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RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 5:45:34 AM   
vincent63


Posts: 439
Joined: 3/3/2006
From: jersey,then texas,now florida
Status: offline 		it's funny,,,i posted the original question that started this thread just because i was feeling very low at that particular moment, more of a fleeting thought than anything else,but then the on/off switch that's supposed to be in our brains that controls what we say and when we say it has never worked properly for me and my big mouth has gotten me in trouble more than once,,, never did i imagine it would generate this much discussion...after reading and re-reading the responses several times i've come to understand the cause of my mood. i finally, after almost 4 years, have the time to pause and reflect on things, and that's bad, because i have a tendency to see the glass as half empty...my family, specificially my mother, who is all the immediate family i have, went through some horrendous medical troubles, 2 heart attacks, double bypass that didnt work and immediately clogged back up, cancer which, thank god, after 2 rounds of chemotherapy and radiation has been in remission for 2 years, an experimental heart procedure that A:saved her life and B:got her written up in several medical journals and made her the topic of 10 medical symposiums around the globe. during all this i was basically living for her, sitting at her bedside in hospitals and hospices, running her all over the city of houston to various hospitals and doctor's offices. reading and re-reading the same national geographic magazines in waiting rooms while that annoying music plays in the background[don't they ever throw a magazine away?],,,,,,then, when things had settled down with her, my work life went into a tailspin, my company went public, procedures were written and re-written on a daily, sometimes even hourly, i swear to god hourly, basis, as the heads of the corp ran around trying to figure out what they were going to do, we suffered a major layoff and my dept lost 33% of it's people,suddenly those of us still with a job were forced to work 16 hr days for months at a time,,,i simply didnt have time to think of anything..now, im sitting in florida, unemployed, with too much time on my hands, and ive got time to think,,,i'll get past this....man im reading this and i dont even know why i wrote it, but it almost feels like i lanced a boil, if i've offended anyone or annoyed anyone in any way by opening the pages of my life then i do most sincerely apologize, please know that was not my intent, i just cant afford a shrink right now, not without medical insurance

(in reply to SilverMark)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 6:25:35 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincent63

i think my biggest issue is, ive always defined myself by what i could do, people judged me and because of how i looked they expected a certain behavior,,,so i gave them what they wanted,,,not being able to do what i once could, i no longer have an identity and am searching for who i am


This is the crux, I believe of most of the free world, especially here in the US---people have not mastered their inability to look inward for happiness versus looking outward.
 
We are constantly bombarded with inputs of the perfect look, the perfect job, the perfect statuts, the perfect blah blah blah--to be happy you must have xxx, xxx and xxx--add to that, there are REALLY people who believe that shit.
 
True happiness in life, cannot be defined by another, it cannot be summed up in a look, a weight, a haircolor, a country club--because in a NY second as we are seeing all around us, its gone--poof--the friends, the status, the money--gone.
 
One cannot be defined by what work they do or did, what section of town they do or did live in, what money they do or did have, nor can one look to those things to find self.
 
quote:

ive always defined myself by what i could do
Personally, I have, I was a good daughter, I am a good mother, I contribute to a better world--MY WAY--not according to My friends, not according to any rule books--My way-do I make a huge difference? I did to two people that I loved and love more than anything. I'm a drop in the pond and nothing more, but if I wasnt here, that ripple wouldn't happen. I don't have a ton of friends, they are too fleeting-I'm not young and cute anymore, I don't laugh at the off color jokes, I don't spend Fridays in a bar. I live life, I work, I garden I DO things, things that I really love to do and I don't do things just because someone else expects it.
 
I've wrestled with the whole middle age thing and then I look around and that's where the whining stops. Im not polyanna, but the glass for Me could always be worse--emptier, broken, non-existent. Im afraid of dying because I will miss so much, but I sure as hell haven't let any grass grown under My feet while I was here and I don't intend to until there is no breath left in Me, because that is what I want to do, nit because someone will like Me better if I do.
 
Its a painful moment when the music stops and the band leaves town and yet, it may be the first real moment you have had with yourself.  Its your dancehall, you decide how to fill it.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 6:32:19 AM   
MissJanice2


Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		I am 49, and I am exactly where you are at.  It can really get me down at times especially when realizing I am not as fast at work as I used to be, and the younger generation is beating the crap out of me at work.  lol
I blame a lot on my drug days and was pissed off because the astroioid did not get us.  I was like, wow that could have been it.
What I finally did was realize I am who I am.  It is like that old Charlie Daniel's tune, "if you don't like the way I am living, you just leave this long haired country boy alone."
 
You are doing the best you can.   That is all we can ever expect from ourselves.
 
