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RE: The Enforcer - 3/24/2009 9:07:14 AM

Andalusite

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pinnipedster, I don't have any problem with being supportive of a submissive if he needs it, in an area he requests. I also have experience with helping men crossdress in a more feminine way (ie. choosing clothes, doing hair/makeup/etc.). However, I view that as *me* helping him do what he wants, not as part of the power exchange per se, which is me getting what *I* want (if I am the Domme in the relationship, of course). I don't view your desire as topping from the bottom, just as expressing a need/request for help in this area, but I hope that there are other areas in which you could actually engage in a power exchange with a potential partner. If this is the only one you want, then I'd view it as being more of a cross-dressing/force kink rather than as submission, but if it is one facet of the relationship, then it is quite reasonable.

Cat, I have to agree a bit with goodgirl - not that you don't know anything about submission, but that it can be very rewarding to submit to or do things that I don't enjoy at all. I agree that if "forced" play actually breaks boundaries/limits that the person is likely to leave, but most "forced" play seems to me to be just a form of roleplay, "Please don't throw me in the briar patch!" I wouldn't even mind *that* so much, but the ones who want power over how *I* feel about what we're doing bug the heck outta me. Not even Dominant men I've dated have asked for that much control - they recognise that I feel/react the way I do at the moment, rather than demanding I get turned on by x specific activity.

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RE: The Enforcer - 3/24/2009 9:09:07 AM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind

^^Oye^^^, yes, refer back to the post, my response was aimed at you for what you said about "Because I guarantee, if you didn't really WANT, you'd be out the door in a NY second."

Making blanket statements that discount the subs who continue to surrender under circumstances they really don't WANT is pretty narrow minded.

Any person who writes subs don't do things which they vehemently oppose is a misinformed ignorant ass.

Making blanket statements that individuals that have been given incorrect information or have not been given information at all constitutes them being an "ass" is a rather assholish statement in and of itself.

And please look up the word "vehemently."

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RE: The Enforcer - 3/24/2009 9:26:56 AM

GoodgirlFind

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Joined: 6/24/2007
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I was simply trying to explain why I'm arguing against a blanket statement that subs don't submit under extreme circumstances. Diversity of opinion and debate is what places like this are all about but it behooves you say what other people should or shouldn't do just because you don't agree. Its a disease of the narrow-minded.

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Post #: 23

RE: The Enforcer - 3/24/2009 9:36:30 AM

GoodgirlFind

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind

^^Oye^^^, yes, refer back to the post, my response was aimed at you for what you said about "Because I guarantee, if you didn't really WANT, you'd be out the door in a NY second."

Making blanket statements that discount the subs who continue to surrender under circumstances they really don't WANT is pretty narrow minded.

Any person who writes subs don't do things which they vehemently oppose is a misinformed ignorant ass.

Making blanket statements that individuals that have been given incorrect information or have not been given information at all constitutes them being an "ass" is a rather assholish statement in and of itself.

And please look up the word "vehemently."

Let me try to make this clear for you.

When a person writes something like "subs don't do things they really don't WANT" , I will counter argue that argument and call them disillusioned. It's one thing to disagree, it's quite another to discount other people's realities and the deeper levels they submit.

"And please look up the word "vehemently."

..... thanks, miss. "gotcha". Want a trophy?

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RE: The Enforcer - 3/24/2009 9:41:37 AM

YoungLust

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Do you happen to know what disillusioned means?

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RE: The Enforcer - 3/24/2009 9:56:22 AM

GoodgirlFind

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My experience represents my own... and speaking my own truth. And it seems as if other people agree that submitting to things they don't really want is rewarding for them too. Don't project your own wishes and beliefs on me. Like it or not, people do submit to things they don't really WANT to. Again, sorry for that inconvenient truth.

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Post #: 26

RE: The Enforcer - 3/25/2009 10:42:25 PM

pinnipedster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

If this is the only one you want, then I'd view it as being more of a cross-dressing/force kink rather than as submission, but if it is one facet of the relationship, then it is quite reasonable.

No, it's certainly not the only interest of mine that is D/s related -- in fact, as you suggest, it would not have to be part of a D/s dynamic at all (and most of my crossdressing has been in purely vanilla, non-sexual contexts). I am very flexible as to just how it would fit into a relationship. On the other hand, I can't imagine any kind of a relationship with a woman who didn't accept and preferably embrace it to some degree; it's too big a part of who I am.

quote:

Cat, I have to agree a bit with goodgirl - not that you don't know anything about submission, but that it can be very rewarding to submit to or do things that I don't enjoy at all.

I would say there is a difference between "things I don't enjoy at all" and "things I intensely dislike." I don't really enjoy, say, cleaning the bathroom, but I'll do it, and I might wind up feeling a sense of achievement or at least a feeling of the effort being appreciated. On the other hand, something like, oh, scat play, is something I just plain wouldn't do, and if someone tried to force me, there would be no enjoyment of any part of the process.

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Post #: 27

RE: The Enforcer - 3/26/2009 8:02:40 AM

Andalusite

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Pinnipedster, nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. I agree that it's important to feel valued for who you are, or at least not to feel like you have to hide it from your partner. Personally, I happen to be fine with occasional crossdressing, but it's not something that is one of my kinks, and I'm not comfortable with combining it with forced play/verbal humiliation. I treat them pretty much the way I would another woman who I was loaning clothes to or going shopping with or doing each other's hair and makeup - "Ooh, that's pretty, that other one isn't so flattering on you, maybe try this?" kind of stuff. It's not like I'm going to call another woman a "panty girl" or my "little bitch" for wearing lingerie!

If that kind of scene is something you want, and your (hypothetical) partner enjoys doing that, fine, I'm just saying that I personally would consider that type of "enforcement" scene to be a treat for him, catering to *his* kink, not related to my control over him (not interfering with it either, though, as long as it was *my* decision, and not because he kept pushing/whining).