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...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 8:00:25 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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You often hear it said that one must master one's self before one tries to master another.

So, I'm curious to know how one does that.

~How does one master one's self?

And how does one know when one has? (Is there a certain point at which you suddenly realize, "Ah, there; I just mastered myself."?)

I'm just curious how others think of this.
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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 8:07:53 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

I think it's important for a person to know oneself and understand where they're at, and why, and what they're wanting out of life before they can make demands on other people. It's pretty logical. This is to avoid confusion for both parties.

Me? I know why I'm the way I am and I know what kind of people I'm looking for. I know what I'm into and what I want.

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 8:09:33 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		Being mentally capable of handling life, leading by example, and having strong convictions are a few ways of mastering yourself. When I feel accomplished after looking back over what I've overcome, I know I've mastered myself. I could be living in a slum with no money and smoking crack, but I'm not because I've made myself be better than that.

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 8:41:34 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that anyone fully master's self as it is an every changing entity.  I think what matters is that a person learn self control and self direction in life.  Without these, how does one control or direct another?  I think it is not something so terribly far out of reach.  It is what I would call growing up.  There are a lot of people, however, that never do in fact grow up.

I think it is as simple as knowing you make solid choices for your life and do well at managing and accepting the responsibility for the outcome of those choices.  A person who can do this when the outcome is not good, even when it really should have been, is in a good place, in my opinion.  That is a sign of maturity and that is what I want to see in any person, especially in someone who wishes to dominate another.

lovingpet 


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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 8:45:03 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		  You can master yourself, you just need to have multiple personalities or be really, really flexible.

When I hear this phrase, I think of it as meaning you have to have your life in order if you want to order someone else's.

From a sub perspective, it's hard to have confidence in someone who seems confused, unreliable, incompetent and unsure of what they want. If someone can't cope with their own life, I'm not terribly comfortable with them at the steering wheel of mine.

Of course, by this definition, it's probably a good idea for most subs and slaves to have at least some degree of mastery over their own lives, too, even if that role is taken by someone else at some point.

Just my two cents...


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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 9:07:54 PM   
SummerWind


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

(Is there a certain point at which you suddenly realize, "Ah, there; I just mastered myself."?)


I usually realize it about 90 seconds into the porn......big wad of balled up tissues on the coffee table.....

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 9:46:38 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Me too... man goo sums it all up

BadOne


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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/20/2009 9:48:24 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		What first came to mind after reading this thread was:  If I've pissed "Master" off and he can control his temper and not beat the shit out of me in anger, I consider that 'mastering oneself''.  If I ask "Master" a question that he might be  uncomfortable answering, he gives me a sincere, honest answer, not "because I said so", I consider that 'mastering oneself'.  If he has self control...

Well, I think you get the picture.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 1:11:47 AM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		~fr~

Dammit, others already beat me to the masturbation joke.

Like most ideas, self-mastery is rather vague and open to a lot of personal interpretation. Many treat it as perfect self control. The idea of perfect self control is a myth. People love to think they have it, but I can guarantee that under the right stress(es), that self control will fail.

Another, much more sensible, interpretation is that you have your life in order. Of course, how much "in order" is needed is a personal choice as no one's life ever stays perfectly organized (if you can even get it there in the first place!).

Personally, I take it to mean: You are a reasonably mature, responsible, emotionally stable, and self-sufficient adult who isn't controlled by his desires and makes plans for the future. Almost every one of those qualifiers is qualitative, so your interpretation may vary.

If you want to master yourself either choose your interpretation and figure out the steps you need to take to achieve the resulting goal, or start wanking. One is a lot easier than the other

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 2:35:37 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha


You often hear it said that one must master one's self before one tries to master another.

So, I'm curious to know how one does that.

~How does one master one's self?

And how does one know when one has? (Is there a certain point at which you suddenly realize, "Ah, there; I just mastered myself."?)

I'm just curious how others think of this.


