would be a mansion, Teddy Bear, if Himself is in it with me and if it were a cardboard box on the street, it would be filled with the same love and laughter we now share with one another. How do I know this? Because we've already been there, came through it together and survived with nary a scratch to the love we have for one another. In fact, it strengthed what we have because we realized that we, truly, only need each other to face the world and all the obstacles it throws at us. I would even say that the less we have in material possessions, the more fun we have because we have to make it for ourselves. We can't afford to buy it and the more we laugh, because that's what we do have and the more we love, because that's priceless and can't be bought at all.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and yes, Teddy Bear, there are women who stand by their men, not in spite of the difficulties, but because they are willing to do what it takes to make things work no matter what those difficulties may be.

Does the flying bacon come with pancakes? ::chuckles::

Celeste





_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: collar before love... - 1/22/2006 8:06:42 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		To be frank, I wouldn't be in service to a man I didn't love. And I certainly would not accept a collar.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: collar before love... - 1/22/2006 8:55:02 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I would much rather be owned than loved. Romantic love, that is.

When I sought a Master, I wasn't looking for love. I wanted to be owned, and I found a man who wanted to own me. I did not love Him when He placed a slave bracelet on me. I did not love Him a year and a half later when He placed His collar upon my neck. He did not love me, either. And life was wonderful!

Several years later, however, and yes, I love Him; and yes, He loves me; and the D/s sometimes suffers as a result. If only we could go back to that time when we were not in love, but simply cared enough about each other to want to do our very best. Not that we don't now, but He's a romantic, and wine-and-roses romance just isn't very high on my needs list.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> collar before love... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094