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Controlling a Master - 1/25/2006 6:28:14 AM   
Twilightt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Do any of you find that it's more entertaining to control somone that isn't nesecarilly submissive? Any thoughts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/25/2006 6:38:13 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline 		I amuse myself with our rather autocratic general manager, who is 25 years older than I am. I call him my good boy when he deserves it, threaten to spank him until he can't sit down when he's a bad boy, scold him, and just the other day I led him around the office by his scarf (while commenting that it made a handy leash for the purpose).

He's well aware of what I am-didn't have to tell him, he informed someone else at a meeting once that I was a sadist, and he calls a hat that I've worn a couple of times my Domina hat.

Makes the work day a lot more fun :)

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Twilightt)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/25/2006 7:00:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Oh it's generally fun to manipulate people, to feel in control, especially if you can convince them that they think they are in control (many female subs enjoy this as well, they will have a date and then come and gossip about how "He was so not a dom, I could have walked all over him, he did everything I wanted").

However, there's a clear line of propriety that I hold myself to in terms of not being mean spirited about it, not doing it out of insecurity on my part, not being passive aggressive and not making the other person uncomfortable about it.

And, as almost every dom will say- they prefer being in a relationship with a strong submissive.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Twilightt)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/25/2006 7:42:09 AM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Neither one of my slaves has a submissive personality. They surrender to me, but maintain their own will and identity. The beauty is that they mold their will to what I have said I like and desire. This isn't done to the extent that they are no longer who they are nor do they do it mindlessly. Leading in this way and finding the right people who respond to this kind of leadership, I very rarely have to order them to do anything.

So, I'd have to say no, I don't find it "entertaining" to control anyone. The joy I feel comes from the spontaneous, willful surrender of another.

Fire


_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to Twilightt)
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RE: Controlling a Master - 1/25/2006 1:27:53 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Neither one of my slaves has a submissive personality. They surrender to me, but maintain their own will and identity. The beauty is that they mold their will to what I have said I like and desire. This isn't done to the extent that they are no longer who they are nor do they do it mindlessly. Leading in this way and finding the right people who respond to this kind of leadership, I very rarely have to order them to do anything.
Glad to read this, because I do like strong people as partners, so it gives me hope, because so far, I've only met one person with these qualities. I just like to be followed and obeyed by said strong person.

At work it happens all of the time, where I say would you like to do A or B..., because they love it when it's their choice. In other instances, I usually ask "do you want me in here interfering (telling you what to do, lol) , or not?" Usually the answer is yes, if no answer/or the answer is no, I walk away, because I do end up telling people what to do if I notice it's being done wrong or not safely. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MistressFire70)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/25/2006 5:05:10 PM   
Twilightt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Oh it's generally fun to manipulate people, to feel in control, especially if you can convince them that they think they are in control (many female subs enjoy this as well, they will have a date and then come and gossip about how "He was so not a dom, I could have walked all over him, he did everything I wanted").

However, there's a clear line of propriety that I hold myself to in terms of not being mean spirited about it, not doing it out of insecurity on my part, not being passive aggressive and not making the other person uncomfortable about it.

And, as almost every dom will say- they prefer being in a relationship with a strong submissive.


I would love to find a strong willed man that isn't into BDSM and turn him, make him mine. It would take some work, but it would be such an interesting game.

Any ideas?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/26/2006 2:15:37 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		i too like a strong man,not someone i can run over and the stronger the male the better it is to havce fun control him i find that talking first and using a tone of voice, that and the look in there eyes show me how submissive they are it works all of the time love it

mons

(in reply to Twilightt)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/26/2006 12:00:40 PM   
MistressAlexaS


Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		My current boyfriend is an Ex Gorean Master, it hasn't been an easy road for him to accept the fact that he is in love with a Dominant woman. He was living 24/7 lifestyle before he met me so I was a totally different kind of woman for him. We had disagreements to be sure, I couldn't and wouldn't deal with his *old fashioned* way of thinking. I told him I am not submissive, I will not be controlled or dominated. and I most certainly do not believe in male supremacy (nor female everyone is equal in my book) I am very aggressive in the sex department and I will be the one holding the flogger in my hand. Needless to say He had to do alot of soul searching and examining of his true self only to find that his old way of thinking wasn't who he really was at all.
He'd secretly had desires to be dominated by a woman but with his Gorean friends he couldn't admit that and he certainly couldnt tell his slave about it.

