RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior.

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Smythe -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:02:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you Rewards Domme's who are in exploitive relationships with us better conjur up some rewards, however, because after some time, we'll bolt. Oh, and in case you were wondering, giving YOU a foot rub and taking out YOUR trash cans out are NOT rewards. oh, drat. But wait, What about if you are in 5 inch heels? then would it be fun for you? Smythe

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:03:58 PM)
This is how I, too, reward good behavior, with personal closeness. Perhaps allowing him to sit with me and order his own meal when we go to a restaurant; or even me ordering his meal at a restaurant, depending on the relationship and the slave himself (I'm still searching). Computer time would be a reward as well. Again, it depends so much on the individuals involved and the relationship. I'm coming from the standpoint of a 24/7 TPE with little to no S&M. I want to be happy. When my slave makes me happy, I want him to reward him. It's double his pleasure; his first pleasure is from knowing he has pleased me; the reward serves to intensifies that pleasure! Not to mention, it's positive reinforcement :) Who wants an unhappy slave??? Not me! quote: ORIGINAL: RumpusParable Hm... It's always been so dependent on the relationship/partner... Let's see! In general I tend to be mostly a closeness rewarder. Example: Having them curl up by my feet, watch a show we both like while I pet their head and touch their face. Little gentlenesses like that. Buying a special item for them or wearing something I know they love... Mostly I'm one to just give extra warmth or softness towards them, soft warm tones, smiles, gentle hands, praising words. Anything more specific is situation based, as I said, working with what I know about them.

Wildfleurs -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:19:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you Hello there.[:)] Was just wandering what types of Rewards Do You as Masters, Mistresses, and Switches give to Your Subs/Slaves for good Behavior?[:D] We don’t have a reward/punishment dynamic in place. I do what he wants to do and if he is feeling generous or just wants to do it, may do something I particularly like. But its all on his schedule based on if he wants to, not a reaction to how I perform or behave. Edited to add: I definitely have privileges that I've earned over the years, but thats not quite the same as rewards. Many of these privileges are a reflection of the position I have as his slave as well as based (again) on his whims. C~

MHOO314 -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:29:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you Rewards The mark of adulthood is rewarding oneself. Pain, hardship, and depressive lows all merit compensating indulgences. In the winter this includes heated baked goods (muffins) troughed in butter, hot cocoa, chocolate sundaes, buying new music, crab cake dinners, and ordering pizza instead of making dinner. (I guess I'm a food slut.) In the summer time rewards include cold beer, rainer cherries, blueberries, soft ice cream (swirl), beach getaways, tennis lessons, and other such stuff. Good subs usually are excellent communicators, empathetic, and considerate --- so rewards come when we think of ourselves first. Domme's who are in exploitive relationships with us better conjur up some rewards, however, because after some time, we'll bolt. Oh, and in case you were wondering, giving YOU a foot rub and taking out YOUR trash cans out are NOT rewards. Topping from the bottom? smiles

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:37:35 PM)
I beg to differ. I have met MANY submissives to whom rubbing my feet (or any woman's, for that matter) IS a reward in and of itself! And as far as exploitive relationships... isn't that a little judgemental? Who are you, to see what others enjoy as being exploitive? One presumes that a submissive goes into something with his eyes open. And while I hate to sound harsh, if a sub DOES go into a relationship with a Mistress for no other reason than that she IS a Mistress, and doesn't bother to ask or find out what is involved before entering that relationship, and then finds himself exploited, well, he pretty much deserves what he gets. I'm not saying that excuses the Mistress' behavior. I'm saying that there are users out there (on BOTH sides of the fence, btw), and if you don't want to wind up being used, you don't drop to your knees and offer yourself to the first Mistress who walks by. Which has indeed happened to me. quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Domme's who are in exploitive relationships with us better conjur up some rewards, however, because after some time, we'll bolt. Oh, and in case you were wondering, giving YOU a foot rub and taking out YOUR trash cans out are NOT rewards.

