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When to give up - 3/18/2009 3:40:33 AM

Renskor

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/14/2009
Status: offline

Hey all ^^

I wrote a really long, awesomely polite, grammatically correct message to a certain switch. Not mentioning any names, that would be unfair. However i just received this back.

"Stupid little boy, what possible use could you be to me?"

Now is this where i give up or reply? I don't wanna waste my time. How do you usually respond to polite messages asking you for a little help and advice about BDSM experiences?

Thanks in advance,

Chris

Post #: 1

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 4:53:41 AM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

Perhaps you should shoot her an email back stating something like: "Stupid girl, grow up and be a woman and stop being such a bitch about politeness." After all if she has this attitude now, then she sounds like an ugly person to begin with. Do you really want that in a relationship? *Shrugs* But what do I know? Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 2

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 5:05:37 AM

Renskor

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/14/2009
Status: offline

Thanks.

I was on here last year and deleted my profile cos i was so sick of timewasters ect. This profile is only a few days old, i dont wanna be making enemies already. Would it be better to just ignore it?

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 3

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 5:23:59 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Based on that reply, is there really anything there that you would like to have in your life everyday? Unless you are into humiliation, dump the broad and keep looking and trust Me, you will make enemies, let it roll off your back.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 4

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 5:24:00 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Yes.

Don't get all worked up over the internet.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 5

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 5:27:37 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

You gotta wade through a lot of muck to get to the gems... but they are out there.

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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 6

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 5:33:36 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

"Stupid little boy, what possible use could you be to me?"

Awww, flirting.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 7

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 6:00:38 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Give up on her and move on to someone that's polite to you.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

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Post #: 8

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 6:13:42 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Um...did you read her profile before you sent the letter? Were you in a category she was looking for?

If so, then delete and move on. No need getting all bothered by people on the internet.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 9

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 6:14:43 AM

Renskor

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/14/2009
Status: offline

Cheers Guys :)

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 10

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 6:39:07 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

That would be the point where I am glad I hadn't wasted any more time on her.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 11

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 7:05:21 AM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

Reskor,

How does it sound to you? If it seems like a siren's call, perhaps you want to be humiliated and denied. I could show you pages of emails I exchanged with someone with a similar demeanor. If you are worried about having pissed her off, don't sweat it. She likely gets dozens of messages per day and won't be holding a grudge on you personally anyways.

Now did you relate any sensitive personal info in your impassioned plea to her? Maybe she's one of those blackmail specialists....giggle

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 12

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 7:24:30 AM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renskor
How do you usually respond to polite messages asking you for a little help and advice about BDSM experiences?

Normally, I tell them to do their own research as I'm not in the business of being an information kiosk. Perhaps the individual in question perceived your "really long, awesomely polite, grammatically correct message" as a thinly veiled attempt to garner wanker fodder. It's possible, just possible mind you, that you fit none of this person's criteria. If so, why would you even bother?

We're only getting your side of the incident here. It could be skewed to make yourself seem the helpless victim and the object of your affection as the evil villain. So often, people come to the forums looking for vindication or support without providing all the details. I tend to be skeptical of those seeking sympathy in this manner.

All said and done? I say this: it's the internet. Grow a thicker skin and keep trucking.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 13

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 7:27:22 AM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Renskor

"Stupid little boy, what possible use could you be to me?"

Don't know what the content of your message may have been, but I don't speak to anyone this way unless they send me an email that is deeply and deliberately insulting. If she's launching a preemptive strike, there's nothing you can do but return fire or ignore it.

I don't think you have much choice about this woman being an enemy--she's already behaving like one, regardless of what you say. If you want to prove that she is wrong, and that you are not a stupid little boy, I would suggest that you ignore her and invest your time and energy in people who know how to behave like civilized human beings, when they are talking to complete strangers.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 14

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 7:28:59 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

If you are getting back a message asking what possible use you are to her, when asking for advice and help you might want to check your wording and see if your initial intent might not have transferred as well as you thought. The reply sounds like she is seeing a request for service, not advice.

