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RE: Unclothed - 3/21/2009 3:36:18 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		FR

Both as a Master and as a counselor and a therapist, I have to say you have been given some good advice and that you seem to be moving along a similar path I would suggest. There are lifestyles under the general blanket of kink or BDSM in which nudity is not especially important nor is sex or BDSM but are pleasurable add-ons. In my own case (Victorian Lifestyle), I will always be open to a slave who is service oriented only. As trust is developed, who knows what may eventuate as far as BDSM and/or sexual intimacy at a later date. Two years is not such a long healing time and the speed and effectiveness of what you are doing largely depends on both those who you are seeing and your acceptance and trust. I do understand your issues and I have in the past helped several people going through what you re including one slave collared to my home for two years until we decided to part ways so she could experiment in the switch area of her life.  

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Unclothed - 3/21/2009 4:31:09 PM   
QriusCat


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		IronBear -

Thank you so much for your positive words. It is very encouraging to know that at least a few people don't see this as a reason to run in
the other direction. I think it is very interesting that you are both a Master and counselor and value your insight as seen from both sides.

Thank you to everyone in fact.

I took a chance coming on here, spilling all my secrets, and looking for input and I am ever so pleased to have received some!

Just reading through everything today has left a huge smile on my face.
Not only has everyone proven to be caring, but encouraging and open as well.

You're a great bunch!

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Unclothed - 3/21/2009 5:54:08 PM   
kazzaslave


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/12/2008
Status: offline 		*smiles* you know what, Q YOU are great too, you just don't realise it...YET. I think you're on the right track with that Dom friend of yours. The fact is that although therapy is great, just like any other phobia nothing short of being with a Dom and learning to trust him enough to undress around him will get you over your fear of being seen naked. It sounds like he might be the one to help you do that.

Good luck!

kazza




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(in reply to QriusCat)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Unclothed - 3/22/2009 1:58:05 AM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline 		I would suggest you start posting pictures of yourself. Progressively take off more clothes until you are comfortable posting pictures that are totally nude. Then maybe to go webcams. After awhile you will get used to the idea of being naked in front of people. 

(in reply to QriusCat)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Unclothed - 3/22/2009 5:38:36 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		There are times when I am very proud of this little community of CM people, this thread is an example of how supportive people can be.

Just something my dearest Aunt told me back when dinosaurs ruled the earth.  "Men love to look at naked women.  And when you are the only naked woman in the room, he will absolutely love looking at you!"  In other words, let beauty be in the eye of the beholder.  If you can't trust his judgement on what he thinks pretty is, how can you trust him with the more crutial judgements of your relationship?

It's also been said that what you think about is what you bring about.  Therapy is a great idea, really.  Also, try reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. 

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(in reply to QriusCat)
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RE: Unclothed - 3/22/2009 5:50:31 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QriusCat

Why in the world would he want to be bothered with all of that? Even if he was willing to accept the challenge - what would he get out of this?



why ask why?  he is a man who sees what he wants.  does it matter what he may gain or not gain?  when he looks at you, he doesnt see what you see.  relax a bit more.  allow him to show you why.  its a risk, a delightful, delicious risk.  when we women see ourselves, we see body parts.  jiggly wiggly is me!  when Master looks at me, what he sees i have no clue.  he shows me he loves what he sees, and wants it more and more.  isnt that all that counts?

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Unclothed - 3/22/2009 6:58:33 AM   
Aly055


Posts: 34
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline 		One thing that I have found to help me is taking a shower with someone.  This helps me because the shower is someplace that you're always naked anyway so it dosen't seem quite as akward plus I can focus on the other person and not myself as much I love giving back massages and stuff so.  Just a suggestion on where a good first place might be when you get there.  I wish you the best of luck.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Unclothed - 3/23/2009 6:14:25 AM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows

With her age The beauty of a woman only grows."  - Author Unknown.

Everyone has phobias and not everyone is a exhibitionist or nudist.. still plenty of ways to be eroticly enticing without getting totally nekid. 
I'd suggest maybe picking out some erotic lingere and stockings. and try wearing it around the house alone .. to get comfortable with your own body. in comfortably erotic clothing..
eventually you'll be like well these lacie panties are'nt all that comfy so i'll slip these off.. ;)

rather then diving out to the deep end of the pool..
Webcam viewers can be cruel.. and even if you are confidently beautiful they can still be rude..







(in reply to Aly055)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Unclothed - 3/24/2009 11:50:24 AM   
MasterRaid


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QriusCat

Why in the world would he want to be bothered with all of that? Even if he was willing to accept the challenge - what would he get out of this?

I am getting the sense from your responses so far that it is unfair to him. I can understand that and I absolutely don't want to be a burden. Perhaps in a year or so I will be more ready to begin on this path. I will just keep working on my comfort level alone.

Oh, last thing. I know I can and should talk to him about this and not ask a ton of strangers... but he is such a "dragon-slayer/knight in shining armor" type that he will just see me as a damsel in distress and take me under his wing. I don't want that. I want him to choose to love and train me, not work on me like a broken toy.