But I have to say his submission to me was the biggest and sweetest thing I've ever been given. I know it was not easy and I know he doesn't regret it. He's the love of my life, even if he is a painslut.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/26/2006 12:02:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twilightt
I would love to find a strong willed man that isn't into BDSM and turn him, make him mine. It would take some work, but it would be such an interesting game.

Any ideas?


The nearest bar?


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Twilightt)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/26/2006 1:21:05 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS

My current boyfriend is an Ex Gorean Master, it hasn't been an easy road for him to accept the fact that he is in love with a Dominant woman. He was living 24/7 lifestyle before he met me so I was a totally different kind of woman for him. We had disagreements to be sure, I couldn't and wouldn't deal with his *old fashioned* way of thinking. I told him I am not submissive, I will not be controlled or dominated. and I most certainly do not believe in male supremacy (nor female everyone is equal in my book) I am very aggressive in the sex department and I will be the one holding the flogger in my hand. Needless to say He had to do alot of soul searching and examining of his true self only to find that his old way of thinking wasn't who he really was at all.
He'd secretly had desires to be dominated by a woman but with his Gorean friends he couldn't admit that and he certainly couldnt tell his slave about it.

But I have to say his submission to me was the biggest and sweetest thing I've ever been given. I know it was not easy and I know he doesn't regret it. He's the love of my life, even if he is a painslut.

~Alexa



This is a fantastic story. I am not sure why it is, but there is something incredibly erotic about a male struggling with his own strong feelings of submission. Maybe it goes against his normal way of behaving, or he thinks "real men are not like this". So he struggles and feels ambivalent, and then finally falls...and it is amazingly sweet. Your experience is a great example of this, thanks for sharing it.

Smythe





_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/26/2006 6:23:04 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		The opposite is also true; give me an amazon............I will make a woman of her, whether she is for it or against it........no matter.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Controlling a Master - 1/28/2006 2:33:35 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The opposite is also true; give me an amazon............I will make a woman of her, whether she is for it or against it........no matter.

Ron



Be careful what you wish for!

; )

TM

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/14/2006 10:46:37 PM   
Twilightt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS

My current boyfriend is an Ex Gorean Master, it hasn't been an easy road for him to accept the fact that he is in love with a Dominant woman. He was living 24/7 lifestyle before he met me so I was a totally different kind of woman for him. We had disagreements to be sure, I couldn't and wouldn't deal with his *old fashioned* way of thinking. I told him I am not submissive, I will not be controlled or dominated. and I most certainly do not believe in male supremacy (nor female everyone is equal in my book) I am very aggressive in the sex department and I will be the one holding the flogger in my hand. Needless to say He had to do alot of soul searching and examining of his true self only to find that his old way of thinking wasn't who he really was at all.
He'd secretly had desires to be dominated by a woman but with his Gorean friends he couldn't admit that and he certainly couldnt tell his slave about it.

But I have to say his submission to me was the biggest and sweetest thing I've ever been given. I know it was not easy and I know he doesn't regret it. He's the love of my life, even if he is a painslut.

~Alexa



That is so sweet. What a great story.

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 5:22:25 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

I amuse myself with our rather autocratic general manager, who is 25 years older than I am. I call him my good boy when he deserves it, threaten to spank him until he can't sit down when he's a bad boy, scold him, and just the other day I led him around the office by his scarf (while commenting that it made a handy leash for the purpose).

He's well aware of what I am-didn't have to tell him, he informed someone else at a meeting once that I was a sadist, and he calls a hat that I've worn a couple of times my Domina hat.

Makes the work day a lot more fun :)



I can see the "fun" aspect of this, but as a word of caution, it's situations like these that make for hefty lawsuits.

K

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 11:08:36 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan


quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

Makes the work day a lot more fun :)



I can see the "fun" aspect of this, but as a word of caution, it's situations like these that make for hefty lawsuits.

K


Thanks awfully for the warning, but there is a lot more to the situation than the bare bones in my post. It's not for everyone, or every situation, and in fact in many situations it would be unacceptable. However, in ours, it is not a problem.

Don't try this one at home, folks. Most "corporate" cultures won't stand for it. It takes a pretty close relationship between the two parties involved. Helps if your boss is the "big" boss. Helps if your boss isn't American, too. We've both agreed to operate in a different business culture than the standard US one that I've been conditioned too and he's not familiar with-not easy to overcome, but for him, it was worth it.

