Judging a book by it's cover

Judging a book by it's cover (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

JovialSadist -> Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 7:29:28 PM)
(I'm not sure if this has been discussed here before or not; but if it has I missed it). How many of us have seen profiles displaying pictures of someone only to find out the picture is of a friend or more than 5 years old? Do you think pictures are a good way to judge a potential partner? And if so, once you are talking, do you ask to see something date stamped to prove it's worth?

mc1234 -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 7:48:24 PM)
I just move to meeting in person as soon as I feel a spark so that I know whether it's real or not ...

lovingpet -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 7:58:34 PM)
I don't choose a partner based on a picture or looks in general. It is a pleasantry occassionally, but there is already far more than that attracting me to them in the first place. The things you are describing sound deceptive, however, and would call for questions from me. An old picture is somewhat forgivable. A picture of someone else altogether is another story altogether. lovingpet

ToujoursUneDame -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 8:29:08 PM)
The problem I have with someone using an old or no-longer-current picture of themself is the deceit. I think some people are intentionally using a picture that no longer looks like them, thinking that it does not matter, but **for me** it does. It feels as if they have misrepresentec themself intentionally, and makes me wonder what else they have misrepresented about themself, and how much in the future they would be comfortable misrepresenting. I think some people mislead themselves and really do not see how that additional 50 pounds has made a difference, and hand out such pictures with a clear conscience, but their ability to deceive themselves concerns me just as much as if it were me they were trying to deceive. I personally get too stuck wondering how much else have they deceived themselves into believing, to feel comfortable allowing anything meaningful to progress. It may seem shallow, but I have more respect for people who have no picture to share than for those who post a picture that no longer resembles them. As for posting a picture of another person and claiming it is them, that would never work for me. The ones who post pictures of someone else and then show up to meet the person they have mislead are especially baffling to me.

MasterRaid -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 8:29:11 PM)
If I see someone who has a Picture of someone else entirely then that person is not worth My time since they have already proven themselves to be a liar. What else would I find if I continued the relationship? As for requiring a picture, it is not necessary for Me. If I wish to be associated with someone it is what they think and how they act that is important not how they look. Apperance is only for the physical sides or our psyche. If the only thing that mattered was how someone looked then we would be a poor species.

lovingpet -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 8:39:51 PM)
I consider an old picture in two basic ways. Either they have no current pictures and figure it beats a blank, especially with as many folks who will simply skip over a profile with no picture rather than reading what they have to say or it has slipped their mind just how old the picture is and how much they have changed in that time. It is not self deception, just a slip in time. Okay, sometimes it's self deception. LOL You don't know why unless you take the time to ask why and if all other things are a go, somehow it doesn't matter to me regardless of the final answer. No pictures of someone else entirely, however. That is out and out deceit. lovingpet

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 8:53:57 PM)
Well, honestly, it depends on the person. Some people don't change much. There are two pictures on my profile that are 4 years old. Others are less than a year. Can you tell the difference? Now, finding out their picture is of someone else...well, that's lying. Master Fire

Sfortzando -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 8:58:14 PM)
I reserve judgement until I actually meet the person. I'm not completely shallow, but it doesn't matter how great of a personality a woman has - if I'm not at least a little physically attracted to her, it's just not gonna get very far. And the five year old photo thing always bugs me - especially when it was also taken about fifty pounds ago.

kuriouswitch -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 9:10:26 PM)
lol i used to spend time in the chatrooms a lot, that's where i met Master, we're both ops of a chat room but with the nice weather i've been out and about. But i'm very bad about not looking at profiles. i didn't even know what Master looks like (and he has a picture on his profile) until we'd been talking for two months. I just never thought to look. for me it doesn't matter as long as i enjoy talking to the person.

Vanityfull -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 9:37:10 PM)
my picture is 3 years old, i pretty much look exactly the same, except i dont have that shirt anymore tho =( using someone elses picture is kinda wierd.. i wouldnt want to meet someone ashamed of their body, someone who is confident in their body makes their body hot.

VampiresLair -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 9:41:05 PM)
I have photos on my profile that range from a few months old to almost 10 years old.. I gaurantee you cant tell me which are which, since even Fox cant always figure that out. I never judge a person by their photo unless they describe themselves in writing and the photo clearly doesnt match. Other than that, I reserve judgement until I meet someone. DV

Andalusite -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 9:44:49 PM)
I can use pictures to rule someone out, if I think they are ugly or repulsive, but I'm not attracted to anyone until I meet them in person, and I usually need to do at least light play (ie. hairpulling, biting, etc.) before I can determine chemistry or the possibility of a D/s dynamic. I need pheremones, and touch, and react to them getting turned on by me much more than I do to looks, as long as they're at least average/reasonably cute. CM hasn't gotten around to approving my photos yet, but the ones I usually share range from about 6 months to 6 years ago. I still look and weigh pretty much the same in all of them.

