dont want commitment or a live in slave (Full Version)

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serisa -> dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 5:07:28 AM)

i am trying to get into the heads of the superior sex !.  ive read a bit on the eternal batcholor type man (or in this case perhaps the ever eternal Master with no owned slave or no live in slave).  it seems to be the case alot that when these type Men. especially when perhaps they reach a certain age of maturity?, often claim they prefer life on their own and dont want any sort of commitment to a sub or girlfriend... then later meet someone different who they do the exact opposite!.  This leaves you with the feeling its what they do so not to hurt your feelings because the truth is they just havent met the right person yet

Can any Dominants here confess to this?, or subs/slaves has it happened to you?,  Does any out there know any Man (perhaps 45 plus years) who says they prefer the single life... and truly believe they really mean it?

thanks



eyesopened -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 5:54:21 AM)

Yes.

Men in my opinion are remakably simple creatures and if they say they prefer to be single then that is exactly what they mean and they mean exactly that.  If they say they want a partner for life but they will never get married again, then they mean they do not want to ever get married again but are willing to cohabitate for the rest of their lives.  A man only means they want to get married again when they say "Will you marry me?" and at no other time do they secretly mean that want to be married.

That a man changes his mind does not mean he was not honest, it means he's a human being not a Superior Sex or anything more elaborate than he is human and changed his mind.



SirKenn -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 6:46:30 AM)

Very well said Eyes

I am not sure about the simple creatures comment. I believe it is that we are honest with ourselves and make our world what we will of it. If that seems simple to women it is only due to the fact that they are unaware of how much effort it requires for a Dom to be a "simple creature"

To answer serisa

Yes many men are very happy about being single even later in life. I have quite a few friends who are straight (not that it is a quailifier, just my crowd), over 45, never married or divorced after realizing they should have stayed single and very content. Some people are born to be single just as some are born to slaves or Doms. To be happy don't fight your nature embrace it.



DavanKael -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 4:56:05 PM)

I think that regardless of sex, once a person gets beyond a certain age, it's extremely unlikely that they will successfully cohabitate and couple with another if it's not been apart of their context.  Generally, men are more straight-forward but my own proclivity for finding complicated boys reminds me that that is not always the case. 
Lots of people have issues with intimacy, commitment, and territoriality.  None of these makes for them being good long-term bedfellows. 
  Davan



HeavansKeeper -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 5:29:23 PM)

Serisa, I have a cousin who's in his late 40's. He's single, wealthy, and handsome. He's had all sorts of relationships from Parisian super models to submissive (here not meaning in a D/s sense specifically) house rats from the islands (I'm not specifying which island, jut keep in mind Australia is an island). He's single and loves it.

He likes his ways. He doesn't feel the need to adapt to others. He has made a life where he is happy with what he has. You hear the feministic phrase "I don't need a man!" Well... He doesn't need a woman to be happy. Most people don't understand how he could be happy without a woman. (Notice, I didn't say "be happy without women.")

There's a saying that goes "Girlfriends get dumped, wives get half." He's very analytical. If a movie is a 5/10, a debate over red wine is an 8/10, a 3-D Imax movie about the sea is a 6/10, a date is a 5/10, good sex is a 9/10, bad sex is a 6/10, and a fight about why he doesn't want kids or a dog is a 1/10, why have a day of 1,1,6,5 when he could have a 5,6,8,9?



MissIsis -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 5:38:45 PM)

There are many women that feel exactly the same.  After awhile, maybe after years of awhile, the drama that seems to follow serious relationships just doesn't seem worth disrupting their tranquility for.  It really doesn't always have anything to do with commitment.  It might be that later on, they may find someone who they can feel a certain degree of peace with, that doesn't try to rock their boat or rattle their cage, & just maybe is able to fire up that passion for them, without the drama.  Rather than get into a big long drawn discussion, it just might be that the person really isn't ready for a commitment is exactly the case at the time.  Until they find someone they can fit better with, they may not even be missing anything.  



