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RE: Myths of submission - 1/21/2006 9:28:49 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hallittlelolita

i understand exactly what you said there it is like We serve our Master's and we get frustrated because They want to do what they want to do and nothing what we want to do. Yeah, i totally get it, like you know we do stuff for Them and They cant return the favor and say thanks you know. i know exactly what you mean but i am afraid of speaking my mind because i am afraid i will get flamed by somebody on here.

Sincerely Master Hal's lil cumslut slavegirl andie


Hopefully, your dominant understands that a lasting relationship needs to have give and take. If he is ACTUALLY not interested in anything that involves your wants or desires, the relationship will eventually fall apart. Slaves are not robots. If you aren't receiving thank yous for your service; if you aren't having your desires met; if you aren't expressing yourself outside of BDSM...you need to. BDSM cannot consume your entire life. Nothing can.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to Hallittlelolita)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 12:13:42 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Kyra, i've been saying that for ages and i totally agree with you.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 12:24:04 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		I told you guys before that Mercnbeth were something.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 5:01:40 AM   
minxie


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/12/2004
Status: offline 		i don't usually post to the boards here but this one caught my eye and i felt i just had to..this is something i've ran into an issue with many times with so called "Dominants"

first of all let me tell you..being a submissive can be frustrating...it's supposed to be at times in my opinion...nothing worth it is ever trully easy...

my second point ties into the first...if you weren't frustrated once in awhile or have these feelings of your own you wouldn't be human...and for most it's about being human and being true to your nature...it doesn't make you less of a submissive because your back hurts and you don't feel like getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing the kitchen floor or something similar...it makes you less a submissive and more of a doormat if you don't allow yourself to have these feelings...

let me also say...in a healthy relationship the Dominant would have an understanding of your true nature and of your submissiveness as a whole...as was said in one post previous...it's a bit disrespectful to the submissive for a Dominant to be unthinkingly and uncaringly demanding...yes i said disrespectful...respect comes and goes from BOTH sides...not just to the Dominant...if a Dominant does not respect His\Her submissive then how can they properly care and guide them?? the same is true for a submissive...if he\she doesn't respect the Dominant then what kind of relationship is trully there??

with that said..before i get flamed as i'm sure i will...let me say too that this should be kept as open discussion between Dominant and submissive unless previous agreed otherwise..and there is a proper time and place etc for opinions and proper ways to express them...but that is something only the Ttwo can decide upon together...

a submissive should never regret their feelings..yet should feel secure enough in the relationship they can explore those with their Dominant...and the Dominant should be secure enough with Themselves to realize the submissive is not just a toy or doormat..but a thinking, feeling human being....

Wwe all have bad days...that's to be expected...those bad days or even bad moments are going to happen and noone is perfect...it's not so much having the feelings that is the issue..it's how they're dealt with...by BOTH parties involved...that's what is important

it may be the case as Oothers have said previously that you go ahead and do what you're asked even if it's something you don't agree with..but if that be the case i feel at some point those feelings do need to be discussed and brought forth so Bboth can work through them before they build up into resentment...that's what a healthy relationship of any kind is about...


just a bit of my ramblings and probably left a bit out but enough is enough...heh **smile**

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 5:33:40 AM   
QuietDragon


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The idea of perfection then, is simply that which fulfills you and is in no otherwise perfect or whole, or serenely pleasant throughout the 3600 minutes in a day...............



That's a hell of a long day you got there! Us poor Brits only get 1440 minutes in ours...

*wonders if Ronald McDonald supersized US days somehow...*

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 6:37:30 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, I too would have to agree that 24/7 Real Time (meaning living with the person) is a myth. It's easy to submit 24/7 when the person you are submitting to is not actually living with you. You don't need to cook, clean and constantly care for them. As others have said here, there is a HUGE difference between the "Ask a Submissive" page and this one.

I must admit that there ARE times that, having worked a 10 hour day like he does, that I come home and I'm the one that needs to start cooking and clean up afterwards. I GET TIRED! And when I am tired I get crabby. So, then when I am tired, am I not a submissive? No actually, I'm a bitch.

