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Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 1:36:30 PM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		i know what i expect/need out of  life.  Like most people--some of those things involve a relationship.  Whose responsiblity is it to get those things relationship things met when with a Master?

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them. 

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 1:47:45 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's your responsibility to pick the right dominant, who enjoys giving you the kinds of things that work best for you. Just saying that you have these needs isn't going to drive someone who dislikes them to fulfill you with them frequently enough for you to be happy. Compatibility is essential.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to swan70)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 1:51:49 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		yes, you need to communicate wants/needs & desires to Your Dominant, they usually dont want to have to guess.

No, they never usually do or give anything that they dont want to do.

However. yes, i think you are right.  Most Dominants who dont care to fulfill the wants/needs & desires of His sub at least sometimes probably more often than not have a very unhappy sub

(in reply to swan70)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 1:55:30 PM   
Jackie4the1


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		Responsibility is kind of a slippery slope.  You can only hold yourself accountable for your actions, not the actions of the one you're looking for to extract your pleasure.  Make sure, of coarse to communicate to your Master, as you would with anyone, what you want.  Sometime people have said that journaling can help you find things you didn't even know you wanted, that may be a good tip for you.  I could be way off, if that's the case then just talk talk talk.  It seems to me though with your follow up comments you're already aware of what you want and have expressed it, and you're beating around the bush to a bigger question.  Or series of them.  Maybe you could try a bit of bargening if he's not interested in doing something you're longing for, make some comprimising, do something that would make him go nuts that you're a little hesitant on in exchange.  Good luck.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 3:31:16 PM   
babygurlrides


Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i know what i expect/need out of  life.  Like most people--some of those things involve a relationship.  Whose responsiblity is it to get those things relationship things met when with a Master?

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them. 

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?


Very timely post for me. I happen to love a man who I call Daddy.. and I believe he loves me too. He is an alpha male whose prime need is for a sexual slave. I am more of a little girl than I am a highly sexual person by nature, however when my needs are met and I feel loved and cared for, I become extremely sexual, and will do anything to please him. We are both very happy during these times. However.... being a Daddy (according to my definition), seems to be difficult for him. When I try and put my needs out there, he often becomes defensive and feels I am topping from the bottom. I believe he feels that I am trying to manipulate him, or put one over on him. It has been getting so that we spend more time arguing than anything else. That being said, there is something that keeps us hammering away at this. The unfortunate but true thing for us is that my desire to have a Daddy is greater than my need to be a sexual slave, and his desire for a sexual slave is greater than his need to be a Daddy. I think that about sums it up. Its about who we are, and what we really need. Each of us desperately wants the other to be what we simply are not. I guess thats when love and deep attraction makes things difficult. You are right tho...  it is during the times when I feel that my needs arent being met, that I ask myself "why am I continuing to put myself through something that makes me feel so badly sometimes"? The answer I give, today, at this moment, is "because I love him, and when things are good.. they are gloriously good!"  I try to take it one day at a time, having faith that when I have had enough, I will end it.  Usually, its me who starts resisting, and its because I am feeling uncared for.
I wonder if some Doms/Daddy/Alphas or whatevers feel that their subs have no right to expect anything? Is it because it is supposed to be all about them? I realize that sometimes we must do things just because we are asked to. But within the dynamics of the relationship, I dont understand why a Dom wouldnt want to meet the needs of his submissive??

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 8:09:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If it's a need, not a want or desire, then it's your responsibility to make sure you are with the right person and if after communication with them you're still not getting those needs met then it's your responsibility to make a choice.


(in reply to babygurlrides)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 8:32:29 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I completely agree.  I'd just add that not all communication has to be verbal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them.

(in reply to swan70)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 8:34:36 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Well, from my side of the boat..I'm not a mind reader so being told helps...can I take hints...LOL..what's that line..101 ways for a Man not to pick up on hints..so just say it...or rather smackem over the head with it.  And I don't think I'm alone with that ....

ps. I do try to pick up on what they need..but sometimes life gets in the way as we all know it does!

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 8:38:19 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		If I don't verbalize to him what I want/need then I have no right to grumble when I don't get it.  If I verbalize them and they are still not met, then I do (in my opinion) have the right to make a choice to either leave or stay.  Just my thoughts on this.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 8:40:17 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i know what i expect/need out of  life.  Like most people--some of those things involve a relationship.  Whose responsiblity is it to get those things relationship things met when with a Master?

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them. 

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?


(I sense a statement).

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 9:04:51 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		 needs wants and desires. communication is the most essential part of any relationship. in my relationship with my M'Lady it is part of the house rules to be able to speak about anything(proper respect of course). in the discourse W/we have found many things to agree on and some that are not but respected anyway. i am service oriented so i am happy when fulfilling my M'Ladys desires, She knows from talking and playing with me the things i like and will reward me with them if she deems it. you will not get your needs met if you don't know what they are and don't communicate them effectively.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 9:10:31 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

Comments?  Thoughts?


In the end, when all is said and done, it is my job to make the decisions that will make me happy. How people accomplish this will vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. I am firmly of the opinion that dominants are not mind readers, however much they might seem like it during a good scene. So if one has a need that isn't being met, as any relationship, one has to at least let the other know if they expect it to have a chance of being met.

