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From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 2:24:48 PM   
CocoaKeyHolder


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline 		I am youngish (27), but well established woman. I own My own car, home and have a small home business as well as being the head of My division in My company for the entire southern region. I am intelligent, attractive, witty, sincere and genuine. I am not a Pro Domme (not that's there is anything worng with that) but I do require that My potential mate be financially secure, I am not saying wealthy, rich, or whatever... just not in debt, doesn't have bad credit...I want My potential mate to have what I have, financially speaking, if not more, is there anything wrong with that? If it were a vanilla relationship do you think people would throw such a big stink about My requirements? Let Me know what You think (Please be kind, this is My first post).
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 2:35:27 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with that, no. Wanting a prospective partner to be at least as smart and capable as you, financially and in other ways, is wise.

Whether vanilla or D/s, if they are fussing about your requirements that should be a good indicator for you, that they're not compatible with you.

Hold to your standards, they are sound.

Just be aware that a person may have money, a good job, good credit, etc. and still be foolish (or just an asshole) in other ways. Be careful.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to CocoaKeyHolder)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 2:41:40 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		There would be some people who throw a big stink over anything you do, no matter what, so I wouldn't let people throwing a big stink bother you.

And I agree with you about them being financially stable, and not in debt, and to be able to enjoy a good life, just like I can, because I am stable and make good choices.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CocoaKeyHolder
If it were a vanilla relationship do you think people would throw such a big stink about My requirements? Let Me know what You think (Please be kind, this is My first post).

(in reply to CocoaKeyHolder)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 2:49:53 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, some people would "throw a stink" if it was a vanilla relationship too, and I have heard them do it. One of the side effects of social changes in the 20th century was that people have desperately tried to forget that economic and material security are an important part of life, and that both men and women think about these things before they hitch their wagon to a partner.

Personally, if I was you I might change my focus slightly, and look at men not so much in terms of what they have, and more in terms of what they are willing to do in order to be with you. Repairing a man's credit is a lot easier than fixing his personality. And some men may not have a great track record in the past simply because they lacked the leadership and direction that a dominant woman provides--it's a lot easier for some men to focus on concrete material goals when they have something/someone to live for and work for.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 3:22:38 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		CocoaKeyHolder,

quote:

I want My potential mate to have what I have, financially speaking, if not more, is there anything wrong with that?


No.  Nothing wrong with this.  You want someone who is able to share in your life and enjoy the same standard of living you do.  Not everyone would make this their criteria, but the logic makes sense.

About your profile though...

quote:

Meaning that I am looking for a man that I can fall in love with and we develop a deep bond that will lead to marriage.  In that marriage I will be the Boss, I will wear that pants, literally and figuratively.  I want to find a bull and have his child and My cuckold will raise My bull's children as his own.  But that would be later down the road.

(snip)

Must be bi or into "forced" bi encounters. (non-negotiable)

Must love or be willing to perform cream pie clean up (non-negotiable)!

Loves a good golden shower (flexible)

Will fluff My bulls


Have you considered that your bull's children may want to know their father and that they may not want your cuckold raising them as his own?  What if the bull decides he wants to parent his children?  If the court system gets involved, I can imagine things getting very "complex".  Finally, children are unable to consent to your kinky plans nor do they have the maturity to do so even if they were allowed to.  Perhaps you're thinking of this scenario more in an adoptive parenting context.  Whatever the case, a number of red flags went off as I read this part of your profile.

As for the rest of your profile (much of which I've not quoted), if a man wrote something like this, he'd be instantly classified as a wanker.  The "cream pie clean up" line, by itself, is a significant turn-off.  Not that there's anything wrong with the activity, but having it as one of the first things you introduce yourself with somehow isn't pretty.  Your profile reads like a laundry list of "I want, I want, I want, I want".  You're free to introduce yourself however you wish, but there sure is a lot of "me, me, me" and "sex, sex, sex" in your introduction.

