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Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 7:01:04 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I have a question for the submissives. I have an acquaintance that recently announced that she believes herself to be submissive. I gave her some books to read, advised her to join a local BDSM club and to take her time and be safe. I then directed her to a site to go to in which to gather more information.

Upon putting up a profile she received several replies from male Doms. She in turn replied to all of these emails and began meeting the ones that lived near her. She immediately allowed herself to be collared after only two meetings with one. After a month she began to complain about this Dom and even though she wore his collar, she began talking to another Dom.

Eventually Dom #2 and she decided that they were a good fit (He did not know about Dom #1) so she accepted his collar, without asking for release from Dom #1. Now after 3 weeks of being collared to Dom #2, Dom #3 and she have hit it off so well that she has asked him to collar her.

She is now currently collared to 3 different Dom's who know nothing about each other. In all three relationships they agreed to be monogamous.

She and I have spoken about this. I told her I disagreed with what she was doing. That she was coming off as a "player" rather than someone who was taking their submission and relationship seriously. She disagreed with me saying "What they do not know will not hurt them".

In your opinion is she just being a player or could this be a form of sub frenzy?

Thanks for your time.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

Post #: 1

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 7:52:28 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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She just sounds......*unreliable* and hasn't a clue what she wants. She's not *collared* to any of them ........she's just having flings.

*OOOO , you sound good, I'll have YOU .....Ooo, you sound good too, I'll have YOU too, Oh hold on , YOU also sound good, I'll have you also*

She's right that * what they don't know won't hurt them*, though. She's found a playground, that's all.

agirl

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 7:58:03 AM

VeryNastyDom

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

It is OK to switch Doms, but you owe the one who has offered his collar the courtesy of letting him know. She will most certainly enjoy the kink, but she will never learn the joy of ownership and protection until she changes her attitude.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 8:03:31 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Sounds more like cluelessness to me both on her part and the three doms.

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

Post #: 4

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 8:29:25 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra That she was coming off as a "player" rather than someone who was taking their submission and relationship seriously. She disagreed with me saying "What they do not know will not hurt them".

How old is this person? Because I'm wondering how anyone can reach the age of consent without learning the utter foolishness of such childish, short-term thinking. Cut and paste that sentence into Babelfish, and translate it from Toddlerbabble into Adultspeak, and what comes out is "What they don't know yet hasn't had had a chance to hurt them and me as badly yet as it will when they find out." I would think that anyone who ever attended junior high school would have learned that by about age 14.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
In your opinion is she just being a player or could this be a form of sub frenzy?

What it is is selfish, dishonorable, and irresponsible behavior, pure and simple. I really don't see a need to dig any deeper than that to define it. She's lying to people who trust her, and she clearly knows that, as evidenced by her "what they don't know won't hurt them" statement. I'm sorry you had to find out about her true nature this way, but at least you learned a potentially valuable lesson on how much you can trust her in the future. I just hope for your sake that when all these chickens finally come home to roost, it doesn't reflect poorly on you or discredit you in your local community. You tried to help her, and it would be a shame if you got caught too squarely in the middle. Good luck to everyone involved.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 8:29:29 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...In your opinion is she just being a player or could this be a form of sub frenzy?...

if a complete lack of integrity is included in either definition of "player" or "a form of sub frenzy", then, most definitely.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 9:06:53 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

I wonder how long until doms 1,2 and 3 find out about each other.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 9:07:36 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I have to say i agree with agirl she is not collared to any of them. She has no sense of common decency or morality. What they don't know won't hurt them. Yeah trying to juggle 3 Doms it is gonna come out, then they will be hurt. Seems like she is not ready to be in a relationship with just one. If she want so play around fine that is her right until she accepts a collar. The rules change then. Espically since thry said there will be no others.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 8

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 9:09:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

By definition, she is a player. Could the underlying reason by sub frenzy? Quite possibly.
Does it matter? Not at all.

Tell her that eventually this will come out and she won't be welcomed by anybody in the group who has heard about her unethical behavior. Advise her to return all collars and tell all three that she went too far, too fast and needs to figure out what she wants. And perhaps she needs to learn about how good poly relationships work and decide if that is what she really wants.

_____________________________

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(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 9

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 9:15:32 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

How old is this person?

Sadly enough she is 36 years old, old enough to know better as far as I am concerned.
She has some other habits which show a lack of maturity as well.

It should not reflect badly on me as she is not my submissive nor did I recommend her to anyone. I merely gave her some books, some verbal advice (which she ignored obviously) and gave her an internet site to check out.

My hope is that the Dom's involved will discover what is going on and let her go (in a peaceful manner). But I have a feeling that it might turn ugly. The saddest part of it all is how easily she can lie and manipulate people and because of that, how alone she will truly be.

