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WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:46:56 AM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

The choice is yours to select...please complete the sentence(s).

-- When a sub/slave is argumentative, sassy, bratty, pushy, I.....

-- When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I...

I selected these situations because they appear to be a common complaint from each, crippling good communication and thriving BDSM relationships...or for some, breaking bad behavior and leading to a great relationship, eventually. The instant reaction to either of these may be to say -- I dump her/him. But is that what you actually do? Just wondering.

Post #: 1

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:55:29 AM

vixenkneels

Posts: 94
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: LAKE OF THE OZARKS, MISSOURI
Status: offline

-- When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I become argumentative, sassy, bratty, and pushy in hopes of opening that door to communications and in hopes of finding out where I have failed to inspire my Master to be more attentive, more listening, more observant of what’s going on in the relationship.

_____________________________

I am your servant. I shall not be free. You will protect me; you will keep me safe; you will guard me. You will keep me sound; you will protect me from every demon. -- Ancient Egyptian woman's slave contract

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 2

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:56:28 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I...

Work at trying to communicate myself in a different way, look at what I'm saying or doing and why it may not be getting through.

If it's still not getting through to him then I reevaluate my needs and our relationship. If it's something that is extremely important to me and I'm not getting it from him then I feel that we may just simply be incompatible and I move on.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 3

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 9:01:25 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

If my Sir is inattentive to me, i assume that he is thinking of something else, and give him space. Eventually he comes back to me, and we go on. Obviously, i don't have the issues the OP has, but just because my Sir ignores me, doesn't mean our relationship is "broken". There is more in our lives than our interactions, and both of us are cognisant of this fact.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 9:12:41 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

The choice is yours to select...please complete the sentence(s).

What was the question again?

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 5

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 10:47:30 AM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

The choice is yours to select...please complete the sentence(s).

What was the question again?

How would you respond "When a sub/slave is argumentative, sassy, bratty, pushy"?

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 6

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 11:33:43 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

To the op. The end of both those sentences should be "communication must be improved if the relationship and the people in it are to thrive".

Any other questions?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 7

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 1:06:38 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

When a submissive female says "I'm sorry - that's a hard limit" I order us each another cup of coffee and change the topic of discussion to current cinema.

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 8

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 2:33:10 PM

MG4Apuppygirl

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline

Response to scenario 1. Gag her and put her in her cage.

Response to scenario 2. Bark. Whine.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 9

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 3:42:30 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

-- When a sub/slave is argumentative, sassy, bratty, pushy, I.....

...should look to My own short comings.

...should open meaningful dialogue, communicate honestly and talk about the situation, find cause if there be one, and set the relationship on a more equitable path.

Your choice?

quote:

-- When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I...

...should look to My own short comings.

...should open meaningful dialogue, communicate honestly and talk about the situation, find cause if there be one, and set the relationship on a more equitable path.

Your choice?

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 10

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 3:54:11 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark
-- When a sub/slave is argumentative, sassy, bratty, pushy, I.....
My Sir wants to know why I am whiny or emotional but I know better than to be the above which is greatly disrespectful.

-- When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I... know I am in the wrong "relationship." Compatibility and attention to core needs is at the heart of the right relationship.

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 3/7/2009 3:56:12 PM >

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 11

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 4:54:54 PM

JulieElizabeth

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

..not very proud of this but maybe there are others out there who feel similar

When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I...

.. usually think it's something I've done or said..then I get paranoid thinking I'm not wanted anymore, remember that I'm not the most attractive person in the world and "who would want me anyway" attitude, then it gets to the point where I think they would rather spend their time with another *sigh* . . . by this time I can't possibly think rationally or objectionably.. My Daddy says that I'm feeding my demons when I do this. It's pretty sad, really. But as soon as the assurance is given I'm usually good to go. Something else I try to do is find other friends to chat with to help make the time go faster until he has time to talk to me.

< Message edited by JulieElizabeth -- 3/7/2009 4:56:31 PM >

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 12

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 6:10:55 PM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

JulieElizabeth, thank you for that.

