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I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:04:59 PM   
kuuipo


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi there, I've been on this site for awhile but have never used the forums before. If any of you can find a way to weed through all the HS drama, I was hoping for some insight.

Back in 07, a Dom from here contacted me and we became very close. Though it was long distance (I'm in TX while He's in Ohio), we talked steadily every day for a few months. He was understanding that I had never submitted to anyone before but it got to the point where he wondered if it was what I really wanted. I look back and see that I was very sheltered/naive about the whole situation. We went our separate ways.

I tried having going on a few vanilla dates in the in early 2009 but realized that it wasn't what I was looking for. I contacted him via text out of the blue and we became close again. He started wanting me to do sexual things on a webcam and in photos and what not but I just wasn't ready. I should probably mention that I was and am still a virgin by choice, wanting to give my virginity as my own personal submission to someone. Anyways, he eventually broke things off with me, leaving me heartbroken, again. Months later I became involved with another Dom I met on here who treated me amazingly, though with him having children, it wasn't something I was ready for. We're still very close though.

At the beginning of this year after a long hiatus, I see that Ohio Dom had looked at my profile. I sent him a quick hello giving him my new cell number to catch up since at the very least I thought we could be friends. We start talking again and things quickly fall back into place. He then drops the bomb that he is in a relationship with someone (Vanilla) but that she was alright with him having a submissive (red flag number 1). I explain to him that with my new experiences I felt that I was ready to submit to him and he tells me that it will be a "testing and challenging" process and that he had never stopped caring for me. I take a few photos, show him my body on my webcam, and proceed to do some self bondage/play over the phone. He tells me that he loves me and I reciprocate it. Mid-play, he hangs up on me or the phone disconnects. I'm not able to contact him via text, CM, or phone for the rest of the day.

The next morning I send him a text telling him how I had thought about him the night before and I receive a text message a few minutes later from "his girlfriend" saying "I don't know who you are but if you keep sending this stuff to my boyfriend I will find out." Since then I've been trying to contact him on CM, by text and by calling. Nothing.

Long story short (though this is taking a lot of explaining), I called him today anonymously and he answered. I wasn't expecting it and I got spooked so I quickly hung up. I then called back a few minutes later again and no answer. He reads my CM messages and I know that he reads my texts but I don't know what to say anymore. I know that most of Y'all will say that he's a loser/jerk/douche and that I don't need him but I just want to know if I had done something wrong. Why was he still interested in me after 2 years? Can't he find someone else to hurt?

Thanks for reading haha. Those who respond to things like these (not just mine) are truly amazing and part of the reason I love you guys =)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:09:36 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, I can't lie.  I only read the first little part of this... And I know.. I'm not a Master.  However, There IS Highschool BS here.  There is High school BS everywhere. It doesn't matter what age you are... It doesn't matter.  There is always going to be drama and bull shit.  Mainly because people don't fucking grow up.  No matter how much you try and try to make people grow up and just be able to look at things from a differant prospective, some people don't change.  You can't fix it. it's a way of life.  There's few things that are inevitable.  Death, taxes, drama, and bullshit.  The end.

Sorry.  I'm cranky. I'm not usually like this..... But it's TRUE!

::Cries::

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:11:20 PM   
kuuipo


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Haha I completely understand. I'm cranky as well and I guess I was in a venting mood and figure i'd get some input. It's hard to ask the Vanilla friends so I figured I'd come here.

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:15:06 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I don't care if you're vanilla, a subbie, a Master, Mistress, slave, male, female, 12, 20, or 99.  You are going to get SOMEONE that is going to dramatize EVERYTHING.  You will find someone that is willing to make someone misserable because they are.  You will find someone that you know will tell any lies that they want just to get someone mad at someone else, or just get them upset.  It's bound to happen.  No matter what is going on.  ::sigh::  I found that out all too well today....

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:20:41 PM   
kuuipo


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Awww I'm sorry. If you need to chat feel free to send me a message. I don't mind venters =)

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:22:49 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		Well, the most of it is in my post in "I hate it when...." In Polls and Random Stupidity.  lol  But Thank you.  :) I just need to get over it.  I  will be fine.  I was before. :-P

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/16/2009 11:29:28 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Kuuipo,

This is the first time I've seen someone write a piece like this, being fully aware of its inanity. As you vented, which I'm glad you had the opportunity to do, I think you answered your own questions.

