~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (Full Version)

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SteelofUtah -> ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 12:36:51 PM)

In a Lifestyle as diverse as this it is a wonder that so many people have a hard time understanding that anything goes.
 
We are inundated with people giving off their lists for what makes something "Real" or defining the as yet undefined except for their own views. Words such as Master and slave have Noun based definitions however Dominant and Submissive often don't, at least not in a way that most can agree on and many don’t agree on the definitions of Master and slave for that matter.
 
I really cannot stand Definition threads and so this is not an attempt to start one. This is simply a thread that discusses the possibilities of what it is that we do, in hopes that eventually perhaps some of the "One True Way" people might see beyond themselves and understand that those who are not like them are valid as well.
 
These threads often have the bad luck of bringing out the extreme of extremes, where someone will say well what about if this happens and where as sure it could happen more often than not it never will.
 
I have started this thread due to reading on thread by someone who felt the need to warn people about subs and Doms who are not "Real" but in doing so invalidated quite a few peoples view of life. This thread deals with why we do that.
 
Why do we try to define for other people our preferred nature? I see people draw lines that separate themselves from others such as the differences between sub and slave, or BDSM submissive from Gorean kajira. What is the purpose of this act?
 
I see this kind of segregation as a way of finding comfort in what one does. That somehow they needs to tell others they should be this or that and those who are both are segregated out because they don’t meet someone else’s perceived comfort border.
 
I personally have formed who I am from Many Philosophies and over time have found I would rather just be who I am and have you not understand it than try to defend my right to fit in your box. See who I am evolved from little bits I took from all over. I modeled myself from Gorean Honor and Integrity and the Leathermen’s Responsibility, From the D/s freedom to create a bond that works for me and the uncommon for of Poly Fidelity that I find to me most comfortable and through these little bits and pieces I discovered a person that I can respect and take pleasure in being. I do not always make people happy with my views but I share them in hopes that someone who is struggling with who they are might take note and find that they do not have to define themselves so strictly.
 
I believe that people are often just trying to defend their right to be who they are when they say what this and what that should be, the question is why they stick so strictly to the idea that that is best? I am sure most will not want to admit that they are intolerant of others peoples choices so I wish to present this question like this:
 
How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle? When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are? Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
 
Steel



CatdeMedici -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:00:35 PM)

I often think if this was more like the horse world where technique, style, and carriage were judged against a set of defined standards, we would do much better. [8|]
 
Now given that:
 
quote:

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?
 
 
As well as I accept any choices that I see people make that I feel are dangerous, foolhardy, or hit against My squeek factor--and its all based on opinion and My comfort level. And yes, I may accept a choice in someone I respect and admonish it in someone I think is an idiot.

 
 
quote:

 When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?

There are some choices I don't want to learn about--ever. There are others I do want to know more about and there have been times when I have changed My mind.
 
quote:

Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?

 
I think if I aligned Myself with just those who believe as I do, I'd be pretty much alone--I'm relatively conservative in My practice---however, there are those just by the nature of their personalities, even if I agreed, they wouldn't be in My circle. I do like to read about and listen to certain other philispophies IF the person isn't an idiot by My standards and I can guarantee there are plenty of people who have no use for Me and My practices.



VeryNastyDom -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:19:46 PM)

I am pretty accepting of any behavior that is not illegal or non-consensual.  If that is your kink and you are two (or more) consenting adults, then by all means, have at it.

Definitions are problematic because nobody fits nicely into any category, but the terms are a necessary evil to give others in the life SOME idea of who you are.  However, everybody needs to understand that the labels that are typically used at CM and elsewhere are highly generic and are not a substitute for getting to know the individual.



Lynnxz -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:20:10 PM)

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?

Pretty well I suppose. I run into all types doing what I do.  It doesn't have to be 'legal' for me to approve of it.. I made a (little) name for myself at my college supporting sex workers, and the abuse of women in the industry.

 When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?

Stupidity will occasionally warrent a lecture. No, no I will not hack your balls off with a blowtorch. Plasma cutters are much neater. If the view/topic interests me, I like to poke around a bit, like pony play... it doesn't interest me personally, but I find all the gear and events and everything facinating.

Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?

Doesn't everyone like to surround themselves with like minded people? If something is a hard limit for me, (ie, outright mysogyny) I'm going to avoid the person in real life, and if it's just an online encounter, there might be words exchanged if they try to insist on something from me. But someones kinky preference? That's nothing to base my friendship on, unless they let it rule their life.

Online is such a different world than real life anyway...  I'll react much differently in person to someone I disagree with, than if I just see a high and mighty rant online.




