RE: Bulldoze it or brick by brick?

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RE: Bulldoze it or brick by brick? - 3/6/2009 1:06:28 AM

MaamJay

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miss, in My experience it isn't an all or none thing. It doesn't have to be the extremes of a bulldozer or the slowness of brick by brick. Instead bricks tend to hang around in groups, and usually a few have to tumble at a time. You've said you're finding multiple bricks ... can you try to group these in some rational way? That can make them a bit easier to deal with, and perhaps put aside any strays that are teetering with a promise to look at them next. You will probably find as you move into this, that pulling a few bricks off here and there will start to weaken the whole structure and that can feel scary. That's when you need your safety net. On the other hand, I don't think it has to come down quite as slowly as it went up, that's actually rather a depressing thought. Think of how fast the Berlin Wall came down after all those years up! And how liberating the result has been. Keep your eyes on the prize, the promise of healthy relationships and be prepared to tackle a section at a time. All the very best to you!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Bulldoze it or brick by brick? - 3/6/2009 8:13:32 AM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Find someone to guide you on this journey. Don't lay it on a dominant friend or a submissive friend to help you unless they have counseling experience and credentials. Good-intentioned as our friends can be and as valuable as their insights can sometimes be, if you know within yourself that this is going to be a long process and an important one for you to undertake, then call on professionals.

I completely agree with this; rely on professionals. Others may not stick around when things get especially difficult.

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RE: Bulldoze it or brick by brick? - 3/6/2009 12:27:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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As usual, I take it as it comes. I believe life is constantly bombarding us with opportunities to become who we want to be. It's a matter of deciding to be open and take advantage of them. You can't take advantage of everything immediately, so you take some now, some others later. It's very much a tandem process and the more practice you get, the better.

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RE: Bulldoze it or brick by brick? - 3/6/2009 3:00:06 PM

Silkendream

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i've done both - picking my way through each brick, building up experience, and getting to know what worked for me (i found Alice Miller and Arthur Janov very useful), and then having a lot of walls bulldozed down by Master, who has done what i could not have done for myself - those walls are there for a reason, and terrifying monsters lurk behind them.

At first i started on the littler issues, and then went deeper, and further, as i grew stronger. But there was some issues i could never face on my own, the fear was too intense. When Master forced me to face them, i thought i would die - i wanted to - the fear was amazing. But - my hard work earlier on stood me in good stead, and so too did Master, calm and strong as i abused Him for months each time! After the dust had settled each time, i could see it had done me good, and crept back to His feet, and off we went again. Every day i write a journal for Him about how i am getting on, and i can truthfully say i can now see the end up ahead.

Good luck in your journey - i do believe that when you are ready, help does appear, whether its a book or a person. Go to as many groups, therapists, and read as many books as you can, til you find the method that works for you.

Actually one thing i did find very useful (still do!) is when i act or feel in a way i don't like and don't understand, i ask myself what does this remind me of? I trace it back through time like a red thread and find out how it started and why i adopted it - your walls are always built to help yourself - they are always instituted for a good reason, even if they don't help you now. Find the reason for them, and they are easier to let go of. But do respect them - they are all that's been keeping you alive!

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