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friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 9:11:49 AM

dragonnite

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I would like to know if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one? I do not wish to disobey or disrespect my new Master when i find one.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 9:13:14 AM

GreedyTop

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depends on your new master.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 9:17:04 AM

sirsholly

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i was still talking with an ex when hubby and i married. Jim said he was fine with it, and i truly believe he was. Surprisingly it ended up being ME that had a problem...i could not get past the feeling that it was disrespectful to Jim.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 9:18:31 AM

kuriouswitch

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a lot of it depends on your current Master. What he allows, but i'm friends with my ex's. it wasn't that we didn't get along, just not compatable as Master and slave. We get along well as friends though and remain that way. But Master knew i was friends with them and a few other Doms and is okay with that as long as they respect that i am owned by Him now.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 9:46:32 AM

OsideGirl

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I'm friends with mine. Master has no concerns about it.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 11:18:42 AM

antipode

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quote:

if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one

Why are you asking us? Since we don't know you, the former master, or the new master, how would you think we can answer your question? Leave alone that "being friends" can mean a whole bunch of things.

If you're asking for the rules, there aren't any, we make this up as we go along. My advice to anyone is that you should always do what you want, that is the only way to get your life to run the way you want.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 1:24:21 PM

ExKat

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Depends on the ex-master, really. If it ended amicably, and any sexual or power relationship is finished, that's fine. However, if it ended on bad terms, and the ex- enjoys reminding you that he still partially controls you (and, let's be honest, he probably still remembers what buttons to push), then that's no good. There can only be one person holding the reins.

To be honest, if you're asking here, that means you have doubts. You doubt your self-discipline, you doubt the behavior of the ex, you doubt something. If there are still sparks between you and the ex, then maybe you shouldn't hang out with him just yet.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 1:39:10 PM

GreedyTop

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nicely said, Kat

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 2:36:23 PM

littlewonder

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I would say you have two choices. If it's important to you then find a Master who doesn't have a problem with it or you can find a Master and ask him and abide by his rules.

I can't really say I've been friends with exes. I talk from time to time with the last ex Dom but I can't say we're good friends or anything like that.

Most of the time when someone becomes my ex it's ended on extremely bad terms and neither one of us ever wants to see or hear from each other ever again.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 4:49:06 PM

DomM&SubK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat
To be honest, if you're asking here, that means you have doubts. You doubt your self-discipline, you doubt the behavior of the ex, you doubt something. If there are still sparks between you and the ex, then maybe you shouldn't hang out with him just yet.

I really have to agree with this since i have had issues with this when a past partner and i saw each other i still wanted to rip his cloths off and honestly not seeing him has made it easier to work on Sir and I so that now i can handle seeing said ex and know that i am over him and i also know that when i see him i make his blood boil for me and he will never have me. Becuse i am Loved and Owned and Collared and I am Sir's One and only Lady.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 5:22:33 PM

servantheart

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~fast reply~

I agree with what everyone else has said, but assuming your new Master has no issues with continued contact, do you know that your ex-Master can handle being in your life while lacking authority over you? Some can't.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 5:38:29 PM

marysdream

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i agree!

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 6:42:35 PM

camille65

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From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnite

I would like to know if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one? I do not wish to disobey or disrespect my new Master when i find one.

It sounds like you haven't yet found a new master. If you are still friends with your ex, then I wouldn't worry overmuch about things that could happen with someone you've not even yet met. That is putting stress on you that you don't need.

If you do find a new master then IMO it would be up to him, how he feels about it and if he thinks it is beneficial for you to keep a relationship (as friends) with your ex.

I am very good friends with my ex husband but there are times when my feelings have gotten conflicted. Not because I still have a sexual pull toward him but because sometimes there is too much emotional energy on my part directed toward him. So my owner limits things for me and I appreciate that. He doesn't do it out of worry for his ownership or possession of me, simply because it is often a stress I don't need.

But worrying about things that involved people you've not even met.. that is really something I think you need to evaluate.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 6:50:00 PM

RealSub58

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Folks....she likes her exMaster so much she wants to be friends with him but ............

does she have a new one YET ????

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnite

I would like to know if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one? I do not wish to disobey or disrespect my new Master when i find one.

I sure hope you didn't move out of state for someone who says...find someone new to "train."

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 3/14/2009 6:52:45 PM >

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/14/2009 8:48:53 PM

frazzle121

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Until you find a new Master, what does it matter.

Most are grown up enough to know, most of us have ex's. Just because a relationship doesnt work, doesnt mean we have to be mortal enemies.

Ok i have one or two, over 20 something years that i would rather run over than talk too, but dont we all. The bigger number are people i still chat to, ask advice from.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 6:32:34 AM

Kana

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It's never been a problem for me
But most guys get freaky about such things in the non-BDSM world
Here, where we use terms like owned, property and possesion, most people, at least men, tend to get territorial
Just my observation.

And hey, its an understandable reaction
I mean shit, we are alpha males and all
grins
stirs the pot

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 8:19:19 AM

SimplyMichael

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A few points to ponder:

It would be a yellow flag for me if someone had no ex partners they were friends with.
It would be a yellow flag for me if someone had an ex parter who they were still infatuated with
It would be a yellow flag for me if someone was so jealous they can't handle any ex partners

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 10:32:36 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnite

I would like to know if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one? I do not wish to disobey or disrespect my new Master when i find one.

That's going to depend on the specifics involved. Provided it really is just a friendship, we don't see anything strange about remaining friends with exes overall.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 10:55:11 AM

azropedntied

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why are they your EX ? was it more just non compatible or bad abuse ?Are you able to still be civil ?Can you both still be pals ?

Many questions could and should be asked .Sometimes separation is just that

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 2:59:50 PM

RealSub58

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

A few points to ponder:

It would be a yellow flag for me if someone had no ex partners they were friends with.
I don't see this as a flag of color only because when I meet my first dominant, there was no relationship in my past that could compare to it. Compare as in the type of relationship where the man really respected the fact that I needed him to be HOH in the long term.
It would be a yellow flag for me if someone had an ex parter who they were still infatuated with
This is red in color to me. Even in a "straight" relationship no one wants to hear a partner praise and compare the other with the new. And I believe that is what happens when one is still infatuated with another.
It would be a yellow flag for me if someone was so jealous they can't handle any ex partners
This would definitely be difficult if I were the woman and I was compared to the last girl only because he would still be infatuated by/with her. Or vice versa.
I would also see this as a problem when a submissive had to repeat "training" and the D had to hear about the comparison all the time.
This is the reason I don't get into being trained by one D only to have hopes of going on to another D with a different style.