MistressSassy66 -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:29:08 PM)

quote:

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle? When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are? Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
 
Steel

 
 
 
I don't like to be judged for who I am, I don't judge others kink.
Just because its not right for Me doesnt mean its NOT right.
 
Everyone is different,no two relationships are the same, "live and let live"

Wanted to add,I'm very open to other ideas.Since I collared slave janet
I have done and want to do more and more,there are just so many
wonderful things to try,why limit yourself to one set of "rules".



LadyPact -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:31:52 PM)

Geez, Dude, you just had to go and type this up while I'm doing My nails?  Now, it's just going to take Me longer to type up a reply.  LOL.

Why do we try to define it for others?  Well, there are a few reasons for that.  One of them, simply enough, is when people are new, there eyes are just starting to open.  Now, when you take that in the literal sense, I want you to think about how your eyes adjust as the lids are just starting to lift.  If you are like Me, the process of going from sleep to wake doesn't happen in an instant.  The first thing is just kind of blurred light, where it used to be dark.  As your eyes focus, then you can see other things.  The objects in the room, maybe the person sleeping beside you.  They take form and you see more clearly.

Then there's the identification issue.  No matter how confident a person is, they still want other people to "get" them.  They want other people to understand their perspective.  When others are like us, enjoy the same things we do or feel the way we do, we have a common link.  We know that they understand the emotions we go through.  It's like a language all our own.

And then, there's growth.  We don't start out where we end up.  People take this in steps.  Sometimes big ones and sometimes small ones.  I think more people than not start out in small ways and continue on.  The first time around, we aren't ready to handle what we might be doing today.  Case in point, I didn't start as a sadist.  Some of the things I used to watch were things I could never think of doing.  I didn't understand why those folks loving that stuff weren't thrilled with the protocols that I loved.  Didn't they see how fascinating it was?  Couldn't they tell that the stuff they were doing was gross?  LOL.

But that part took time.  I had to learn and grow.  The problem wasn't them.  It was Me and My myopic view.  It was only when My view changed that I was able to see them better.  Much like the process of opening My eyes.

I admit.  I kind of laugh when I see the Myself of yesterday through the new person of today.  I try not to be condescending about it (I usually fail) and restrain Myself from saying that they'll see it differently after a while.  I generally don't tell people that because, well, some of them never will and those who will won't believe it just yet.

My life is full.  In it, I have people from all walks of kink, BDSM, lifestyle, leather, and more.  I get that they might do different things or chose different ways of personal expression, but their's  makes them just as happy as Mine do Me.  It doesn't mean we won't debate it, either.  Sometimes, that's just fun.  Learning always should be.



agirl -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:38:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah


How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?

I accept them easily, purely because I don't really care very much.

When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?

I rarely disagree with what people choose to do,  it's not up to me to agree or disagree. I might be interested in them enough to chat and discuss how we each view things, but beyond that, again, I don't care very much.

Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?

I talk and discuss with people, I find it interesting to hear views and thoughts that are different to mine but I don't have enough interest in other people's kink, bdsm or way of living D/s to have any heavyweight opinions on it. I surround myself with people I get along with, whatever their outlook, as a rule.

agirl


 
Steel








DesFIP -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:54:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I often think if this was more like the horse world where technique, style, and carriage were judged against a set of defined standards, we would do much better. [8|]
 
Now given that:
 
quote:

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?
 
 
As well as I accept any choices that I see people make that I feel are dangerous, foolhardy, or hit against My squeek factor--and its all based on opinion and My comfort level. And yes, I may accept a choice in someone I respect and admonish it in someone I think is an idiot.

 
 
quote:

 When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?

There are some choices I don't want to learn about--ever. There are others I do want to know more about and there have been times when I have changed My mind.
 
quote:

Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?

 
I think if I aligned Myself with just those who believe as I do, I'd be pretty much alone--I'm relatively conservative in My practice---however, there are those just by the nature of their personalities, even if I agreed, they wouldn't be in My circle. I do like to read about and listen to certain other philispophies IF the person isn't an idiot by My standards and I can guarantee there are plenty of people who have no use for Me and My practices.


Pretty much what she said.

Except that some people who do espouse things I consider unsafe and unwise I really don't have the time of day for.



chamberqueen -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 1:57:19 PM)

I totally agree with something that LadyPact said.  When I was fairly new to the lifestyle I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever heard of.  I was learning - both from books and in person - and I wanted to share it with everyone that I could.  I was told that I matured very quickly in it and I saw it as my duty to help as many people as possible.  It was like I'd had a vision of Utopia.

