respect in a M/s relationship (Full Version)

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wildchild62 -> respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 5:25:23 PM)

i am still learning even after 15+ yrs in this lifestyle. In a M/s relationship, from what i have been told, a slave has NO rights at all except those given to her/him by the Master. However my question is....does a slave have the right to at least expect some sort of respect from the Master? such as, if the relationship is online for the time being.....and the Master/slave are communicating through IMs and such...if the Master is going to leave the computer for a length of time....ie head to bed, go eat dinner, etc.. Should or does the slave at least have the right to expect Him to let her/him know, so the slave is NOT left sitting for hours sometimes unaware of the fact the Master is gone. ...Or if the Master is going to be gone for a day or longer, shouldnt He at least leave a message for His slave? This is something i have seen time and again and am very confused....as i KNOW in a r/t relationship...the Master would be communicating to the slave



chamberqueen -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 5:34:13 PM)

Each relationship is individual.  I am a slave and would not say that slaves have absolutely no rights.

If it concerns you that a Master leaves you sitting suddenly alone in an IM conversation, then you have the right to tell him that this leaves you confused as to what to do to be most pleasing to him.  You could ask respectfully that he let you know when he is finished talking with you.  He has the right to refuse. 

As much as we all want attention from our Masters it is NOT correct for us simply to expect it when we feel it is due or else consider them bad Masters.  Some Masters stay in contact much more frequently than others.  I've found that the positive approach is often welcomed here, such as, "I just love it every time I see an email from you", or, "I get excited each time I see your chat window pop up".  Giving positive feedback will make it more likely that they will want to do more of it.

You have the right to be respected for your actions, and to be cared about by the Master.  Each person will reflect these things differently.  If you are not getting what you need you always maintain the right to leave.



starshineowned -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 5:41:38 PM)

Your going to get exactly what you allow for. There aren't any magic answers as to how or why people do this or that in any given situation nor as to why one person might allow for or accept certain behaviors or interactions.

Hate to break it to you but the whole Master and slave 101 handbook of rules is um...not in existence.

starshine



GreedyTop -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 5:46:19 PM)

You are a person, first and foremost.  If not respect, IMO, you should at least be given the courtesy of being informed that he's going to bed/out to dinner/etc so that you could be free to take care of your own stuff.



RedMagic1 -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 5:51:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildchild62
In a M/s relationship, from what i have been told,

I could not care less what you have been "told."  What kind of relationship do you want?  Please don't just answer with words like "Master/slave."  Write a few sentences about how it would look.  What would you do, and what would your partner or partners do?



SirMIkeSD -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 6:10:32 PM)

Until you meet face to face it's online and "play time" not real keep that in mind. Many people won't actually have the balls to follow through and actually meet. Depending on what you have agreed to with a real person in real life sets the tone for what is acceptable by both parties. If the Master is an ass online don't expect for them to be any better in real life.

Mike



slaveluci -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 6:15:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildchild62
such as, if the relationship is online for the time being.....and the Master/slave are communicating through IMs and such...if the Master is going to leave the computer for a length of time....ie head to bed, go eat dinner, etc.. Should or does the slave at least have the right to expect Him to let her/him know, so the slave is NOT left sitting for hours sometimes unaware of the fact the Master is gone. ...Or if the Master is going to be gone for a day or longer, shouldnt He at least leave a message for His slave?

Master and I met while we were 800 miles apart.  We communicated online and by phone only for six weeks until we met.  After that, we still lived 800 miles apart for well over a year.  At NO time was I ever left "sitting for hours" unaware of what was up.  IMHO, that's the behavior of an asshole.  If He had other things to do, He told me and then He went and happily did them.  I happily waited until we could talk/IM again.  But I was informed of the fact so that I wasn't sitting around worrying.  In our estimation, I deferred to Him and He could (and still can) do whatever He likes whenever He likes.  Since He has zero need to hide/sneak, why would there have ever been a problem with Him just flat-out saying, "I'll be doing something else tonight so don't wait up?" 

It's very inconsiderate and, IMO, immature to treat a partner like that.  Of course, your relationship is not mine so what you need to do is talk with YOUR partner about how this makes you feel and whether or not you're willing to accept it...........................luci



Huntertn -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 6:19:48 PM)

I don't like telling people where I am going nor when I am comming back..still I do most of the time simply because its rude of me not too.