There truly is a myth floating around in cyberspace that chatting on IM, cybersexing, talking on the phone and seeing someone occassionally is submission. It is P/T submission. I get nauseaus reading some of the posts. They are so sickningly sweet. It's hard to sort through those who are actually doing it and those who are playing. This is a big problem on these boards. FT submissives start looking at themselves and saying "What is wrong with me? I don't meet him at the door, naked on my hands and knees with my leash in my mouth when he gets home from work each night". And, there are few Dominants who want to be "on" 24/7 either. Most don't want the responsibility of micro-managing every second of their submissive's life either. Does that make them less a Dom?

One can always find reasons why they weren't on IM (the computer crashed) or didn't answer a phone call (Didn't get a signal where I was). But in a full time 24/7 relationship, we are going to be like every other person on this earth. Up at times, perfect submissives at times and brats at times who have no desire to do anything for their Dominant.

There are people who really seem to always be "submissive" real life, 24/7, but I think they are rare. These seem to be people who are in some ways doormats. Sorry to offend anyone, but the question was asked. And a great question it was. I answer them as I see them.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 6:41:22 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Quite a few things about this lifestyle just don't make sense to me ... like blindly obeying, and getting total gratification by giving gratification to others.

But ... take that statement literally ... they, "don't make sense to me", ... not, "they are a myth. Just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist ... and when you read the opinions of some very well respected people here, I just think it's much smarter to keep an open mind and don't judge everyrone else by what's right for yourself.

I will be the first one to admit that to me, being a nice little submissive girlfriend is a little bit of a game. If doing that makes the relationship work better, and we are both getting what we want ... that is fine with me. That may not work for others, and for them ... I admire their ability to know themselves, know their partner and do what is best for them. I wish I was so decisive. Perhaps when I get a little older (read: more mature).

Thanks ... cc

P.S. General comments, not meant for anyone in particular.

< Message edited by caitlyn -- 1/22/2006 6:43:38 AM >

(in reply to QuietDragon)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 7:31:33 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		you have indeed captured the essence of being human,--recently the boy made a comment that I hold very dear--( I paraphrase a tad....)

"You are the rules..let Me please you...you will treat Me well then"--

does that mean he will like to do everything for Me, My way--no--does it mean he will do it--yes--but what it means deeper is that I know, I understand, and in doing so, I am pleased and in doing so I know he maybe annoyed or frustrated, but I understand that --does it make him less submissive--no he is after all human.

typesgirl said, "Master thinks to ask for a drink when I am settled in a bath is disrespectful"--speaks volumes IMHO to the true dynamic, yes you serve Me, but there are times when I serve your needs--that is part of My commitment of caring--

so My question, is yes you get annoyed, but when you put your head on the pillow at night, are you happy with your life, the total of your life---if the answer is yes, then there is no myth--for it is real.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 7:34:24 AM   
MasterLark


Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		quietly smiles in agreement and recognition...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

Yeah, I too would have to agree that 24/7 Real Time (meaning living with the person) is a myth. It's easy to submit 24/7 when the person you are submitting to is not actually living with you. You don't need to cook, clean and constantly care for them. As others have said here, there is a HUGE difference between the "Ask a Submissive" page and this one.

I must admit that there ARE times that, having worked a 10 hour day like he does, that I come home and I'm the one that needs to start cooking and clean up afterwards. I GET TIRED! And when I am tired I get crabby. So, then when I am tired, am I not a submissive? No actually, I'm a bitch.

There truly is a myth floating around in cyberspace that chatting on IM, cybersexing, talking on the phone and seeing someone occassionally is submission. It is P/T submission. I get nauseaus reading some of the posts. They are so sickningly sweet. It's hard to sort through those who are actually doing it and those who are playing. This is a big problem on these boards. FT submissives start looking at themselves and saying "What is wrong with me? I don't meet him at the door, naked on my hands and knees with my leash in my mouth when he gets home from work each night". And, there are few Dominants who want to be "on" 24/7 either. Most don't want the responsibility of micro-managing every second of their submissive's life either. Does that make them less a Dom?

One can always find reasons why they weren't on IM (the computer crashed) or didn't answer a phone call (Didn't get a signal where I was). But in a full time 24/7 relationship, we are going to be like every other person on this earth. Up at times, perfect submissives at times and brats at times who have no desire to do anything for their Dominant.

There are people who really seem to always be "submissive" real life, 24/7, but I think they are rare. These seem to be people who are in some ways doormats. Sorry to offend anyone, but the question was asked. And a great question it was. I answer them as I see them.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 9:27:47 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Sunshine,
Which side of the discussion do you support. The first sentence of your post:
quote:

Yeah, I too would have to agree that 24/7 Real Time (meaning living with the person) is a myth.


