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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 4:07:21 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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I don't stay friends with people I have had relationships with with the exception of one person that I geneuinely love and who loves me.
I attempted to remain friends with a guy who I behaved in submission to (Not a Master, nor my Master) and despite his being over a decade older than me, he acted like an idiot and proved that he couldn't be a friend.
So, no, when I'm through, I'm through. It's a boundary issue otherwise, imo.
Davan

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Post #: 21

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 10:06:27 PM

dragonnite

Posts: 303
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

He is my ex because i had to move out of state. we were friends before becoming D/s and still remain friends.

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Post #: 22

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/15/2009 10:29:04 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

i'm friends with a former dominant. it's just the way things worked out. if your new dominant has a problem with it, you need to decide which is more important, the friendship or the relationship with the new dominant.
PM

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Post #: 23

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/16/2009 4:35:09 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i tried to remain friends with mine after meeting Daddy however it was best that i didn't. mine tried their best to steal me back especially when i told one i was collared. his reply - i would have collared you if that's what you wanted and other promises.

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Post #: 24

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/16/2009 5:02:23 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I'm friends with most of my exes. We don't see each other often due to distance, and even talking often has become difficult (scheduling, and life stuff), but we do still keep in touch.

Pirate doesnt have a problem with it.

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RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/16/2009 9:26:45 AM

dragonnite

Posts: 303
Joined: 10/20/2008
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i thank E/everyone for Y/your input. it has help.

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Post #: 26

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/16/2009 12:58:42 PM

EvilInnocent

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/12/2009
From: Jacksonville
Status: offline

I will warn you though if he likes to bring up the past all the time I would not be friends with him then. And like everyone says it depends on your new master.

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Post #: 27

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/16/2009 3:20:06 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

If it ended amicably,

Exactly my point - answers full of "if"..

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Post #: 28

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/18/2009 10:30:35 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

It is so individual.

I respect and care about my first Master, and i told a lot of Dom's who were interested in me that i intended to remain friends with him. Some understood, some didn't. I also feel that loyalty and the ability to move from a love relationship to a friendship is a sign of maturity and resilience, and I should be respected for that.

I also think that to draw a distinction between romantic love and friendship love is irrelevant as there is so much overlap and fluidity in relationships. it is more relevant if I can be trusted to keep my word as to being faithful and respecting boundaries.

the problem.. my new Master understands my feelings, but is still uncomfortable, about some aspects more than others. but we have discussed it openly, i telling him how i feel about the situation, and he tells me how he feels about it.

it is something we will have to work out. i am still in a lot of conflict about it, because i do care deeply about my first Master and our friendship, but my new Master means a great deal to me already, and i don't want to damage or risk the relationship.

my first Master wants the best for me, and has already been worried about coming between me and my new Master, but i regard that as something i have to deal with, and not something he should have to worry about.

to me, it is about deciding for yourself what your life priorities are. i am not close with any of my related family.. to me, the few good friends i have accumulated over a lifetime are my true 'family'.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 29

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/18/2009 10:42:46 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

I'm not friends with my last master - in fact, that's part of why he's an ex - but we're amicable and on good terms.

(in reply to scottishdove)

Post #: 30

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/18/2009 10:48:42 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

I don't see why not, but then again I suppose you'd have to clear that with the new master.

ETA: I'd hate to be told I couldn't have a friend that I actually cared about. That would suck.

< Message edited by girlygurl -- 3/18/2009 10:50:55 PM >

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Post #: 31

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/19/2009 12:40:59 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnite

I would like to know if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one? I do not wish to disobey or disrespect my new Master when i find one.

Since you have not found one yet, you don't have anything to worry about yet.

It depends on the type of friendship you maintain with your ex-master. It can be hard for a dominant to know when to try and establish control, how to begin to dominate someone when that person is free of past ties, let alone someone who is still in thrall to, or infatuated with, or still playing with another dominant. Especially if that dominant holds influence on her thoughts, on her decisions, on her views of D/s and BDSM. I've been there and it didn't work out well for me, partially because I noted the fact of the involvement and its influence.

I'm friends with one of my ex-submissives and friends with several submissives that I've played with casually. They will obey me...to an extent...and respect my thoughts about D/s because of our past association but I deliberately try not to invoke that nor compare "mine" to theirs so as to not color their behavior towards other dominants or to otherwise place them in an uncomfortable position.

(in reply to dragonnite)

Post #: 32

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/19/2009 6:12:57 PM

wisdomofgiving

Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2009
Status: offline

I wouldn't know how to answer you on this. My heart is still very much with the one I use to call Sir, so for me it would make no sense to look for another Dom. It truly would be unfair to both of us. That is my situation though, and yours could be very different.

wisdomofgiving

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(in reply to dragonnite)

Post #: 33

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/19/2009 8:49:14 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

This is so dependent on the people involved. Generally though, I have no issues with any slave collared to Bruin Cottage or to me personally remaining friends with previous owners and indeed it is possible that I may also maintain some form of friendly relationship with them too. I have remained even after messy divorces, friends with ex wives ex husbands and other family members. People are people and if they behave like refugees from the garbage dump they will be treated accordingly. If however they behave like civilized people, they will be accorded the same..

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Post #: 34

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/19/2009 8:58:10 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dragonnite

I would like to know if it is ok to be friends with an ex Master when i find a new one? I do not wish to disobey or disrespect my new Master when i find one.

It depends greatly on whether or not your new master is comfortable with the idea. I am friends with several former slaves and submissives. Some have had to cut ties when they moved into a new relationship and others have remained close. I am friends with one who is now a Dominant himself and he and his slave girl are close friends of Fox and I. It always depends on the individual, how much they trust you and whether or not they believe that your former wil be able to keep himself separated from your new training or will try and get in th eway.

DV

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Post #: 35

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/22/2009 9:28:42 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

my former partners are the light of my life and my dearest friends; if a new partner wished for me to cut off that friendship, they'd be finding themselves being shown to the door because if they're that insecure in themselves, me, us, then i have no need for them.

(in reply to dragonnite)

Post #: 36

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/27/2009 6:28:24 PM

VicenteValtieri

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

Wouldnt it depend on why you were contacting the ex? Is it cause you have moved into friendship with them, or something else?

Im still friends with an ex that lives in Arizona, even after 10 years. Her current owner knows of me and has no problems with it.
However, she and I are only friends. We never speak of their relationship. Its none of my business.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 37

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/27/2009 11:25:36 PM

dragonnite

Posts: 303
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

We were friends first, then D/s and have moved back to being friends now. We don't talk about our past relationship, it is the past.

(in reply to VicenteValtieri)

Post #: 38

RE: friends with ex Master? - 3/28/2009 8:47:33 PM

MasterDarkSadist

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Depends on the new Dom's perspective, and the dynamic of your current relationship with your ex-Master. Personally, I would prefer my girl didn't. However, if it was casual, and was not a resounding presence in our lives, then it wouldn't be a problem. If it was daily, phone conversations, meetings, texts, e-mails constantly, I would terminate that friendship immediately.

Depends on the situation, etc.

(in reply to dragonnite)

Post #: 39

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