A Preference for Experience

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

A Preference for Experience

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A Preference for Experience

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 12:49:36 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

With reason, many younger submissives, 18-30, prefer their dominant to be older and more experienced. I know many prefer similar aged counterparts, and I'm not saying old is better than young; those are not the focus here.

I want to know what attracts people to the 45+ year old dominant.

Other than experience*, what are the attractive qualities? (Leaving this question open ended doesn't mean I don't have an answer, I just don't want to restrain creativity.)

*Experience is a factor of when one started and how in depth and consistent they've been in said field. A 25 year old can have way more man-hours than a 75 year older, even with the 1/2 century gap.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

Post #: 1

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 1:03:08 PM

sujuguete

Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline

While I would not rule out a younger man, the 45+ crowd tends to have more life experience, and can probably relate to where I am in my own life at age 48. By age 45 a lot of men have married and divorced, raised families, had career successes and setbacks, and just plain experienced life.

Yes, some men much younger have gone through all that as well, but it is not as common.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 2

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 1:05:43 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Maybe I should specify my question.

With so many people prefering a guy who's been around more years, is it the experience that weighs so heavily, or other positive traits?

Debonaire grey hair? Money? That fatherly look? wrinkles around the eyes and mouth from a life of expressions?

Another way to look at this question: As I get older, what do I have to look forward too?

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to sujuguete)

Post #: 3

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 1:42:10 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Shoot, i just wanted someone i could talk to after the beatings and fun.

Usually that comes from someone who has been around the block a time or two.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 4

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 1:56:20 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

What draws me to a Dominant isn't so much their age or experience, although life lived counts somewhat.

For me it's gravitas, pure and simple.

Gravitas.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 5

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:02:52 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

Maybe I should specify my question.

With so many people prefering a guy who's been around more years, is it the experience that weighs so heavily, or other positive traits?

Debonaire grey hair? Money? That fatherly look? wrinkles around the eyes and mouth from a life of expressions?

Another way to look at this question: As I get older, what do I have to look forward too?

A craggy face that hints at a thousand tales, a sense of humour that is disgustingly wicked, a calmness in storms from having weathered so many....the chance to be *oh, so NOT what is expected*. The confidence of knowing what you're good at and exploiting it to the full in the best possible ways.

There are some things you simply cannot pour into younger, firmer flesh........

agirl

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 6

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:04:42 PM

SilverMark

Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline

EVERYONE should want us Old Guys!.....but, I do have a vested interest!

_____________________________

If you have sex with a siamese twin, is it considered a threesome?

The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
- Arnold H. Glasow

It may be your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a warning to others!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 7

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:05:25 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I think, aside from the fact that I'm not a submissive-oriented individual, I tend to find that it makes sense for a submissive-oriented individual to prefer an older companion for several reasons:

1. The companion is established. Issues like job, home, family, transportation, etc., already have a pattern. Having someone take responsibility for another person when xhe doesn't have hir own life squared away yet makes no sense.

2. An older companion is likely to have gone through most, if not all, of hir issues of discomfort or discordance with who xhe is, including any emotional/psychological dissonance regarding lifestyle or fetish practices. The fact that xhe's still around, at hir age, makes it likely that xhe's already been through the struggles and survived them. Most new submissive individuals don't want to yield themselves to someone who is uncertain about hir commitment to the lifestyle.

3. Nice things are always a bonus, and someone who has the luxury of being able to afford decent toys, and the occasional event, and even prezzies now and again, are a real bonus. While some younger people can certainly do this, there is the tendency to recognize that older individuals often have more disposable income than their younger counterparts.

4. Less relationship 'fumbling'... usually, older people have had more opportunities to experience relationships--both relationships that have lasted and relationships that haven't -- and there is the hope that the experience will bode well for making good choices in one's companions in future rounds... so if someone is a "future round" for an individual, there's the hopefulness that this person knew what xhe was looking for, and that the individual in question appears to be a good fit, and seems to ease some of the tension surrounding the skittishness of new relationships.

It isn't that young is 'bad'... heck, one of our companions here was almost 20 years junior to most of the members of the house when he came on board. Not even in his 30's, he was an incredible man (and he, also, had some difficulty finding suitable households to fit his personality, mostly because he was dismissed because of his age). If people are going to have an age preference, they're going to have one, and will probably be able to find plenty of reasons to justify it.

That's just a couple off the top of my head.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 8

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:15:32 PM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

While I don't have a great interest in mature gentlemen, I see women in my age group as having experience and wisdom that I wouldn't expect from someone in the 18-30 range, for example. To me, this includes a broader knowledge of expectations and physical limitations for someone my age, that an inexperienced and youthful woman might not appreciate. That's not to say that I think she wouldn't have high standards, but realistic, to be sure.

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 9

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:46:10 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

There is a very shallow reason for the 30-50 age submissive to appreciate about older men. To them, we are still young and fresh and tender. We see our youth in their eyes and we see the appreciation of the beauty that we have now, rather than the wrinkles or the sagging or 'defects' that we see in a younger man's eyes.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to YoursMistress)

Post #: 10

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:49:46 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Experience is part of it, but for me it's also a matter of having certain time and culture connections for the purposes of being able to discuss music, movies, historic events we've both witnessed/lived through, etc.

