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RE: How has it changed you? - 3/6/2009 6:36:06 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
No more guilt, no more nightmares, no more fantasies, absolute resolute friendships, mind-blowing orgasms.............

Oohhh, yes, great thoughts. Moving forward in things that I've always wanted and fantasized about, has opened my eyes to the possibility of things I never dreamed of. And the orgasms absolutely rock too ...

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 21

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 2:30:33 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Embracing whatever aspect of this life you have:

How has it changed you? I don't know if it's necessarily changed Me. What I will say is that I'm more the Me that I want to be.

Made you grow? This one relates more to the things I've done and the people I've met. I think we learn from the experiences that we've had. I know I've done a lot of things that some people only ever dream of. I'm pretty lucky in this category.

Matured you? That one I can't say. I was kind of already a grown up when I started. (That's supposed to be funny, but the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet.)

Freed you? The freedom was in the acceptance of Myself. This was especially true in two areas. My sadism and allowing Myself to be a person, as well as a Dominant.

Completed you? I think this is where the poly part of Myself comes in. I simply can't imagine us not being a poly family.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 22

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 3:56:57 AM

MG4Apuppygirl

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline

Changed me? Doubtful. Been into BDSM, more specifically the human animal lifestyle since before the age of 18. Defined? Absolutely.

Made me grow? Not exactly. Helped consolidate priorities and enhance life skills? Absolutely.

Matured me? Highly doubtful considering most of the aspects of this lifestyle are primarily regressive.

Freed me? Not until I ostricised myself from the domestic scene did I feel a sense of freedom.

Completed me? Never. There is much work to do and until I have achieved my goals or am dead there is no "completion".

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 23

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 5:50:25 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

How has it changed you?
I have some idea what i would have been like IF i hadn't "found" the stuff when i did. I would have been more conflicted, continued dating and befriending dangerous and unhealthy people. I would have had fewer outlets for my risk-taking behavior. In fact, I would probably be dead or in jail. For me this "stuff" was a path to self-love rather than self-loathing and some really great people took a tough love stance with me until they beat it into my head (or butt as the case may be) a person can be "extreme" and still look forward to "normal" things in life, like stable relationships, real employment, higher education, and not spending my evenings talking to cops in ER.

Made you grow?
It gave me the chance to grow in all ways and to have the time and love to heal. I found out things about myself like i love learning, what it is like to be treasured, and how to be a good friend to someone else. I don't think it MADE me grow, but i do think it gave me the room and space to grow.

Matured you?
Again, it gave me a chance to mature that i might (probably) would not have had.

Freed you?
I think it trapped me, but only after freeing me from the path that i had been on. That may not be a popular view, but we are all slaves, to one degree or another, to eros and thanatos and i now face those drives in a way that blends and accepts them rather than gives them total power in my life.

Completed you?
I will be complete when they write my obit. Until then i am still a work in progress and happy to stay that way.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to MG4Apuppygirl)

Post #: 24

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 6:22:41 AM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Embracing whatever aspect of this life you have:

How has it changed you?

It has helped me to be honest in all my relationships. I'd always held back a part of myself, but now I hold nothing back ....good, bad and ugly.

Made you grow?

I've grown tremendously and with that growth came self confidence, self worth, etc.

Matured you?

Hmm....not sure how to answer that question as I'm over 40 and consider myself to be very mature.

Freed you?

It freed me to be myself and not worry if I chose to do things differently. I'm myself at all times, regardless of the group of folks I'm with (D/s or non D/s kink friends). Not that I ever felt a strong urge to "fit in", but now I really don't care. If I fit in, fine.....if I don't fit in, fine.

Completed you?

I was complete long before I stumbled across D/s relationships.

< Message edited by sblady -- 3/7/2009 6:45:23 AM >

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 25

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 6:23:07 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Embracing whatever aspect of this life you have:

How has it changed you?
Made you grow?
Matured you?
Freed you?
Completed you?

Great question!

Being involved in a WIITWD relationship for nearly 6 years has done good things for my personal and emotional growth. Before meeting DB, I had thoughts and desires that seemed really "strange" compared to those of my friends, so I felt like a misfit. When we met, I was at one of the lowest points of my life and our friendship was always very open, so we were able to cut to the chase of all these "new" things (to me) and He wasn't weirded out by anything that I mentioned because they were a part of His life already. I finally found someone I could trust with all these thoughts, which liberated me tremendously.