Best Wishes,
 
MJ
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincent63

as i find myself in the midst of middle age, im coming to realize i don't know who im supposed to be anymore...i truly never expected to live this long, i always figured someone would have killed me by now, either myself by a drug overdose or alcohol poisoning, or some dude i got into it with would have pulled a gun and blown me away, and actually i was fine with that, i figured die young stay pretty, well, for good or for bad i survived, now what?????????? it's funny, i have very mixed emotions about the drug and alcohol period time of my life,,,,,some small part of me regrets i cleaned up because if i hadnt i wouldnt have to deal with this now, so for those of you going through the same thing, how are you dealing?how does one go about re-defining who you are?

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 7:03:52 AM   
Lorr47


Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Good luck to you and you certainly did not offend anyone.

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 7:15:25 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I turned 50 almost a year ago, which means I'm soon 51...

I went through a little of what you (OP) talk about, and I still do every now and then, but the wheel keeps on turning.  A phrase I live by is "keep moving".  There's always something new to do. 

I spent eight years with someone who was so bad for me, because I defined myself through my relationships.  I have spent the last eight years digging out of the debris from that one and have come to define myself (I guess! lol) by being single.  I've accomplished more that way....now have a great, really well-paying job, bought a house which needs a lot of fixing up, but it's what I wanted.  Selling for big profit in a few years is a goal I've set, which I guess will define me.  I'm a grandmother now, my other son is getting married soon....I'm the "matriarch" of the family now, which sounds like I'm old, but I certainly don't feel it!  And, since I couldn't let well enough alone, I just started classes to be a massage therapist.  That will take a year, going every other weekend.  Something I've wanted to do for a really long time, and I decided why not now?

Keep moving.  Always.  Think of what you've always wanted to do but didn't for one reason or another, and find a way to do it. Even if it takes years. 

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Lorr47)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 7:29:46 AM   
vincent63


Posts: 439
Joined: 3/3/2006
From: jersey,then texas,now florida
Status: offline 		windchymes, while i certainly appreciate the insight, and i am very happy you are so happy, i gotta tell you,you have got to have just about the best sig line ive ever seen,,and i haunt alot of forums on alot of different subjects

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 11:05:32 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		No offense at all. I hope you find the joy you are looking for.

It didn't come to me in an instant, a day, or even a year. It just came, somehow when I wasn't even aware or paying much attention.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 12:29:05 PM   
vincent63


Posts: 439
Joined: 3/3/2006
From: jersey,then texas,now florida
Status: offline 		Ive been doing alot of thinking lately, but it's such a crazy idea i kept dismissing it, but i wonder if maybe it's time to reinvent myself and do something Ive thought of for years, go to college,it just kinda strikes me as completely ludicrous at this stage of the game

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 1:10:27 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		what other choice is there?

too soon old- too late smart.

I have had my walk thru the mud pit of life - just as the next one has. Now I am gearing up for the next phaze of my life.  Things were rotten for a few years- via injuries and court. 

Rather then have regrets- I try to plot a plan to move forward.

Currently, I am working on my April budget.   yikes.  

I have also been trying to simply my life.

I am looking forward to being out in the yard all summer.

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 2:41:21 PM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline 		It's kind of funny the dichotomy.

We have a new President who is being called too young and inexperienced at 47 while you seem to believe you are old at 45.

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 2:44:53 PM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincent63

Ive been doing alot of thinking lately, but it's such a crazy idea i kept dismissing it, but i wonder if maybe it's time to reinvent myself and do something Ive thought of for years, go to college,it just kinda strikes me as completely ludicrous at this stage of the game


I knew someone who went back to finish a degree in her late 60's.  It's not ludicrous.

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 3:19:51 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincent63

Ive been doing alot of thinking lately, but it's such a crazy idea i kept dismissing it, but i wonder if maybe it's time to reinvent myself and do something Ive thought of for years, go to college,it just kinda strikes me as completely ludicrous at this stage of the game


Vincent, YES!  Go to college!  Education is NEVER ludicrous, even if it's just a class in some craft or an introductory to a new language.  Go!  Absolutely do it!

What happens is, you do new things, and even more doors open to you.  You never know what's going to come along next, but something always does!  Example:  I'm a medical lab tech by trade, have been for 20 years now.  I took a six-year break in the middle of that and worked in a physical therapy clinic where I made less money (long story).  Got divorced, needed more money, went back into lab work.  Economy went bad, changed jobs several times, ended up relocating to a new state (which I wouldn't have done if the economy hadn't gone so bad).  New job in new state paid off big for me financially, and I was able to buy the home.  However, new job aggravated my degenerative disc problem in my neck, so I went for chiropractic treatment.  Ended up "clicking" on a friendly/professional level with my chiropractor, who said I would be an ideal candidate for schooling to be one myself.  I checked into it and found out I was qualified, surprisingly, and seriously considered it, but, since I had just bought the house, taking on a huge student loan and relocating to where a school was (thousands of miles away) was "ludicrous" :)   BUT....I remembered enjoying learning about massage therapy when I worked in physical therapy....checked into schools here, found a great one close by, and enrolled.  Meanwhile, when my chiro found out about my extensive background in rehab office management, offered me a VERY lucrative position/possible partnership in his own clinic that he plans to open when he gets licensed in this state in about a year. 