Lockit -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 6:21:58 PM)

This thread and question is just like the one you had before... what... a week or so ago.  You said you had removed yourself from the situation.  I guess you decided not to do that and now are rehashing it all.

If you are feeling neglected and don't like it week after week... it isn't the dominant who may well be a total ass, that is at fault here.  You are getting what you ask for by making yourself available to the guy, who seems to like playing games with you, that you seem to have a love/hate thing going for.  You keep going back for more, don't be surprised when you get more.  It isn't rocket science... really.



pinkwind -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 6:49:26 PM)

you have the expectation of whatever you both negotiated at the beginning of the relationship. If this is something new that has arisen since, or has become an issue for you, i would expect to be able to ask if it could be looked at and, as a form of protocol between you, added into your dynamic.

What level of common sense respect that is shown from Master to slave is fluid, some have more mutual respect than others, some act towards each other like any loving couple would, some act like owner and thing, with as little respect and fellow feeling that goes with de-humanised M/s.

you seem to have alluded to a problem of, basically, being left hanging onto nothing, contact broken without warning. Maybe you need to communicate the issues that bother you about this, at the least giving a finite time limit on waiting between communications on IM.

Without knowing your dynamic i cannot tell if this is unusual for your relationship, or typical behaviour between you both, all i can do is say that Andy has more respect for me than to leave me in the lurch like that, which he had every opportunity to demonstrate when we first began, as an LDR.

Best advice, ask to talk things through, deal calmly with the issues arising.





Sexycelticlady -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 7:30:06 PM)

This has happened to me and it is difficult to know what to do.

I would say the first thing is to ask your master about why he does this as it causes you distress. I would also ask him if there is a time period after which you may go about and do what needs to be done. If this is a consistant thing and your queries are not addressed, is there a format in which you can communicate your thoughts indirectly? For example, I have a livejournal account that I keep private for myself and my Dom. I write in it everyday and if I am confused about a particular instruction I will e-mail Sir with my question directly and will write in my jounral where the source of my confusion comes from and my own conclusions about the situation, always being respectful.

Online relationships are hard, just as real time ones are, both take work. I have met my Sir and regularly spoke with Him on the phone as well as online before we met in person, about 3 months after I decided to submit in an online fashion with Him. The one thing I would say is that even though Sir has had to go offline suddenly before, he does usually tell me about it before He goes offline and He does sign out, rather than staying online for me to fret about where He is. I would say that you need to express your unhappiness and get it dealt with. If you are waiting around for more than an hour without a response, make your apologies and sign off and go do whatever it is you need to do, unless he has specifically asked you to stay. 



dreamerdreaming -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 8:49:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildchild62

i have been told, a slave has NO rights at all except those given to her/him by the Master.



Who told you that? A total idiot? Consider the source, Dear.

A slave has the same basic human rights we all have, such as for food, water, shelter, proper hygiene, regular exercise, and safety. Those are physical needs we all have.

But slaves as well as the rest of humankind also have a right to emotional well-being, and self-realization, or self-actualization.

Anyone who consistently interferes with, rather than helping facilitate, any of the aforementioned physical and emotional needs, is not someone who you should be enslaved to. Because they don't have your best interests at heart.

You only have one life. Don't settle. Don't serve people who just aren't that into you. Insist on a reciprocal relationship. One in which you get as much as you give.



girlygurl -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 9:08:26 PM)

I think it's common courtesy to tell someone your chatting with online if you're going to step away, and if it's going to be a prolonged time away from the computer it should absolutely be communicated. What? Does one expect you to just sit there all night while he/she sleeps? Nope, not for me.
I think it rude and shows they really don't give a crap about you.

just my two cents worth



MasterFireMaam -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 9:40:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildchild62

i am still learning even after 15+ yrs in this lifestyle. In a M/s relationship, from what i have been told, a slave has NO rights at all except those given to her/him by the Master.

