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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 5:47:56 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
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i am normal human being living, what is to me, a normal, everyday life. What's to hate?

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 6:32:19 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
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I don't hate the lifestyle or myself. Have I struggled with the acceptance of who I am and how I fit into life in general? Yes...at times with self loathing and regret. However, doing that
does not accomplish anything. One has to embrace and accept themselves first.

ThatDamnedPanda said it best:

"So, yeah. I fucking hate that. Because I don't think there's anything worse in this world than being alone. But I never hate myself for it. I just go out every day and do what I do and try not to think about it too much. You can't dwell on shit like that, or it'll destroy you. I've still got a life to live, even if it isn't the one I'd like to be living. It's the only one I've got, so I've got to go out and live it. What else is there to do? "

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RE: Self loathing - 3/14/2009 7:58:47 PM

Timesamyth

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/23/2008
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I hated myself ....before I had a clear idea of what I needed to accomplish. (D/s) - but even if you can't find what you're looking for, right away, there is comfort in knowing what you seek is an obtainable goal. I had to wait a long time, like everyone else, before I had the chance to offer myself but while waiting there was time to work on the things that I needed to, so even without anyone 'real' to support me ....the idea itself was still very real. There was no loathing of the lifestyle, or of myself for putting aside vanilla relationships and choosing to wait until I was legal instead- maybe I was a little envious of what some people had, but why hate? I can safely say I'm completely in love with myself now for choosing to take the harder route (for me).

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RE: Self loathing - 3/14/2009 8:21:33 PM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
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This is just a simple little song I wrote today, I think it fits with the subject.

Only god knows why
I do the things I do
I got my family and my friends
to help me through

Stretched too thin
over life and love
sometimes I need
a little help from above

Ive been so many places
Ive known so many faces
Ive been through alot
but I aint done just yet

Some days I dont know
just who I really am
anymore

theres so many things
Ive missed in life
the only thing I know
is stress and strife

Ive been to hell and back
and Ive had my fun
Tryin to heal up now
Tryin to find the one

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RE: Self loathing - 3/14/2009 10:49:43 PM

marysdream

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
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hi saint
i feel this quite often...although i know i can only see a D/s relationship in my future! i just keep the faith..and believe it will happen one day
ree

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RE: Self loathing - 3/20/2009 8:45:04 PM

inkdrips

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/12/2009
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Sometimes I hate myself for getting into a sexual position that I was only curious about. I get over it, in the end it's all fuel to the fire, it's like publicity there're no bad experiences.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/20/2009 10:33:43 PM

Vanityfull

Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
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Do you ever hate this lifestyle?
not any more, i was raised in a kinda biker white trash home untill 16, i used to hate being gay and submissive as a sign of weakness.

Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in?
yes, i suffered from suicidal tendances, heavy drug abuse and anguree problems throughout my teens

If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist?
i came out and started embracing my sexuality and indaviduality and smelling the roses in life.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/20/2009 10:49:22 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.

Perhaps it is because I have been fortunate enough to find a highly compatible person here, but for me being in this lifestyle has been quite the opposite of what you ask here. I am on the whole feeling I have finaly found my niche in life. BEFORE I was in a D/s relationship I regularly had days I muddled through constantly thinking, "I hate my life". Since I have been living with my Mistress I have not had that thought. Now I feel I am truely doing something useful with my life. I am realizing that most of the stress I suffered from throughout my life was from the constant pressure to fit into the roles society expected of me. Being in a relationship that allows me to be who I was all along has relieved me from that pressure.

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(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 6:02:41 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
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No, although I do often wish I had easier to satisfy desires for a relationship. I think a vanilla life would have been much less complicated.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 6:19:25 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
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Self loathing and hating this lifestyle are two seprate things. There are times I have struggled with this lifestyle. I take a break at that point.
Self loahing is a very dangerous state of mind and requires much medication and therapy.
After 49 years of hating my body shape, I have decided it is not worth it. All it leads to is dangerous behavior all the way from suicide to just having a really bad day.
If you are having any bad thoughts, consult your family doctor immediately, and go to threapy.
I joined Curves which has helped my mood tremendously.

Best Wishes,

MJ

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 6:40:23 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.