Or the sentence that starts the last paragraph:
quote:

There are people who really seem to always be "submissive" real life, 24/7, but I think they are rare.


I hope you don't see that as picking on you. Unlike Atlantis, yet undiscovered in fact so still correctly identified as a myth; seeing one occurance of 24/7 excludes it from being considered a myth. Just as one "Big-Foot" capture would end that debate.

No matter, the whole concept of 24/7 is as complex as it is confusing. It's not hard to get yourself painted in a corner where you've disagreed with yourself. 24/7 goes way beyond the simple premise of just wanting to do so. There are many myths. If there is one myth, it's that any one perspective is correct. But what is interesting is that I've yet to read one post from a couple living 24/7 saying that anyway but theirs is wrong or impossible. Yet everyone who has considered it and discounted trying it; or tried it and failed proceeds to rationalize that it's existence is an impossibility or a myth. From our perspective it's amusing. There was a thread regarding the issue of the validity of saying; "Because I said so!" to 'unmentionables'. I guess it's okay to make that argument to adults.

People fail in 24/7 attempts most often because they set themselves up to fail. Ironically, the failure comes more frequently from the "life" side of the effort, versus the "lifestyle" side. The solution is there, at least in the evaluation part of the decision. Because 24/7 isn't a lifestyle. 24/7 is LIFE. Before entering into an arrangement you have to determine if you are comfortable in your life. You can not imagine how often I hear from beth how her former men would find her desires "freakish", which she now has as routine. Yes many of these are physical or sexual, but just as many are the "submissive" activities of maintaining a house, sacrificing a career, or assigning decisions regarding basic activities such as dressing, eating, drinking, to someone else. As a Master, you have to be prepared to accept the responsibility. More important, you need to understand the implications of taking on that responsibility.

Is it easy? Funny thing is-it is! Assessing if it's easy is another self evaluation test. It should be easy. If it's your life as you want it to be, if it fulfills your dreams of the way you want to live, it should be easy. Just yesterday, driving in LA, beth noted that it's a hell of lot more comfortable to be naked at our home than it is to be out wearing clothing. So do you think my rule for her to be naked is a hard rule for her to follow? If it's hard to do something you tend to avoid it as much as possible. Some tasks and duties in and of their nature are not easy, but the doing them, doing them as part of your life should be easy. Easy, FUN, fulfilling; again from either side, assesses whether you "got it right". "Style" it all you want, just make sure you got the "life" part down cold.

There are common issues cited regarding the argument that 24/7 isn't possible. Work responsibility is usually at the top of that list. I'd agree with that position. If beth needed to work outside the home, we could not live as we do. It's a matter of pragmatic fact. It's the standing fact behind an important position that I hold; "Don't seek a slave until you can afford one." That does not read, "don't play", "don't enjoy, "your not real if you don't"; but as one who has a slave who has and does, when required, greet me at the threshold naked, in chains, holding the leash in her teeth, and my drink in her hands; don't argue that it's a myth. I smiled when reading the bath example. It hit close to home. I'll give you a real case example. I remember a few years back, calling from my office one day I asked beth to get some information from my home office. she picked up the phone, went to the office and got it. Only afterward when I asked "what were you doing?" did she tell me, "she was in the bath". I would not have made the request had I known, but the point was that the first thought that went through her mind was to obey, not to excuse or interject to tell me about her situation first. she wasn't and isn't "annoyed" by being asked to do something which fulfills her. Now I guess you can all think to describe beth as a doormat for reacting that way. The reality is it takes a very strong person to commit to a way of life so completely 24/7. And that is no myth from either end of the flogger.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 10:38:57 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		kyra,

I love reading your posts. I had to sit and think this over sense first reading it last night. And even soul searched it from my point. Later I'll be able to talk to Master about this when he's not so busy. In the mean time....

There's so many myths going around about submission/slavery. Everyones got their own view on it all. No ones right, no ones wrong. I'm not really sure where submission actually came into the scene. It all at one time or another, was pure slavery. A King/Queen, Master/Mistress, dominated all. There were no limits of what one would do, or not do. There was no intrest of if a slave was happy or not. Satisfied or not. Wanted to do something or not. If he/she wasn't happy with said slave, they were disposed of. Some where lucky enough to liked enough to be taken and "trained." Rare to of happened, but it was done according to history a time or two. Some slaves killed themselves due to the life of service, feeling shamed, or feeling they shamed their families. Others flurished from it.