I also had huge self esteem and body image issues because of a very emotionally abusive marriage. Being with someone who wasn't going to allow those fears to cripple me, and who put things into perspective, was probably the best thing of all to come of this.

Going from being a woman who wore clothes 2 sizes too big, and fully covered from neck to toe, to being able to put a profile picture up of me in a black cami with my cleavage exposed is a big deal for me. But the even bigger deal is having the confidence to go to the dungeon, play nude, and not getting wrapped up in my head to the point of having it paralyze me. It's great to be able to tell other ladies that they are not defined by their shape or size or whatever (because at the clubs I've been to, no one was ever watching a scene to determine a girl's dress size). They were watching because it was hot.

I also love the fact that I have made some of the greatest friends from this site, whom I never would have but for the lifestyle.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 26

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 4:51:38 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

How has it changed you? It was My Dominant side that discovered bdsm and really, that was no surprise. The surprise was that i also had a strong submissive side in me and this has changed my perception of myself for the better. And surprised a whole lotta people who were taking bets on how long it would be till i said "Get Your own damn dinner!"

Made you grow? While My Dominant side has grown in terms of learning about Dominance and also all the techniques etc, my submissive side has had the most personal growth. Learning to trust someone so absolutely, learning to yield control of aspects of life that i had never dreamed of yielding, that has been phenomenal growth for me.
Matured you? Well as this all happened in my 40s to 50s, that was probably a time of maturing anyway (although looking at some of my vanilla friends ... maybe not!). But I believe discovering bdsm has definitely increased the pace and the breadth and depth of my maturing because it has given me so many things to stop and think about and a whole new side of me to get to know.
Freed you? Yes, like Daddysredhead, i have found a wonderful freedom in being able to be naked in the Dungeon and be at ease with it. i don't think i had severe body image/self esteem problems, my weight has never stopped me doing things i really wanted (i've always got on stage to sing and not worried about it) but the naked thing, that was pretty amazing!
Completed you? No, not yet, I'm a work in progress. Besides, while i have Master but My Domme side doesn't have a sub, I can't possibly be even a semblance of complete! But even when I have one, there will still be lots of room to develop and grow and I don't want that to stop till I do.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 27

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/7/2009 8:38:54 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

for me it has been a way to experience new aspects of myself and better accept and understand new facets of myself. i have discovered poly, and i am a bit of a masso sub, i am service oriented. i love my wife and my M'Lady, i am in the service. i see it more as a jewel the more facets that it has the brighter it will shine. i will always try new things and explore new places and never stop learning.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 28

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 6:28:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Liking to be tied up hasn't changed me at all. What has changed me is him. He loves me for my flaws, not despite them. He appreciates all of me. Would any other dominant picked at random? Highly unlikely.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 29

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 11:30:44 AM

celess

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/12/2009
Status: offline

I have become wiser and realize that most people who are in this are in it just for themselves. For me the relationship is important. Communication is important. The person is important. That being a switch or submissive doesn't mean I need to be naive and abused. I have grown to learn that a lot of dominants are insecure and /or not even dominants just control freaks and that I don't have to entertain them. I have learned to love and be myself. I understand that no matter how you put it togther...a man or woman who is dominant or submissive who is married in vanilla and seeks someone in the lifestyle with someone else and their partner doesn't know- is cheating. That D/s is not about having affairs and getting wants wants wants...it is about respect, integrity, and security, and maturity. I realize that everyone should have LIMITS. Everyone should have boundaries and sense of structure. D/s is not a game nor something to explore on the hearts of others. It is real and something to explore on your own heart.

< Message edited by celess -- 3/8/2009 11:32:09 AM >

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 30

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 11:42:40 AM

simplyunique

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

How has it changed you? I'm naturally submissive, and I love kinky sex. I always have, always will, that hasn't and will not change. But learning about the lifestyle specifically helped to give me a sense of belonging instead of constantly feeling like an outsider. Not to mention it helped me realize the mundane and boring sex and relationships I had been having weren't ones I had to endure- there was better out there.

Made you grow? It opened the doorway for new experiences, good and bad, that I learned from in different ways. Not to mention I've met so many different types of people from being involved in the lifestyle and each one of them has taught me something, no matter how random it may be.

Matured you? It made me realize what was all out there and the reality of some illusions I had been clinging to. I don't know if that's a good thing or not but it is what it is.

