Engaging the Man (Full Version)

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allthatjaz -> Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 3:43:57 PM)

Where are the posts that engage the Man?

I cant help but notice that the vast majority of the posts in this forum are no different to the "Agony Aunt" stuff in the the paper or on a nilla site. Where are all the hard hitting BDSM questions?

Whilst its great that so much relationship stuff gets discussed on the site surely it should be in its own category cos its not actually General BDSM.

Most BDSM focused questions asked here seem to get a disapproving attitude from a minority of posters, often bringing an early death to a great discussion. Why?

Your thoughts invited.

Stephen & Maria



Blackwolf9 -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 4:10:54 PM)

I'll all for seeing more! 



kidwithknife -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 4:35:59 PM)

I'm afraid I'm not quite sure what you mean here.  Are you wanting more discussions on the theory of BDSM, or are you talking about something else?



DesFIP -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 4:46:40 PM)

There are only so many posts you can have on how to cane someone, or make a flogger and so on. The truth is that most people don't have so much difficulty learning about the technical stuff, lots of books and workshops out there. But nobody gets training in how to have a healthy relationship so that is all trial and error. And too damn many people keep repeating the same errors.



Lynnxz -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 5:04:11 PM)

Because kinky people have relationship issues too?

You don't get a magical pass to perfection just because you're kinky... besides.... how much *really* is there to say about buttplugs?



scottjk -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 5:12:36 PM)

Oh, probably for the same reasons people don't hang around with those that are more than happy to piss on your shoes to see what you'd do.

I tried stepping up to the plate, but I often get shot down for sport. There are a few that like what I've said, but there are more that are more into the argument, rather than the reasons for the argument. I'm no sensei of the BDSM world, mind you, but I try to think about what I post, either in original or in response. Some times I fail, some times it works out okay.

(shrug)

I can't change people, but I can change myself. Soooo... I'm picky about what posts I respond to, and ignore the responses that have little to no value other than to inflate post counts.

Beyond that? I'm pretty sure that many have moved on to live group meetings, offering each other seminars, and having events.




antipode -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 5:15:19 PM)

quote:

Where are all the hard hitting BDSM questions


I should imagine the majority of "proper" BDSM questions are self-answered by doing internet research, these days - I find that about 99% of everything I would like to know about is out there, somewhere. You'll then only find the folks that have a hard time using search engines, and those wanting conversation, here.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 5:36:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk
Oh, probably for the same reasons people don't hang around with those that are more than happy to piss on your shoes to see what you'd do.

I have noticed, scottjk, that you often write with a snotty, lecturing attitude.  It's a communication style that gets people's backs up.  If you find that people are coming back at you harshly, you might decide to change your method of presentation, to demonstrate that you value other people.  Currently, you talk as though others have less value than you do.



RainydayNE -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 5:46:37 PM)

i've had questions that didn't come up in a search, in fact, i have one right now, but honestly sometimes i just don't want to deal with the kinker-than-thou or "shouldn't you ask your Dom, little subbie?" or anything else like that

OT: redmagic1 your sig is grand
aztec philosophy and aesthetics are just so heinously interesting



littlewonder -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/24/2009 5:46:57 PM)

There IS the option of starting topics yourself if you don't like the current ones.

Just saying...



allthatjaz -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 12:05:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

Where are all the hard hitting BDSM questions


I should imagine the majority of "proper" BDSM questions are self-answered by doing internet research, these days - I find that about 99% of everything I would like to know about is out there, somewhere. You'll then only find the folks that have a hard time using search engines, and those wanting conversation, here.




The majority of the posts here seem very similar to the conversations one would find at a munch.
Theres lots of victims, lots of rescuers and the same hardcore of posters.
We should never stop learning, never stop discussing and never stop picking up new ideas or sharing experiences.
The often seen reply is 'look it up on google' misses the point. This is a place for discussion and it would be just as easy to refer someones emotional problem, question to google too.

Steve & Maria




heartcream -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 12:25:33 AM)

For me, I get a vibe to go to the boards and see what Subject attracts me and if I find one I feel like replying to, I do.
The content is interesting and informative but this is not the only thing I learn. I like the process, the personna, the passion I get from the way some folks write.

I also like to follow certain thread-writers around because I dig what they have to say, where they are coming from.

I pass by posters, dont read what they write, dont care what they write. Certain posters I will search for everything they ever wrote and I learn plenty. Certain people resonate qualities I enjoy being around, others, ehhhhh, not-so-much.




allthatjaz -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 12:47:38 AM)

Thats a good point heartcream and I think its something a lot of people do.
What is noticeable on here is the huge amount of traffic that passes through this site. Its multinational and its a busy little place.
I would of thought a big percentage of those are either coming here to perve or to try and find a date and another large percentage read and follow the boards but seldom write to them.
People who actually write to the boards are a fairly small minority and yet when I look at a similar BDSM UK site you can triple the posters that write on the forums. That has always baffled me a little because the UK is just a speck of sand.



heartcream -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 12:52:18 AM)

Wasnt Shakespeare born on your speck of sand?



allthatjaz -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 12:52:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Because kinky people have relationship issues too?

You don't get a magical pass to perfection just because you're kinky... besides.... how much *really* is there to say about buttplugs?




Yes kinky people have relationship issues and thats fine but I don't agree that you can only talk so much about BDSM. I believe that BDSM is so broad and wide that I could never know it all, never want to stop discussing it and I have been around forever!! Its not just about buttplugs but about thoughts, ideas and questions, recommendations, advise continual learning.

Maria



RCdc -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 2:18:10 AM)

Hi Maria, hope you are having a fantastic week.
 
I noticed you mentioned that what is asked and discussed here is the same as what is done at a munch.  My opinion is that is because it is all the same - if you understand what I am trying to say.  That it is about relationships and people in BDSM have the same concerns and questions as those outside of it.
 
It might help if you can define what you think is a BDSM focused question.  If you are talking about advise on how to knot or use a whip, the reasons that these don't come up here is for a good one.  Because no one typing can tell you.  It's something you need to see and have hands on experience with.
 
the.dark.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 5:14:56 AM)

quote:

The majority of the posts here seem very similar to the conversations one would find at a munch.


and you expect humanity to act differently here, why?



SailingBum -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 5:25:18 AM)

Whats a HARD hitting BDSM question????  Still scratching my balls over that one.

BadOne



SunNMoon -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 6:13:25 AM)

Because people are people are people. No one is really that different. Relationships when it comes down to it are the same. And considering that people really aren't that good at having healthy relationships you get the same type of questions.



allthatjaz -> RE: Engaging the Man (3/25/2009 8:21:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Whats a HARD hitting BDSM question????  Still scratching my balls over that one.

BadOne



(in reply to antipode)
Post #: 11
RE: Engaging the Man - 3/25/2009 12:25:33 AM
No New Messages
heartcream
Perverted



Posts: 489
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline For me, I get a vibe to go to the boards and see what Subject attracts me and if I find one I feel like replying to, I do.
The content is interesting and informative but this is not the only thing I learn. I like the process, the personna, the passion I


quote:



Good question

A hard hitting BDSM question can only be relevant to the person that is asking it.

I recently asked a question on Chinese Waterboarding. It's something I have been interested in for a while but not something I have actually witnessed in person. I really wanted to try it but I needed more information. Everytime I googled it, all I came up with was porn sites. I asked the question in the hope of finding someone who had tried it, was informed about the un-obvious dangers and even lead me to an information pack that could set me on my way.


_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria)



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