The Averages (Full Version)

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CatdeMedici -> The Averages (3/5/2009 3:39:34 PM)

Lately it seems the profiles that scroll past when I log in say: "looking again", " been released", "uncollared again"--so--on the average--

How many Dominants have you been attached to?
Were they real time, online, or a combination?
What if anything have you or did you learn from these situations?
Has your search criteria changed?



littleone35 -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 3:54:18 PM)

I have really only been attached to 2.  My first died and now i am with my master of 3 years.  Everything was real time.  I have learned what i wanted and needed in a Dom and i should not settle for anything less.  The only thing that changed in my search was the ages i like older man so as i got s older i changed the lower age limit.  That is the only way i changed my search when i was searching.

Matt's littleone



pinkwind -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 3:57:16 PM)

Two. The first was an LDR, we met as often as the distance and completely uncoordinated work schedules and family circumstances would allow. That person is still very dear to me, to us, a close run thing for best friend.

He and i came to a parting of the ways after we agreed our relationship could not progress, and he gave me space and a sounding board whilst i was looking for another Dominant. In the end it was Andy who contacted me initially, we spent a little time going from online/phone to meeting once a fortnight, then once a week, until i finally moved in and became his slave.

We are all still great friends, my first Dom seen as part of the family.




CatdeMedici -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 4:25:37 PM)

You two are just too cute!---huge hugs.



DavanKael -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 4:49:19 PM)

Never been collared but was in a relationship for nearly a year where I behaved in submission to a male I re-met on here. 
What did I learn from that?  Heh, a number of things.  Leave the married guys alone, even if they have 'permission'; I am waaaaaaay too Alpha for some female to be over me.  Deal switly and decisively with someone who's supposed to be submissive running the show (Don't show deference for a supposed Dominant who isn't living upto that role and the responsibilities that they have taken on).  Great chemistry and natural affinity aren't enough; there needs to be dedication, active effort, and commitment from those involved.  I am getting better, I think, at cutting my losses sooner than later.  I'llfight for something that has meaning to me but if the other isn't also doing so, hell with it, I'm out.  Alone isn't lonely and I'd rather be both of those things than in a realtionship where I didn't feel safe. 
  Davan



MasterTslave -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 5:01:48 PM)

I have only been with Master T.  I was really not much aware of the whole bdsm thing other than light vanilla bondage that everyone (most everyone) does.
I learned from my relationship that I really enjoy being a slave for Master T.  I am unsure if it is something that I would do for anyone else, but it is something that works for me with him...but that is not an issue as Master T and I are now married and we plan to keep it that way.
Most of our things are in real time...tho I do get texts from time to time from Master T telling me what to do...so I am unsure if that counts as real time or not.
My search for a man was a bit different than most...I have gone out with the "wrong" kind of person a lot in the past...had relationships with jerks, cheats, pretty boys with not a drop of personality...Master T was a friend first...and I thought he was hot (that helps)...but the biggest difference was that he really listened to me and he is KIND to everyone and is someone that I would really want to obey...not like any others.



junecleaver -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 5:29:16 PM)

I've been attached to two.  Both were real time.  I learned so so so much about what I need in a relationship and what I need in a partner.  I would say my search criteria has changed, but it's been based on a lot more than just those two men.



DesFIP -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 5:38:45 PM)

Only him. I have very exacting requirements in a man to be able to respect him, and he's the only one I ever met in my entire life who fulfills all of those requirements.

We've been together six years.



feydeplume -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 5:54:54 PM)

wait... Do we count the ones that failed because we didn't know how to ask for and get our BDSM needs met? Like from high school on with all those false starts and 3 date wonders who we secretly wanted to be the ONE and then he or she also failed to read our mind and fulfill the kinky needs and the D/s dynamic?

Or do we just count the ones that we have been with that the whole WIISTWD (or acronym of your choice) was on the table at or before the first date?

I am serious here. It is easy to say only 1 or 3 or whatever but that somehow doesn't ring true when someone has dated and tried to mesh with others without the words or with just hints here and there.

Oh and me? training collars (used in a Leather context) a few, and a few consideration collars as well (and i am proud of that and love those people to this day).
Submissive and Dom as a monogamous relationship (the reason it failed, partially) 1
Slave and Master 2, one for a few years, til i asked for release and walked away, the other I am still with.
Men and woman that through my naivete and youth and their issues, had some kink or some D/s or even a bit of both but failed to connect deeply, that would be just about everyone I ever dated.



OsideGirl -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 6:02:35 PM)

I've been involved with D/s for 16 years. I've been attached to three men. My first Dom for 8 months, we were in a monogamous relationship with no collar. My second was for 6 years, without a collar. My current has been almost 9 years, and I'm married and collared to him.