IceyOne -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:46:30 PM)
Hmm I would have thought that his/her pleasure in my good behavior would be enough, I need no other treats :)

KnightofMists -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 1:55:57 PM)
I don't reward! My girls and I just both enjoy the consequences of the appropriate behaviors we demonstrate within our relationships. Which as MH00314 said but with a twist.... "More of each other"... and this not just in the context of physical but, also in knowing each other within our emotional, intellectual states as well. It is more than just time! with each other, It's knowing more of each other as well.

cloudboy -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 2:22:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn And as far as exploitive relationships... isn't that a little judgemental? Who are you, to see what others enjoy as being exploitive? I think everyone knows when they are taking advantage of / exploiting another person. Its not judgemental, its rudimentary.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 2:31:20 PM)
Yes, certainly. However, what YOU, as someone outside the relationship, see as exploitative, might be mutually satisfactory to the persons involved. You, for instance, stated that performing foot rubs was not a reward, therefore rather intimating exploitation and that the sub deserved a different kind of reward; whereas, there are MANY subs who would view giving foot rubs as the ultimate in satisfaction. Now, I absolutely adore having my feet rubbed. If I find a submissive who loves to rub feet, and tell him to do mine, am I exploiting him? Of course not! Any more than he is exploiting me by rubbing my feet, which is what HE craves. Of course, we could take this argument to ridiculous lengths, and ask if I'm exploiting him if I require him to take out my trash in order to be allowed to rub my feet. Well, that kind of depends. If he's begging me, "Mistress, please, I'll do anything, even take out your trash, if you'll just let me massage your feet and suck on your toes," and I allow him to do that, is it exploitation? Again, of course not. If he only wants to give a foot massage and nothing more, and I tell him he has to take out my trash or he can't do so, is that exploiting him? Possibly not, because he can refuse to take out my trash, and walk away; it depends on how badly he desires to rub a Mistress' feet. On the other hand it could be she's trying to use him, yes.. on the other hand, it could be those are the dynamics between Mistress and submissive and you just don't perceive it, because you are outside looking in, and misconstruing what you see. quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn And as far as exploitive relationships... isn't that a little judgemental? Who are you, to see what others enjoy as being exploitive? I think everyone knows when they are taking advantage of / exploiting another person. Its not judgemental, its rudimentary.

veronicaofML -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 2:37:07 PM)
there are MANY subs who would view giving foot rubs as the ultimate in satisfaction. ========== yesssssssss m'Lady, thou are quite precise. and, i for one, love being, at Her feet, mand yes, it is,,,IS, indeed pleasure, and i would suppose, indeed it could be, a reward, in that, it could be taken away from one that gets into foot stuff...and to take it away would be, itself, punishemnt... but what cloudboy did say though,..; I think everyone knows when they are taking advantage of / exploiting another person. Its not judgemental, its rudimentary. == indeed my dear Watson, it's elementary my good friend. sigh

IrishMist -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 3:00:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you Hello there.[:)] Was just wandering what types of Rewards Do You as Masters, Mistresses, and Switches give to Your Subs/Slaves for good Behavior?[:D] I actually got a chance to choose.[:)] "If the Dom has left the room, it doesn't mean the quote: PAIN has stopped." Sincerely, Ant[;)] Well, even though I am not a Master/Dom/Domme/Mistress......... I would never expect or demand a reward for good behavior. Just knowing that he is pleaed with me is reward enough. Just my opinion though.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/26/2006 8:30:53 PM)
Im coming from a perspective that my reward is getting our needs met. Additional rewards? nope, not yet anyhow. sighs Punishment traditional, and by refusal of the good stuff? sure, that happens (happening!). wish this damn heat would bugger off, so some play can happen, that'd be a reward and a half!

