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When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 5:21:21 PM

LATEXBABY64

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we all want the best for friends family sis and bros of the lifestyle. When it hurts that we see someone going down a path we can not steer them from. Is worse but how do deal with it when they go down that path again and again and again what makes people so addicted to bad ds or situations is there such a thing as being addicted to drama ?

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 5:45:36 PM

NuevaVida

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Yes, there is such a thing as being addicted to drama. There is also such a thing as simply making poor choices for oneself. Heaven knows I've made plenty of those!

When it's a friend repeating an unhealthy cycle, I point it out. After awhile, though, there is little left to talk about, about it. If every conversation consists of the same complaints and woes from that person, and he/she is doing nothing to fix it, I tend to stop listening, over time. If I've imparted all of my sage and glorious wisdom (har har) and nothing changes, there really is very little I can say about it after awhile. I simply wish them well. In time if they do make an effort to change things, I will be there to help, if they want it.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 5:51:39 PM

FelineFae

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i hope this can be of some help;
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/Personality_Disorders/hic_Histrionic_Personality_Disorder.aspx

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 6:00:52 PM

catize

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There are several things I have realized about giving advice. The first is to not offer it unless I’m asked. The second is, it is up to the other person to decide if they want to heed my ‘sage and glorious’ ( as NV called it

) advice or not. If they don’t, then I need to just accept that and not dwell on it.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 6:09:52 PM

silkncarol

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Sometimes you just can't save people from themselves......at times all you can do is support and love them until they're ready to change their own path.....

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 6:13:27 PM

windchymes

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And there is a fine line between "support and love" and "enabling".

When it reaches a point where it's sucking you dry emotionally and they just never learn, there does come a time where your own self-preservation has to kick in, and, as NV said, wish them well.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 6:17:59 PM

Knite064

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

we all want the best for friends family sis and bros of the lifestyle. When it hurts that we see someone going down a path we can not steer them from. Is worse but how do deal with it when they go down that path again and again and again what makes people so addicted to bad ds or situations is there such a thing as being addicted to drama ?

I have a very good slave friend that just wont stop doing what keeps making her unhappy and god knows ive tried to get her to see sense but i think its more than coincidence that she, listens , agrees then proceeds to do exactly the thing that i thought we had got passed .
I am there when she wants to talk but otherwise i concluded i was adding fuel to her fire(almost as if subconciously she was looking for a negative reaction from me to feed her negative self affirmations) so i pulled back on the advice and let her know the supports there when needed ....

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 6:31:56 PM

DelilahDeb

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Fast Reply:

Question: How many psychologists (therapists, counselors, psychiatrists) does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one—but the light bulb must really want to change.

D

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 6:41:11 PM

DesFIP

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Firstly realize this isn't a d/s problem, it is a life problem. People are attracted to what it familiar. If what is familiar, meaning it feels like your family of origin, is unhealthy then you will choose unhealthy situations and relationships. Because that's all you know.

Therapy. Individual, group or self help groups such as ACOA.You need to recognize that you are repeating a bad pattern, identify where it comes from, and learn new ways to screen for healthy relationships.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 7:32:03 PM

LATEXBABY64

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it is just and example i do see people in ds and other areas like people go from one bad relationship to another what makes them choose such people

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Post #: 10

RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 7:57:23 PM

silkncarol

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So very true! I totally agree with you.....you can't let yourself become an enabler or be drawn into their repeated drama. I still believe you can love and support someone without doing that...if nothing else but to say "good luck, i'm here when you're ready"

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

And there is a fine line between "support and love" and "enabling".

When it reaches a point where it's sucking you dry emotionally and they just never learn, there does come a time where your own self-preservation has to kick in, and, as NV said, wish them well.