Further on down the road I can see how exuberant - and sometimes outright wrong - I was.  I remember  point when I thought I was very mature.  I looked back at emails I had sent just six months earlier and grimaced and wondered how I could have been so foolish.  Six months later I could still see flaws in my thinking from the point I had grown to.

It is a continual learning process.  I try to be open to whatever someone else wants to do in their relationship.  There are things that they do that I would never want to and vice versa.  Everyone's idea of "true" is different.  I have read postings by people who are supposedly mature that are really just brats or outright prejudiced.  If that works in their relationship more power to them. 

Our lives take unexpected twists and turns.  We each carry our own baggage into a relationship and that needs to be dealt with in one form or another.  What might seem like an incredible relationship to me might seem like drudgery to the next person.  I catch myself chuckling at slaves who complain about doing the ironing and think to myself, "honey, that ain't nothing".  At the same time, the tasks that I find most difficult might be laughable to them. 

After losing the initial glow about the lifestyle I think what has hurt me the most is finding out that within a society of people who enjoy going against the "normal path" in life that there is still so little tolerance for each other.  I'm glad that you brought this to people's attention.  Of all areas, it's the one I think would be the most helpful - not describing any "twue" way of life but having everyone acknowledge that each relationship should be fulfilling to each partner, no matter how different it is from their ideal.



sblady -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 2:45:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

In a Lifestyle as diverse as this it is a wonder that so many people have a hard time understanding that anything goes. 
 
I believe that people are often just trying to defend their right to be who they are when they say what this and what that should be, the question is why they stick so strictly to the idea that that is best? I am sure most will not want to admit that they are intolerant of others peoples choices so I wish to present this question like this:
 
How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle? When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are? Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
 
Steel


Steel, I didn't intend to decimate your post, however, I wanted to specifically address a few of your questions/comments.  
 
It's funny that you started this topic as I had a similar discussion with one of my Dominant friends last night.   I told him I feel like I'm on the very fringe of this lifestyle (submissve but more vanilla with a bit of kink).  I'm relatively new to D/s & BDSM (approx. 2 years).
 
This is a very diverse lifestyle and though I try to accept different views, kinks, fetishes, perceptions, etc., I'll admit that sometimes the things I read or hear terrify me.  There are times I feel certain things that would normally fall under "need therapy asap" have been rolled into WIITWD or labeled as kink.  I try to withhold judgment by not responding to threads that are totally beyond my comprehension. 
 
So, yes, it's difficult for me to grasp the concept of "anything goes", but I'm working on it.  Perhaps my mindset will change as I continue to live and learn about this lifestyle, perhaps not.  
 
I only have a few RL Dominant friends (male and female) and I typically chat with those who have the same or mostly the same mindset regarding the lifestyle. 
 
Yep, I know I've offended some by the use of the word lifestyle.  Many humble apologies!! [:D]



Evility -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 2:58:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
This is simply a thread that discusses the possibilities of what it is that we do, in hopes that eventually perhaps some of the "One True Way" people might see beyond themselves and understand that those who are not like them are valid as well. 


In my honest opinion pretty much everyone involved in this "lifestyle" thinks their own way is the one true way no matter how much lip service they give to tolerance and acceptance and the validity of the next person's modus operandi. It's basic human nature. If your neighbor is doing something a certain way and you felt his way was better than your way you'd do it his way. Basic human nature. This doesn't mean that they go around all day denigrating those who do things differently - I also think most people possess the live and let live perspective.

If a dominant is the no safewords - no limits type and the dominant next door allows his submissive a safeword and line item veto rights and total pre-scene negotiation... I don't believe the no limits guy is secretly applauding his neighbor for his sense of compromise. If a submissive believes that submission does not include limits she's likely not counting the other submissives sitting around her at the next munch who do have limits as peers.

Just my observations.



SteelofUtah -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 3:09:03 PM)


Interesting take on things Evility, Where I agree that people are usually only interested in their own processes I disagree that people don’t see merit in their neighbors way.

Here is an Example.

I happen to have issues with my Own Sadism (Don’t worry folks it’s not what you think) I see others whom live comfortable in it, such as the dynamic duo of Mercnbeth. I find the way they do things to be less congested than the way I go about things, it flows better if you will. I am however comfortable in my ways, I find that I personally function better with how I view myself on the subject of sadism and because of this I prefer my own methods to theirs. However I will honestly and openly admit that if I did not have the issue I have with my own sadism that I would prefer their method.

I do not believe either is wrong, nor do I believe that one lacks any merit that the other may have I just find it being two different approaches to the same activity and the outcome being beneficial to those involved.