Sorry if this is exactly the type of response you were hoping to avoid.  You asked for feedback though and this is my reaction.

Elan.

(in reply to CocoaKeyHolder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 6:35:53 PM   
weldedcollar


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline 		ShaktiSama, 
So much of your reply really rang true, with me,
Money was so much easier for me to aquire in my younger day's , but I was miserable person.
These day's i don't have alot of money ..... But im so much happier as a human being.    Go Figure ....
  weldedcollar.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 7:26:50 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		weldedcollar,

quote:

weldedcollar to ShaktiSama:
So much of your reply really rang true, with me.


It's rare that I find *anything* written by Shakti less than interesting and insightful.  She has the ability to communicate with great clarity, compassion, and emotion, and a broad viewpoint of life experience.  So yes, her reply resonated with me too.

quote:

weldedcollar to ShaktiSama:
Money was so much easier for me to acquire in my younger days, but I was a miserable person.  These days i don't have a lot of money.....  But im so much happier as a human being.  Go Figure....


Ditto.  Now if I could just get my hands on a little more money, everything would be perfect!  Ah, but all is not entirely lacking in my material world.  My new, custom drums (in gorgeous champagne sparkle finish) arrive in the next few weeks.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 3/19/2009 7:39:39 PM >

(in reply to weldedcollar)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 7:29:26 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		There's nothing wrong with what you want. I'd just suggest that the direction you're probably taking is not going to get you the satisfaction  you desire. I mean, it might, but the focus can often be the detriment of the actual journey.

Let me explain. Right now, you're more focused on financial security and success than you are on the individual himself (actually, now that I reread your post, you never did say a male, so I'll just leave that as a universal "himself", meaning whatever you need it to mean). By focusing on the financial security, you are always going to appear to a potential mate as someone who is uniquely interested in financial matters mostly. That means you're going to attract a completely different demographic of partners than if you focused on an individual first, and then made sure that they fit your financial requirements. I know it sounds like quibbling, but it's not. What happens is you end up with a potential partner that has a completely different focus by how you go about looking for that person. If you're main focus is on financial security, expect that you're going to find someone who is focused on money. If your main focus is on someone who fulfills your social and individual needs, you will find someone who is focused on that. The mistake so many people make (both men and women) is that they seek one and just expect the other to happen.

By not focusing on money, you end up allowing yourself to find the person you need rather than the person who fits your expectations. You're already successful, or at least on your way to being so. THAT alone should mean you shouldn't have to focus on the financial aspects of what you're seeking because the people who should be falling into your circles are the ones who are already at your same level of financial security. If not, you're slumming, hoping to find someone in a demographic that is not the one in which you live. It may seem so simple, but so often people forget that and find themselves in their old social circles and old communities where they were stills struggling to make ends meet and then wonder why they can't find anyone to connect with that fits their current financial circumstances. It's because those people didn't come out of that world and are still there.

Well, those are my thoughts, although I've begun to suspect that for some reason people really don't care what a submissive has to say anymore, as most of my posts seem to get ignored so someone can focus on a one liner some domme might have said.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to CocoaKeyHolder)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 8:05:58 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn,

quote:

littlesarbonn to CocoaKeyHolder:
By focusing on the financial security, you are always going to appear to a potential mate as someone who is uniquely interested in financial matters mostly.  That means you're going to attract a completely different demographic of partners than if you focused on an individual first, and then made sure that they fit your financial requirements.  I know it sounds like quibbling, but it's not.  What happens is you end up with a potential partner that has a completely different focus by how you go about looking for that person.

(snip)

Well, those are my thoughts, although I've begun to suspect that for some reason people really don't care what a submissive has to say anymore, as most of my posts seem to get ignored so someone can focus on a one liner some domme might have said.


In my experiences with you on the forums, I've never known you to express yourself in a bitter way.  Perhaps I'm misreading your tone.  Then again, maybe you're having an off day.  I do hope your day gets better if things aren't going well.  For the record, I always read your posts because you share interesting, unique, intelligent, well thought out viewpoints that are wrought with life experience.  Your feedback to the OP is just such an example.  Bravo.