On a more current level living like we do now. Submission is part of it. Submissive pretty much calling all the shot as far as what they will, or will not do. And if a Dom seeks out this certin submissive, they either accept the shots called, or they move on, and seek another. Same as a submissive. After the sub states "the shots", the Dom then states their "shots." After all "shots" are fired (lol) either terms are met, agreed upon. Or both move on to others.

Being allowed to actually have feelings and thoughts now a days, compared to back in the day. A sub/slave can express their feelings, thoughts, and a lot more. Can speak and be heard. On a day to day basis, we don't always feel up to submission/slavery. But one does prefer to keep said Owner happy as possible. But said Owners, now adays, prefer... for the most part. To keep said sub/slaves happy as well. So that the want to continue serving said Owner. There are a few out there, Doms that don't give damn. Sub/slaves that think they're not suppose to give a damn and don't about themselves, (meaning feelings or thoughts... not apperances) as long as their Owner is happy with their services.


Now on the more personal part of all this. Talking from a submissive point of view. As much as I yern to be a slave. I know it's something I'll never achieve. I have too big a stubborn streak in me. I can release myself oh a high submissive level during a scene to be a slave. But when play time is over, the submissive returns with a stubborn streak that can't be broken. It's something that Master likes in me. I'm a challenge for him on a daily a daily basis. He does know from one minute to the next if I'll be happy to do something for him, or tell him, I'm busy.. can you do it yourself? But because I am willing to do things for him more so than not, he accepts my responses of not wanting to do for him when they are laid out there. And with good reason.

Now as far as the "hey, what about what I want?" Falling back to the slave times. That never mattered. As for today. Open communication. It never fails (for me at least) for Master to smile at me and ask.... what does my slut want? Open door time... because I'm going to tell him. Even if he's in the mood to play, snuggle whatever. You ask, I'm going to answer. Even if it's not what he wants to hear, he's going to know. Granted I very well may say, I don't feel like doing anything but snuggling and watching a movie. I get a smile because he knows... right now.. I'm not in the mood. But the doors open for him to... move me to the mood. He also knows when I say all I'm in the mood for is a hot bath, a good book, and a night of sleep. He knows i'm actually recharging myself and needing this time to do so.

But I guess it's because it's rare to hear me say these things. He allows them of me. But like stated before, it's all in the way people are with each other. In the relationship they build together. All because I don't feel like doing something doesn't make me any less a sub in my eyes, or Masters. But yet it would in others eyes. But others eyes are not important to me. Only Master's and mine.

And yes, i'm human too. I do feel sometimes.. annoyed over the fact that Master may want this and this only. And doesn't ask if I too want something. On a day to day basis, it doesn't bother me so much. But in play time, it does more so than not. He sometimes wants nothing more than a long leisurely blowjob. That's all fine and dandy seeing how I love to give. But during this, I get excited and want more. And he doesn't. He's not in the mood. So see it works both ways here. And being able to communicate this openly helps.


It's all in how you want to think things, and work things out. And knowing you (from your others posts)... you'll get this worked out and be the better for yourself... and Knight.


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 10:52:50 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

Yeah, I too would have to agree that 24/7 Real Time (meaning living with the person) is a myth. It's easy to submit 24/7 when the person you are submitting to is not actually living with you. You don't need to cook, clean and constantly care for them. As others have said here, there is a HUGE difference between the "Ask a Submissive" page and this one.




i lived with my ex Domme 24/7 for a couple years and it did not feel like a myth. Wasn't that hard, i just did what she told me to do and we were happy. i know several others who also live in real 24/7 relationships, who are happy and they don't look like myth's. Just because you don't understand how someone can live a certain way, does not mean they can't, it just means you can't understand it. i think one of the biggest problems is the amount of time spent online vs time spent in real life, with real people. It seems to confuse some on what is real and fantasy.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 11:03:34 AM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

The reality is it takes a very strong person to commit to a way of life so completely 24/7. And that is no myth from either end of the flogger.


Now if that is not romantic, what is?

TY for sharing the beauty of your relationship, MnB

I think the romantic notion holds true (true enough LOL).
No, nothing is perfect. But with respect, communication, love, balance, give and take*. Do you believe an incredible journey can be shared?

