Rainfire
Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009 Status: offline
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{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Rhi, I can relate where you are, I'm in a similar position with my father. He's in the final stages of alcohol dementia and can pass at any time. He had a stroke about 15 years ago which started the decline, augmented by his alcoholism. He has absolutely no short-term memory but is still good about what happened 20+ years ago. Or he was, last time I talked with him. He has no memory of my divorce from the now-ex in 2001, he remembers our names some times but more often than not just calls me "tiger", "tomato" or "Zoom", my old childhood nickname. He remembers I have monsters but hasn't remembered a birthday in years and years. He still thinks the monsters are little munchkins but they're 20, 19 and almost 17. He has no clue that I'm remarried and in Canada now while he's in Idaho. It's so very hard to see the strong, big vibrant man who raised me where he is now. Weak, confused, almost house-bound since he can't walk and literally shrunken in size. Every time I think I've dealt with the grief and am prepared for the end, another fresh wave hits, including the guilt of having the thought "When will it end? I don't want to see him suffer anymore." You've had some great suggestions here. I wish I could use them with my dad. But my family has never been one for keeping scrapbooks or things like that, we barely have some photos. My heart and thoughts are with you in this difficult time. Holler at me if you want to talk more.
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"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You? Or is this the beginning of the end?" Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair
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