Mercnbeth -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 6:09:52 PM)

quote:

How many Dominants have you been attached to?

 
in an intimate relationship with sex/romance involved?  2
 
in an arrangement where service or obedience to their authority was required but nothing of a sexual nature was ever negotiated or ever transpired?  12
 
quote:

 Were they real time, online, or a combination? 

 
all real time.  one was an LDR for a year.

quote:

 What if anything have you or did you learn from these situations?


the depth of:
excrutiating pain
the joyous heights of ecstasy
exhaustion...mental, physical, emotional and orgasmic

to:
submit, like breathing...unless it will cause death or incarceration
have infinite fucking patience
cry silently
appreciate every day this slave is blessed with and be thankful for this slave's gifts/talents/blessings
see beauty in the unique, individual...not pop culture's version of beauty
be true to this slave's nature and find fulfillment in this slave's gifts/blessings
think before speaking and action
provide for those less fortunate
care for, protect, love and enjoy the company of animals
create
spread joy and laughter
 
quote:

Has your search criteria changed?

 
this slave only once specifically sought out a Dominant.  the rest were either there since she can remember, or they crossed her path and presented a scenario that was right up her alley, so she agreed to it.
 
after becoming aware that folks specifically identify as Dominant...she sought one out for fun, frolic and to pick his brain about this "BDSM M/s D/s Lifestyle" she had read about on the interweb.[;)]  we are still together...it's been 6 years and a wedding.



attachezmoi -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 6:22:05 PM)

I guess maybe this makes me a subby slut, but in 6 yrs of play, have never agreed to be collared or owned. I have formed attachments, doms I have seen for years now, but I am not owned and am certinaly free to seek out others. It's a personal choice each has to make, for me this way works.



feydeplume -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 7:05:43 PM)

you felt it too? a certain negative judgment on those that are actively seeking after having been in a relationship?

I am sure that was not the intent of the OP, more a curiosity about how many frogs one has to kiss and how the journey to stability in D/s relationships develop over time.



scarlethiney -> RE: The Averages (3/5/2009 8:16:24 PM)

Master is my first...... on so many levels. I am a late bloomer. We have been together four years and married 2 1/2.  We are like a pair of socks, perfectly matched. I learned what trust feels like. I have experienced unconditional love and realized I love things I had no idea existed.


scarlet





akisha -> RE: The Averages (3/6/2009 9:00:42 AM)

I have been in 3 D/s relationships

First when I was 17, lasted for a year, i wanted to go to college and he agreed I needed to experience life or I would never be totally happy. I was still not fully accepting the submisive side of myself so i was questioning alot of things and he was 16 years my senior.

Second was in 2006, lasted for almost a year, He needed to take care of a personal issue and could not maintain a relationship while going through what he needed to do.

Third and hopefully final is the one I am in now. Took me a year to be ready to start seeking someone again after the last relationship but we will be celebrating our 1 yr anniversary soon. We met on CM, started talking for a couple months,(lived 9 hours apart) we met in Feb 08, we moved in together end of March 08 *S*



velvetears -> RE: The Averages (3/6/2009 9:21:37 AM)

Been "attached" three times.  Committed & collared only once.  What did i learn - don't waste time and my needs and wants being met are important to my physical and mental well being.  Unfortunately i doubt i will ever trust and love again with the same open heart as i once had. 

i don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself [:)]



Chgolostnlooking -> RE: The Averages (3/6/2009 9:21:53 AM)

I have been attached to one Domme in my life.  Looking for the second now.



Missokyst -> RE: The Averages (3/6/2009 9:29:21 AM)

I have had two dominants.  One was for 5 yrs, and on and off over the course of 20 while he was in the military.  The other for 7 yrs, and in the last 2 yrs we have enjoyed a different sort of relationship which is constantly evolving.  I have known him now since 1999 and I think we will probably always have some sort of relationship.

I have also had an occasional play partner which may have been steady at the time but was in no way a relationship.  That song, "if you can't be with the one you love", seems to have been written for people like me.  LOL although love isn't what I needed from anyone but my two.  I seriously do not get it when people say they should not "settle" for less than what you want.  I enjoy dating.  I ONLY think of it as dating and not a mythical quest for the "one", until I get to know them and discover that they fit well into my life.  Beats me how people know that from first contact.  It takes me months and even years feel I am settled in and beyond the first blush of passion.  I don't love until then.

What I learned was that I don't love easily.  And when I do it is for life.  I have learned I am absolutely loyal no matter what, once I have made that turn in my head.

I would not consider online love to be along that same scale.  I have been attached to people online but if they disappear, the sting does not last as long.

I don't search.  I didn't expect to find love with my second dominant and then it happened. 
If I was looking it would be for someone of equal intelligence, quick wit, and determination.  Sort of me, only with a penis.

Kyst



InTonguesslave -> RE: The Averages (3/6/2009 9:29:29 AM)

this is my fourth, but my first Ms.

first when i was 21, lasted two years.  then a gap cos i had no idea that relationships like that existed with anyone else but him and me. - then into my thirties, the next one lasted about a year.  the next one lasted about 4 months and the one im in now, which is very new.

but i also have had brief interludes that went nowhere - none of them were frogs actually, they were all really great people, just we didnt match because of stuff like geography, needs and because i can be a bit of a challenge at times and is why Ms works way better for me.

probably my first was Ms, thinking about it and maybe if id known to go for Ms rather than Ds i might have got here quicker - but its all been a learning curve.



Aileen1968 -> RE: The Averages (3/6/2009 9:32:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Lately it seems the profiles that scroll past when I log in say: "looking again", " been released", "uncollared again"--so--on the average--

How many Dominants have you been attached to?
Were they real time, online, or a combination?
What if anything have you or did you learn from these situations?
Has your search criteria changed?


I've only been attached ot one dominant, the one I'm with now. I had met four others previously, but I wouldn't classify them as relationships.
We are real time and see each other as much as humanly possible. We talk throughout the day by way of phone, email text and face to face.
I've learned that having an emotional attachment and finding someone who I connect with on just about every single level is just amazing. The intensity that results has proven to be life altering.
I'm no longer searching so I have no search criteria.



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