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i attacked Master :( - 3/6/2009 3:28:58 PM

euroluv

Posts: 33
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

during a session this week i wasnt tied i went for My Master i didnt hurt Him He is bigger and way stronger then me and He told me that it was oke afterwards and in fact gave him a turn on cause he could really really play hard to get me back into His controlebut it bothers me a great deal why did this happen i was very much aroused and i trust Master with my life so trust is there . Master assured me it was ok and . myself after thinkin abt it for a few days on my own since Master was abroad , perhaps the play was too hard too quick we also had a dinner where i had 2 glasses of wine. before we played i normally never drink when i know we are gonna play .and yes i am used to drink way more when i drink then 2 glasses of wine i had
greets a very sad and scared sub euroluv

Post #: 1

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/6/2009 4:33:00 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

One thing that may have happened was something flipped a mind trigger .Another explanation could be just a primal fight or flight instinct that just came over you at that moment in time .
Either way if it still bothers you you may wish to further discuss this with your master , but also accept that he said it was ok .

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 2

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/6/2009 4:37:58 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

This once happened to me. For some reason, I went primal and was ready to fight or flee. I still really don't know why. It took Master a long time to calm me down and bring me back into some degree of normalcy.

Don't feel bad. It seems your master handled you well. If you feel the need to explore it more, ask him to discuss it with you or write about it- it may help you digest the experience and get past it.

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(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 3

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/6/2009 5:14:24 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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Going to take a slightly different angle here. What about it bothers you so much? If your Master was able to maintain safety and control for the both of you, it likely needn't be interpreted as a negative experience, so I am wondering why you are doing so.
Davan

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(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 4

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/6/2009 5:57:05 PM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good evening!
I once did this also. But it was where he was doing something and I started fighting back, then it turned into wrestling and i cannot say what he was thinking but I know that after a while of that I was like "no way is he going to win or get the better of ME!" Now Master has been with the police dept. and I have had self defense training so in a way I was curious if he was going to win with age and experience or me with youth and agility. Well, we both ended up pinned somehow and gasping for breath. He just laughed and said it was his best workout in a while.

Also as someone here said, fight or flight instinct. Either way he handled it well and if he says it is fine and all is good then you have to believe him, right? we just have to take them at their word that things are peachy again/still. To beat yourself up about it is to risk stressing him out or getting him frustrated. I learned that the hard way about another topic, best to let it go and trust in what he says. Good luck!
Love,
Zechriel

_____________________________

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(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 5

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/6/2009 9:53:37 PM

wulfgarw

Posts: 752
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zechriel

Good evening!
I once did this also. But it was where he was doing something and I started fighting back, then it turned into wrestling and i cannot say what he was thinking but I know that after a while of that I was like "no way is he going to win or get the better of ME!" Now Master has been with the police dept. and I have had self defense training so in a way I was curious if he was going to win with age and experience or me with youth and agility. Well, we both ended up pinned somehow and gasping for breath. He just laughed and said it was his best workout in a while.

Also as someone here said, fight or flight instinct. Either way he handled it well and if he says it is fine and all is good then you have to believe him, right? we just have to take them at their word that things are peachy again/still. To beat yourself up about it is to risk stressing him out or getting him frustrated. I learned that the hard way about another topic, best to let it go and trust in what he says. Good luck!
Love,
Zechriel

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Going to take a slightly different angle here. What about it bothers you so much? If your Master was able to maintain safety and control for the both of you, it likely needn't be interpreted as a negative experience, so I am wondering why you are doing so.
Davan

I will agree with both of these, and indeed all of the previous posts. If he said everything is fine, then it is. If you (OP) 'attacked' with intent to harm/maim/kill, that would be another story entirely, but from the tone of your (again OP) post, it sounds like that is far, far, from that. Sounds like you discovered the joys of feral play.

Granted, we don't have all the details, but throwing the rules of 'nice' or 'fair' out the window is nice sometimes. But the cleanup can be a chore if counters and desks get swept off on the floor and bookshelves get tipped over. If it makes you feel better, consider your 'attack' more of a 'pounce'...

Sometimes we dominants like a sub to take an initiative or to fight back. That's why there's a safeword, for if things get too real.