Definitions of master:
http://www.londonfetishscene.com/wipi/index.php/Mas

But interestingly self-mastery and does not appear there. One of the Masters here will know a better reference.

So: this is a curious blanket statement: mastering self.
It has roots in so many differing traditions:
Maslow, Self-actualization theory...Rogers, cognitive models of Self Theory and the manifold experiential doctrines. In oppositon to those stand the Buddhist traditions of transcendence of self and non attachment.
Take your pick. Each and every theory has its own roots to Mastery.
I guess the main aspect of mastery i bdsm for me are the qualities of honesty, integrity, self-control, trust, personal and social responsibility, kindness, and an ability to undertsand the continuum of pain and pleasure., accountability.

Reputation goes before you. It has nothing to do with age, or social status I believe. And whilst someone may have all of those profound qualities above and prectice those qualities within the intimacy of bdsm this does not necessarily show up as social power or indeed in the desire for it.

Some deal eh? Anything short of those qualities and i release myself and am gone like the wind.
So I guess you will be Master of all or Master of none.. and the question is are you therefore still a master if you do not own those who consent to confer that staus upon you?


But then the slave is rarely asked what a Master is as it is more usual for a Master to define the role of the slave. So anyway: thanks for the opportunity for me to give this opinion.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 3/21/2009 2:39:23 AM >

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 5:15:32 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Mastering one's self, to me, means being on the path to self awareness. It does not mean being perfect, but doing your best. In fact, the other three Agreements (of the Four) are excellent steps to practice for self Mastery, in my opinion.

1. Always do your best...realizing that your best today might be better than or less than your best from yesterday.
2. Don't make assumptions...especially about what others are thinking and feeling and especially in reference to you.
3. Don't take it personally...what others say or do has really nothing to do with you and everything to do with their stuff.
4. Be impeccable with your word. That seems pretty self explanatory to me.

Master Fire


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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 5:57:50 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Mastering yourself can also mean things like keeping your anger under control, not getting crazy at a lack of contact (you'd be amazed at how many subs write a first email and then sit and fret when there is no immediate answer to it), and various forms of self discipline.  This could include substance abuse. 

There is no "aha, I've mastered myself!" moment.  It comes more as a growing maturity.  It includes knowing what you want from life and from a partner, making sure that you have a good feel for the things you want to do with them (such as testing toys on yourself before using them on another so that you have a reasonable expectation of what they will be feeling), an empathy for the things that they might find emotionally or physically difficult, and a willingness to communicate well.  If you have chosen monogamy then it can include knowing that you will stick to that, or if you have chosen a poly relationship it could include being willing to be honest that this is what you are looking for.  If you have an anger issue, for example, it could include thinking in advance about what you would do if anger ever came up during a session and making sure that you never got out of control, or of thinking of various scenarios that could go wrong and how you might handle them.  (Sometimes a sub might get bratty because they aren't feeling well, or their vanilla pressures are too high, and even though they want to please you they have too much stress to do it well.  How would you handle that?) 

I used to play "what if" with my daughter when she was growing up, but found that it helped me as a Domme.  What if a sub showed up and then just didn't want to play?  What if someone got hurt during a session, how would I handle it?  What if someone said they had no limits but then started being afraid of almost everything?  Play out worst case scenarios in your head, talk with subs about the things that upset them most during sessions (you might be very surprised at some of the answers), and simply prepare mentally.  The fact that you even asked the question shows me that you already have a good level of maturity.  Best of luck in your search.



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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 6:35:32 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		If you look in the mirror in the morning and lie to yourself,  you aren't ready to master a flea.
 
 
 

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 6:57:30 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		To Master ones' self is to take control of your life and that's a neverending process. It never stops until you're dead.

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 7:15:24 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

If you look in the mirror in the morning and lie to yourself,  you aren't ready to master a flea.
 
 
 

oo er misses....
love this one


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 9:16:25 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		Thank you for the replies thus far.
I have to bust out shortly for a long day at the mines, but I will think about them some more.