Kana -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 5:49:38 PM)

From a mans perspective.
One of the things I have noticed is that as I get older, I get more set in my ways.
This doesn't mean that I am one of the men you are discussing.
What it does mean is that I am pretty sure its tougher for a woman to come in my life now than it was when I was young and wide open.
Its tougher on her because I have become accustomed to things in a certain way and I have a lot less give in those areas than I would have when I was, say, 22.
The habits I have developed, the patterns I work within, I do them because I like them
And because I like them, they are important to me.
So while this doesn't make me the eternally single non-commitment type (There are a few on here who know me in RT. I am all about long term stuff whether its as friends or more. I don't let many people close to me, the ones I do I treasure.)
It raises the bar considerably for her.


I hope that helps in some small way.

P.S.: I can't speak for anyone else, but as for me...Eyes hit the nail on the head. I'm a simple guy, I say what I mean and don't look for hidden meanings because there are none.



antipode -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 6:51:35 PM)

quote:

often claim they prefer life on their own and dont want any sort of commitment


One thing I have learned as I, umm, reached maturity [8D] is to stay away from really strong statements like that. From my own perspective, I can tell you I've always strived to be able to end relationships when they stopped going somewhere, and not dawdle, you know, the "things will get better" syndrome, and I am now very much better at being in control. I've actually stopped a relationship from happening when I realized I could see all the warning signs, and just shut the door. In the past I would have tried. you can call that jaded, or experienced.

I am certainly not excluding the possibility that I will fall in love again, one cannot foretell the future, but I am perfectly happy on my own, have to say, I have my friends, my family, and I hop on planes to go see someone I want to see, just on the whim. Part of this is that by the time you start making some real money, and later when you're bought out, the golddiggers come out of the woodwork, and so you have to protect yourself. You know, I read these dating ads, with long lists of what she wants in a man, and all I can think is "what do you bring to the table?". But then I don't come from a dating culture, so what do I know..

One learns to have patience, but your point made me think why my interest now goes more towards finding a slave than a sub, when in years past it was the other way around. Perhaps that is something to do with being less interested in negotiating.



Jeptha -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 8:07:23 PM)

I generally agree with eyesopened.
I'm 48, live alone, have no wish to change that arrangement.
I really enjoy living alone.

I may be willing to do some co-habitation experiment in the future, especially if it were to be with a submissive or slave. But I would probably consider it just that; an experiment, and not necessarily a permanent arrangement.

I never say "never" though (usually...)



SirDarkside357 -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 8:12:22 PM)

I'm 55 and I prefer the single life.  However, I am smart enough to know that when I find the right one(or ones), I'd be making a mistake to let them slip by.  I'm lucky enough to have found the right first girl for me. She understands my need to be alone at times, even if she is here in the home.



RealSub58 -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/6/2009 9:02:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Yes.

Men in my opinion are remakably simple creatures and if they say they prefer to be single then that is exactly what they mean and they mean exactly that.  If they say they want a partner for life but they will never get married again, then they mean they do not want to ever get married again but are willing to cohabitate for the rest of their lives.  A man only means they want to get married again when they say "Will you marry me?" and at no other time do they secretly mean that want to be married.

That a man changes his mind does not mean he was not honest, it means he's a human being not a Superior Sex or anything more elaborate than he is human and changed his mind.


Gosh darn eyes, you must know me and Sir !  Ha !!  [;)]



serisa -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 1:54:33 AM)

i am really pleased to hear so many stories of people who are happy on their own and truly mean it... that was exactly what i hoping to hear, not the opposite.  i know no one can speak for every individual but it makes me feel far more secure in having a relationship whilst leaving in seperate households, hopefully the situation being that the reason He likes living on His own is simply that because he likes it and not because it is case of waiting for 'the one'. 

i can see these feelings and thoughts have come from my own insecurities which is not good i know, its just that sadly i know a couple of women who have been led to believe the man they were in a relationship in loved living alone... then one day they were dumped and he moved the next women in.  i think its pretty clear whats going on here... the ex woman was simply not 'the one' and he met someone so great that he changed hid mind.

Thats just the way life goes i suppose.

Anyway, i can agree with a few of you by saying living on your own is actually not tthat bad at all.  yes, some women prefer it too

thanks



serisa -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 2:01:25 AM)

Living alone can be great !



eyesopened -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 3:47:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

Living alone can be great !