It is a misconception that this is true for every Ms relationship. But, I think the BIGGER misconception is that, if it IS true for the relationship, it is assumed that it was instantaneous and from the minute someone initiated contact. I feel that relationships that try to develop like that are idealistic at best and unhealthy (or even abusive) at worst. These relationships are NOT instantaneous.

quote:

However my question is....does a slave have the right to at least expect some sort of respect from the Master? such as, if the relationship is online for the time being.....and the Master/slave are communicating through IMs and such...if the Master is going to leave the computer for a length of time....ie head to bed, go eat dinner, etc.. Should or does the slave at least have the right to expect Him to let her/him know, so the slave is NOT left sitting for hours sometimes unaware of the fact the Master is gone. ...Or if the Master is going to be gone for a day or longer, shouldnt He at least leave a message for His slave? This is something i have seen time and again and am very confused....as i KNOW in a r/t relationship...the Master would be communicating to the slave


What do YOU think? You already have an answer in your head...you're just wanting us to validate it for you. You don't need us.

Master Fire



kuriouswitch -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/2/2009 9:43:04 PM)

Master and i are long distance using the phone and IM to communicate. As much as possible he tells me if he's going to be gone longer than five or ten minutes. He keeps me updated on his weekly schedule as well so that not only am i not waiting up for him losing sleep but i can also keep my house clean to his satisfaction (with the laptop he'll randomly inspect the house). This serves two purposes, it lets me know he cares enough to make sure i'm not worried or confused as well as it allows me to be as involved in his life as much as possible at this time. It also helps curb any abandonment issues that might arise if he suddenly just leaves, plus the fact that i'm a worrier so if he just disappeared a million "what if" thoughts start going then i work myself up into a tizzy. There are times when he's not been back when he said he would be, but that's because he's fallen asleep in his chair if he's not back on time i just add another three or four hours to what he told me.




CatdeMedici -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/3/2009 3:16:23 AM)

Haven't we been around this bend once already? Here is where I am with chezz, we chat everyday, we phone chat as much as o ur schedules allow ( note: I have added the complex variable of some realtime interaction)-We both life things we juggle--when we chat, it's not unusual for Me to be pulled away for something, he is a smart boy, he gets that and doesn't take offense if I cannot always send him an: "I have to step away message" He is also resourceful enough not to sit at the computer for hours waiting for My return--nor would I want him to---that's a waste of life IMHO--but that's our relationship and not for everyone.
 
You seem to be looking for the one size fits all and that just isn't life, here or out there. If you agreed to be always at his beck and call and he doesn't beck and all, who's to blame here?



peppermint -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/3/2009 3:39:16 AM)

I always wonder about these posts...the ones that ask why a Dom/Master/sub/slave isn't acting/doing/providing as he/she should.   If you are unhappy with the situation, then you need to decide if the situation is one you can tolerate.  There is no right or wrong or should or shouldn't.   There are no rules.  



servantheart -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/3/2009 4:57:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildchild62

...if the Master is going to leave the computer for a length of time....ie head to bed, go eat dinner, etc.. Should or does the slave at least have the right to expect Him to let her/him know, so the slave is NOT left sitting for hours sometimes unaware of the fact the Master is gone. ...Or if the Master is going to be gone for a day or longer, shouldnt He at least leave a message for His slave?


Yes, you should be told about such things.  Having the title of Master doesn't negate manners and common courtesy.  Personally, I wouldn't tolerate that kind of treatment. 



slaveluci -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/3/2009 5:27:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

I don't like telling people where I am going nor when I am comming back..still I do most of the time simply because its rude of me not too.

Not necessarily, Huntertn.  I don't see that it's necessary to give such specifics.  I never expected Master to say "I'm going to....and I'll return at exactly...."  A blanket statement such as "I'm not going to be around the house tonight so we won't be able to talk.  We'll catch up in the morning" or something to that effect is more than satisfactory.  It would tell me He has other plans without giving them to me in detail and keep me from worrying about where/how He is.  Very simple and very considerate.  There is a middle ground between just vanishing with NO explanation and having to give detailed specifics about where one is going/doing...........luci



wildchild62 -> RE: respect in a M/s relationship (3/3/2009 5:53:47 AM)

i thank Yyou all for responding, i HAVE removed myself from said relationship. i am just seeking clarification so i dont repeat and get into a bad situation again. i am taking any and all advice and filing it away. i am happy that i have made the decision i made and have NO desire to go back to that. blessed be to ONE AND Aall



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