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Post #: 11

RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 8:07:19 PM

silkncarol

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Sometimes people don't believe they deserve any better....self-esteem issues..or they don't have the skills to break the pattern. I think many don't take the time after a break up to evaluate the part they may have played in the break up....they rush into the next relationship....wondering why the samething keeps happening to them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

it is just and example i do see people in ds and other areas like people go from one bad relationship to another what makes them choose such people

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Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

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Post #: 12

RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 9:58:18 PM

MainFragger

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I believe its a combination of predestination and entropy. It is a sad fact that some people were born to fail. The best we can over hope for for some one who is perpetually self destructive is to minimize the damage they cause to themselves and others, and on occasion offer them a temporary hiatus from their tendencies. But don't bother hoping to stop them. You will only hurt yourself trying to, and maybe even them in ways you never saw coming. Expect the unexpected, and be steeled to deal with it. Don't get too emotionally invested in it.. Just know what you have to do to help, and do it without expecting anything in return (in terms of improvement) from the other person. The situation is what it is. 9 times out of 10, if you can't change it the first time, you can't change it all.. So just offer comfort, support, solace and shelter when it is needed. No more, no less..

MainFragger/Brian

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/1/2009 11:02:29 PM

MARAA

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I have heard that past abuse victims of different kinds dont see the abusive pattern, or dont see it before it is too late. That they thought it was normal, or simply could not see the abuse, or were insecure about what were abuse or not. And then got deeper and deeper.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/2/2009 12:13:52 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

we all want the best for friends family sis and bros of the lifestyle. When it hurts that we see someone going down a path we can not steer them from. Is worse but how do deal with it when they go down that path again and again and again what makes people so addicted to bad ds or situations is there such a thing as being addicted to drama ?

Life is drama. There are real wars and real dead bodies and actual insanity and economic anti-heroes everywhere we look.
We just pretend there isn;t.
We got armies and satellites and billions of dollars maintaining the illusion that life is a shopping mall where evrybody meeps meeps around at weekends obeying the security cameras.
Life ain't really like that... so what's wrong with DRAMA! Shitit would be like being dead from the neck up otherwise.
And let 'em learn from their mistakes. They are simply not going to learn from anyone elses's.
I still make mistakes.. in fact that there is a right or wrong answer to life is where the first mistake really is.
No such thing as reality... only a conformity of opinion.
Now bring it on....

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/2/2009 1:14:54 AM

RCdc

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You cannot 'save' people so don't try. Don't be a martyr. Or a saviour. Don't issue ultimatums. Just be there when the fall out occurs. If you can't, or cannot be bothered, or grow tired of being there, then they really aren't your friend and you are not theirs.

the.dark.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/2/2009 1:28:59 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Sometimes people don't believe they deserve any better....self-esteem issues..

i think this nails it, in many cases. And no one can raise the self esteem of another. It has to be done from within.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/2/2009 1:48:58 AM

MissMorrigan

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You can support, but you can't enable. Some people become addicted to reacting in negative situations and it becomes a cycle. One thing you aren't able to do for them is fix their low esteem issues and it could well be that they grew up in an environment where drama/antisocial behaviour was par for the course so into adulthood they've just continued the patten. You have to decide to what extent you are going to allow it to affect you.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/2/2009 4:37:02 AM

CatdeMedici

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

it is just and example i do see people in ds and other areas like people go from one bad relationship to another what makes them choose such people

IMHO its an addiction just like any other stemming from low self esteem--some people are addicted to the drama that gets centered on them, others don't feel they have the right to have a better life---as hard as it is, I've had to remove some friends from My list because of the energy sucking drama, its a form of emotional vampirism I can't or won't be associated with. Someone here once said "the common denominator in a string of broken relationships is you ( meaning the person)", for Me that really brought some eye opening wisdom, however, people today seem so desparate to have a relationship that they have lost sight of good judgement and the fact that it IS ok to be single if one so chooses.

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RE: When people do stupid things - 3/2/2009 6:59:18 AM

LATEXBABY64

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what you said so true and the more you try to talk with them the worse it gets almost like they want to be depressed. Weird as it seems

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