Greetings QuirusCat,
                  First off why would He or any other Dom want to be bothered with that? Simply stated that is what Doms do. Myself I enjoy working on any issue a submissive wishes to change about herself. What would He get out of it? Many things actually from the mental challenge of assisting you to overcome this to the joy of accomplishment when you finally work through it. BDSM is as much mental as it is physical. I do not know about anyone else, but, as far as unfair I would think it would only be unfair to not tell. If a Dom knew of any issues before hand and still chose the excitement of your submission then there is no real wrong there. The only bad part would be to not try. This Dom you are speaking of with the "Knight in shining armor" complex. I can understand your feelings of not wanting to be his "damsel" but if you really want something you should try to speak with Him first about it and let Him know how you feel. I am sure that you and He could come up with a progressive training regime that may be helpful especially if you couple that with your professional sessions you are currently undergoing. I am sure you will ht snags along the way but as long as you keep working at it I think you will succeed.

P.S.  For what its worht the beauty of a woman is not in the physical image but rather in the mental image she projects..


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..................................................................DON'T!

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Unclothed - 3/24/2009 12:34:15 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

I would suggest you start posting pictures of yourself. Progressively take off more clothes until you are comfortable posting pictures that are totally nude. Then maybe to go webcams. After awhile you will get used to the idea of being naked in front of people. 


Ok I totally do NOT agree with this at all.

very very very bad advice. Talk about taking someone with self image insecurities and throwing them to the wolves.

I'd never endorse anyone even the young hotties to do something this illadvised.

may as well lable yourself a peice of meat and wank fodder.

The OP doesn't want nor does she need to get used to being naked infront of strangers or people or groups, she only needs to become comfortable in being unclothed infront of someone she cares about and trusts.

BAD BAD BAD ADVICE!!!!!

QriusCat

You have gotten some awesome advice and alot of support, I think you are definately taking the right steps and I wish you all the best. It takes time but it does come eventually. Knowing that there are men out that that love and adore chubby chicks is always nice too. Not everyone is attracted to or expects or wants you to be the perfect size 4.

One thing i found that helped, was after a shower or something, look at myself alone in the mirror and find the things about myself I really liked.

cute nipples, the curve of the neck to shoulder etc there is always something we like and the more you look the more you can like or atleast accept about yourself.

The stretch marks on my tummy from pregnancy look like I was clawed by a big cat hehe kinda cute really.

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Unclothed - 3/24/2009 2:08:56 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is it a dealbreaker to meet a a girl like me who is not willing to remove her clothing


It is - for you. You don't want to meet anyone.

By allowing this to continue, using the excuses you've just outlines, you are creating an untenable situation. You're basically making it impossible for yourself to have physical relationships. The fact that you are asking this very silly question here means to me that you are looking for arguments to continue the way you are.

What I feel you need to do is stop using excuses (like "I went through an abusive relationship" and "I have had a really rough past few years") that allow you to behave abnormally, and try to fix what's broken. This has nothing to do with past relationships or rough years, this is all in your head, and only in your head. And if you can't fix it yourself, get therapy. Therapy can help you find yourself again - asking nonsensical questions in alternative sex forums cannot.

(in reply to QriusCat)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Unclothed - 3/27/2009 2:15:35 PM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, I prefer subs who keep some article of clothing on. Guess I'm just old fashioned.

(in reply to QriusCat)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Unclothed - 3/27/2009 3:56:03 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe I should get a second opinion?


Good for you being in therapy.

But why would you want to get a second opinion? You're not happy with the therapist? You don't think you're making progress?

I am not clear how a D/s relationship would be any different from any other interpersonal relationship. And I am not understanding why you (that is the impression I get) won't work with your therapist - you are here, as it were, self-medicating. Why? I can understand a level of frustration, but why do you add to the frustration by trying to have multiple therapists, advice from multiple people. If you go to see four doctors about an ailment, you run the risk you get four different diagnoses. Which would not help at all. But my primary question is (and I am sorry if you said it and I missed it) why is the therapy not good enough / not working for you - are you so comfortable in the place where you are that you don't want to solve the problem, and will go looking for a different solution every time you have one?

Somewhere in there you mention doms being "supportive, loving, and caring" in a relationship. Is that the clue? That's a hallmark of any good friendship or relationship. Stretching it out to D/s is, I think, a move of depsperation. You need to be able to create that "supportive, loving, and caring" - that's a personal need, and has nothing to do with which type of sex you have.

Last  but not least, you aren't supposed to discuss conversations with your therapist publicly. She would normally have made you sign a piece of paper where it says that. She can't discuss your case in a class she teaches without your consent, and you cannot, either. Did you clear your posting with her? Or are you not aware of this, is she not a certified therapist, or are you deliberately walking all over the rules?