Thanks,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 9:18:23 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

i know what i would call her. and player is a tame comparison! This type of behaviour can be seen in all walks of life, collars aside.

She will soon find her reputation goes before her, and will end up a sorry pariah, pray to the lowest of the low, unfortunately.

i do wonder how long she will remain a sub before she discovers pastures new, or just becomes a sad fantasist. alone but for her own creations.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 10:06:27 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I know some around cm that are doing this to domina's and I call them players. I think it is a lot of things but mostly a lack of honor, respect for females (and self), lying and cheap tricks. So I would consider a woman doing the same thing as the same. Sooner or later you just may run into someone who doesn't take kindly to being treated that way. So I would also call it stupid.

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(in reply to pinkwind)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 10:25:13 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I know some around cm that are doing this to domina's and I call them players. I think it is a lot of things but mostly a lack of honor, respect for females (and self), lying and cheap tricks. So I would consider a woman doing the same thing as the same. Sooner or later you just may run into someone who doesn't take kindly to being treated that way. So I would also call it stupid.

Oo. Good point. I hadn't thought of that. I know it's not directly analogous to the situation Lashra describes in the OP, but your observation reminds me of a time several years ago when a young, female employee (early 20s) decided that her hotheaded, occasionally violent gangsta wannabe boyfriend wasn't treating her with enough respect. So she came to the brilliant conclusion that the way to get him to appreciate her more was to make him jealous - a tactic she accomplished by finding an even more hotheaded, even more violent gangsta wannabe thug to start sneaking around with. Guess how that turned out.

After 3 days of her not showing up for work, I went over to her apartment complex looking for her, and when i explained the situation to the manager and asked if he knew whether she was alright, he decided to go check her place out on the spot. When he saw the 3 bullet holes in one of the windows, he opened the door immediately, and we went in expecting to find her body. Fortunately, all we found was a thoroughly trashed apartment, with every stick of furniture smashed into kindling, bulletholes in the refrigerator and some of the walls, and no sign of the woman at all. We found out 2 or 3 days later that she was alive, and was hiding out with a relative in another city, but I never did find out which one of her young gentleman suitors had expressed himself so eloquently, or exactly what the sequence of events was and how she got out of the situation in one piece. Nor am I sure whether or not she really learned the lesson of just how much can go wrong when you start deliberately playing with the emotions of men you barely know - that some of them may not be quite as stable as you might have hoped.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 10:31:01 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Some people have a desperate need for attention.

She just wants to collect people I think.
People to make her feel special...people to give her a sense of belonging.

Likely she has difficulty making choices in her life ... this way when she screws something up, she will have someone (or several someones) to fall back on.

She does not know what it is to be collared; this is just all play to her.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 10:44:19 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I always called it "ho" hopping. I have dated three women at once. Around here I believe that going out on a couple of dates is comparable to considering yourself collared.

Is there a worse terminology ever to be constructed than "collaring?" Too fucking funny.

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(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 15

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 10:52:15 AM

KonDomme

Posts: 778
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline

What struck me was that any Dom would offer a collar to anyone in such a short space of time, let alone anyone wishing to receive one. "Collaring" [stupid expression or not, it is recognizable] is a two way street therefore, slap her once for she should know this having previously been a Domme herself, slap them three times for combination of stupidity, irrationality and just to wake them up. They all deserve each other and all that their associations reap.

< Message edited by KonDomme -- 3/23/2009 10:53:48 AM >

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 11:03:32 AM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

Yikes, the best case scenario in this is her becoming a submissive timeshare, and the worst... is so very much worse.

I feel bad for everyone involved, as I can't imagine this ending well, but her actions are simple immoral and irresponsible by my standards. This would be no less true whatever her gender, orientation or role happened to be.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 11:16:42 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

How has she kept them all from finding out about each other, so far?

Something's gotta give. Don't they see each other's marks on her? WTF?

She's not collared, she's just screwing around. She's a user.

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(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 11:19:26 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

You gave her advice, you told her you disagreed with the way she's behaving. She's 36 year old, she should be able to take care of herself by that age unless being mentally challenged, so in my opinion you've already done your part, the rest is up to her. She'll probably fall hard eventually, but then at least she has learnt a lesson (hopefully).
It has nothing to do with subfrenzy, in fact I've never been able to understand the phrase subfrenzy - to me it's just a word to make a "vanilla" situation sound more kinky. So yeah..I guess she's what me and the vanilla world would call, a player/hoe etc..

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Dom Flipping - 3/23/2009 12:26:17 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Is this how she dates? If so, it could be just the way she does things. It could be any number of things. Everyone has fun until someone gets hurt. Sometimes it's hard to watch our friends crash and burn.

Master Fire

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(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 20

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