Freed you? In a lot of ways, yes. When you accept who you are, what you want, the things that make you different, that brings it's own freedom.

Completed you? I was a whole person before I was brought into BDSM, I will remain to be whole. If I needed something or some one to complete me then I would doubt my motivation for being involved. I'm submissive because I AM a submissive, not because I'm using it to fill a hole inside of me.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 31

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 1:48:42 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Embracing whatever aspect of this life you have:

How has it changed you?

It hasn't changed me... it is an integral part of me, that is still an integral part of me, and will always be so. Regardless of the actions in which I participate, I am still every bit myself.

quote:

Made you grow?

It has not -made- me do anything, although understanding myself has included understanding all of the aspects of myself, including the controlling and fetish-appreciative aspects of myself, and learning to acknowledge those things without allowing myself to become obsessed with or consumed by them (like any other intensity-driven interest, considering my preference for high-intensity ideas and activities) is an ongoing process and likely will always be. I've always just considered it a side-effect of being someone who thrives on intense experiences.

quote:

Matured you?

My participation here hasn't "matured me" per se... but maturity has made reflected in the ways in which I interact with my world, including this aspect. I can't credit my participation in alternative lifestyles of -any- sort as being the sole, or even -major- factor in my maturation... but maturity has certainly helped me accept and express my preferences in this area and others.

quote:

Freed you?

I have always been free, and my freedom doesn't hinge on my participation in any given activity. It comes out of my acceptance of both the capacity to create the life that I want to live, and the responsibility of the choices I make to get there. Freedom's cost is responsibility. Because I embrace both, I have all the freedom that I want, whether or not I am participating in lifestyle domination or one of my fetish interests.

quote:

Completed you?

Now this, I think I can answer by saying that acceptance of all of the aspects of oneself allows one to recognize one's own completeness. Interestingly, that acceptance has also made it possible for me to embrace the idea of alone-ness as a positive state, and embrace my own completeness in myself, rather than depending on having another person to tell me that I am complete.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 3/8/2009 1:54:16 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 32

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 6:26:40 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

How has it changed me? It gave me an avenue to learn and accept my own submissivenss. This is something that I will always be grateful for.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 33

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 8:53:32 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I've been thinking about this question for a couple of days now, and while I can't say the lifestyle has changed me, I can say that the biggest difference in my life since Sir's and my relationship has evolved to the point where its become something solid and stable is the sex ROCKS. I don't dissociate. And, its out of this world. Wild monkey sex. Well, thats what I call it. :)

I've struggled with dissociation for so long, its really cool to be able to actually feel sex.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 34

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 8:58:13 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

How has it changed you? i am the person i always knew i could be
Made you grow? i have learned more about myself and others
Matured you? made me willing to accept my faults and the person i am
Freed you? i am me, not what someone wanted me to be
Completed you? i do not have to put part of me under wraps anymore
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 35

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 9:41:54 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Embracing whatever aspect of this life you have:

How has it changed you?
I am kinkier than I was before!
Made you grow?
Serious answer here. Yes but really hard to explain why. It has made me grow by expanding my knowledge. Made me really think about things in life both large and small.
Matured you?
No No No.....I refuse to grow up
Freed you?
In bondage I am finally free
Completed you?
No....but when I find my partner maybe it will

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 36

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/8/2009 10:09:30 PM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Embracing whatever aspect of this life you have:

How has it changed you?
Made you grow?
Matured you?
Freed you?
Completed you?

It has changed me - Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

How? What was hidden, dimly understood, and always there but always seemingly a part from me in the vanilla world...became embraced intensely, understood and ever-layered in its nuances, and made me whole as a central part of me. There is much more to me than "this life" but "this life" animates me deep inside.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 37

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/9/2009 12:20:47 AM

littlevalkyrie

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/20/2005
Status: offline

For me, I discovered a lot about myself. Where my limits are, what I am willing and not willing to do out of love, lust and devotion. I discovered that I had worth and power and beauty, and that I could be fierce or delicate as the situation demands. Because of the ability to handle pain I have built up, I find that I can move through things in life that would stop another person. I found my pride.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 38

RE: How has it changed you? - 3/9/2009 12:27:48 AM

ThomasMore

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

It's made me much more confident vis-à-vis knowing what I want out of a relationship - and letting go things that aren't aligned with my wants in that aspect of life.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 39

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