See?  Things tend to happen along when you just do things!  You just never know.

And thank you for the compliments!    I LUVVVVV your pic with the dog and bird!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 3:25:40 PM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		I'm dealing with it by living, learning, growing, changing, loving.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to SilverMark)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 4:20:36 PM   
vincent63


Posts: 439
Joined: 3/3/2006
From: jersey,then texas,now florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

It's kind of funny the dichotomy.

We have a new President who is being called too young and inexperienced at 47 while you seem to believe you are old at 45.




ain't the years that matter, it's the mileage [tongue firmly in cheek]

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 4:38:37 PM   
vincent63


Posts: 439
Joined: 3/3/2006
From: jersey,then texas,now florida
Status: offline 		windchymes,,i have had this crazy dream for years to teach egyptology at a university , it's a hobby of mine,ancient egypt, ancient rome,carthage,troy,the fall of the empire to the germanic hoards,you name an ancient culture or ruler, i've probably read at least 6 or 7 books on the subject, and i watch every documentary on the subject i can find,,,if i could get my cable company to offer me a package of just the history channel and national geographic i'd be happy

< Message edited by vincent63 -- 3/21/2009 4:40:18 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/21/2009 7:35:11 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		we can petition dish network vincent, those are a couple of my favorite channels.  i just turned 45 a week ago.  i didn't feel a thing, lol.  i'm enjoying life, i have a new hobby i share with my panthercub,and i'm almost finished with my associates degree. i didn't start until i was 42 after my divorce from the first hubby and having 4 kids.  i fully intend to continue my education and would love to become a kink friendly therapist. 

i fully encourage you to go back to school, you could become a teacher, you love history, so why not work towards that goal?  there are plenty of places all over the country looking for qualified teachers and the government is giving extra help to those who declare that as a career.  why not go for it?  you can apply for grants and scholarships, even work study programs.  what's holding you back?  there are plenty of older students out here.  you could even take computer courses online.  i've done 99% of my classes online through the local community college, i love it!  you just need to get out of your blue mood and do it.  i never thought i could get this far and now i see no reason not to continue all the way. 

so i'm 45, big deal!  i'm not dead yet!  i may have had some major setbacks in the mobility department, but just because the feet and ankles are shot doesn't give me the excuse to give up.  the brain still works fine. 
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/22/2009 10:24:12 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		To OP,

Like anyone here I had my wild party days.  I have some great memories and some terrible ones of that. While I don't exactly regret that past, I know I made some bad decisions, there are things in life that can ONLY be learned the hard way.

In many ways, I would not trade even my mistakes in.

However- going from today, I have the wisdom to conduct my life in a healthier manner.

Each day with out a ton of poison in the body- gets the body more vibrant.

I know I can say that and either mean it or not mean it.   Last night I got 3 phone calls.  Ok.  All 3 people, their life is terrible.  This is the worse day of the life mode.  Why are they calling me?    They already KNOW my position on the issues.   So why call and whine and moan and pout about how dreadful it all is?????

And on that- how do I respond.  If I say, you PO thing PO you, poor you.  Did I help????    Nope.

This is going to go on.    My brother was one of the calls.   Money does not buy happiness.   He actually drove 1100 miles to buy a Mercedes.   I could clobber him.  When the riots start, who wants to own a overly nice car?   Just last week, 40 cars were severely keyed in the town north of me.   40.

My point on this is that- I can tell them do X.Y.Z.     I could throw a pity party.   People seldom take my personal advice.  But at the end of the day, I dont live with the results.   They do.  So  my poor decisions of the past,  I am the one who lives with that.

Others can warn me, jump in front of me and tell me not to.... but since like most people I do what I decide to do, then it is all on me.

ME.

We come into the world alone and we die/leave the world alone.


While we can try to be the brothers keeper,  best to take care of oneself as best as one can. Learn all you can learn to make that happen.

(in reply to PanthersMom)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: how are you dealing with it? - 3/22/2009 1:58:53 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

-Hunter S. Thompson.
 
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/hunter_s_thompson.html


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to vincent63)
Profile   Post #: 38
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