If we were empty and robotically functioned without any quirks or personality: ( eek, I'll not ask)
--- all the time, regardless of PMS, grouchy boss, barfing dog, lost remote, leaking roof. Then---
Who would be in control?

Great discussion! Thanks and happiness for all!

*Dominants DO give us a lot. Memories of being lost alone in a snow storm. Panic and tears. On being "rescued": protectively held, gathered and comforted - until I could go on. I'll always remember that determined strength, leadership, and yes: self-sacrifice.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 12:04:23 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		a very thought provoking post - thanks for beginning the thread.

i will agree that there are many myths that abound about being a submissive and being a dominant for that matter. there are people who have created a dynamic that works for them and *both* partners are fulfiled and content within that relationship. and it is that - what works for you and your partner - that is what it important.

i know that i do not believe that it is only the dominant partner who must be pleased. i read the converse and move on, if there are submissives who believe that and wish to live with such an arrangement or attempt to do so, then good for then. i can only work with me and my partner. providing ease and comfort, recognition, respect, and honor of his authority and dominance does not require that i not have or express my opinion. it does not mean that i do not have a total expectation that my needs and desires be fulfilled as well. it does not mean that i do not have every expectation that he will recognise, respect, and honor my submission.

we are both people of strong opinion and intelligence, and we are both reasonable people. he works, i work; he has children; i have children; at the end of the day, both of us are tired as we both work very hard. what works is that we are compatible in our philosophies and ideas about the D/s dynamic we are creating. we see with like mind the relationship we are creating. i use present progressive tense because i believe that when two stop working on the relationship, focusing on the other with the two as one unit, the relationship will be in serious jeapordy.

i am not a *bad* submissive, but, just as if one were creating a "vanilla" relationship, i am not a submissive for just any dominant nor is any dominant the partner for me. it is the compatibility shared by each and the willingness of each to further the relationship that will make a significant difference in its success or failure.

newflowers

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 1:16:36 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Sunshine,
Which side of the discussion do you support. The first sentence of your post:
quote:

Yeah, I too would have to agree that 24/7 Real Time (meaning living with the person) is a myth.


Or the sentence that starts the last paragraph:
quote:

There are people who really seem to always be "submissive" real life, 24/7, but I think they are rare.


I hope you don't see that as picking on you. Unlike Atlantis, yet undiscovered in fact so still correctly identified as a myth; seeing one occurance of 24/7 excludes it from being considered a myth. Just as one "Big-Foot" capture would end that debate.



OK, so perhaps the first sentence should have read "Yeah, I too would have to agree that 24/7 Real Time (meaning living with the person) is practically a myth. I say this because there are very few who are submissive all the time and even fewer who can take on the responsibility of being dominant 24/7. While I also wouldn't mind getting up out of my bath to get something from the office or get a cup of tea for my dominant, and LOVE being naked, I still have stresses and concerns of everyday weighing me down. The vast majority of us do. Unfortunately, my work requires that some of it comes home with me. I get stressed out. I run a social service agency where many families and children depend upon my agency. In addition, those of us who have offspring of our own worry about them as well. These are things that are part of who we are.

I get tired. Would I give it all up in a second if my Dominant wanted me to? I would, but I would be torn because what I do at work gives me satisfaction as well. Many other submissives need to work in order to have their households financially stable (as in the case of most vanilla relationships). They bring home a part of what went on there as well. The first time I came home shaking from something that happened at work and was not fully concentrating on my Dom, I expected to be spanked for not paying attention. He held me instead until I stopped crying.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I am submissive to Him and Him alone. And, I am submissive whether I am heatedly arguing politics, food shopping or picking out a fantasy baseball team, but there are times when I feel like I'd rather just put my feet up and be taken care of some nights. Sometimes, I have P.M.S. Talking with many other submissive people, I realize this is not an isolated syndrome. In fact, the only other full time couple that I know of that can speak of submission in the way you and beth do is.....well, nobody.

Sexually, nobody understood me until He came into my life. So I can understand that from beth's point of view. I have very strange desires as do most of us....that's how we got here in the first place. The need to serve is so deeply ingrained in my life I do it as my life's work as well. But, common, beth NEVER gets pissy when you ask her to do something? And, beth, do you ALWAYS want direction for everything? Really? In your heart of hearts? LOL You two may be one of a kind. And I wish you the very best and much happiness in your upcoming marriage.