Where as I agree that most people choose, some from necessity, to view things with tunnel vision, I often wonder at what point should a person address everything that they know and ask "Is there a different more fulfilling way to do this?

Steel



Prinsexx -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 3:28:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
 
Why do we try to define for other people our preferred nature? I see people draw lines that separate themselves from others such as the differences between sub and slave, or BDSM submissive from Gorean kajira. What is the purpose of this act?
 


In self-defense I don;t think I do. I just speak from experience. Even then I get slated.
If I get put down for speaking from experience....'vos it's drama and if I get put down for being clever when speaking from intellect what's a girl to do?
And in direct answer to your question: I think my overiding impression is that most forums, regardless, are a place for seeking acceptance and therefore are motivated by a general desire to conform.
We got sadists, and masochists, we got those who like to pull carts for pleasure, be whipped until raw or beaten until they bleed. So where the conformity creeps in I don't know. Something about rules and the beief that they enhance safety I suppose.
Wanting to define for others what are our essential natures is an extension of the need to feel safe. Based on the belief that if we can deliver a clear enough communication about who we rrally are and what we really want it's more likely to get us what we want.
Either that or it's altruism based on the belief that we make a valid contribution to righting the world's wrongs by simply expressing ourselves.
Irony of course.




IronBear -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 3:40:02 PM)

Perhaps Steel, much of this could be summed up in something I fervently believe and attempt to rigidly follow through life: "I respect the right of others to have their own beliefs, ideas and ways of doing things even though I do not agree with them. I will defend their right to do this until their ways become detrimental or dangerous to myself and/or my family and/or property". 



Vendaval -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 3:41:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?
 
I am very much a live and let live person.
 
 
When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?
 
I usually just see variations as differences and whether or not their choices are interesting determines how much investigation happens.
 
 
Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
 
I go with the flow and follow the path where life leads me.
 

Steel



IrishMist -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 3:51:03 PM)

Personally Steel, I think, from what I have been reading from you lately; that you are more concerned with the how others are viewing you then you are with how others are viewing others.

You want strict defined definitions?

I am a hard core-try and kill me if you can-abuse loving-masochist.
There is not a single submissive bone in my body and the only way another could ever get me on my knees was if he broke them first.
You slap me; I will punch you back. You punch me; I will kick you in your balls so hard, they will come up your throat.
You want your clothes ironed and put out for you in the morning? Do it yourself. You want steak and potatoes for dinner? Learn to cook.

And yet; for the right man, I will willingly cook dinner, wash his clothes, iron his clothes, give him a bath, a massage; and sit at his feet.

I am a contradiction.

Am I submissive? Am I not submissive? Am I a slave? Am I not a slave?

Who the fuck cares.
Not me.
Do I care what you or another thinks or 'calls' me?
Not in this fucking life.

My name is Tara; my friends call me Mist.
That, and only that, Is who and what I am.

All the rest is just window dressing; it changes with the seasons.



RCdc -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 4:08:54 PM)

quote:

Lifestyle as diverse as this it is a wonder that so many people have a hard time understanding that anything goes.


Not sure how you may take this but this is the perfect example of a onetruewayism.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
We are inundated with people giving off their lists for what makes something "Real" or defining the as yet undefined except for their own views. Words such as Master and slave have Noun based definitions however Dominant and Submissive often don't, at least not in a way that most can agree on and many don’t agree on the definitions of Master and slave for that matter. 


Which in itself, is a one true wayism.
 
The issue one has with any thought process is that it is one true way the minute you put it into action.  Why does anyone have to believe that there is more than 'one true way'?  That is just a contradiction.
 
I responded to that post.  I saw the resulting responses too, most of which sucked.  But that is my opinion and my one true way.  I responded to the OP what was to come because it is just so blatently obvious.  It's just one of those obvious things that always occurs the minute you get a new poster placing (strongly) out their own opinion without the added disclaimer.  The OP wasn't original, and neither were the majority of responses.  People aren't always as unique as they like to think.
 
Disclaimers suck too.
 
There are always a core of people (not just CC or CM, but any group environment) who have to correct others on far more than a personal level.  It's about controling their environment and for some people CC is their environment.  For some people the Lifestyle is their environment.  The problem comes when people end up saying that there is no one true way, and then go on to define a way that they decide is true.  And usually, there is only one.
 
When a thread gets like that, I accept it and their decisions and choices and usually just walk away from it because it becomes a dramafest of sarcasm.  And sarcasm is the worst kind of comedy.
I got that statement from Darcy.[:D]  If people want to hang with that and are cool with being like that, it's their choice.  I just don't accept it for myself.
 