What happens next depends on the particular need/want. To be extreme... let's say.... food vs. a video game. Oh wait... video games are more important than food.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to swan70)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/7/2009 9:51:37 PM   
Juliannadelion


Posts: 869
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: circusofthedamned
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i know what i expect/need out of  life.  Like most people--some of those things involve a relationship.  Whose responsiblity is it to get those things relationship things met when with a Master?

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them. 

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?


I know that I spent three and a half years with a Dominant that never collared me, and had so many slaves (9 total) that he rarely had time for ANY of us.

I left him to be with Asher.

I have been lucky/blessed/beyond happily collared now since October, to a man that not only has time for me, but thinks the world of me, and loves me to death.  Not only is he happy to be seen with me, but proud that I am HIS and wants the world to know how special our relationship really is.

My needs are continuously being met, even ones I didn't know I had!! (He's very intuitive and pays attention to EVERYTHING I do - lucky slave, lucky slave, lucky slave )  I had no idea that life could be this good, this happy, this fulfilling.  And I spend every waking moment trying to make sure he is pleased, satisfied, and out of his head happy, because he always takes such very, very good care of me.

I think that both dominant and submissive have a duty to each other - that needs are met, and each is kept happy and content. 

< Message edited by Juliannadelion -- 3/7/2009 9:54:10 PM >

_____________________________


Do you think this kind of love happens every day? ~ Asher

Bonded by blood, bound to His soul, soon to be his wife, owned by AsherDeLampyr

(in reply to swan70)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 3:05:07 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i know what i expect/need out of  life.  Like most people--some of those things involve a relationship.  Whose responsiblity is it to get those things relationship things met when with a Master?

imho--it is MY job as a slave to communicate them to my Master.   It is His responsibility to determine exactly when and if i get them. 

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments?  Thoughts?


I'm blessed to be with a domme that really cares that my needs and wants are met.   As much as the dominant may rule, both parties must have their needs met for the relationship to really work.  I know if I were in a commited relationship and my needs were constantly being neglected, I wouldn't stick around very long.
 
In our relationship, Mistress has the responsibility to make sure I'm loved, cared for, and properly utilized for maximum efficiency.  I have the responsibility to make sure that I take care of Mistress's wants and needs first before mine are to be met.  As long as I always do my part, I know Mistress will do everything in her power to reward me tenfold.  I know that if I do want or need something, all I have to do is ask.  I love the fact we can communicate, express our feelings, and resolve issues that may arise.
 
She takes better care of me than I could have ever hoped for. 

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 7:05:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurlrides
I realize that sometimes we must do things just because we are asked to. But within the dynamics of the relationship, I dont understand why a Dom wouldnt want to meet the needs of his submissive??


Because your needs are opposite to each other. If he fulfills your needs, he has to do something that makes him uncomfortable. If you have to fulfill his needs you do so without any pleasure for yourself.

Why did you pick someone who was totally uninterested in a D/lg relationship when that is what you most need?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to babygurlrides)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 7:08:50 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

It's your responsibility to pick the right dominant, who enjoys giving you the kinds of things that work best for you.


BINGO! If every submissive who comes here reads only one line, I hope its this one!
 
Dominants are not gods, they are human, pick a bad human, you have a bad relationship.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 1:16:51 PM   
babygurlrides


Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:



Because your needs are opposite to each other. If he fulfills your needs, he has to do something that makes him uncomfortable. If you have to fulfill his needs you do so without any pleasure for yourself.

Why did you pick someone who was totally uninterested in a D/lg relationship when that is what you most need?


Good question! It not that I picked him, or he picked me really. We met as friends, and out relationship evolved from there. My need/desire for a Daddy is something that I have discovered about myself through lots of introspection and honesty.... something which my current Man has helped me with greatly!!!! He has opened my eyes and heart to so much... and I have gained more self understanding through my relationship with him than many years of therapy had ever helped me achieve! Cant turn my back on that just yet. But... at least I recognize that only I have the power to change things. That is also a huge step for me, so I am happy with that.

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 2:09:09 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

Keep in mind--that any slave who goes too long without getting their needs met tend to leave!

Comments? 


http://www.collarchat.com/m_2498644/tm.htm

I think you need to read the above thread.
You are the equivalent of the dom in Prin's dialog. 
 
You asked for comments?  Here it is..... keep it in your mind that I see you as a "do me slave" cause its all about you....you..... you.....you....you.  

(in reply to swan70)
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RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 3:22:05 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		How do you expect someone to know your needs if you don't tell them? Dominants are mind readers. Communicate what you feel you need and then go from there.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Getting your needs met? - 3/8/2009 6:45:00 PM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		Some interesting comments....i'm surprised at the number of people who assumed things are bad with my Master right now.

Things are amazingly awesome for me.  i'm not a do-me slave.  i actually tend to give TOO much of me--until i can give no more and have to recharge. (not a healthy way to be either.  Working on finding the balance)

What sparked the question in my head???  Looking at a few posts--and being GLAD that my Master and I are opposite from  where that OP seems to be.  But--WHY??  Not wanting to look at the details of a particular situation--but to carry on a LARGE BRUSH STROKE type of conversation. 

Finding a good match--picking that right Dom/me--is one right step.   Communicating has been important in my life--that was why i focused on that aspect.  i can not expect Master to read my mind.  (but He does sometimes!).  i can not expect Master to be 100% perfect either.    

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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