Just because there is a myth that purple elephants exist and one day you see an elephant painted purple, does not prove the myth to be true. Nor does it prove the myth to be false. It still remains.....just a myth.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 1:51:46 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

In another post my Lord talked about things that a submissive does for their dominant that they are passionate, indifferent or tolerant of and that there needs to be a balance for the submissive to be fulfilled.



Part of what you wrote I understood because the Owner makes me listen to country music and I like rap and alot of different kinds of music.

The part I don't understand is for me to be fulfilled I need him to be happy and communicate that happiness to me. Even if he made me do all things I hate as long as in the end he was happy I would be fulfilled.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 2:16:01 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

And, beth, do you ALWAYS want direction for everything? Really? In your heart of hearts?


this slave entered into a consensual Master/slave full-time, in the flesh, 24/7 relationship. it was not and is not a commitment that this slave takes lightly. why on earth would she enter into such a relationship if she did not feel compelled, deeply, to be in full time service? she could have remained unattached or found a Dom who desired a submissive from time to time, but that is not the path she walks.

it isn't a matter of wanting direction for everything...it is a matter of wanting to serve, being FULLY PRESENT in that service. in this slave's heart of hearts, that desire to serve, that commitment to submit to Him in all things is most important. it isn't just M/s relationships either--people have relationships with their significant others, however they refer to them, that do not include jealousy, annoyance, vendetta & pissy attitudes.

disrespect is not a necessary common denominator to all inter-personal relationships.

quote:

beth NEVER gets pissy when you ask her to do something?

NO!
I love easy questions.

Why the need to be so adamant in your disbelief? I love baseball. I have announcers telling me the pitcher is throwing the ball 90+ MPH. I couldn't do it - therefore I should compare that reporting to be akin to a purple elephant? I played baseball, I pitched, I didn't have what it takes to throw a ball 90 MPH therefore it MUST be impossible! I guess if I needed to rationalize my inability to do something I really wish I could do, I'd have to follow that "logic". Why? There are no purple elephants in Palos Verdes, peacocks but no elephants. There is at least one couple living as M/s 24/7, sans the occasional "pissy" attitude. Feel free to visit.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 2:33:01 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Good topic and good OP, kyra.

I agree that at times, I don't "whistle while I work" and at times, submitting is just downright hard. It is easy to be Master's slave, but that does not mean that there are times when I have to use a great deal of mental effort to comply with a task or to perhaps not just say -- excuse me......what about MY wants/needs/desires?

As far as that goes though, for me -- the hard makes the rewards all the more significant. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I want -- that I am not expecting or living some kind of romantic fantasy out of a lifestyle novel -- because I still feel complete as his slave even with the hard.

From memory, so forgive me if I have this wrong -- but it reminds me of a line from A League Of Their Own and the Tom Hanks character:

"You love the hard. It's supposed to be hard. If it was easy, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great."

I'm sure there are submissives (et al) who feel different and that doesn't matter to me. What DOES matter is that Master knows the easy and the hard and he is happy with both, which makes me happy. My choice to be his slave was easy, as are many of the aspects of that choice....and sometimes the hard is just that -- hard.......and sometimes the hard is truly great.

Blessed be,

Harmony

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 3:56:22 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Do you agree that this is a myth

***********no


and what other myths are there?
***what other? don't get me started..i'm gonna walk away from this one.
take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Myths of submission - 1/22/2006 9:23:53 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I have been reading all of the responses on this thread for awhile now and trying to digest what everyone has said. I have some additional thoughts to add and I have been trying to figure out the words to express them without being offensive to anyone. As most of you have probably figured out by now, tact is something that sometimes escapes my grasp, so I would like to say up front that this post is my thoughts and ramblings and that I am not judging any one here or their way of working out their own relatioships.

When I first responded, what I thought that Kyra was expressing is that submissives (especially those who are newer to this lifestyle) are painted this lovely picture of submission where they are going to find this knight in shining armor dominant who is going to finally understand them and make our lives into something right out of a fairy tale or romance novel with a twist. This image is perpetuated on sites like CastleRealm, message boards and by dominants who take advantage of naivety, etc., etc. It makes the existence sound dreamy and like it will be the answer to everything that has ever been wrong. It is a fluffy, over romantacized portrayal because it lacks one very essential component....real life.