He's not pure evil, but he is a jerk. He's not out to hurt you for the sadistic pleasure of running a girl's hearth through a cheese grater. He's just being selfish to a fault. He's keeping you around because you do entertain him, make him happy, get him off. Also, he's moving on to have a more complete offline life. It's time to entertain the idea that he likes you at this point. Pining over him, giving him the power, keeping a pair of decent boobs and a cute butt at his whim....

He's trying to have both cakes and eat them too. And we all know its hard enough to have one cake.

It's hard to let someone go, especially when nothing is drastically wrong. Things are just "not right". Perhaps later in life, you two will be more compatible, (not just in chemistry, but where you are in life, too) but right now the cards say no.

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 3/16/2009 11:33:12 PM >

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 12:30:39 AM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline 		Hi kuuipo.
i know i'm not a Master, but here i am anyway.  i learned the hard way early on that there are a lot of "dogs" out there along with some really good People.  Whenever you let One know you have a webcam, the Ones who are dogs are gonna want you to take your clothes off and/or perform right away.  Don't let Them know you have one...it's lots easier than having to say "i have one, but no."  i can't tell you what to do, that's not my place, but i will say this...He reads your e-mails but doesn't answer them, has a girlfriend who will be on the warpath if you continue to contact Him, you either got disconnected or hung up on in mid-play via the telephone, He's disappeared out of your life multiple times and you are "heartbroken, again."  It's possible that there was an accidental disconnection on the phone but, if that were the case, why weren't you able to re-connect with Him somehow?  Do you think He might actually be using you just for entertainment purposes?  Do you really want to continue putting yourself through all that?  i read over your post three times before answering and (now i'm NOT saying this to be mean) my first thought was this:  He probably doesn't really give a rat's ass about you and that the healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now is to write Him off and out of your life, and move on.  i'm sorry you've had to go through all this and, just remember, there ARE good Ones out there.  One more thing, you know where to find me if you want to.

< Message edited by crazyredhead1957 -- 3/17/2009 12:32:37 AM >

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 1:00:13 AM   
MasterRaid


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline 		Kuuipo,  please do not take this the wrong way but yes, you did many things wrong. First you already stated he was doing things that made you uncomfortable. Then he sent you red flags and lied to you. Then the blatent obvious slap in the face phone call from his Real Life girlfriend telling you in no uncertain terms that he never told her nor did she give permission to have a submissive. Yet.....you continued to make attempts to contact him. There is the reason he continues to show interest you sent him that message well by going back after the obvious warnings you already knew were there. Now I understand at that point you had feelings that needed resolution and you required answers. But the problem is this man is not a Master nor Dominant. This man is a predator who wants his cake and eat it as well. You should have seen this with the first meeting you had with him where he wished a young girl to take photo's of herself and perform for him sexually on a webcam. Any Dom worth his salt would have realized that you were new to the lifestyle (let along young and inexperienced) and would have taken the time to educate you first. What this man is doing is getting his kicks. I disagree with HeavensKeeper. This man is not a jerk...He is a Moron. you have an excuse littleone.....you simply did not know better and you have a soft heart. A fine quality in a girl and you should cherrish that but you need to temper it with caution and control. Please do not let My words hurt you as it is not My intent but you need to step back and realize there are Real Dominants out there and there are creatures like this thing who calls himself one. If he wishes to experience BDSM then he needs to grow a sack and take control of himself and his life and not lie about it or manipulate people so he can sit at home jerking off to his fantasies. Now you take that wonderful dedicated little submissive self of yours and go find one of these DOms here on CollarMe that are actually worth your time.......Maybe go meet Heavens Keeper at a munch or something...He might be harmless enough......or maybe not...

_____________________________

First rule in dealing with the Devil............................
..................................................................DON'T!

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 1:14:29 AM   
kuuipo


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for the responses. I guess I have battered housewife syndrome or something in the sense that I miss him, the way he made me feel and such... but I know that I shouldn't. Haha maybe I'll get lucky and he'll stumble across this. I guess I'm a sucker... I bought into the talk of him saying he loves me as a person and that he saw me as not only his submissive but as a wife and mother... god I really am a sucker...

