RE: Can I send you an email?

RE: Can I send you an email? (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 5:32:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode Thanks, I think - you unwittingly prove my point. Shakespeare does not communicate with you - he is dead. He wrote plays - and others write scripts, books, whatever. ands her. Which I don't think she is after. Then might I suggest you re-read the Tempest, Act I Scene 1 and look at a few lines of Gonzalo. His words are considered dense....I said dense and not thick. Words are fine things are they not?

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 6:52:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode I am a published author and journalist, and theatre and film producer. I'm trying to understand your point and maybe if I knew of your writing, theatre and films it would help. What works of yours are you referring to? I'd like to read and watch.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 7:02:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirJ40 we used (and still do) an email as both a way of setting up for a conversation, and a way of non-confrontational introduction to a new or uncomfortable topic. Or to remind ourselves.. neither of us has that marvelous of a memory for such things. Bingo. This is how we use it as well. There are just some things that are either a bit too "touchy" at the onset and taking the time to sort things out before misunderstandings can occur, writing it all out can be extremely helpful. It gives my Master a window into where I'm at, what my issues are, and it also lets Him prepare what questions He may have for me. It is a conduit for even better one-on-one talks, because the problem areas or the embarassing (as akisha put it, "drop me through a hole in the floor") moments are lessened because I didn't have to say those things to His face. He appreciates the fact that whatever it took, the lines of communication have remained open and unimpeded by tons of obstacles and "baggage." Again, thank you to all who have posted so far. [:)]

lovingpet -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 7:18:19 PM)
I wanted to add that I have sometimes found I can't even write something in a comprehensible fashion. That's the point at which I know either I am not yet ready to talk about the issue or it has gone on far far too long and gotten muddled up with a lot of other things. If I cannot write it, I definitely cannot be depended upon to talk about it. I work at it in writing until I can say what I need to say adequately. It is the beginning point of what will be a needed conversation. Rarely, it is the summary of points I feel I have tried to make unsuccessfully in person. Writing is a litmus test for me. It helps me see how important, difficult, or ackward a subject really is for me. My primary goal always is communication and opening up. The method is not nearly as interesting to me. lovingpet

stella41b -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 7:23:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode quote: not when you consider the role of the actor on the stage Little did I suspect that today's Shakespeare actors are not interpreting what they think or are told Shakespeare meant, they've actually discussed this with the Bard himself. Who'd have thought.... And are you living according to your own interpretation of the Constitution of the United States as well or are you having issues with some of the hidden meanings?

Daddysredhead -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 7:53:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Yes. Sometimes it's easier and more productive for me to spend an hour or so writing what I'm thinking and feeling WITHOUT input from M. He gets to hear it all without any need to respond right there and then. He gets the chance to consider what I've said without any need to respond right away. It is usually most beneficial when we seem to be at cross-purposes and I'm emotional.......it's a breathing space, and it's in addition to, not an instead of. We resume the conversation at the first chance and it's a lot easier because I've been more pragmatic and succinct and know that I've got my thoughts across properly. As far as I'm concerned, it's whatever gets the job done with the least amount of angst. agirl Lovely post. Very well said, and I can identify with all that you have put forth here. ~ Red

beargonewild -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 9:36:35 PM)
~FR~ Humans being who they are doesn't automatically give them perfection in being able to express every thought and emotion verbally. As it was pointed out before, many find that writing down what they felt needed to be said is valid and highly effective to get the point across without the emotional factor muddling up the thought process. Many of us find that to express the actual intent of what we need to say through putting these thoughts on paper or in electronic form first. Just think of how many occasions where you have tried to verbally express a thought and it gets lost in the translation from the brain to the actual verbalization. Thought scan rapidly vanish, the internal censor filters the purity of the idea or the emotions get in the way. Being able to write out what you want to say allows one to proof read what is written and verify if that is what is meant to be expressed or whether it needs to be restated. Thus if the issue is one that's emotionally charged, it can be broached in a manner which is calm, rational and untainted by anger or temper. We all know that words spoken in the wrong context can never be retracted. Words written down and read before being shared can be retracted.

atypicalsub -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 11:19:30 PM)
I have used this as well. It gives me a chance to organize my thoughts better. To edit my words and work out the sequence to put them in. It just makes it easier for my Mistress to follow my train of thought.

