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RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 1:47:53 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet

Lynnxz: Thanks. And thank you. I guess there was more to the question that even I saw. So, thanks for opening my eyes. I hope i can change like you did. It is just so hard to let him. But, i really should. Though, it probably wont be today. I bet it will take me months to man up the courage which sucks. I am only 22. I'm sure i can find someone else, i just dont want to lose him.

I used to think that I had to have a boyfriend all the time- which led me to stick around with losers longer than I should have. In order to get out of the relationship with Boy1, I'd settle for someone below my standards, Boy2. I'd get fed up with Boy2, and settle for Boy3.

It's a mess.

However, don't think being young has a factor in your decisions to put up with bs. This was mostly when I was 17-19. I am 22 now, in a stable relationship, and I don't take crap from anyone. It's a hard change- but certainly possible. At least you realize you have a problem... that was my issue.

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HBIC

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 21

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 1:50:43 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Lose him fast.

Your 22, you have years of dating fun before you should be thinking about getting married. Especially to a special needs character like this. He cannot master himself, why do you think he can be a master to you?????????

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 22

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 1:54:10 PM

inkywet

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/23/2009
Status: offline

Lynnxz:
Yeah, i started dating when i was 19. I had an amazing first boyfriend then it went downhill from there. Guys never use to be a priority i was always school orientated. Now, it feels like i havent developed those skills to really leave someone bad. I always had this thing that i could not break up with a guy because i didnt want to regret it. So, i needed him to do it. Which i guess is why i am having troubles with this one. When i found the ads, i posed as someone else online and he took the bait so i immediately broke up with him. However, he told me that online that wasnt him seeing as how he was in jail. I dont believe that put i didnt exactly have proof so we got back together. If i do leave i keep coming back and he takes me back every time.

< Message edited by inkywet -- 3/23/2009 1:55:01 PM >

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 23

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 2:08:17 PM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'afternoon all:

You want abuse? *smack* That'll be $10/minute, billable through PayPal.

Seriously; you both have so many issues I'd call Jerry Springer and watch the fireworks. What you need is common sense, strength of will and a good beat down. What on earth are you thinking about marriage when your own life is so dysfunctional?

1) Get rid of the cheating loser.
2) Assume accountability for your own decisions instead of seeking advice/sympathy from strangers.
3) Find a good shrink with a an open script pad. You need more medications than the boyfriend.

Stay safe, play nice & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 24

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 2:14:28 PM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

Ditto what others have said about your relationship specifically.

More broadly, properly managed bipolarity isn't an inhibiting factor on a relationship. Management can involve many things, but some form of drug is probably in the mix. It's just another thing to work with, like an annoying mother-in-law.

(in reply to Bella1965)

Post #: 25

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 2:56:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet

Lynnxz: I want to date him. In fact, we are planning marriage. I dont have a problem with his bipolar in general. I just dont know if it is safe to be tied up by him

Also, not going to lie, he has fucked me over a lot of times, but i keep coming back to him. So, for that its my fault... but i do love him.

Bipolar isn't the reason you should be afraid to be tied up by him. He' s simply an asshole if he's as you describe him in this thread and another of your topics.

I think you have a lot of growing up to do before getting married. You may want to think about premarriage counseling and skip the whole kinky bdsm and shit.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 26

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 4:45:35 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

he is a very passive guy

OK.... No profile, you are going to marry him, and he is passive so he is going to be a master. Ah, and he had a live-in slave he used. I think I am just waiting for the SUV with the in-dash dildo selector.

I personally think these postings have been cobbled together by a 12 year old - well, something.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 27

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 5:08:05 PM

OvaDaddysKnee

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/14/2008
Status: offline

Run...don't walk.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 28

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 5:40:13 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Anddddd he's the one you think needs therapy?

At the very least, it does not sound like the two of you are compatible.

Come on- you said in another thread he's hunting for girls on Craigslist without your knowledge. How well exactly do you expect this marriage to go over?

Lynnxz - get OUT of my head ! You're like Lockit - I think it and y'all type it LOL

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 29

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 5:41:21 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Bu it's so cozy in here. :(

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Anddddd he's the one you think needs therapy?

At the very least, it does not sound like the two of you are compatible.

Come on- you said in another thread he's hunting for girls on Craigslist without your knowledge. How well exactly do you expect this marriage to go over?