I reply to polite requests for advice and help in turn, politely.
I reply to requests for service, polite or otherwise, rudely because they show me they have not read my profile at all.

Rethink what you sent and see if it came off wrong. However, I would still steer clear of her, since she doesnt sound like the type you would necessarily want helping or advising you anyway.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to Bella1965)

Post #: 15

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 9:10:28 AM

Vanityfull

Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline

people are dicks on the net, we are just lines of text and maybe a few photos until we prove otherwise and that is way easyier to treat like shit then someone in real life.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 16

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 9:36:51 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

If I hadn't done anything to initiate a response where she's pissed off at me already (and I can't imagine I ever would), then my first response would be humor, where I'd say something that would poke fun at how I might be of some service to her (in some bizarre way that would make little sense to reality) because I'd realize she wasn't all that interested in me in the first place. Or I'd just ignore her because obviously she isn't interested in me (as stated before). I've learned some time ago to not let these sorts of things bother me here.

If you initiated contact first, which it seems you did, then you have to at least realize that you're not always going to get the response you desire. If her profile indicated that you'd probably get a response like the one you did, then she's teasing you and it's really your job to follow through.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 17

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 9:53:16 AM

Vanityfull

Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline

also keep in mind that people, domme types in perticular at this site get alot of rude first emails asking for shit that quite frankly shouldnt be asked to strangers. pissed off at 40 other msgs of vulgarness when she gets to yours she might be a little upset and misinterprite your intentions.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 18

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 9:58:01 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't typically meet polite with rude... but I guess that could depend on how some viewed what I did say. I am very clear about many things in my profile. Some have written nice emails, politely telling me things I clearly state that I do not want to hear in my profile. Some have politely told me what they want and how they think I am someone they really think would make a good team player with and they have totally not considered who I present in my profile.

So it doesn't really impress me to be polite when they are totally focused on themselves and not me as a person. They might get a... thank you... but did you really read my profile... then I get... oh yes ma'am I did and then they get the nastier me when I tell them they clearly need to read it again or why are they not going on what was said there then.

Polite is far better than rude... but polite can still be self focused to an insulting/non productive degree.

Make your words mean something to both parties and that will work better... but you will still run into the hater's or the nasty online dominant that uses insult becasue they think that is dominance. Consider the source, as only you can know how you presented yourself and what you spoke of... and don't take the shit unless you deserve it.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 19

RE: When to give up - 3/18/2009 10:12:19 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Renskor,

When should you give up? I'd give up now and not reply.

For whatever reason, this person doesn't wish to correspond with you. Sometimes people are rude for their own reasons (i.e. they're unprovoked by you). Other times, something you've written/done rubs the receiver wrong way. As was previously suggested, review the content of your message to see what could have been misconstrued and adjust your approach for the next time you contact someone. Imagine yourself as the receiver and read your message. How would you feel and react? Putting yourself in the receiver's position can tell you a lot about your actions and the responses you get.

One of the things you'll discover on the Internet is that sometimes you simply get wacky responses. There are a lot of people out there. What someone writes in their profile is often no indication of their personal and psychological state. So yes, you can write an incredibly polite, entertaining, and engaging message, reference content that shows you read the profile, and do everything else right, and *still* sometimes get a nasty or totally whack response.

You could spend an eternity attempting to decipher, defuse, and resolve other people's issues. This simply isn't feasible or a productive use of your time. Therefore, delete nasty messages and move on without another thought. Don't be tempted to writing something nice, nasty, or apologetic in response. This almost always starts a volley of vitriol that is a waste of everyone's time involved. Why? Because no matter how polite you are, someone who wrote you a FOD letter (FOD = Fuck Off and Die) isn't in a frame of mind to be engaged - at least not by you.

These may sound like a cold, removed approaches, but they are not. Rather, these are essential survival skills on sites like Collar me.

Elan.

(in reply to Renskor)

Post #: 20

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