Personally, I do believe in one true way.  It just happens to be Darcy's way.  And I rock with that.
 
quote:

Where as I agree that most people choose, some from necessity, to view things with tunnel vision, I often wonder at what point should a person address everything that they know and ask "Is there a different more fulfilling way to do this?

 
When I am personally unfullfilled.  Or empty.  Or both.

 
the.dark.
 
[mod edit]



feydeplume -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 4:18:56 PM)

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?
I  ADORE and actively embrace the difference in choices that others make in their lives. I spend quality time with people that live in fantastically different ways than i do and i find i examine MY life with the options that their realities show me. I am freakin' thankful to see so many options, ways, choices, roads less traveled, and what have you. I don't accept our differences, i actively embrace those differences and do the happy dance for them and for me. I know that no other pair-bond is like mine and that no two other people live the way we do and that makes my relationship even more of a treasure to me. I happen to also feel that way about other people's relationships, that each one is precious and interesting and like a soap bubble floating in the twilight, an amazing beautiful undefinabley beautiful thing that is out of my reach and would benefit in no way from my touch.

When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?
I love to learn about the why's and it is really hard for me to contemplate the idea that they are mistaken about their own life and how they choose to live it. I will ask why, are they happy, where do they want to go next, and what moments stand out for them. But, unless it is something like wrapping to a collarbone with a flogger, I don't see "mistaken", i just see another life path that i am honored to be allowed to see.

Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
All the time and i think if everyone is real about it, reading the forums sort of proves that you are open to interacting with people with different philosophies. I surround myself with people that want to see joy in their lives, if that has D/s or Kink or BDSM or eco cars or renewable resources, all the better.

I know what works for me and my M and i know how amazing that is; that it works and that we get to have it. I just wish, hope and pray that others get to have something that works for them.




Missokyst -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 4:45:42 PM)

Quite honestly, I don't give a rip if someone wants to run off with the next serial killer just so they can get their tender bits stimulated.  I don't care if people are SSC, RACK, or just reckless and impulsive.  Unless I am doing them, it does not matter to me if someone is dumb as a post, lost in their own land where subs and doms are dropping from a paisley sky, or believes that this stuff we do is reeking with honor and integrity.
People can believe what they want. 
I do however speak up when I see a car crash, a train wreck, or someone doing the same thing over and over.  That is my right as a poster on an open board.  It is their right to ignore me.
I do what I do.  I don't let the opinion of a stranger impact me UNLESS it truly lights a bulb in my head.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle? When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are? Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
 
Steel



TranceTara -> RE: ~~Why aren't you more like me?~~ (3/10/2009 4:50:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Why do we try to define for other people our preferred nature?
For me, it is primarily a way of trying to project a concrete image of who I am in order to a) give others a means of somehow understanding a bit of what makes me tick and b)hopefully attract someone I can develop a longterm, real time relationship with.
 
How well do you accept the choices of others in this lifestyle?
I like how IronBear summed it up, "I respect the right of others to have their own beliefs, ideas and ways of doing things even though I do not agree with them. I will defend their right to do this until their ways become detrimental or dangerous to myself and/or my family and/or property".


When you do not agree do you consider them to be Mistaken about their chosen line or do you try to learn about "Why" they chose to be they way they are?
If it is someone I wish to get to know better, then I try to learn "Why" so I can understand them and communicate better. If they are not someone I wish to get to know, then I just am not motivated to learn "why", but I do not think them mistaken.


Do you open yourself to different philosophies of Kink and BDSM or do you simply try to surround yourself with those who you believe align themselves the same way you do?
I always try to remain open to different philosophies. I may not wish to incorporate them into my lifestyle, but I learn much about myself from other viewpoints. As for surrounding myself with those who align themselves the same way, my closest friends are vanilla and have no interest in WIITWD. They are very loving, accepting people that align with me in other ways and bring out my best.

I totally resonate with what LadyPact said in her post as well as chamberqueen. When I was new, I was on a mission. I was very out about being in the lifestyle. And now, I find myself in a similar place as you sblady.

I feel I am more on the fringe because I no longer am able to do much of the physical stuff I used to do. I have the mental and emotional desires; I love the mental aspect of D/s while utilizing Tantra. I love the feel of the Kundalini rising, how my chakras can drink in or let out the energy exchange. And, I find myself more attracted to workshops that incorporate an eclectic blend of techniques rather than pure BDSM techniques.

I find that our culture, our environment, our upbringing, all play a part in how we view the world. I try to keep this in mind when others share about their views on this lifestyle. Sometimes someone may feel quite similar to me, but express it in a way that is foreign to me. After talking and asking questions, I can then find the common ground upon which to walk.



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