(in reply to QriusCat)
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RE: Unclothed - 3/27/2009 4:34:45 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Last  but not least, you aren't supposed to discuss conversations with your therapist publicly. She would normally have made you sign a piece of paper where it says that. She can't discuss your case in a class she teaches without your consent, and you cannot, either. Did you clear your posting with her? Or are you not aware of this, is she not a certified therapist, or are you deliberately walking all over the rules?


That is incorrect, confidentiality protects the client from being identified as a client by the therapist or others working in the office/facility.  The client is free to talk to anybody, anywhere, anytime about herself.  There are no rules/laws saying she can't. A client can walk up to me in public and introduce me to the person with her and state I am her therapist.  I on the other hand can not go up to her in public and starting talking about her counseling session or remind her of her next appointment.

Oh, I can discuss her case in a class that I am teaching as long as I do it in such a way that no identifying information is giving and therefore no one would the specific person I was talking about.  I don't need consent for that.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Unclothed - 3/29/2009 10:58:56 AM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		QriusCat,
              your dom friend is already interested.
              Here's an idea. Create a new ID, tell your friend that you have joined CM. Show him this thread and say 'sometimes I feel like this too' you can then get his thoughts upon the issues raised here. After discussing it at some length you can decide to tell him or not that you made the thread. From there you can go forward together.
               Going naked on a webcam is the most moronic remark I've seen in some time.


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Hitman for the Subby Mafia

(in reply to LovingMistress45)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Unclothed - 3/29/2009 11:53:15 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Last  but not least, you aren't supposed to discuss conversations with your therapist publicly. She would normally have made you sign a piece of paper where it says that. She can't discuss your case in a class she teaches without your consent, and you cannot, either. Did you clear your posting with her? Or are you not aware of this, is she not a certified therapist, or are you deliberately walking all over the rules?


That is incorrect, confidentiality protects the client from being identified as a client by the therapist or others working in the office/facility.  The client is free to talk to anybody, anywhere, anytime about herself.  There are no rules/laws saying she can't. A client can walk up to me in public and introduce me to the person with her and state I am her therapist.  I on the other hand can not go up to her in public and starting talking about her counseling session or remind her of her next appointment.

Oh, I can discuss her case in a class that I am teaching as long as I do it in such a way that no identifying information is giving and therefore no one would the specific person I was talking about.  I don't need consent for that.



A completely agree with Loving Mistyress. This applies here where I l;ive and I am reasonably sure it applies to all Australian States too. The only time I can give details without a client/patient's conscent is when I am ordered to by a court. I can of course use the generaltities (providing I do not identify the client/patient in both a teaching facility or when discussing similar cases or indeed asking for general guidence from other professionals. 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/29/2009 11:55:13 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Unclothed - 3/29/2009 3:45:34 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		QCat - you are doing all the right things. If your dom friend is interested, then send him an email - is easier to talk about scarey things in mail than in person - lay out your issues, that you want to get around them and you have the support of a therapist , and see if he would be interested in "helping" you. .  You might be pleasantly surprised!

The thing is - you have the desire to change, and all you need is someone of the opposite sex (i'm guessing you are straight) to assist your transformation.  And why would he want to help?  Oh, lets see.  Naked chick, in submissive mode.    That would do it for my Sir!!!!!  That and the fact that he likes to help people.
Give him a chance. If he isn't interested in you, then nothing lost, nothing hurt.   Go for it!!!

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Unclothed - 3/29/2009 6:23:49 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		There is an article here that i posted some time ago that you may find helpful:
body image



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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Unclothed - 3/29/2009 9:00:30 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

client is free to talk to anybody, anywhere, anytime about herself


I did not say that. I said she cannot discuss the conversations (i.e., the treatment) publicly. If you look at the paperwork a patient signs when commencing therapy - say physical therapy, chemo, whatever - the entire legal treatment changed when the new patient confidentiality laws came into effect, a few years ago. They not only restrict doctors and medical institutions in what they can do with patient information, they also restrict the patient's ability to discuss their medical information. Again: publicly. I didn't say anything about her telling her auntie what the therapist said, but posting on a publicly accessible forum isn't permitted.

I noticed the clauses earlier in the year, when I went to get physical therapy, and later saw that even the radiology department in my local hospital uses the new restrictions. Hence my asking whether this was a licensed therapist.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Unclothed - 3/29/2009 9:10:42 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

A completely agree with Loving Mistyress


See my reply to lovingmistress45. A few years ago, patient confidentiality laws in the United States were revamped extensively, you can in fact not go into a doctor's office, today, or you are made to sign a waiver form where you acknowledge you have been given a copy of the lawfully mandated patient privacy statement. The flipside of that is that medical institutions have begun to protect their privacy too, and to some extent include protection of the intellectual property they have, inherent in their treatment methods.

I appreciate your chiming in, but medical care in the United States is mostly private, and legally not in any way comparable to the public medical care practiced in Australia, New Zealand, the UK and Canada (just to stick with the Anglo-Saxon countries).

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 40
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