Recently, he got to meet my real boy, and I showed him the collar I ordered for him. He stated just this morning that he considers my real boy very lucky.

He enjoys being my boy at work. I have fun treating him thus. And I've been promoted twice. And when my mother was dying, he was there for me to lean on.

Just a few minutes ago, I reminded him of his missed lunch by getting his lunch out and setting it in front of him and told him to eat it like a good boy, and when he left it untouched, I followed up with a threat to feed him forcibly. The lunch subsequently vanished.

It's not all threats, I also mother him-including bandaging him up after he cut himself rather badly at home. If he's not feeling well, he gets the hand on his forehead, or the headache pills dispensed.

He's autocratic and stubborn, but, although he does not wear my collar, he is my 'other' boy.

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 11:36:46 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix
Don't try this one at home, folks. Most "corporate" cultures won't stand for it. It takes a pretty close relationship between the two parties involved.


Very much so. I was in a similar situation for a time when I worked at the hospital. There was a spark from the first moment we met, but also a recognition of the dynamic between us and that it was totaly at odds with our work situation. She was in charge of the ward, I was 'under' her in a work sense. It took close to a year before we felt comfortable enough to act on things.

When it was just the two of us or in an off duty situation she was submissive, but at work we had to be very careful so as not to undermine her authority with the others on the ward. Tricky and boy did she enjoy teasing when she knew I couldn't openly react... well not at the time at least

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 11:59:26 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

Neither one of my slaves has a submissive personality. They surrender to me, but maintain their own will and identity. The beauty is that they mold their will to what I have said I like and desire. This isn't done to the extent that they are no longer who they are nor do they do it mindlessly. Leading in this way and finding the right people who respond to this kind of leadership, I very rarely have to order them to do anything.

So, I'd have to say no, I don't find it "entertaining" to control anyone. The joy I feel comes from the spontaneous, willful surrender of another.

Fire



I agree with what Fire is saying here and want to add my own experience.

In general people I've trained and then owned (or just trained) become stronger individuals. Submissive is not how I would describe any of them. Can they be submissive? Yes. Are they good slaves for me? Yes. Are they responsive bottoms? Certainly.

Now I can't claim that I don't do things to influence or manipulate people -- that would be a lie to myself and to you all. Sometimes I'm probably not even aware of what I do but sometimes I am very aware that I use a certain word or a tone of voice to push the person toward the choice I want.

I want to feel like they made a choice however. That's important to me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressFire70)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 1:08:58 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Neither one of my slaves has a submissive personality


This makes me somewhat curious, namely about what is a "submissive personality."

(in reply to MistressFire70)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 5:16:05 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Neither one of my slaves has a submissive personality


This makes me somewhat curious, namely about what is a "submissive personality."


When I read it, I, of course, put my own interpretation on it.

For me a "submissive personality" would be someone who in every day life in a majority of situations follows other people and bents to them without much thought for him/herself. Not necessarily a doormat but they serve everyone around them usually without much thought, its just a "natural" reaction.

That being said, I've trained some folks who were very close to this and what they all walked away with was the ability to say "no" and set limits in their scene and their mundane lives. This is very true of Fox, for example, who can clear now tell you that his choosing is the most important thing regardless of if its at work or to kneel to me. People expecting him to "kneel" or trying to force him to "kneel" who are not me are very likely to get a frown and more from him plus he won't "kneel" -- even 4 years ago this wasn't true yet, its been a journey for him to realize he doesn't have to submit to the world just because he likes pleasing people and caring for people.

Frankly I don't think its safe to have a "submissive personality" in most situations. There are too many selfish and nasty people out there happy to use and abuse others. I'm sure others will disagree but the people I've known with "submissive personality" seemed much happier both in and out of BDSM when they learned to be selective about who and what they submit to.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Controlling a Master - 2/15/2006 6:29:54 PM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

For me a "submissive personality" would be someone who in every day life in a majority of situations follows other people and bents to them without much thought for him/herself. Not necessarily a doormat but they serve everyone around them usually without much thought, its just a "natural" reaction.



I tend to look at it in terms of followers, as well as leaders-particularly relating it to leadership levels (something that I learned from John Maxwell's Leadership books) that he ranks from 1-10. In a nutshell, people with lower levels of leadership skills, tend to follow those with higher levels. A 1 is going to follow and serve anyone from 2-10, a 5 is going to do that with only the 6-10's, and someone who is a 9 or 10 is likely to follow anyone at all.

But that's just my own personal way of looking at it.

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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