Now, regarding your feedback to the OP, read her profile and see if it still sticks.  Ah yes, I'm talking in tongues.  Again I say, read the profile and all will become creamy clear.

(Repeats to self:  I r a bad sub... I r a bad sub... I r a bad sub. :-)

Elan.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 10:07:49 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Well, those are my thoughts, although I've begun to suspect that for some reason people really don't care what a submissive has to say anymore, as most of my posts seem to get ignored so someone can focus on a one liner some domme might have said.



I care about your thoughts and feelings. They're important to me.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 10:14:40 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
Personally, if I was you I might change my focus slightly, and look at men not so much in terms of what they have, and more in terms of what they are willing to do in order to be with you. Repairing a man's credit is a lot easier than fixing his personality. And some men may not have a great track record in the past simply because they lacked the leadership and direction that a dominant woman provides--it's a lot easier for some men to focus on concrete material goals when they have something/someone to live for and work for.
This is and has always been my position on this matter.    I don't find there is anything wrong with CocoaKeyHolder's approach, just not exactly my style.    M


_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 10:24:20 PM   
LAgirlsub


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn...I just read your reply and frankly, I don't care if it's a dom, sub, switch or whomever commenting. Maybe I'm just a sub with a rather healthy ego or that I'm a part-time instructor reading way too many student comments, but it's the quality of what I'm reading that sparks my interest. It's when I receive the good student comments that I want to know more about a particular student.

So from one sub to another, if someone was making you feel insecure or something today, you're probably having a heck of lot more fun then they are most of the time. So there...

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/19/2009 11:46:05 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Well, those are my thoughts, although I've begun to suspect that for some reason people really don't care what a submissive has to say anymore, as most of my posts seem to get ignored so someone can focus on a one liner some domme might have said.
I'm not sure why you said this littlesarbonn, since you're one of the people many dominas here respect and respond to as being reasonable and thoughtful.    M


_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 2:33:56 AM   
VanessaChaland


Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		Money comes and money goes. Even the most well planned out business can fail. People who were "comfortable to rich" last week/month/year are now homeless and broke. People who were once very poor are/will be very comfortable or rich.

You are still rather young and over the course of your lifetime you/he may make and loose fortunes. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone that has "made it" or is well on their way. But do keep in mind please that things never stay the same. I married my husband and while we both were doing ok, we had little. Now we have a lot. People I know that were loaded, now have nothing.

The long term success of your relationship needs to be based on more than just what either of you have now, look also what your potential cuckold husband offers/has as far as dreams, aspirations, drive, motivation and work ethic. That can suggest what the chances are of your mutual long term goals more than someone who currently may have a few posessions, but may also have (secret) self destructive habits, ie, drugs, drink, gambling whatever that could blow through a vast amount of money and jepordize both of your futures, and any potential offspring. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CocoaKeyHolder

I am youngish (27), but well established woman. I own My own car, home and have a small home business as well as being the head of My division in My company for the entire southern region. I am intelligent, attractive, witty, sincere and genuine. I am not a Pro Domme (not that's there is anything worng with that) but I do require that My potential mate be financially secure, I am not saying wealthy, rich, or whatever... just not in debt, doesn't have bad credit...I want My potential mate to have what I have, financially speaking, if not more, is there anything wrong with that? If it were a vanilla relationship do you think people would throw such a big stink about My requirements? Let Me know what You think (Please be kind, this is My first post).


_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to CocoaKeyHolder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 4:47:33 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Call me shallow, but I am not interesed in repairing either someone's personality or their credit. I am not willing to risk what I have established for My family for someone who (A) is in deep debt, (B) sees Me as the gravy train (C) someone who has repeatedly made foolish major financial or life decisions.  That doesn't mean he has to be rich.
 