1.  Everything in the refrigerator is stuff you like!
2.  You can open all the mail.
3.  Wherever you leave your shoes is their "place"
4.  You can watch whatever you like on tv even if it's Sponge Bob
5.  Both sides of the bed are yours.
6.  You are never surprised by an empty roll of toilet paper.
7.  The toilet seat is always where you want it.
8.  You get all the closet space.
9.  You get all the pillows.
10. You know who was using the Vasaline...and why.



wandersalone -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 4:05:14 AM)

coughs....should I be offended? [:D]

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
He's had all sorts of relationships from Parisian super models to submissive (here not meaning in a D/s sense specifically) house rats from the islands (I'm not specifying which island, jut keep in mind Australia is an island).


I am not a male, not a dominant and not 45 plus (but I am getting close [:D] ) and I am another that often tells people that I am happy living on my own and without any ties.  I would be lying if I said that I don't sometimes wish I had someone next to me to go and investigate that weird noise in the middle of the night or to take out the bins when it is raining however I also love that I can make spur of the moment decisions to jet off somewhere for a weekend, or go out late after work and not need to explain it. 

I love that I can sprawl out in my bed, read in bed till 2am if I can't sleep and can fill two wardrobes with all of my clothes!!!!!

I have said in the past that I am not cut out for marriage or commitment however the truth is that I simply have not met anyone I wanted to form a significant attachment to.  That could change tomorrow, next year or never ..... and I will continue to feel blessed to have the life I have (planning my next interstate trip as I type [:)] ).



InTonguesslave -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 4:19:20 AM)

a guy said to me a couple of months ago that at his age (55) it wasnt about falling in love anymore, he'd done that and didnt need to do it again.  but it was about finding someone to have some fun with.  maybe he'll find that he does fall in love eventually, but his approach is right for him right now and honest.

it probably is a matter of holding back and not promising too much - divorce is common now and some men are enjoying their freedom - but so are women.

we get more complicated as we get older, we know what works for us and what doesnt, we know the misery of being in a relationship that isnt working but we hold together because of money, kids and the fear of big change.

if you think about it like that you realise that these people are being very sensible and honest - but it doesnt mean that you wont find youreself in a committed and happy relationship further down the track - it just means that getting there has more hurdles than it used to when you were 22 and had absolute faith in the torrent of emotions we call 'falling in love'

so that guy is probably right.  it isnt about falling in love so much after a certain age its about swinging in the trees and finding someone to swing along with who makes each leap from branch to branch more fun than swinging along on youre own.



sblady -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 7:11:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

From this woman's perspective.
One of the things I have noticed is that as I get older, I get more set in my ways.
What it does mean is that I am pretty sure its tougher for a man to come in my life now than it was when I was young and wide open.
Its tougher on him because I have become accustomed to things in a certain way and I have a lot less give in those areas than I would have when I was, say, 22.
The habits I have developed, the patterns I work within, I do them because I like them
And because I like them, they are important to me.
So while this doesn't make me the eternally single non-commitment type, I don't let many people close to me, the ones I do I treasure.
It raises the bar considerably for him.

/quote]

Kana, I hope you don't mind that I used your response but edited as it related to me.  I agree with you one hundred percent.
 
Even at my advanced age of 43, I've never been married, had children or "shacked up" (not because I couldn't "find a man" as they are plentiful).  I'm very set in my ways and won't settle for less than what I want; I may compromise, but never settle.  If a man does come along that can fulfill most of what I want/need and allow me to still have time for myself, I'll be all over that relationship.  [:D]
 
As an FYI, I'm in a relationship as He caught me unawares and my "guard" was down.  However, our relationship is temporary due to various issues but it is still a wonderful experience and one that I'll cherish forever. [:)]

To the OP:  It really isn't a "man" thing. 