Is there anything I can or should say to him at this point? Some sort of closure? I'm not really good at this... I've never really lost even a friend like this.

< Message edited by kuuipo -- 3/17/2009 1:15:26 AM >

(in reply to MasterRaid)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 1:20:59 AM   
MasterRaid


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline 		How about nothing at all.  The only person you have to make happy or give closure to is yourself. Just simply find someone who can either Dominante you truely or teach you what BDSM, Leather Sex, or Gorean slavery really is so you you can find a Dom/Master properly and not wind up with another pervert on a pussy hunt. Good girls are not easy to find and if you truely wish to live this lifestyle you should not mar your experiences with wasted time or poor choices. Go have some fun.

_____________________________

First rule in dealing with the Devil............................
..................................................................DON'T!

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 5:01:19 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Please take this in the loving spirit it is intended.  Stop getting emotionally involved with ether!  Sorry, but until you've met someone in the flesh, you have not met them, you have only met the persona they wish to present through electronic media.  Hell, liars and scum abound in real life often enough as it is, why add to that by getting all gooey over pixels!

HE didn't make you feel anything, you felt something for the mythical person you created out of the interactions you had, the idea of the person, not the person himself.  The person himself has a girlfriend who checks his email.  Hell, he sounds like someone I dated once.  (note the once, I like to learn something from my mistakes).

Honey, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and if you've graduated from high school make a vow not to go back there.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 5:44:36 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hey hey,
Never insult high school by comparing it to the shenanigans that go on here.
This place is a brand new kind of special.

Two comments
1-Your profile is great.
2-Cut your losses and move on.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 5:59:28 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		There are a lot of predators here waiting to seize the niavete of the newbie. They try to tell you in order to be a submissive you must do everything they say, play with them on webcam and say you are a wanna-be if you dont succumb. Remember, No one is your Master until you have a power exchange and you should not have one over the phone or internet. Because, eyesopened is right. You did not fall for a person but you fell for your own fantasy creation in your head.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 3/17/2009 6:09:33 AM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 7:13:20 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		So you feel like you are back in High School again ehh?  Ok then see me after the class and drop your daks and bend over to receive a good caning

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 7:17:03 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It is not unusual at all for a man to be interested in more than one woman.  While he may have a sincere interest in you it appears that his girlfriend has a sincere interest in keeping you out of the picture.  Even if this man were to write back to you today, do you really want to be a part of that?  That's totally up to you but you have already stated that you see it as a red flag.

You hanging up on him when he answered definitely fell into a high school type of thing.  No blame - I'm sure you were startled - but you can see how he could see it as just a game.  There have been times when I was startled when someone answered a phone but at least I stammered out something like, "I just wanted to see if you were ok".  While you may feel that he is toying with you, you have basically done the same with him.

Ask yourself what the best possible outcome could be.  Would you want him to leave his girlfriend for you?  Not likely.  Would you want him to be your Dom with her tacit permission?  Slightly more likely but still doubtful.  Do you want him to be your Dom behind her back?  This proves his willingness to be dishonest, and since a healthy BDSM relationship is built on trust it will leave you wondering how honest he is being with YOU if he is living a double life.

Take it as a compliment that he still showed interest and get your feelers out there for someone new.  Some people enjoy high drama and games, others don't.  If you don't then look for a man who doesn't either.  You deserve that.  : )


_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 7:21:16 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The most ironic thing I get from this thread is that you ask how to weed through HS drama yet your posts read just like HS drama!

Start acting like an adult and demand the same from any dominant you are interested in.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kuuipo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 8:24:36 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		LT-That was my thought exactly

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 8:26:04 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		    Good damn answer!   Think maybe they can use some cheese with their WHINE??

  Drama happens get over it and on with your life...okay?!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I feel like I'm in High School again... - 3/17/2009 8:31:33 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		The scenario you panned out does sound a lot like high school drama.  Lest you think I am casting aspersions, I've had a bit of an unpleasant 'blast from the past' in the high school regards myself lately. 
Soooooo, I know you care about this person.  You know this person isn't good for you.  Cost-benefit analysis time: does the good outweigh the bad and/or does your attachment to such drama supercede your desire to be happy.  Looking at going into and back into things before you leap is really important as is assessing as you go along.  And, of course, knowing that even when you do that, sometimes things are going to go awry. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 20
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