VanessaChaland -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/24/2009 11:58:23 PM)
To me, using a 3-5 or plus year old photo, or should a serious weight gain, or weight loss occur, is really deception. The photo/profile owner is "selling" themselves based on interest, ideals, experience and looks to the "shopping" viewers. If you saw a sale on nice looking apples and then went to the store and all they had was old dried up ones, you would walk out. I think the same should apply in this case. Its not about someone getting older, gaining weight or whatever, we all do that, its about misrepresentation of ones self. :)

heartcream -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 12:43:48 AM)
There is at least one guy here on CM who doesnt post a more recent picture because he would be too flooded with mail. I have not met him -only seen his pictures. He posted a cool artistic picture of himself, then a more recent one, and it was even more fabulous and creative. He took it down after a little while and put up the old one again. Was that because women drooled over that picture imagining the genius behind it and inundated him with mail? Of course I dont know but I got the feeling it was he wanted to keep himself out of the spotlight and on the down low. I think if you are a dick and you try and smokescreen to make yourself into something you arent then, that sucks. But if you are a human with content and consciousness you have a lot more freedom expressing yourself. The profile is the business card, the one who puts it out there is what really really counts.

Prinsexx -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 1:05:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JovialSadist (I'm not sure if this has been discussed here before or not; but if it has I missed it). How many of us have seen profiles displaying pictures of someone only to find out the picture is of a friend or more than 5 years old? Do you think pictures are a good way to judge a potential partner? And if so, once you are talking, do you ask to see something date stamped to prove it's worth? Friendly advice... 1. Meet as soon as possible, if possible 2. Use a cam if it is a long distance relationship that's starting up 3. Stick with the one who turns out better than his photograph 4. Stop having shallow relationships based on appearance only... one of my teen's wise words not mine.

gumshoe -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 1:08:07 AM)
Another point about people wilfully mis-selling themselves is that you've to question their judgement. These message boards are choc-a-bloc with postings about how folks being dishonest didn't lead to a relationship. You say a lie, I say goodbye. Despite knowing this some people do it anyway. So it's not solely a question of dishonestly, but also dubious judgement and a dubious grip on reality as well.

WyldHrt -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 1:16:00 AM)
Pics of another person? Ah... hell, no. NOT ok, and a ploy best suited for internet wankers. For someone who actually plans on meeting IRL, using pics of someone else is ridiculous. Outdated pics? Not something I appreciate. When I first joined, I talked awhile with a D who sent 2 pics of himself right off. Later on, he sent pics he'd just taken that showed someone at least 10 years older than the first ones. He was still a handsome guy, but the deception just bugged. For myself, my current profile pics (albeit headless) were taken last year and are to be updated shortly. That said, the oldest face/body pics I send via cmail are from Nov 2008, and I have just taken some new ones to keep current. If you are really planning on meeting someone, why in the hell would you use either fake or old pics? It's not like the person you are meeting won't notice, and they will most likely be pretty pissed off at having been deceived.

SailingBum -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 5:35:08 AM)
freely admits my pict is old how old dunno and dont care. I cant be bothered updating my pict. BadOne

stella41b -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 5:52:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JovialSadist (I'm not sure if this has been discussed here before or not; but if it has I missed it). How many of us have seen profiles displaying pictures of someone only to find out the picture is of a friend or more than 5 years old? Do you think pictures are a good way to judge a potential partner? And if so, once you are talking, do you ask to see something date stamped to prove it's worth? I'm almost convinced based on a little over 20 years experience that 6-12 months of friendship with frequent contact, communication, complete openness and honesty with zero agenda and a completely open mind is possibly the best way to work out whether a relationship is worth committing to or pursuing. However if you're looking just for a quick hook up and fuck and fancy taking your chances then yes, a photo is fine, especially if the photo arouses something down in your crotch.

beargonewild -> RE: Judging a book by it's cover (3/25/2009 6:16:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JovialSadist (I'm not sure if this has been discussed here before or not; but if it has I missed it). How many of us have seen profiles displaying pictures of someone only to find out the picture is of a friend or more than 5 years old? Do you think pictures are a good way to judge a potential partner? And if so, once you are talking, do you ask to see something date stamped to prove it's worth? Looking at a person's picture only shows and gives an indication of the person, reading the profile offers a bit more and having communication with that other person will reveal more clues about the type of person they are. You have to take into consideration of these and other factors before making an honest judgement of the other person. Anything less is pure speculation in my books.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.09375