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If you were.... - 2/27/2009 5:55:16 PM   
confusedsubbie


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline 		If you were about to (or have been) be released by a Dominant....what are some warning signs that it might happen?

Any thoughts are appreciated.....ty

Rephrased question: IF you have been released, what happened right before?
 
NO I am not asking anyone to figure out my relationship. I just want to compare to things that have happened so far, and I don't feel comfortable saying what it is just yet.
 
If you're going to be rude, DO NOT respond to this.

< Message edited by confusedsubbie -- 2/27/2009 6:44:00 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:13:13 PM   
confusedsubbie


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline 		Can someone PLEASE help me here? 17 hits and not one person can shed any light?

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:19:04 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: confusedsubbie

Can someone PLEASE help me here? 17 hits and not one person can shed any light?



No, “we” can’t shed any light.  But I would guess you already know the signs that you suspect mean something.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:20:07 PM   
HumiliatePorky


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline 		I probably am not the best person to give advice, but I shall try, however I haven't had too much experiences, very few. However its quite obvious things tend to be seen by instinct, for example with my former dominant I noticed things were wrong being I couldn't trust him with my submission in the end, its all about trust and communication. You must have some reason  to asking this question,perhaps you should try to communicate with the dominant to see what is really making your instincts tell you think. No one here can probably give you warning signs being each D/s relationship is quite different. It would be best to communicate the problems out being no one knows the one you serve better than yourself. With my former dom I ended up leaving him, however I could tell things weren't going to get better, you need to evaluate yourself and the relationship and see with your own eyes what may be best. Are things being communicated to you in other ways that may be giving you the warning? Like I said I am not as experienced as some of the other submissives on this forum, however from the few experiences I've had I try to see things and do what seems best for myself as a person.

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:23:38 PM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		The only thing I can think to say is if your already having these thoughts then maybe theres a reason. Where there is smoke normally there is a fire. Be strong and why not ask them out right! That way you take it into your hands. Might make it a little easier.  *hug*

(in reply to HumiliatePorky)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:33:46 PM   
TheLovedOne


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		Pure instinct....both times.


_____________________________

Imagination is more important than knowledge

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile

Albert Einstein

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:38:52 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		how the hell are we suppose to know; it's your relationship!

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:41:17 PM   
confusedsubbie


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: confusedsubbie

Can someone PLEASE help me here? 17 hits and not one person can shed any light?



No, “we” can’t shed any light.  But I would guess you already know the signs that you suspect mean something.


No actually I don't already know the signs thank you. Maybe I shold have phrased the question better. TO ALL OTHER SUBMISSIVES: If you have been released, what happened right before?

YES I do suspect something, but I don't know if I am just being paranoid. I'd rather not say what just yet.

Sorry don't mean to sound bitchy...just frustrated

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:54:53 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		okay, now that you restated your question, i'll respond...

prior to my release, i had a break in and assault by a former to whom i couldn't press formal charges against(he said he'd bring the whole bdsm thing up in court and i was advised by an attorney that it could just cost me the custody of my child)...

the man whom i belonged to at the time was furious that i didn't press charges anyways, and then, in the back of his mind, and something that he made the mistake of verbalizing to me after it was all said and done, was wondering if it was something consensual instead of a break-in, after-all...

i felt like 'the generals daughter'  and he was the general.

the relationship was over at that point, even though officially, he waited to release me on valentines day for that little bit of extra bite in the ass!

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 6:55:58 PM   
clearlightblack


Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline 		He didn't call as much.....he blamed it on me working so hard and so late.....
He came to visit me, stayed for less than 12 hours after driving over 250 miles.....he said he needed to pack for a trip which is why he had to leave at 8 am
He wanted me to leave the hotel room with him at 8 am so he could get his $20 deposit back (wtf??!?!?)
I came home......and there was another woman and her children moved into our apartment.

Just some crazy stuff.

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
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RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 7:16:28 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		i guess basically what we're trying to say is that other than the usual warning signs that a relationship is over, there is no real tried and true sign or red-flag waving type of indication.

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 7:20:28 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		   I'd say the warning signs aren't that different from most vanilla relationships - mutual dissatisfaction and disinterest, for the most part. However, there's a lot that can be worked through.

  I've been "released" before, but honestly, it was a position where we both were pretty sure what we were trying just wasn't going to work. It was amicable, and while I took my commitment as a slave to him seriously, we were both relieved after the decision was made ( in fact, the evening he told me was probably the most pleasant we'd had in a while ).

