How do you know?

How do you know? (Full Version)

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MMagic -> How do you know? (3/12/2009 11:10:05 PM)
Ok so I've been neglecting to put this to print, though I journal quite a bit here. But I REALLY like a certain Dom that I've met, yes we've met in person, and wow, fantastic chemistry there. But I wander around the forums here and pick up little tidbits of advice and have have had a few subs who tell me take it slow, be sure...and I'm taking all the advice since this is my first time. Am I sure? I feel like it, yes, but worry about going to fast. How do I know he's the one? I know no one can REALLY answer that for me, but I'm hoping someof you will share your experiences so I at least can hopefully see some sort of pattern and know if what I'm feeling is normal at this stage. Not sure how this works at all, but I CAN tell you 5 minutes in his presence and I couldn't stop touching him. I kept finding excuses to touch him and literally I'd have gotten on my knees right there in that restaurant if he'd said so. And we had the chemistry BEFORE we met in person. The moment he said hello in my IMs I haven't stopped thinking about him since. And no he was not the very first Dom I ever talked to, more like the 8th, lol. I call it the equivalent of taking someone's chin and turning their face toward yours so you can look at them and them you...and you see nothing and no one else. Hope that makese sense. I keep talking to others and I can't seem to get interested in them and I DO try. I talk to them, try to flirt, but I just keep thinking about him, wanting HIM. So am I on the right track here is or is this simply new sub crush here?

MasterSlaveSEVA -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 5:58:03 AM)
It sounds like you have your head on your shoulders, and why not go for it? As long as he's not asking you to move somewhere, it's quite lot easier if you can continue to meet on somewhat neutral ground to see if the chemistry continues. When I met my Master/husband things flew along like we were in a hurricane, but luckily it worked out quite well. And it was the same as what you describe, however you know the dangers/risks/etc from what you've proclaimed, and as such know what to be aware of. Plus, you have the sounding board here. ;) K P.S. Sorry if this is confusing response, it's early and I'm not awake.

chamberqueen -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 6:27:42 AM)
The simple answer is that you DON'T know until you try. Don't look at it immediately as if it has to be a long term relationship but cherish the moments together and see where it grows from there. I found my Master on here and I knew within the first couple of emails that there was a sort of magic between us. I had talked with dozens, but I knew he was somehow very special and right for me.

KatyLied -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 6:59:22 AM)
Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and go for it. What's preferable - wondering or taking the chance? At least if you risk it you'll have a definite answer. If things work out, at minimum you have a new friend, perhaps more. And yes, you may be experiencing sub frenzy or new dom crush, or whatever, but who's to say that can't also be enjoyed?

RealSub58 -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 7:00:26 AM)
I was watching Millionaire Matchmaker the other night and 1/2 of the couple thought there was great chemistry, the other said maybe. Wouldn't it be nice if Patty connected tops and bottoms, doms and subs? We'd get tough talk and instant feedback. Go for it if you want. But I would hate to have you come back and say, ya'll said go for it and he is a smuck. My own opinion, as has always been been my experience until I built a boundary that said "do NOT get emotionally vested until its time." Crush. It's sub crush.

KatyLied -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 7:10:00 AM)
I think perhaps we need to put out this general and gentle reminder: It takes months, plenty of time and differing circumstances, before you can say "I know this person" and even then, there are no garantees.

littleone35 -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 9:00:54 AM)
I think if it feels right go for it. it sounds like a crush but that does not mean it is a bad thing. I felt the same way you did whan i get my Masters first e mail. Once i talked to him on the phone i knew i really liked him. When we met in person and he kissed me i felt like he is the one i have been looking for. 3 year later and we are still going strong. So go for it, but be careful. Matt's littleone

mc1234 -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 9:46:09 AM)
What will you lose if you put others on hold and explore with this Dom who holds your interest? Probably not too much ... Go for it. Have fun. Enjoy!!

sub4hire -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 10:37:05 AM)
It sounds as though you've got the lust down to a science. Too bad lust doesn't make for a very long lasting relationship. Yet, at this point you don't know if there is anything further than lust. The only way you are going to know is by finding out. So, find out. Just be safe, use your common sense. Try to keep your hormones under control. The 8th dom you are talking to...well most of us talk to thousands before we find the right one for us. Who knows, you may get lucky.