Lynnxz - get OUT of my head ! You're like Lockit - I think it and y'all type it LOL

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 30

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 6:32:26 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Besides the fact that he abandons his offspring and won't support them, and a good parent wouldn't need to be sued to do so, a good parent would be doing so voluntarily without needing to be jailed for it, he won't manage his disease. He won't take his medication unless his mother gives them to him, he won't go to therapy, he won't even see a psychiatrist, just a primary for medication refills if he is forced to.

My 20 year old has bipolar and takes her medication religiously, goes to her therapist willingly and still has trouble during stressful times. You willing to be this guy's mother? Because he isn't willing to take responsibility for himself, he'll take his meds if forced to by the court, by the parents, and if you're willing to take over that role, then by you.

You deserve a lot better than this. If he gave you a ring, mail it back. Do not get back with him.
And you get some professional counseling to help you figure out why this is the only kind of guy you think you deserve, a childish unloving drug using loser. Because that's what he is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 31

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 7:26:33 PM

DefiantFlower

Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

I didn't read all the replies to this, so forgive me if this is a tad redundant, as I expect it will be...

STOP AND THINK ABOUT THIS ONE! If you're head over heels and think the "good moments" make up for the bad, at least hold off on the marriage thing long enough to know for frickin sure that he isn't using you, stringing you along, etc. AND that he's not fucked up. HE cannot be your Master until he masters HIMSELF.

After two serious relationships with bipolar men, I find it very safe to say that even if they actually seem like they may manage it pretty well, keep a wary eye on it. I don't expect you to really listen to all of us, but part of you knows there's something going on, thus the post.

Just try to hold a little piece of yourself at a little distance and maintain some perspective, so you're not completely blinded and end up in a gigantic emotional roller coaster. Which is very likely, given all the things you said about him...Good Luck!

Edited because my lazy butt went back and read the rest and wanted to add...HOLY CRAP! RUN AWAY!!! Every single thing about that guy screams loser! Never settle, demand the best for yourself.

< Message edited by DefiantFlower -- 3/23/2009 7:35:05 PM >

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 32

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/23/2009 8:57:46 PM

JovialSadist

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/14/2009
Status: offline

In the book, If You Meet the Buda on the Road to Happiness, Kill Him (I know… A crazy title but great philosophy book) the Author explains that most people would prefer to stay in a known misery than explore the unknown. It is an older book but what it has to say is very enlightening. (You might give it a read).

Don’t allow the fear of being alone, or fear that you will not find someone else, keep you in a relationship that is dependant on your partner taking his medication to keep his judgment intact. In the end, the choice is yours; as are the consequences.

(in reply to DefiantFlower)

Post #: 33

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/24/2009 12:20:32 AM

deliciousmorsel

Posts: 153
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline

The bipolar illness seems to be ancillary here at best. The guy's an asshole and the illness is used as an excuse for that. That's SOO offensive! To every high functioning, stable, takes pills every day, doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief, ect. out here. The overwhelming majority of bipolar people are responsible citizens who behave themselves, have stable employment, and know what a condom is. Assholes who don't and won't behave decently love to use BDSM as an excuse. It's gotten old.

As for you young lady- your problem is pretty typical abused woman syndrome. Long before you label yourself kinky and abuse fetishist you need to stop by the battered womens shelter and sign up for some therapy BEFORE you get caught in bondage and beaten to a pulp. Yours is the sort of situation that leads to broken bones in vanilla women, not because of an illness but because of assholeness. This is not about BDSM at all. And not much about mental illness, although it does make a prurient set dressing of the sort the goth kids like. Would this fellow own a sweatshirt with the word Psychotic printed across the front? Run, don't walk.

And some time on your own seeing if it's the idea of being tied up that thrills you as opposed to doing it to please would be a pretty good idea. Bondage by some child who needs a court order to have mommy hand out his pills sounds like it'll end in disaster. S&m is not a casual thing- it requires the same respect as an extreme sport. Lots of safety checks and good habits. Would you scuba dive or parachute with equipment set up by this guy? I think not! So why let him tie you up? Let alone marry him. If he can't pay child support who do you think will get stuck supporting him when he becomes your responsibility- legally? So how do you think you're going to pay for panic snaps and medical bills? Not to mention lawyers when he's off his meds beating up other women and injures one badly.

A good barometer for you is that nobody wants a doormat for a submissive. You've been acting like one. Go off and become a full on adult and see if rope arouses you...

(in reply to JovialSadist)

Post #: 34

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/24/2009 1:04:08 AM

ThomasMore

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

A long-distance relationship between Greenland and Antarctica? Pass.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 35

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/24/2009 3:49:36 AM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet

I'm sure i can find someone else, i just dont want to lose him.