RumpusParable -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/27/2006 1:53:42 AM)
It seems many are assuming that the use of the word "rewards" means an intended exchange... as in, "you do this like a good slave and i'll give you _____" -either spoken or understood. Personally, I did not take it as such but rather in the broader sense of having something good come to the sub for them doing well. An appreciation of quality service by a pleased Master... anything from that pleasant harmony when things are going right to special treats given. This can be an exchange, but does't need to be and it didn't seem that that was what the OP meant to me. As Mistress, that feels like I am buying service, having to negotiate with them or even dealing with clingy/neediness. None of which appeal to me. As sub, I only want a special kindness or reward when it is genuine and freely given due to my Dom being pleased with me, not ever because they feel they need to, should, etc. To me that is not real and even stomach turning in an anxious way. This is true for me, though, in my vanilla interactions. For example, I could never do the betting or exchange things with a partner like some do ("if i cook dinner will you rub my back" or such). It's just not something I'm comfortable with.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/27/2006 4:29:46 PM)
He does the dishes and i get my back rubbed, nope, id have no problem with that personally. I began as a switch, which probably explains me just putting myself a little to high in the equation at times. favour for a favour = good exchange rate to me. funny how things change though. Less than 24 hrs ago, i posted that rewards are not something i see. However, last night, i was given what was a definate reward. A very good spanking. Bloody marvelous too i might add. Certainly my ass felt rewarded, and i felt grateful lol little1

lonewolfe -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/27/2006 4:53:03 PM)
LOL I agree with this one. And include vacuming or dusting. quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you Rewards Domme's who are in exploitive relationships with us better conjur up some rewards, however, because after some time, we'll bolt. Oh, and in case you were wondering, giving YOU a foot rub and taking out YOUR trash cans out are NOT rewards.

la90066 -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/28/2006 10:31:02 AM)
Respectfully, to all those that chimed in about not "expecting" anything, fine... But that was not the question in the OP. It was, for those who DO reward (as that is part of their dynamic) what type of reward is given. On a side note: For those of you that do not expect to be rewarded, God love each and every one of your little hearts, but also remember, if it pleases your Dom/me to reward you from time to time (i.e., Christmas, Birthday, Valentines Day, etc.), then it's STILL about him/her. Fair enough?!! [:D]

veronicaofML -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/28/2006 10:39:04 AM)
if it pleases your Dom/me to reward you from time to time (i.e., Christmas, Birthday, Valentines Day, etc.), then it's STILL about him/her. Fair enough?!! ========= actually? NO! it sounds too close to someone buying your love. but its MY take on it.

la90066 -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/28/2006 10:48:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: veronicaofML if it pleases your Dom/me to reward you from time to time (i.e., Christmas, Birthday, Valentines Day, etc.), then it's STILL about him/her. Fair enough?!! ========= actually? NO! it sounds too close to someone buying your love. but its MY take on it. Saying "thank you" with a reward is not "buying love" -- it is just an appreciation for good service. When your employer gives you a fruit basket during the holidays, are they "buying your love/service"? No... It's just a way of saying "thank you" for good service. If you're personally uncomfortable with this, then fine -- that's your dynamic and I'm sure it works for ya. But rewards in themselves do NOT equal "buying love" anymore than punishment for poor service equals denying love.

veronicaofML -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/28/2006 10:59:48 AM)
Saying "thank you" with a reward is not "buying love" -- it is just an appreciation for good service. When your employer gives you a fruit basket during the holidays, are they "buying your love/service"? No... It's just a way of saying "thank you" for good service. If you're personally uncomfortable with this, then fine -- that's your dynamic and I'm sure it works for ya. But rewards in themselves do NOT equal "buying love" anymore than punishment for poor service equals denying love. =========== EVERY time ANYONE has ever "given" anything in MY life, they are "expecting" something. "I" have NEVER found 1 person that ever gave anything w/o expecting something back! personally, i believe in the old star trek saying; "beware of romulons bearing gifts" i trust NO ONE!

la90066 -> RE: Rewards For Good Bdsm Behavior. (1/28/2006 11:14:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: veronicaofML EVERY time ANYONE has ever "given" anything in MY life, they are "expecting" something. "I" have NEVER found 1 person that ever gave anything w/o expecting something back! Well, I admire your willingness to give of yourself and expect nothing in return... OOPS... Hey, looky there... I just GAVE YOU a compliment and expect NOTHING in return for it. [:)] ha ha ha... Now you can never again say not ONE person has EVER given you something and expected nothing in return. [sm=lol.gif] hee hee hee... Doing the "Toppy Dance"... La La La La La... GOTCHA!!! [;)]

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