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 7:37:47 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		The problem with the "signs" is that they can be there even if the relationship is going well.  Possible warnings may include less contact, less show of affection, shorter sessions, catching little lies - but those things can happen in a relationship that is pretty strong.  There is a honeymoon period in the beginning, and in any relationship some of the things mentioned above may start to happen.

Sometimes there are no warning signs at all before a dismissal.  I've heard from some that were just flabbergasted when they were let go.  They had a small inkling that something might not be quite right but couldn't put their finger on it.  It can happen from the sub side, too, just walking away unexpectedly.  It can just as easily happen when one person believes that everything is great and the other one has an inner restlessness, or a hidden discontent.  Both parties don't necessarily see it coming.

I talked with a therapist about this once but regarding a vanilla situation.  I was extremely unhappy in my marriage but my husband thought everything was great.  The therapist pointed out that it isn't unusual; he was getting everything he wanted from the relationship and wasn't paying attention to whether or not I was.  If someone is truly fulfilled they may miss signs that there partner is not.  This can be just as true in a BDSM relationship as in the vanilla world. 


_____________________________



(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If you were.... - 2/27/2009 9:13:21 PM   
oSinfullySweeto


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Again, the signs vary as we all can all interrupt things differently.  Trust your instincts, as they are usually never wrong.  If you are uncertain about a particular behaviour or behavioural pattern – ask to talk about it.  The majority of the time you will learn your answer from the responses received.  Best Wishes!

_____________________________

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
--Helen Keller

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If you were.... - 2/28/2009 1:16:46 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Sounds to me that you need to take some time to get you life together by yourself then come bckj to the lifestyle.

Mike

(in reply to oSinfullySweeto)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If you were.... - 2/28/2009 4:29:46 AM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		It is different for everyone...just like in the vanilla world...if they are being a bit "strange" acting or if they are just not wanting you to be near them or blowing you off or a variety of other "going to break up with you" methods, then it may be coming.  People try to distance themselves when they are about to end a relationship (usually).

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If you were.... - 2/28/2009 6:40:29 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		The same signs that you would get from anyone you are dating...

being ignored
stops calling or less frequently
makes excuses why you can't see each other
feels he has to hide you
doesn't try to be a part of your life
has no interest in really getting to know much about you
disappears from the face of the planet
leaves money on the dresser before he leaves
slips out the door before you wake
says "it's not you, it's me"

the list goes on and on....trust your instincts

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: If you were.... - 2/28/2009 7:35:35 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		It's a relationship, and all the rules apply in terms of communication, respect, feelings of security, trust (especially your instincts/gut), etc.
If the relationship is not going well, a responsible dominant would try and communicate the issues he has with you, and try to understand where the breakdown between him saying and your doing are...  

If he's anything like me, after hints and clear communication of my expectation, you continue to be too absorbed with yourself to follow, than I consider a mismatch is happening, and consider letting go.    M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to confusedsubbie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: If you were.... - 2/28/2009 7:46:00 AM   
yours2command


Posts: 33
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: kent / london
Status: offline 		isolates, kills time doing meaningless things and saying that she has not got time to connect, says that if i want a play time i could go and see another mistress, put me on eye contact restrictions (to avoid feeling guilty as she hadnt given me the soul food i needed)

months of promising that we would have to make do on one connection a week but never doing it, didn't want to know what was going on in my life, left me sitting on the kitchen floor all evening and just went to bed, waited til i was in bed before coming past the dungeon to do her food etc,


oh yes and then breaking open a can of relentless over my head when i respectfully informed her that i didnt feel i could just be a service orientated slave as i was given to her as a puppy because puppy is such a big part of me.

kicked and punched me which basically is not possible to come back from, once the physical abuse line is crossed then the feelings she had is of failure and lost respect as i should not tolerate that shit from anyone. oh yes and branded my ass over a few months so that i couldnt just go elsewhere. get the picture

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If you were.... - 2/28/2009 8:04:19 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		He starts acting differently towards you.

He ignores you without reason.

He plays with other subs but never has time for you.

He starts moving his stuff out of the house with no explanation.

He starts posting ads online seeking a sub and claiming to be unattached.

He takes you to the play party and then makes you wait in the car.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to confusedsubbie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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