I am not at the 20 something end of the spectrum, perhaps if I was, I'd be more noble or gallant about what I am looking for--I'm not, you better have your act, your finances and your baggage fairly well together.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 4:49:00 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Well, those are my thoughts, although I've begun to suspect that for some reason people really don't care what a submissive has to say anymore, as most of my posts seem to get ignored so someone can focus on a one liner some domme might have said.
I'm not sure why you said this littlesarbonn, since you're one of the people many dominas here respect and respond to as being reasonable and thoughtful.    M



Thank you. It wasn't anything in particular that happened. Just one of those days where I found myself realizing that after I'd spent a good while composing a response to someone, the OP (in another thread) responded to the first woman who copy and pasted my response and said "yeah, I agree" and thanked her for her input. That gets old after awhile. My fault for venting. Not doing so hot in Korea these days (really want to come home).


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 5:43:51 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I'll say it.  The OP's profile looks as though it was written by a horny guy.  Whether it was or not, I have no idea, but the profile as written is more likely to attract fantasists than relationship-seekers, since it deals exclusively with the realization of fantasies.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 6:23:43 AM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		I am not so sure that I would require someone to be as successful as me, but I would want to know they will work at a job as hard as I do, & are capable of making sound decisions.   If they have to have the very best of material things, I really am not into that.  Someone can be working as a garbage man.  If I know he works at that job with all his heart, that he puts what he does have into finding ways to make it stretch, he might actually have more materially than the CEO who has everything he owns tied up in debt with the best car, the best house, the best everything. 

I might not have much, but I have worked hard for what I have, including a couple times when I had to bail myself out of financial messes because of someone else who didn't care.  I have a great driving record, but when I was married one time, I was paying close to 500 dollars a month in auto insurance because of his recklessness.  The guy refused to work.  I would come home every day.  His car hadn't been moved.  I finally sent him home to his family.  I ended up having to refi my house to pay for a car I had signed for while we were married for him because he refused to take responsibility for it. 

I watched another man I was involved with, a high end sales person fall deeply in debt while he had to have the best of everything before he would jump into his business.   He wouldn't listen to anyone.  I adored him, but I was sure glad I didn't hook up with him to the point of living & sharing our lives, as I watched him sink deeper & deeper into debt & depression.  He literally withdrew. 

Do I have standards that I want my submissive to hold to?  I sure as hell do.  Lessons like these don't come easy or cheaply.  I know one thing, I don't want to repeat these ever.  So yes, he needs to work, and enjoy what he does.  There is an old saying that says, "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart."  If he puts his heart into his work, & he is satisfied with living within his means & willing to contribute in some way, what I do, he is halfway there in my book. 

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 10:33:10 AM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn,

quote:

It wasn't anything in particular that happened.  Just one of those days where I found myself realizing that after I'd spent a good while composing a response to someone, the OP (in another thread) responded to the first woman who copy and pasted my response and said "yeah, I agree" and thanked her for her input.  That gets old after awhile.  My fault for venting.  Not doing so hot in Korea these days (really want to come home).


I didn't realize you were in Korea.  A military posting?  I can understand why you'd want to come home at any rate.  Along with a few others I read on Collar Me, I always read your posts.  That's because you're one of my favourite posters here on Collar Me.  It's so nice to read a male submissive's point of view that isn't coming from a fantasy, between the loins perspective and that actually has some thought, life experience, and balance behind it.  Here's sending lots of karma and warm thoughts your way. :-)

Elan.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: From one Domme to Another - 3/20/2009 10:38:01 AM   
CocoaKeyHolder


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline 		Call me shallow, but I am not interesed in repairing either someone's personality or their credit. I am not willing to risk what I have established for My family for someone who (A) is in deep debt, (B) sees Me as the gravy train (C) someone who has repeatedly made foolish major financial or life decisions.   
_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

Yes, thank you, that is exactly what I wish to get across to My potential...I wrote an entry in My journal that may or may not explain things a little better...

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 20
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