One thing that got me asking this question was asking myself if I would have been a good dominant partner when I was in my early 20s.

For me, the answer was "probably not".

I had the desire, but it was uninformed; I didn't have the information at hand or the concepts in place. (Not that I would have been reckless; but I would have been unable to explain because I didn't much understand, myself. Even now, though, I don't pretend to have the logical answers to everything. But some things I'm comfortable acknowledging I don't have answers to.)

I'd never heard of a "D/s relationship", for example. Or D/s play, for that matter.

Those were dark times, indeed. (Partly because this was pre-internet: if I'd had that resource you can bet, like most teens, I would have been all over it.)

I also grew up in a stereotypical repressed New England village with a morality descended from the Puritans. So there was an environmental factor of shame to deal with.

On the personal front, I had no idea how to process emotions; how to sort them out, how to not be embarassed at having them, how to explain what I was feeling. I didn't even know what the different feelings were. That was another long process.

Then there was learning to explain them to others, at least enough so that they'd get some kind of idea...

Oy!

So, I ask myself, how'd I get from there to here, where I feel that I could answer that question positively?

What was the process involved? I'm curious about the "how" , as well as the "what".

One example: I disliked my time in the military, but I did come out of the experience feeling that I could go anywhere and live. I could move to any city and start with nothing, and I would be ok. That's one small piece that hardly relates, but it's the first example of a tangible event that pops into mind.

Other "transformational" events have been simply being in a relationship with a sub who supported me...

Damn, I didn't want to ramble, but now it's time to go!

Oh, well.


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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 1:11:49 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hmmm so far by most people's definitions, I have mastered myself.  I have a degree of worldy success, I have maintained a reasonable sense of power over things and situations around me, I know myself inside and out without any doubt about what I am.  Yet.. I am submissive.
Mastery over ones life is attainable whether you are dominant, submissive, slave, bottom, top, ect.
Mastering onesself by my definition means you have decent life skillls.  You can control your actions and you accept responsibility for them.  You do not make excuses when you fail.  You listen to anothers point of view without feeling threatened or attacked.  You are in reasonable control over your anger.  You are not "living in a van down by the river", and expecting to dictate to another about what is best for them.  You understand that you do not have all the answers and are willing to seek out solutions that you may not have considered before.
Those are my definitions.  I meet them.  I expect my partners to meet them as well.
Kyst

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 3:47:06 PM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		mastering oneself is a continual process, never ending - doh !!

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 3:53:23 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		The question of Mastering yourself doesn't just apply to the world of kink bit it certainly applies to many other areas of a successful life and relationships as it does in the occult world where those on my specific path are required to master the elements within to a high degree. Mastering one's self is not something you do once but is a never ending task and duty. Those who have some success in this often rise or have the potential to levels of power in business as well as in their social and private lives. Self mastery does often include you do lead by example as a byproduct. The first step is to learn all about yourself and accept what you find with no white washing. Then you can start the arduous journey of changing what is not acceptable and enhancing what is already good. there not another person who ultimately can guide you for you are unique. Every man, woman and youth I know is in the process of change as we adapt to an ever changing world and as we grow and mature. Mastering temper and learning how to read and accept others is a good stage to reach though before trying to master others. 

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Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: ...Mastered what, now? - 3/21/2009 4:31:30 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

If you look in the mirror in the morning and lie to yourself,  you aren't ready to master a flea. 

...or here. Also, I have always thought from the beginning lo those many years ago, that even to be dominant let alone a master one had to dominate their life, then as he grew...master life around him. Successful in all of the necessities of life never being in doubt, secure emotionally and financially. He is a role model, level headed and shows a quite confidence without braggadocio, yet in social, vanilla settings shows a basic respect to all people and even when called for...humility.

Yes, mastery is a large chapter in the novel we are all worth and I've known one man like the above and is now a 64 yr. old pro dom for the last 10 years and counting.

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