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Broken I Stand
Betrayed I Fight
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(in reply to Zechriel)

Post #: 6

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 5:07:58 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Like others here have said, stop looking at this so negatively or your going to end up building yourself a phobia.
The fact is, this little fight of yours turned him on and surely that has to be a positive?
I suggest you talk this through in depth with your Dominant because he's the only one that is truly connected to you.

BTW I have lost all sense and reasoning quite a few times and it has certainly never upset Steve but we always talk at length afterwards.

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(in reply to wulfgarw)

Post #: 7

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 7:47:23 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: euroluv

during a session this week i wasnt tied i went for My Master i didnt hurt Him He is bigger and way stronger then me and He told me that it was oke afterwards and in fact gave him a turn on cause he could really really play hard to get me back into His controlebut it bothers me a great deal why did this happen i was very much aroused and i trust Master with my life so trust is there . Master assured me it was ok and . myself after thinkin abt it for a few days on my own since Master was abroad , perhaps the play was too hard too quick we also had a dinner where i had 2 glasses of wine. before we played i normally never drink when i know we are gonna play .and yes i am used to drink way more when i drink then 2 glasses of wine i had
greets a very sad and scared sub euroluv

Best thing you can do is go to see the quack and he'll give you a dose of leeches. You'll be normal in no time.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 8

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 9:22:55 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i went for My Master

Stout hoor

It would help us to know what exactly it was that set you off - assuming you know, of course. I would, in general, not worry about it, as you say he does not. It is hard to know where the boundaries of another person are, I find it often difficult to gauge how far I can go with someone, you need to know someone well if you want to be able to predict how they're going to react. Don't be scared, you just learned something about yourself.

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 9

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 10:13:04 AM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello euroluv. Do not worry, it is a normal and natural reaction. Most ''react'' internally most of the time. Once in a while the reaction is externalized. I would rather have ''externalized'' reactions (even if violent) than have them internalized for weeks causing resentment, resistance or just plain emotional confusion and ambivalence.

Just think of play as being similar to a sport or a martial art. There will always be ''accidents'' stemming from spontaneous emotional response (just as in hockey fights, baseball brawls etc). It just means you are human, not a bad player. RL.

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 10

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 10:23:56 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I think you may be struggling with this for a couple of reasons that for the most part have been addressed... but wanted to bring something up. I've noticed that when something doesn't go quite the way the submissive think's it will, they will beat themselves up. If the dominant is not physically there, the submissive has time to dwell on it all without the domiant being able to see what is happening, address it or take it from upset and dwelling there... to... assurance and figuring out the what and why's of it all.

Please take a lot of deep breaths... maybe if you can, talk to your dominant just to remind yourself that you are still cared for and he doesn't see you as a bad little one and you are not rejected. Sometimes when they are away I think reassurance is needed because you may be picking yourself apart.

Remember that he would want you taking care of his submissive and beating her up might be seen as taking things out of his hands and putting them into your upset one's. You are being far more harsh than your dominant... it seems to me anyway. Just be patient and talk to him when you can. Figuring it all out may just take the two of you and doing it alone seems only to be hurting you. Hang in there!

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(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 11

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 1:54:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It wasn't something you thought about and then did deliberately. He went to hurt you and you automatically tried to stop him. It's a built in instinct that keeps us safe by allowing us to immediately hit a nosy bear sticking his nose in our cave with a heavy club. Fight, flight or freeze. You apparently respond with fight.

If he enjoys primal play, then he should continue to leave you untied and provoke this response. If he doesn't enjoy it, then he should tie you. But don't keep beating yourself up about it, it's of no more consequence than automatically swatting a mosquito that bites.

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 12

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/7/2009 1:59:11 PM

Jackie4the1

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

I'm going to come at you with a little different view then what I've seen you getting. I've never done that. Not once. I honestly adore my submission, as do most of us subs or we wouldn't keep it so close to us. I can understand how and why it would scare you and make you second guess yourself. If nothing eles take comfort in the fact that now you are aware of it, and you're able to talk about it, with you Master first and formost and all of us here. I know it must take alot to put something like that out, I would be hesitant anyways. To move on. Maybe it would be a good time to start to tamper with your switch side? Just a though, I don't have much more then that to add that I haven't already read being posted.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/8/2009 3:23:20 AM

euroluv

Posts: 33
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

Lockit,
i have talked it trough with my Master and i am now ok and not worried abt it no more but then again He is very understanding it bothered me cause i dont want to hurt anyone and certainley not Him Master and i talk a lot . so i am ok now
ty for responding

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/8/2009 7:11:10 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

there has been one time only that i've fought back/attacked, and i don't remember doing it, though later i found that it could have been the fight/flight line that i was walking...

the scene was great, intense, and i flew, but while i was flying he must have taken me into endorphine over-load and pushed too hard because i came back as a primal beast that was akin to to someone fighting for their life.