lovingpet -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 10:47:37 AM)
You don't know. It is just like having any other relationship. They will show you who and what they are as time goes on and more situations develop. That means investing time and emotional energy into an unsure bet. The only sure bet is the one that leaves you on your own. Listen to your intuition as you go along and to the assessment of others when they start meeting the both of you. They may see things that you don't, but they are not always right in their observations either. In the end, you will decide if it is a good fit and something that you want to last in the long term. Best wishes! lovingpet

akisha -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 12:06:34 PM)
Every relationship works at it's own pace. But first off let me say I don't belive in "The One" There is no one perfect person for us all. There are multiple pegs that will fit into our hole nicely and work well. Now, with my former Dominant, we talked for 3 weeks, met in person and with in an hour I knew I wanted to be with him, to be his for as long as I could be, and for 8 months it was the most amazing, loving, learning relationship I had in 32 years. The last couple months were heartbreaking because the it ended for non relationship issues. My Master now, we talked for months before meeting. Our first meeting we were together for 10 days, and from there we decided we would like to give a relationship together a shot. We will be celebrating a year shortly. This relationship did not have the same massive draw that the other one had, but had I not been in the other relationship i would not have had the tools I did to be able to move into this one. Did that make sense??? [8\|]

LilLostKitty -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 12:14:28 PM)
I have had the pleasure of finding that feeling with someone twice in my life. Once it didn't work out quite so well, although I ended up with the best friend a girl could ask for from him. The second time... well I'm not sure at this point. But my feelings on it are when you find someone that makes you feel that way, someone that pulls you to them, someone that makes you smile for absolutely no reason at all... you'd be a fool to just walk away because you weren't sure it was real. Find out - what is there to lose?

servantheart -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 12:47:26 PM)
Spend time...lots of time...together and in all kinds of situations to get a feel for the person he truly is. Aside from that, realize there are never any guarantees, regardless of the amount of chemistry, caring or love between the two of you. SH

pinkwind -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 2:51:48 PM)
Trust your gut instincts, pay attention to those clues he gives out, and pay less heed to strangers on a kink site. Good luck!

MMagic -> RE: How do you know? (3/13/2009 4:02:38 PM)
Thanks all for your advice. After a few days of him now being strangely absent and not speaking to me, I'm deciding to back off. But I do have your advice in case I should find someone else I'm interested in. Thanks so much ladies!

agirl -> RE: How do you know? (3/15/2009 6:09:08 AM)
Well, MY normal would be far from yours, so that'd be a waste of time. I've never touched or wanted to touch any guy when I've just met them physically. In fact it's usually the last thing on my mind. You are attracted to him...... that's the top and bottom of it. That means that you're attracted to him and that's ALL. It doesn't mean he's the right person or the best person for you, nor does it mean he can do the job. You were hooked from the first hello in IM?........Really, I couldn't ever relate to that type of comment. He COULD be rather marvelous, he could be a bit of a wanker........but you won't know until you've done some time. agirl

DesFIP -> RE: How do you know? (3/15/2009 4:11:47 PM)
Make two lists, one of the characteristics you want in a partner, and another of the things you dislike. Then if your dislike list includes blowing up all the time and you see it on the list, you may be less inclined to lie to yourself about it.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How do you know? (3/16/2009 8:04:03 AM)
The trick isn't to say he IS or he ISN'T... The leap you want to avoid isn't "dating" him, it is deciding he is THE one that you want so bad. Go slow by spending time with him and trying it on for size. Its almost like people think in BDSM you need to start by getting married/collared first.

cjan -> RE: How do you know? (3/16/2009 8:33:13 AM)
Easy...It's in His Kiss http://www.livevideo.com/video/8938E633E9DB4FE99A40E2027D60D3E8/cher-the-shoop-shoop-song-i.aspx

DavanKael -> RE: How do you know? (3/16/2009 1:03:40 PM)
While still being a romantic, I don't believe in such a concept as "the one". I belive there are lots of possible ones. Perhaps you have found one of yours. :> Davan

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