Jeptha -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 9:21:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

From a mans perspective.
One of the things I have noticed is that as I get older, I get more set in my ways.
This doesn't mean that I am one of the men you are discussing.
What it does mean is that I am pretty sure its tougher for a woman to come in my life now than it was when I was young and wide open.
Its tougher on her because I have become accustomed to things in a certain way and I have a lot less give in those areas than I would have when I was, say, 22.
The habits I have developed, the patterns I work within, I do them because I like them
And because I like them, they are important to me.
So while this doesn't make me the eternally single non-commitment type (There are a few on here who know me in RT. I am all about long term stuff whether its as friends or more. I don't let many people close to me, the ones I do I treasure.)
It raises the bar considerably for her....
This is true for me as well; I think I've gotten the domestic scene really dialed in for myself!...Hmmm, not completely sure I like the sound of that now (of particular concern is the sentiment I've bolded, above), because it does seem to represent comfort-seeking above adventure and risk-taking...

In my youth, I was much more able to go in any direction...

Have I become too attached to my stuff, I wonder? Too domestic, too settled?

I'm gonna say no, it's ok. I've been able to create a nice little situation for myself here where I can be myself and express myself. But I still go camping and enjoy changes of scene.
I could start over if I had to, and go back to that openness and flexibility.
But it would probably have to be thrust upon me at this point.
Which it may be, who knows the future, after all, with the economy what it is, and so forth.
And health care being what it is - I have some kind of minimal health insurance, but a major medical episode still has the potential to bankrupt me, so the future's never entirely certain.

I'll try and be ready to roll with whatever comes and in the meantime I'll enjoy what I have.

Sorry - as I get older I have a tendency to make more marginally relevant digressions, as well, it seems.



Kana -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 10:56:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sblady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

From this woman's perspective.
One of the things I have noticed is that as I get older, I get more set in my ways.
What it does mean is that I am pretty sure its tougher for a man to come in my life now than it was when I was young and wide open.
Its tougher on him because I have become accustomed to things in a certain way and I have a lot less give in those areas than I would have when I was, say, 22.
The habits I have developed, the patterns I work within, I do them because I like them
And because I like them, they are important to me.
So while this doesn't make me the eternally single non-commitment type, I don't let many people close to me, the ones I do I treasure.
It raises the bar considerably for him.

/quote]

Kana, I hope you don't mind that I used your response but edited as it related to me.  I agree with you one hundred percent.
 
Even at my advanced age of 43, I've never been married, had children or "shacked up" (not because I couldn't "find a man" as they are plentiful).  I'm very set in my ways and won't settle for less than what I want; I may compromise, but never settle.  If a man does come along that can fulfill most of what I want/need and allow me to still have time for myself, I'll be all over that relationship.  [:D]
 
As an FYI, I'm in a relationship as He caught me unawares and my "guard" was down.  However, our relationship is temporary due to various issues but it is still a wonderful experience and one that I'll cherish forever. [:)]

To the OP:  It really isn't a "man" thing. 


Quite simply applauds.




Focus50 -> RE: dont want commitment or a live in slave (3/7/2009 11:15:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

i am trying to get into the heads of the superior sex !.  ive read a bit on the eternal batcholor type man (or in this case perhaps the ever eternal Master with no owned slave or no live in slave).  it seems to be the case alot that when these type Men. especially when perhaps they reach a certain age of maturity?, often claim they prefer life on their own and dont want any sort of commitment to a sub or girlfriend... then later meet someone different who they do the exact opposite!.  This leaves you with the feeling its what they do so not to hurt your feelings because the truth is they just havent met the right person yet

Can any Dominants here confess to this?, or subs/slaves has it happened to you?,  Does any out there know any Man (perhaps 45 plus years) who says they prefer the single life... and truly believe they really mean it?

I can certainly relate - or confess(?)....  lol
 
I'm 54 and currently living alone and while I wouldn't say I "prefer" it that way, there's no doubt you get accustomed to having your space and time to do whatever. 
 
But it's also not enitirely a choice of my making....  I'm dealing with the consequences of a debillitating injury, which is testing my sanity moreso than the physical limitation, and until I get my head around that I'm presently not even looking for a partner - and have recently stated as much in my profile.
 
I'm still here to be "found", though (lol), as you've alluded to in your OP.  On a more general note relating to that, I think it's likely that there truly is someone who's right for everyone out there (as the incurable romantics like to believe) but the reality is that many never actually meet and I'd reckon everyone knows someone whose basically lived their entire life alone.  "Confirmed bachelor" (for eg) isn't necessarily every bachelor's active choice....
 
Focus.



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