(in reply to JulieElizabeth)

Post #: 13

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 6:58:58 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

[When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I... /quote]

There are several factors that would determine my actions. If it is a fairly new relationship, I just walk away. If they can’t be bothered at that stage I figure it isn’t going to get any better and so I’d rather skip all the drama!
With R. and S., we get together, communicate, call, etc. as our respective schedules allow. If I write or call they usually respond, but if I get nothing for extended periods, and that has happened, I get worried. So I make it a little joke and leave them a voicemail saying “I have abandonment issues.” They ‘get’ the joke and take it in stride.
There was a time I was involved with someone and when he stopped listening and shut me out, I did all the right things first: communicated clearly how it made me feel, asked him how we could work it out, etc. When nothing changed, I freely admit that I got

quote:

argumentative, sassy, bratty, pushy,

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 14

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 7:24:47 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I think that is primarily it OP. The two feed each other. Often it is a disjunct between two people that make for problems. In all honesty, these statements put so much blame on the other party that it isn't leaving room for self critique and internal evaluation. This is needed on both sides, not just one. If it is one sided and remains that way, things have already collapsed.

lovingpet

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 15

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:14:59 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

The choice is yours to select...please complete the sentence(s).

-- When a sub/slave is argumentative, sassy, bratty, pushy, I.....

argumentative:This might be a reminder for me to pay attention to her thought processes (for lack of a more elegant term), and to be sure to try to understand and respect her intellect, her experience, her point of view, and her right to her opinions.

sassy,bratty or pushy: I tend not to choose partners who are bratty or pushy, so it's rarely problem.

I might try to see what the point of the behavior is, and if we can find a better way for her to communicate that to me.

I might occasionally reiterate what my limits (what is acceptable to me and what is not), expectations, hopes, (etc.), are, especially when it comes to communication.

As far as "pushy" goes, sometimes I will consider compromise, but I'm also pretty good at saying "no" if I really wish to.

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 16

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:21:33 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

the first one..try to figure out what has pushed her buttons. cause thats not her way at all.....and I know I am going to get a load of commits on this..look at the calander..lol

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 17

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:29:51 PM

JulieElizabeth

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

JulieElizabeth, thank you for that.

you're welcome : )

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 18

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:43:26 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

.not very proud of this but maybe there are others out there who feel similar

When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I...

.. usually think it's something I've done or said..then I get paranoid thinking I'm not wanted anymore, remember that I'm not the most attractive person in the world and "who would want me anyway" attitude, then it gets to the point where I think they would rather spend their time with another *sigh* . . . by this time I can't possibly think rationally or objectionably.. My Daddy says that I'm feeding my demons when I do this. It's pretty sad, really. But as soon as the assurance is given I'm usually good to go. Something else I try to do is find other friends to chat with to help make the time go faster until he has time to talk to me.

OMG... Are you in my head? LOL Ok so i am pathetic... not saying you are but damn... i feel the same way... what is wrong with me!!?????

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to JulieElizabeth)

Post #: 19

RE: WHEN [*] is, I... {common complaints} - 3/7/2009 8:53:03 PM

JulieElizabeth

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

quote:

.not very proud of this but maybe there are others out there who feel similar

When a Master/Dom/Mistress/Domme is repetitively inattentive to me, poor at listening to what I express, ignoring my core needs, I...

.. usually think it's something I've done or said..then I get paranoid thinking I'm not wanted anymore, remember that I'm not the most attractive person in the world and "who would want me anyway" attitude, then it gets to the point where I think they would rather spend their time with another *sigh* . . . by this time I can't possibly think rationally or objectionably.. My Daddy says that I'm feeding my demons when I do this. It's pretty sad, really. But as soon as the assurance is given I'm usually good to go. Something else I try to do is find other friends to chat with to help make the time go faster until he has time to talk to me.

OMG... Are you in my head? LOL Ok so i am pathetic... not saying you are but damn... i feel the same way... what is wrong with me!!?????

{{{{{greeneyedreamer}}}}} pm me if you ever want to chat and need a buddy okay?

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 20

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