Vendaval -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/24/2009 11:26:55 PM)
Great topic, Daddysredhead. Whether written or face to face communication will work best really depends on my mood at the time and the dynamic with a particular person. Sometimes I do write out a really angry, frustrated message to vent but never send it. After some time to cool down and gain perspective the next step is talking privately to the person. The phone is probably my least favorite way to deal with personal issues since the body language and facial cues are missing but everything is happening in real time. YMMV, Vendaval

persephonee -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/25/2009 6:35:33 AM)
i use email and text to convey intensely personal information as a way of introducing the topic and dipping my toes in the water. Once the subject has been broached, i feel better about talking face to face. i had a great time with a dominant for months in person...but our only form of communication that really went seamlessly was emails, im's and texts...when we were face to face, he was just too pent up and introverted. Our scenes were amazing, but we couldnt sit down over a pizza to save our lives...we werent together, so it wasnt a big deal...but the fact that we couldnt translate our connection to face to face was obviously a deal breaker as far as moving forward. We both realized this immediately but since neither was looking for a relationship, it worked for us...til it didnt anymore...no harm no foul. On to present day, Sir gets an email from me when i need to say something that i consider important, but delicate. i can edit, i can reword, i can clarify. Once ive expressed my need clearly in the email, im more comfortable talking face to face. He has no such compunction, and if there is something he needs to convey to me, he is more than able to do it in whatever form he finds most convenient. He understands when i say i need some time to process and if its truly just too hard for me to answer verbally, he gets a detailed email about it....im still learning to trust him, but daily, its easier. im learning that the worst reaction i might get in reality is nothing compared to the tortures i might conceive in my head.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/25/2009 6:02:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vendaval Great topic, Daddysredhead. Whether written or face to face communication will work best really depends on my mood at the time and the dynamic with a particular person. Sometimes I do write out a really angry, frustrated message to vent but never send it. After some time to cool down and gain perspective the next step is talking privately to the person. The phone is probably my least favorite way to deal with personal issues since the body language and facial cues are missing but everything is happening in real time. YMMV, Vendaval Thank you, Vendaval. I agree that a well thought out vent that hits the recycling bin is one of the smartest things I've ever done while sitting in front of my computer. [;)]

Daddysredhead -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/25/2009 6:10:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee i use email and text to convey intensely personal information as a way of introducing the topic and dipping my toes in the water. Once the subject has been broached, i feel better about talking face to face. This is how I feel, too. If I think I'm going to pass out before I can say it out loud, then it does me no good to sit in front of Him like a bump on a log when I can just type it out and not drop dead from mortification. Once He tells me that He read my message and wants to talk to me about the topic, I don't feel like I'm going to die on the spot. (Maybe at a later time, just not right then...) [:)]

girlygurl -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/25/2009 9:59:27 PM)
I've been journaling for a few years now and find it the most safest way to communicate those topics I might find uneasy to discuss in person. I am able to speak freely as long as I am respectful. There were times when I wasn't sure how I felt about Him, or how He felt for me. Chipping away with little blurbs about my feelings over a period of time made it safer for me to communicate to Him face to face. I would journal about my deepest desires, fears, and on occasion even my upsets with Him (rarely but they happened). Through journaling He has learned a lot about me. We don't live together and don't have the opportunity to talk as some might so I find it a great tool for sharing myself with Him. I can honestly say, right now there isn't anything I can't say to Him face to face. I would also like to add that through my journaling I've learned how to communicate better. Instead of beating around the bush... I'll just come out and say it. There are days when my journal is a paragraph, if that, and there are other times when my journal is four and five pages. Down the road there might be a topic that would bring me to write Him instead of a face to face... but that "topic" isn't a possibility as of now, so no reason to talk about it.