I've been reading thru this thread and I just took a step back in time... about 30 years."I just don't want to lose him" . I used to say that a lot. I used it as a measurement of me ~ 'at least if somebody is with me, that must mean I'm acceptable."

What would I have lost had I gotten rid of him. Hmmm - okay - inventory time.

I would have lost...

a lot of sleepless nights
the suspense of 'where is he? who is he with? when is he coming home?'
the frustration of having to explain to the bill collectors why they werent getting paid
the burden of explaining away his lack of consciousness, responsibility, and accountability
the pain of wising up later, when there was a child, and realizing that the male was not a man and that allowing the situation to remain the same was far more painful than changing it could be.

Everybody we know is in the audience of our lives. *I* had to decide who was healthy enough to sit in the front row of mine.

An earlier poster pointed out the truth that the bipolar is ancillary. Underneath it all, the male in question is still unable to support obligations of any kind as a regular human. What follows is your choice: you can devote the next (insert number here) of years upgrading YOU or spend those same years mothering him.

So...make a list of all the things that cause you grief about knowing this man. That is your loss inventory - and would it be so very awful to be without those things?

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 36

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/24/2009 4:03:16 AM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

inkywet, bipolar is a mood disorder. A MOOD disorder. You know, sometimes too happy, sometimes too sad. It sounds like you (and everybody in this thread, but mostly you because he's your boyfriend) need to learn about it. Research online, get a book, attend one of the doctor's appointments he's been going to "for support" (but also to learn), and look into local bipolar support groups. Yes, loved ones are welcome and encouraged. The biggest weapon you have against bipolar is knowledge.

Communicate with him. If he's your master, or soon to be master, you need to have more communication. Asking us for help with him is great, but probably not the best idea.

If you want to be with him, learn about bipolar. It can be trying, but properly managed, it's no worse than diabetes or allergies. Most people rarely ever experience a symptom.

Disclaimer: I work in psychiatry, but take this information with some salt, and do your own research.

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I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

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Post #: 37

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/24/2009 4:56:20 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet

Lynnxz: That was back dec. I hadnt thought about that in a while until i posted here. He is now in lock down because he went to jail for criminal nonsupport. He claims it wasnt his fault because since he moved around alot he didnt get the papers. Now, that he lives with his parents he is forced to take his pills.

I guess i am just hoping now that he is taking his pills and under supervision he will change. I know stupid of me. But, like i said i am young and navie, i dont want sympathy. I want the brutal honesty that you have been giving me. Sympathy will just make me stay.

reminds me of the sewer scene in The Blues Brothers. My car ran out of gas. My tux was at the cleaners It wasn't my fault.....and that crazy girl was like "oh Jake" Great flick

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 38

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/24/2009 5:21:55 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet
Do you think it would be safe to have a bipolar master? Mostly we will be doing a lot of stuff that will involve being tied up.

Should you be getting married if you don't trust him?

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 39

RE: Bipolar master is it safe? - 3/25/2009 12:13:49 AM

VanessaChaland

Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

For many people a "Mood Disorder" sounds like someone who is tempermental. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance, which is a bit more than someone who is being "pouty" or hyper-happy. There are also two types, with variances within the two main types, plus anyone suffering from this may (or may not) also have a variety of other mental health issues and concerns.

I also take issue with your comment that "Most people rarely have a symptom". This is totally inaccurate. If someone hardly ever, or never has a symptom, they don't have Bipolar. To whatever degree, medicated or not, your life is nothing but symptoms, "mood swings", complications, day in and day out, for the rest of your life. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

inkywet, bipolar is a mood disorder. A MOOD disorder. You know, sometimes too happy, sometimes too sad. It sounds like you (and everybody in this thread, but mostly you because he's your boyfriend) need to learn about it. Research online, get a book, attend one of the doctor's appointments he's been going to "for support" (but also to learn), and look into local bipolar support groups. Yes, loved ones are welcome and encouraged. The biggest weapon you have against bipolar is knowledge.

Communicate with him. If he's your master, or soon to be master, you need to have more communication. Asking us for help with him is great, but probably not the best idea.

If you want to be with him, learn about bipolar. It can be trying, but properly managed, it's no worse than diabetes or allergies. Most people rarely ever experience a symptom.

Disclaimer: I work in psychiatry, but take this information with some salt, and do your own research.

_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to NormalOutside)

Post #: 40

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