IM's and initial impressions

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

IM's and initial impressions

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> IM's and initial impressions

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 4:08:07 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Maybe I am expecting a little too much?

I can see that some might not want to put a great deal about themself in their profile. Maybe they want to limit the number of people maybe contacting them so that they can spend possibly limited time on doing their own contacts to people who catch their eye.

I can also see why someone might not wat to spend a great deal of time on an initial 'on spec' IM if they think there might be a good chance of getting no reply.

But when I get an IM, the sum total of is "Good morning" and I check the profile and all that is there apart from the basic stats is "Get to know me by talking to me" it gives the impression of someone who isn't putting in any effort what so ever.

I'm not mentioning who this latest one was from, who isn't the issue, but rather attitude. But rather than respond in kind and take the least effort by deleting, I responded remarking on the impression that had been given and mentioning that if there was any further replies I hoped I would get a little more to go on about who she was as a person.

Only to get a short reply (More effort than the initial contact, but not by much) basicaly saying "Good morning IS enough because people might lie on their profiles", nothing more about who she was or what she was looking for. Now it was obvious by this point she certainly wasn't what *I* was looking for so I wished her well on the site and good luck.

Firstly, If someone is going to lie on their profile then they are just as capable of doing so in IM or email or even in person, it is something you have to be aware of as a possibility and build up trust in the person before taking anything at face value.

Secondly, If you give the impression that you are putting in no effort at all, won't peoples reaction be to see you as not being worth the effort?

Thirdly, does it say submissive in my profile somewhere and I haven't noticed it? I made it quite clear that I expected at least some effort and some indication of who she was, it didn't have to be a great deal, even just a few short lines about the sort of thing she was looking for. But I would have expected some indication that she'd made at least a little effort, especialy as it was her that had made the initial contact.

Or as I say in the beginning, given I am very much a newbie to the online community am I expecting too much?

Post #: 1

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 4:59:40 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You're correct. Anyone who wants to get to know someone (not only submissives) should take some time and effort when contacting another.

But, just be glad she didn't. Think about how much effort she would (not) have put into the relationship had you had one...better to find out now...

I told a cute lil dom (well he was!) Last night that my profile had made it quite clear I don't answer one-liners. He replied that I was not worthy of a dom of his caliber!

Uhm...guess I'm not!

Move on, move on...

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 2

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 5:15:09 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
You're correct. Anyone who wants to get to know someone (not only submissives) should take some time and effort when contacting another.

Thank you, I didn't think I was compleatly barking up the wrong tree. I did think about putting the post elsewhere as, as you point out, there are aspects applicable to all communication, but it was point three that made me decide to post it in this forum.

quote:

But, just be glad she didn't. Think about how much effort she would (not) have put into the relationship had you had one...better to find out now...

That was what I realised when I got the second IM and why I kept it quite short with an obvious "I'm ending this 'conversation' now, goodbye".

As my profile mentions I'm more looking for discussion at this point (But still open to posibilitys if the right person just happens to be there) but "Good morning" with nothing else was quite obviously not an opening likely to trigger such either given I had absolutely nothing to go on about who she was apart from the basic stats.

When I get to the point of being more activly searching then my profile will certainly be amended to give more detail about what I am looking for.... I think it might just include "If you are not willing to put any effort into this then save us both the time and don't bother IM'ing in the first place!"

quote:

I told a cute lil dom (well he was!) Last night that my profile had made it quite clear I don't answer one-liners. He replied that I was not worthy of a dom of his caliber!

Uhm...guess I'm not!

I've only seen a few of your posts but I'd be willing to stake money on the fact that the truth is likely to be the other way around petal.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 3

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 5:47:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You're expecting people online to act like they are a mature responsible adult.

That's your problem right there.

Yes you are expecting too much.

Do not expect anyone online to act smart or to share the same ideas and values that you do.

Be happily surprised when someone actually does.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 4

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 5:54:12 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You're expecting people online to act like they are a mature responsible adult.

That's your problem right there.

Yes you are expecting too much.

Do not expect anyone online to act smart or to share the same ideas and values that you do.

Be happily surprised when someone actually does.

Hi I'm Raven and I'm a "mature responsible adult"aholic!

I'm new to the D/s online com but yes I have noticed the same 'shortfalls' in other places.... and yes, it never fails to boggle and irritate me.

I guess there was an expectation that someone would at the very least put in enough effort to stand some chance of getting a positive responce if they where going to make contact at all (Else why the hell bother).... but there we are back at the "mature responsible adult" expectation.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 7:04:33 AM

misssubmisse

Posts: 106
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline

RM - Sorry to see you in the vicious circle, but I'll join your club, keep you company and all

I hope that you don't enoucnter many more of those people, and I definitely agree that if they can't be bothered to even reply with some enthusiasm...not worth the effort on your part to even get to know them.

Best luck, I'll send good juju your way in your search

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 6

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 7:17:03 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: misssubmisse

RM - Sorry to see you in the vicious circle, but I'll join your club, keep you company and all

And very pleasent company you are too dear

quote:

I hope that you don't enoucnter many more of those people, and I definitely agree that if they can't be bothered to even reply with some enthusiasm...not worth the effort on your part to even get to know them.

Alas I've a feeling those might well be in the majority when I start searching properly (Have several things to sort out in RL first, such as imminently moving as well as finishing looking at exactly what I want in greater detail so I have a better chance of finding it). As LA points out, it seems an unfortunate reality of the net.... but I will no doubt still find it irritating, even if expected.

quote:

Best luck, I'll send good juju your way in your search

Many thanks petal

(in reply to misssubmisse)

Post #: 7

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 7:37:15 AM

Tine11

Posts: 423
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

Yes i personally agree that a profile should be more then one line, but some people are not good at relaying what they want to in perminate words. ( i know i have this trouble to sometimes), and when they say get to know me in chat that may be because that is a place were they may truely shine. Does anyone here just have a one lines profile similar to that, and if so why it that you have you as such? For knowing teh reason can lead to understanding.