ETA: That isn't to say that those connections couldn't happen with someone younger, but I believe they'd be more likely to happen with someone older.

< Message edited by DomMeinCT -- 3/8/2009 2:50:56 PM >

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 11

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 2:56:55 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I tend to be drawn to men within a 5 year span or so of my own age. Being I have an older UM I tend to be creeped out by men who are much younger than me.

Men who are much older than me I find we have very little in common and our expectancies in a relationship and life are much different. We're simply at different points in our life.

But those close to my own age, well many times we've lived through the same experiences, we can relate more to each other and the communication is just much more smoother.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 12

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 3:17:41 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I don't' judge an older man by his age. What he can offer is what attracts me. Most of my experience has been with older men and I can say I have never been disappointed. I prefer someone with some years involved in BDSM and some life experiences to go with that. At 36 I don't find many dominants my age or younger that have maturity or much in common with me. This is just my personal experience and preference.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 13

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 3:30:15 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

My experience here in Queensland, Australia and allowing for the "Youth Worship" culture here, those sub/slaves I have come across who prefer older men is for a combination of several reasons:

Experience in the BDSM aspect of the lifestyle.
Maturity (I.E. got past being full of bad piss and bad manners combined with overly agression).
Actually has a clue about women and is not one of those who believe all a woman wants is an oversized cock remain hard all day and shoving it in at will (No ideas in forplay).
Far more stable in life.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 14

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 3:46:36 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

I'm 43, and prefer an older man. Maturity. A similarity in where we are in life (families, careers). Similar points of reference in terms of pop culture, music, entertainment. Lots to talk about. Generally more life experiences also - they've been more places and experienced more.

ETA ... Physically, yes - the graying hair, wrinkles around the eyes. They also seem more comfortable with themselves (as I am) as they are, versus physical imperfections that come with time. My baby belly? Meh ... not such a big deal with the older men ... I'd probably hyperventilate getting nakey in front of a much younger guy - I'd be conscious of every flaw, even though I'm still fairly young. Of course, I'm projecting my insecurities onto them, but I don't think that's something I can get around.

Oh, and one more thing that IronBear mentioned - they have been better in bed, the older men that I've known. Yes, stamina may be an issue here and there, but they've known how to kiss, touch, caress, and tease me until I'm beggin' .. that's a skill. :)

< Message edited by mc1234 -- 3/8/2009 3:52:38 PM >

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 15

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 3:56:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

A 25 year old may have had more hours to devote to swinging a flogger. But he won't have as much life experience. I'm not interested in a play only relationship but a full one.

Which means someone who can relate to the things that have helped shape me. Who has had the same experiences I've had, raising children, burying parents. I have a 20 year old as an offspring, I couldn't possibly relate to someone her age as a partner yet alone not laugh if he chose to give me suggestions as to raise mine. He simply doesn't have the experience in life. He hasn't lived enough.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 16

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 4:23:38 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

naaa I'll take the younger bitch with little to zero exp every time for a couple of reasons. First, they have not picked up any bad habits. Second, they have not picked up any bad habits that they have to unlearn. Finally they <younger bitches> look much better than older bitches.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 4:36:54 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

naaa I'll take the younger bitch with little to zero exp every time for a couple of reasons. First, they have not picked up any bad habits. Second, they have not picked up any bad habits that they have to unlearn. Finally they <younger bitches> look much better than older bitches.

BadOne

and they aren't on to you.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 18

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 6:44:11 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

many younger submissives, 18-30, prefer their dominant to be older and more experienced

If you get your statistics from reading profiles, I don't know that they do. When an 18 year old says she is looking for an "older guy", she means someone who is 21. You might get more meaningful answers in the "Ask a sub" forum than here.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 19

RE: A Preference for Experience - 3/8/2009 11:03:49 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

For me?

There usually aren't any attractive qualities beyond experience

Call me an ageist, but people who are any more than ten years (and even more often people who are just five years) my senior or junior are just completely alien to me, in a generational sense (not to mention that I simply won't deal with guys younger than 19 :P). I'm not interested in someone (for a partner) who is not in my same generation. It's a complete turn off for me. Not only do they have parts of THEIR life that I cannot really relate to, I have parts that THEY can't relate to.

Not interested in that, really. Even if it's in a 'negative' sense, I want someone for the long term who can relate to me and my life.

I wouldn't consider someone my dominant or partner (both of which imply long-term relationships to me) who wasn't within my (entirely dependant on personality as well as age) generation. It's more important to me than experience. Experience can be earned and, really, is less important because until they've had experience with ME there's nothing to be said about their experience even mattering within the context of our relationship.

That doesn't necessarily say I'd be against things that aren't LTR-related... but when I'm searching for a 'partner' it's what's important to me. Part of the reason I've been involved with other men physically who were older (and not really, erm, the *most* attractive in the world) was because I was wanted... even though it wasn't really me, but the fact that I was YOUNG that was wanted in all but one of the cases with men over 30. I'm ok in exploiting this, because it gets us each stuff that we want :P.

Younger partners in general haven't really interested me (except in the occasional case of a celebrity which could be argued that it's the fame, then), and I don't really know if that will change as I age. I imagine it won't because the reason I feel weird (even with guys who are only 2 years younger than me) when I'm involved... it feels like I'm doing something *wrong*, y'know? Maybe it'll change as I get older

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A Preference for Experience

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094