What then happens is that the submissive (especially the newer submissive) comes away with a very inaccurate depiction of what the reality of it will be like. Once she is in and living it, that reality hits her in the face. She finds herself struggling with those unsubmissive thoughts and emotions and then she begins to question herself and her submissiveness. She wonders if she is just a failure who is doing it all wrong because it just doesn't feel the way it was portrayed.

I believe Kyra was just asking for a little bit of affirmation....am I ok? My answer to her is a resounding YES. She was asking if anyone else sees it in the same light....again....YES. For the most part I think that there was a Yes behind the words of nearly everyone who has responded....with the exception of Mercandbeth. Gosh I do hope you guys understand what I mean by what I am about to say...for I am not in any way knocking what the two of you have....quite to the contrary actually. Now I have to say this....Mercandbeth are shining examples and we can all see the level and depth of their commitment and be awed by its' beauty. I myself find it very difficult to understand how anyone living with each other could say that there has never been a moment in time that the other person sharing their space has never even slightly irritated them. Gosh, doesn't he ever fart in bed or do anything unappealing? But they are right....just because I don't understand it...or just because it is not something that I have ever encountered in another couple....does not mean it does not exist. But....and this is a big but....it also does not mean that anyone of us has to feel paled by that example. It doesn't mean that you have to view their example in such a light that you begin to see yours as somehow failing. It doesn't mean that you have to question yourself or yourself or your submissiveness.

There are alot of factors that influence day to day, minute to minute. One of the things that has been brought up on this thread is how rushed and busy our lives are outside of our D/s or M/s relationship. This very much does influence those "thoughts" that we sometimes have. I know this because I have lived my life in different ways. About a year after my ex Master and I got together we sat down and decided that I would no longer work outside the home. I was still doing counseling at the time and to be honest it was beginning to show it's wear on me. I was at a place where I could no longer disconnect at the end of the day and I was bringing stuff home and agonizing over other people's stuff. So, I quit my job and threw myself into being a stay at home mom....and most importantly his girl. I have to tell you that the next three years were heaven. I can't remember having cross thoughts or feeling put upon. I did greet him at that door everyday with nothing but glee in my heart. My entire existence was about pleasing him. And it worked well.

Three years into it though we sat down again and discussed me going back to work. We wanted the freedoms that my income would provide. We had enough money to meet our needs....but there was really none left for wants....or just fun things for the kids. So, I was faced with, well what do I do? Counseling again just seemed impossible to me. I had become this happy full of life person...and that was something that counseling over time had taken from me. So I wanted to do something where the balance of no one's life and happiness hung upon my every word.

I have always been a physically strong person who has never been afraid of getting my hands dirty and working hard. So....I went into construction. Rough framing to be exact. Humping sheets of plywood and bricks of shingles up ladders all day, bending over, swinging a hammer. I worked circles around most of the men...and certainly around the youngest of them who thought the day was to be spent standing around the burn barrels. I did not want anyone to be able to say that I couldn't carry my load because I was a woman.

Well let me tell you what.....I discovered a new kind of exhaustion. After working your tail off like that for 10 to 14 hours a day...well, there really are not any good words to express what your body feels like. When you finally make it home...you hit the cool air after being in the hot sun....or the warm air after being in the freezing cold all day....and the exhaustion skyrockets. Now....you have to begin your home day. Master still needs to be cared for...the kids need your attentions...dinner needs to be cooked...the house needs to be cleaned.....laundry needs to be done and "Oh my God I'm tired !!!!'.

So yes....those thoughts creep in....those little unsubmissive thoughts...those "Oh for chrissakes get it yourself" kind of thoughts. And having those thoughts doesn't make us one iota less submissive. But....you don't get "pissy", you don't throw a tantrum, you don't disobey....you just swallow that thought down real hard and remember that this is what you wanted....and you smile...and you do it. And if that is not submission at its' most gutteral level than I just don't know what is.

Before anyone thinks that I am slamming subs or slaves who don't work...I'm not. This was just an example of how I have seen things play out in my own life. There are many examples of how real life creeps in to shatter the fantasy...insert your own, but please don't take offense by mine. Perfection is a wonderful goal...but often not an attainable one. Just give yourselves permission to be human....I don't think there are many dominants out there who expect us not to be.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 1/22/2006 9:50:26 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 40
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