_____________________________

The world is like a shinning diamond.
The way it gitters if you polish it right.
If the light should turn and leave you blinded.
Take the dream and give it one more try.

Soulburn, Masterplan

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 8

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 8:02:02 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tine11

Yes i personally agree that a profile should be more then one line, but some people are not good at relaying what they want to in perminate words. ( i know i have this trouble to sometimes), and when they say get to know me in chat that may be because that is a place were they may truely shine. Does anyone here just have a one lines profile similar to that, and if so why it that you have you as such? For knowing teh reason can lead to understanding.

Given my initial responce both explained the impression I was being given, also allowed for the fact that it might just have been due to some lack of confidence and stated that IF they responded further (giving them the opportunity to simply not reply if they didn't feel upto doing what was being asked) then I 'hoped' they would include more about them as a person then she has every opportunity to say "I do better in chat, want to talk that way?" if such was the case.

Like I say above, I can maybe see some reasons why people might hold back on the profile a little, but combined with little effort shown in either the initial IM or the follow-up then it was clear she wasn't making any effort in the least.

(in reply to Tine11)

Post #: 9

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 9:24:22 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

Personally, I despise IM; it's clunky and strips all inference and inflection from the natural process of communication. I usually engage in a series of e-mails or web messages before going directly to spoken voice (phone). IM is limbo-land to me, and so often results in hours of nothing more than wasted time.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 10

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 10:12:01 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
Personally, I despise IM; it's clunky and strips all inference and inflection from the natural process of communication. I usually engage in a series of e-mails or web messages before going directly to spoken voice (phone). IM is limbo-land to me, and so often results in hours of nothing more than wasted time.

It is useful in that it comes with the site and does give people a chance to avoid the more obvious flakes (And block them if needed) before moving on to e-mail, phone and meeting with the ones that show more potential to be what they are looking for.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 11

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 10:18:18 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I've heard bad things about the im here I only use yahoo or aim...

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 12

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 10:23:43 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
I've heard bad things about the im here I only use yahoo or aim...

I haven't found much problem yet but then I haven't tried any long indepth exchanges yet and I think if it looks like its heading to that then I'll be offering to take it to email anyhow.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 13

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 12:43:37 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Personally, I despise IM; it's clunky and strips all inference and inflection from the natural process of communication. I usually engage in a series of e-mails or web messages before going directly to spoken voice (phone). IM is limbo-land to me, and so often results in hours of nothing more than wasted time.

Amen. I tried ICQ, AIM, etc, but I stripped them off both Windows and Mac. If I'm going to spend time getting to know someone, I want to hear her voice.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 14

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 12:48:03 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

Now, personally, I thought *my* profile was the epitome of understatement and minimalism.

quote:

I was not worthy of a dom of his caliber!

blushex, was that .22? .38? .45?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 15

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 2:08:20 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

LOLOL

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 16

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 2:21:09 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Hah! Good for you!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
I told a cute lil dom (well he was!) Last night that my profile had made it quite clear I don't answer one-liners. He replied that I was not worthy of a dom of his caliber!

Uhm...guess I'm not!

Move on, move on...

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 17

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 2:25:15 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

I refuse to go to IM (or voice) at all in the initial stages. This is because I am looking for a real-life slave, not an online or play partner. By not doing IM or voice, but insisting on using email for the gettng-to-know you stage, I weed out a lot of the wankers. The guys who are getting off just by talking to you voice or IM. They're into instant gratification (probably spend a lot on Kleenex and new keyboards too), and are not willing to spend days getting to know someone, because that's not what they are after.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
It is useful in that it comes with the site and does give people a chance to avoid the more obvious flakes (And block them if needed) before moving on to e-mail, phone and meeting with the ones that show more potential to be what they are looking for.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 18

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 2:46:28 PM

IceyOne

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

but "Good morning" with nothing else was quite obviously not an opening likely to trigger such either given I had absolutely nothing to go on about who she was apart from the basic stats.

LOL I don't know. Sometimes those one liners turn out to be golden. The person whom I am conversing with right now, sent me nothing more than a one liner email...he's turned out to be something really quite unique. I do understand your position about IMs though. It is important to get a feel for someone past just those 'good mornings' and 'hi,how are you' and the only way to do that is to open up a bit.

quote:

You're expecting people online to act like they are a mature responsible adult.

That's your problem right there.

Yes you are expecting too much.

Do not expect anyone online to act smart or to share the same ideas and values that you do.

Be happily surprised when someone actually does.

This right here though, is wonderful advice.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 19

RE: IM's and initial impressions - 1/26/2006 2:58:13 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

I refuse to go to IM (or voice) at all in the initial stages. This is because I am looking for a real-life slave, not an online or play partner. By not doing IM or voice, but insisting on using email for the gettng-to-know you stage, I weed out a lot of the wankers. The guys who are getting off just by talking to you voice or IM. They're into instant gratification (probably spend a lot on Kleenex and new keyboards too), and are not willing to spend days getting to know someone, because that's not what they are after.

Ah I think I just spotted something that maybe has caused a little confusion. A few (Non-D/s) forums I have been on use IM to refer to internal Mail (Ie, the onsite messaging/mailing system) and it just twigged that people may have been reading it as instant messanger (Such as AIM or MSN)

Where I have used IM above I was refering to CM's own mail system.

Sorry, my bad bringing old habits from other places. Hope that clears any confusion.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> IM's and initial impressions

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078