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 15

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/8/2009 9:11:32 AM

DomM&SubK

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline

I have my self done this just a few weeks ago.

I tried to "RAPE" Sir one night after a very long day of being teased with the toys and turned on and kept horny all day by him. I had also tried a new herbal stimulant that a girlfriend had recommended to help keep me more alert during long play sessions since I work 2 jobs and with the kids and I didn’t tell sir that I had taken it about 20 minutes before I "SNAPED". Well let’s just say I went from the Loving Slave mode that I was in to Primal Evil Dom B*TCH and I got My Ass BEAT!!

I didn’t like it and it was the first and the last time Sir will ever have to punish me because I will do what ever I can now to keep from being punished. He was unable to get me back to Slave Mode because of the stimulant that I didn’t tell him I took. I remember Sir telling me I had Half an hour to make him Cum from my Oral skills and after about 15 Minutes of trying and knowing that he was holding back no matter what tricks I tried that Sir has taught me that I know make him crave my mouth more. The main reason I was punished so harshly was I didn’t tell Sir that I had taken the stimulant because if he had known he would have been able to handle the switch in me better. You see I am a loving person naturally and that’s one of the things My Sir loves about me. So all the stimulant did was take the Horny feeling I had and made me act out the feelings that I had physically because of how much I needed full sexual release. I can achieve Orgasms with toys as well as finger stimulation and nipple stimulation but I do not get the mind blowing Orgasms that I crave with out Ridding Sir. We have talked about it since it happened and I was told that had I made it to the thirty minutes of giving him oral I would of gotten the same in return whether he came or not but instead I got Beat and sent to bed still horny and with out any of the Toys to help me release the sexual tension I had.

He was trying to teach me to stop watching the clock because I do during play sessions so instead we have covered the clocks when we play so I don’t watch them any more. Now to teach me to trust others is our main issue to work on.

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 16

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/8/2009 2:22:00 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

Do not worry, it is a normal and natural reaction.

Unlike others, I do not agree this is normal and natural.
A different perspective for sure.

I cannot even comprehend this !!

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 17

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/8/2009 2:54:30 PM

badlilthang

Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

Do not worry, it is a normal and natural reaction.

Unlike others, I do not agree this is normal and natural.
A different perspective for sure.

I cannot even comprehend this !!

so....if you get pushed too far - you go too dark and deeto a place that pure fear takes over - it is simply too much - you think you can just accept it blindly - and give up? Instincts take over, realsub - smiles - believe me on that. The survival instinct in a human being is strong - stronger than any conscious thought. The moment you just act - not thinking it through to tell yourself if it this reaction is submissive enough....

Does it make more sense now, maybe? *smiles*

_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 18

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/9/2009 12:57:15 AM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

o.O

Sorry, I have no input, but... er, wow.

Exactly how did you 'go for' him?

(in reply to euroluv)

Post #: 19

RE: i attacked Master :( - 3/9/2009 7:38:55 AM

loveandlight87

Posts: 110
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

My thought was that S&M play can take us (D's and s's) to some dark places. And that is ok. We go into the dark from a place of love, trust and most importantly with consent. I would speculate that D's in general know that they are taking their s-types and themselves into those places and know that there are likely going to be some surprises along the way. But the nature of a BDSM oriented relationship means that for the most part, we are aware of the potential for that and accept that. Our D's bear the responsibility of taking the play there and the s's consent to going there too. Landmines are part and par for the course. They reveal parts of ourselves that are typically hidden and thus, give us a chance to be fully who we are.

I'm glad OP that you have made peace with the experience. That must be a powerful feeling knowing that your D reached that deeply inside of you.

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Owned and adored by SirSteveS

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 20

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