My search here makes My odds better, at least when someone speaks to Me, they know how I expect the relationship to go--that saves 80% of the battle IMHO. However, My life is not built on the fragility of finding a mate, if I do great, if I don't, My life is far from over.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 7:52:07 AM

marysdream

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
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i do not hate the lifestyle..or anything or anyone for that matter, although if you read my profile you will realize where i am at and i am happy to be here....i will not allow this website and the participants to change me..and make me a bitter person. it has taken me a long time to get here...and with the help of healthy people in my life will journey on!
good luck
ree

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 8:17:31 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Lots of people who don't do what we do also have enormous difficulty meeting people.

And a post like this shows up clearly why I distrust people who view wiitwd as sick, evil, twisted, perverted etc. Because people want to think well of themselves and if you think your basic sexuality is sick, evil etc then it is only one small step to viewing yourself as sick and evil.

Sounds like the op has an enormous problem with self acceptance. Which would best be addressed within a professional setting.

But I believe the reason the op cannot find anyone remotely compatible even for a friendship is because of his/her self loathing. Not because of his/her desires.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 5:03:47 PM

Vanityfull

Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
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i find the "go to a shrink" posts kinda repuslive and thought i should say so.

not becuase i hate professional consil but i find telling someone to go see a shrink as kinda indacating that they are fucked in the head for hating themselves. thats crap. everyone hates themselves sometimes, be it in w/e sense everyone has self doubt, society has some pretty harsh demands to conform sometimes, everyone has felt that pressure, at its worst it becomes self hatred.

YOU ARE NORMAL TO HAVE FEELINGS OF SELF HATRED

i recomend against them obviously, the best thing i have found to deal with it is talk, talk to your parents, siblings, freinds, coworkers, whomever you trust and think will understand and support you, if you dont have anyone thats ok to, post on these forums or your collarme journal or something im sure someone around here can sympathise with your issues.

also affirmations are super awesome, i seriously recomend everyone looks at the mirror in the morning and declairs themselves a sexy beast, hunchback and all.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 8:02:00 PM

Exposition

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Joined: 8/20/2008
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Though I know that it's a human trait to seek companionship, I am always surprised to see how many (single) people value a D/s or a good relationship as the one thing that can make them happy. Why would you long for something that you can hardly influence at all? Why would you spend your days waiting and being unhappy? Of course, a life long bond with another person is a wonderful thing to have, but if that doesn't work out it doesn't automatically mean that your life has been a failure. There's more to life than love alone. Even if you never do meet the one person that is right for you and end up being alone, what's the point in being alone and unhappy?

I am not too preoccupied with finding a significant other. Sure, it would be nice, but if I never meet anyone who is compatible with me, so be it. Worrying about such things is a waste of energy.

As for hating yourself.. To hate yourself is to hate life. I don't hate life. It is too short and too precious to spend hating it.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/21/2009 8:36:44 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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Do you ever hate this lifestyle?
****No, though the 'lifestyle' isn't terribly relevant to me.

Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in?
****No. One of my parents was very concerned about appearances and would put that above most things, including safety. The other didn't generally care about appearances. Experiences involving those perceptions coupled with my own self-definition inmy teens gave me quite the skepticism for the appearance of 'white picket fences'.

If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist?
****Not a relevant question to me. And, I think if you're self-loating, then that's going to bleed into your relationships and if you believe that you are so twisted that there's no one out there like you, you're probably being oddly narcissistic, actually.
Davan

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RE: Self loathing - 3/22/2009 7:27:42 AM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.

Yes, all the time, and engaging in self-destructive behaviors.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/22/2009 12:06:15 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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You know yourself best. Maybe it is appropriate that you hate yourself. Do other people hate you too?

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RE: Self loathing - 3/22/2009 12:08:41 PM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint
Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.

I used to be full of self loathing but then I realised I loathe everyone else much more. So I'm ok now.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/22/2009 12:12:04 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
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Holy shit! If you're having trouble finding someone, you might want to replace that hate stuff with something more attractive. That's gonna keep people away from you far more than the kink will.

One way to think of it is this. Suppose your sister came out to you as a domme/sub/switch/whatever, and said she really wanted to date a guy, and described someone exactly like you. Would you say, "Go for it," or would you say, "Set your sights higher"? If you answered #2, you've got some self-improvement to do. Other people can support you in that, but you're the only one who can do it.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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