RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom

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RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom - 3/25/2009 2:11:01 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

submissive bottom: Please hurt me.
Topping from the bottom: Hurt me. Now!

It's all in the intent, which often leads to the delivery.

Master Fire

i agree, it's the way you go about it.....i don't ever demand, i BEG.....i'm good at it and He loves it. i do not ever want to be accused of tftb!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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Post #: 41

RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom - 3/27/2009 2:17:57 PM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

When subs try to top me, that's a dealbreaker. No ifs, ands or butts(Unless the butt has been spanked)

(in reply to cantilena)

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Post #: 42

RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom - 3/27/2009 3:53:14 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I found you becasue you were sub, I expect you to be sub.

I've found that a good proportion of women that think they are subs have in fact a controlling personality, and "top from the bottom". You need to test for that.

I've encountered this too along with a variety of different tactics.

In a thread in the BDSM Discussion area - http://www.collarchat.com/m_2520001/mpage_2/tm.htm - two dominants I've come to respect over my time reading here had the quoted exchange, referring to topping from the bottom. So that I don't hijack that thread, I thought I'd ask for clarification here. I'm 100% positive that this has been discussed before, but I'd like to hear views from the current posters as well.

In your opinion, what constitutes topping from the bottom? Is it always a bad thing in your mind, and for your relationship(s)? Why?

Thank you in advance for any discussion.

{edited for spelling error}

Simplest phrasing of my opinion: When the line between suggesting/sharing and manipulating is crossed.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to cantilena)

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Post #: 43

RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom - 3/28/2009 8:11:55 PM

MasterDarkSadist

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

As with most lifestyle dynamics......this is an issue that I see more relevant in M/s relationships than anywhere else. Top/bottom (the bottom by very nature of the play is topping from the bottom....and it is expected). Dom/sub, the submissive has limits, so she is still topping from the bottom to a degree. So, therefore, the only relationship dynamic that I see this as a problem with is M/s. Due to the nature of the relationship, if a slave tops from the bottom, the easiest way to correct this is to do exactly what the slave does not want to happen........every time she tries to control things.

Topping from the bottom: when the slave/sub/whatever title, tries or succeeds in controlling what happens to them to any degree (rightfully or wrongfully).

(in reply to cantilena)

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Post #: 44

RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom - 3/28/2009 8:31:05 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Expecting to get one's needs met, or asking for the things one desires, I think, is perfectly normal, healthy and acceptable human behavior in a relationship, and I think we all do it to varying degrees, regardless of orientation. Being subtle or passive about it doesn't change the motivation or the agenda.

I never really could wrap my head around the "topping from the bottom" concept. I think most people use the term when a person in the submissive position attempts to control by way of overt manipulation or bossiness.

< Message edited by marie2 -- 3/28/2009 8:32:18 PM >

(in reply to MasterDarkSadist)

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RE: The Dreaded Topping From The Bottom - 3/28/2009 8:43:29 PM

MasterDarkSadist

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

Expecting to get one's needs met, or asking for the things one desires, I think, is perfectly normal, healthy and acceptable human behavior in a relationship, and I think we all do it to varying degrees, regardless of orientation. Being subtle or passive about it doesn't change the motivation or the agenda.

I never really could wrap my head around the "topping from the bottom" concept. I think most people use the term when a person in the submissive position attempts to control by way of overt manipulation or bossiness.

True to a degree. The other way to combat topping from the bottom, is to be wise in the choice of one's partner. If a slave's needs are not being met and she has to top from the bottom to get what she needs out of a relationship, then she chose poorly. I think much of this problem has to do with poor communication of needs in the first place. Many expect their partner to "know" what they need without communicating exactly what they need in the first place.

Example: A sub enjoys humiliation, but she neglects to tell her Dom that she particularly enjoys a particular activity. Her Dom goes about humiliating her, and does not do whatever act she gets off on, and so she tries to manipulate him into doing it. This situation could have easily been avoided if she had told him of her particular desire.

It is hard to get subs to open up about their darker desires, and those are usually the ones feeding the fire that makes them crave this life; to be forced to do those things that turn them on, yet they are embarrassed to talk about.

(in reply to marie2)

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Post #: 46