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/25/2009 10:06:29 PM)
In general, I hate to write. But I do use it in much the same way as others here. Although I am beyond embarrassment & mortification by now. I've just done & said & seen too much to ever feel shy about this stuff. When Daddy & I first got together, he said that he wanted a daily journal. We went with that for a short time until he said I could just journal when I had something to say. I think that my journals got a little boring for him. LOL Because we don't live together, our face to face communication is spotty at best. We text more than anything. A few phone calls when he has the time or I feel frustrated by the limitations of the texting. Every now & then, I get so full of emotions or thoughts that I just have to write & send him a journal. She reads them too, so in reality I send them a journal. Sometimes it's something that I want to tell him, sometimes it pertains to both of them. These are generally positive journals, but occasionally I'll be in a bad head space & want to share that with them also. Today, I've been doing laundry & housecleaning in preparation for going to Los Angeles this weekend to start the new job & for me these tasks are sort of zen in that I get fairly meditative. So tonight I'm going to write another entry to share the thoughts & feelings I have discovered today. The writing never takes the place of 2- or 3-way communication between us; it simply gives a jump-off point. It gives them more insight into me. In a perfect world, we'd all be talking every day about whatever. For now we make do.

DavanKael -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/26/2009 8:16:10 AM)
BKSir: "premature articulation": that phrase is pure genius! :> Daddysredhead: Great post. :> While I believe that spoken communication is very important, so too do I engagein writing out thoughts and feelings sometimes. This is particularly useful when a number of matters have come to the fore and need to be fleshed out. I do not believe that it replaces the need to speak but it can certainly be an assistive device. Davan

pdv99 -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/26/2009 8:57:30 AM)
Sometimes, writing stuff down, on paper or an e-mail, gives you time to weigh your words, edit and re-draft how you explain a delicate issue, in a way you can't in a face to face conversation. For myself, if there's an issue I struggle to deal with, I find Messenger is good - it can take away some of the intensity/embarassment of face to face, give more time for pauses for reflection without deathly silences, but be interactive enough to allow for questioning and clarification.

ThoughtfulSwitch -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/26/2009 9:11:34 AM)
Wise thought. This is one of the facts I enjoy about writing. Being able to tell the whole story without interruption - and checking the text, if it's (mis-)understandable or does not express what it should. In the beginning of my relationship we needed this way of communicating about problems, now we can talk without a pencil, because knowing and trust are big enough now. Besides there is no need to believe it's somehow childish (we've been accused to act like kids). It's perhaps the better way to communicate - especially about things making you really, really angry. Of course an email needs to be read to give communication a sense. [;)]

TreasureKY -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/26/2009 10:27:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead Is this method one that you have employed, or are there other non-face-to-face ways of starting a difficult conversation that you have used? I've tried in the past... it's a comfortable way to broach a difficult subject, but it doesn't work well when no discussion is generated. Having had poor experience using that method, I'm afraid I'm more likely to simply let a topic die rather than try it again. If gentle face-to-face prods to open a subject are rebuffed, too, then communication in that area pretty much shuts down. I realize that isn't good, but you can't make someone talk about something if they aren't interested, either. I'd much rather engage in a face-to-face conversation anyway as communication should be about give and take. You cannot gauge comprehension and reaction without it. Writing an email is like sending a message out into the void. Unless you know it's been read and received some kind of feedback, you might as well be writing to yourself.

LaTigresse -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/26/2009 12:37:37 PM)
Yes, I guess it does take two to argue, even via email...

TreasureKY -> RE: Can I send you an email? (3/26/2009 12:56:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Yes, I guess it does take two to argue, even via email... Best way I've found to shut down an argument... refuse to participate. [;)]

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