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ORIGINAL: Christinestill

prinsex,  i was on the phone with a dominant from cm yesterday and he said (after he gave me a verbal kick in the ass for being so stupid with men lately), that a lot of us submissives want a dominant that will not only humiliate and use us, but also to love and care for us too and that's a hard thing to find.  of course each person has their own needs as far as commitment, love, extent of d/s desired etc.  when you think about it, it's amazing that 2 people can find each other and have enough goals in common that they do make it work.   i'm not going to give up looking.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

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ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

But why do so many Dom(me)s have to reduce us, minimalise us, put us down, use us as a place to stay, as a stop off place whilst they get their act together.... so forth and so on. Can't you handle greatness? Leave me alone unless you can handle greatness.

I've found that when I had this happen in a relationship it occured when that is all I expected from the relationship. For me, allowing myself to be controlled by my cravings always led to relationships where I wasn't even looked at as a person. Once I decided to step back, control my frenzy and not settle for less than what I deserved is when I literally fell into a relationship where not only does he get every single thing he wants, but he continually wants more and more of not just the kink, but more and more of all aspects of me. (big run on sentence). It boils down to having enough self respect and not making the same choices over and over again and expecting a different result. I've said this before...you are the only constant in all of your relationships. If you don't like how they are then you have to step back and figure out what it is that you are doing to contribute to it.

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ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

to find the balance between controlling their slave enough and yet still keeping her spirit and fire burning sufficiently that she is still a little bit free even as she's kneeling there, sucking his cock.
.

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ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

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So what is it with domination? that you Dom(me)s don't want the whole package?

Ok, I am now "mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore"--I personally resent being thrust, along with those I respect,  into a hastily generalized definition of whoremongering phucktards.
 
Why is it people seem to think that because they espouse this life; there is a code that requires respect for the individual, moral behavior and relationship standards rise to a higher level? That they don't have to be on the lookout for ths users and abusers?
 
Why is they seem the think, the motives, the actions will all be pure of heart, honest, clean, twue? Schmucks, users, abusers, gold diggers don't change because they walk through these hallowed halls.  Chances are good people out there are good people "in here".
 

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I get graded 'outstanding' in my professional life. I got the IQ of Einstein. I can run a household, birth children, raise 'em single handed, oh yes and I can actually cross the road and chew gum at the same time ok.
And yes have taken a total stand recently and am getting the respect, love and attention I feel I deserve.

 
I hear that all the time from submissives, if that's so true, then why do you throw those capabilities out the window because someone comes sniffing around as a Dominant? Stop blaming others for your bad decisions. Just because someone "commands" doesn't mean you have to open your legs or unzip your fly and  when you do, it does not absolve you of your half of the responsibility. If that was a bar, a grocery, a library, would you behave the same?
 
 

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But why do so many Dom(me)s have to reduce us, minimalise us, put us down, use us as a place to stay, as a stop off place whilst they get their act together.... so forth and so on. Can't you handle greatness? Leave me alone unless you can handle greatness.

 
Then stop allowing it to happen, last time I looked there wasn't a law that mandated if a D came around you had to acquiesce. Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. Stop allowing  the "need to submit" to become blinders to reality. 
 
My Grandmother used to say: we hate most in others what we like least in ourselves.  Food for thought...
 
 
 
 

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ORIGINAL: cjan
Amen Aileen.

You know, you're a lot smarter than you look !

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ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

I'm prepared to take responsibility for it Cat.
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ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici


Then stop allowing it to happen, last time I looked there wasn't a law that mandated if a D came around you had to acquiesce. Stop blaming everyone else for your mistakes. Stop allowing  the "need to submit" to become blinders to reality.  
 

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ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

Circular reasoning is so perpectly convenient, and almost always apropos to anything that ails us, isn't it?    I wonder if it's only applicable to people with a subconcious need to be hurt by other people, or also to physical/emotional ailments.    I wonder if everyone who runs into situations wants/deserves them.     M

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Hi Prinsexx,

When I first learned about our little subculture, one of the very first things I noticed was this strange phenomenon of Dominants that seemed to live for the chase, cprey.  My perception of this, held me back from submitting for a LONG time.  I determined I would be that unconquerable, uncatchable one and save myself from being another notch on anyone's belt.  I think I probably missed out on some opportunities, but hindsight pfft...it is always 20/20 eh?  At least you opened yourself to the possibilities, though I'm sorry to hear of your disappointments, I admire your perserverence.

Best wishes,
WinD

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ORIGINAL: Antheia

Oh come now Prinsexx, People are people whether they are part of the this lifestyle or any other lifestyle. What you list happens in vanilla relationships too. You just chalk it up to learning experiences and move forward.  You just grow a thicker skin . You decide if this is what you want or not. Stop whining about what has happened, end the self pity party and journey onward. ( I don't mean you yourself. Just people in general).
In this lifestyle it is the Doms/Dommes/ Masters/ Mistresses that are the ones in charge. That is what "most" subs and slaves want.
A

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ORIGINAL: chainedgirl

Where is your personal responsibility in this? Relationships are about people - relating. You have to take responsiblity for yourself and your own actions. Why are you attracting this sort of person anyway?

When I wanted to be the one totally in control of my own life, totally in charge, I met some wonderful Dominants I just never clicked with and I met some not so great ones that I did. Once I learnt to let go of the need to be oh so wonderful in every aspect of my life, I was able to accept someone else coming in. I'd made room for someone else.

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ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

what is it with you Dominants?