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Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 10:22:31 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I was just going through more of the thread of Lifestyle = sex, seen tis in other threads as well. And I ran across a few responses that left me thinking about some I wouldthing like to have others view points on.

Now this isn't a rant, this isn't a attack on ones thoughts or view points. This is a serious question.

And the question is..... Am I reading some of these responses, post correct? Some decide to enter into submission and or slavery because they're tired of dealing with reality? Tired of dealing with certain responsiblities of everyday life? And upon entering this life, they see added perks? What I mean by this, is the added perks being non responsible for bills, (sometimes work), life in general. Only having to deal with the home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, raising kids. Not having to be concerned on a personal level if the electric bill is paid, groceries, gas for heating..... etc.

I know not all do. And I know there are sub/slaves out there that do work. I'm asking about some. Does some just look for a way to escape responsibility of the every day hussle and bussles that most of us stress about? And go with the relying on another to deal with it, so they're not bothered by it?

Have any Doms ran across these types of sub/slaves. Accepted this?

Have any sub/slaves started out with this in mind?

I am asking this too more on the behalf of a friend that has found his Dom calling, and this has crossed his mind, how to be leary of ones looking for a Sugar Daddy.

We both look forward to seeing others thoughts and opinions on this. Thank you.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 1/26/2006 10:25:29 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 10:37:30 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Some decide to enter into submission and or slavery because they're tired of dealing with reality? Tired of dealing with certain responsiblities of everyday life?

Those people have issues beyond what can be addressed in choosing this lifestyle.
I would enjoy being taken care of like that, don't get wrong, an absence of worry regarding finances, who wouldn't? But that certainly is not what I seek.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 10:38:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Have any Doms ran across these types of sub/slaves. Accepted this?

Have any sub/slaves started out with this in mind?

I am asking this too more on the behalf of a friend that has found his Dom calling, and this has crossed his mind, how to be leary of ones looking for a Sugar Daddy.

We both look forward to seeing others thoughts and opinions on this. Thank you.

Absolutely. At least in the beginning, most subs have visions that somehow being owned means that things will get done- but always happily. That things will be cleaned, but always with a smile and a little springy horny step.

What they focus on is the sex, the kink, the play, the good girls and being taken care of, made secure. They don't really think about real life because this is a departure from real life- into a better awesome profound life.

Eventually they get hit with the harsh reality. Usually this is after getting involved with a dom who fails to be the knight in shining armor that was promised/imagined to be.

Now, being a sugar daddy in a Ds relationship isn't necessarily a bad thing. In some ways I'd actually say that is a good description of the relationship I have with my local partner. However, it's a completely open and honest thing between us, what both of us want and enjoy, and I'm not with him to relieve the burdens of my life and just be a spoiled pet.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 10:49:46 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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Thank you lucky, we see what you're saying.

And Richard agrees that he doesn't mind spoiling... as long as he wants to do it. And it not be expected of him. He's intelligent, but knows he can be had with a smile from the right person. He just doesn't understand so much why I personally don't want anything from him. Hell, I even buy my own drink when we go to the store... LOL

He's just spent so much time being "had" by a pretty face, to run across one that doesn't want anything from him, has made him think something's wrong with one of us... LOL

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 11:35:50 AM

MistressAlexaS

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

Well I know someone who met a Dom online. He was younger than her and she was married to someone else at the time. He had told her about how he was in college finishing up his degree in engineering, he was making good money
at his job and could provide a much better future for her.

She was 48 years old bored with having a home, a job and a 15 year marriage. And she was fascinated by the Gor books and so after having an online relationship with this young Dom, she up and tells him "I don't want to have to think anymore. I want a Master that will totally own me. I will not work, I will have no say in anything.
I will totally belong to you."

So he decided ok divorce your husband and we will live a 24/7 lifestyle with you being totally owned. Well they met twice, she divorced her husband and off she went with this fella that she thought she knew so well. They moved to a different part of the country
to start their new life together only to find out he couldnt get a job making more than $10 an hour with NO benefits. He had a bankruptcy on his record and a mile long list of bad debts. He also had been kicked out of college a year before for drug usage. he failed to mention these to her prior to her divorce.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because sometimes you leave a one situation only to fall into one thats even worse. She thought married life was boring and dull, only to find out poverty is alot worse. He refused to allow her to work or to ever leave the apartment without him, needless to say slavery as she had envisioned it wasnt what she wanted at all.

After two years of screaming fights they broke up and she moved back home with nothing but a few clothes. She thought she had a sugar Daddy and it turned out she had a lemon.

~Alexa

< Message edited by MistressAlexaS -- 1/26/2006 11:40:46 AM >

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 11:41:55 AM

KatyLied

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From: Pennsylvania
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Let that be a lesson to everyone who thinks they have immediately found their *one* (yes, I hate that word).

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 12:59:23 PM

Dieplztks

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline

Hrmm....

The way you're putting is like... raising and taking care of your childs needs(which varies depending on their age), cleaning everyday, doing the laundry, cooking, seeing what foods you need and what cleaning supplies you need, among other household duties, is nothing. :\

That's a job in itself. I had a mother who was a housewife and even with four children helping around the house, her chores... her job was never finished. New things would pop up daily that she'd have to deal with. More often than not, she wouldnt/couldnt take breaks, only to sleep and she went to sleep long after we did and woke us up for school. Only my father worked outside of the home.

She had five people to care for, as well as herself. Others, like me, might be luckier and have only themselves and their Master to take care of at first. A job out of the house isnt required of me, though if I wanted to have one, I could get it. Instead, I go to school full time and take care of the house and His needs.

You have hussle and bussle outside of the home... what you like to lable as "work" and then there is hussle and bussle, inside the home. Who's to say that when a person, who works outside of the home, is more stressful than someone else, who works inside the home and takes care of everything there? Either way, both parties still have responsibility. They still have work.

Sry if there are typos or if something didnt come across like I think it did :\\

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 3:34:04 PM

truesub4u

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No, like I said, we look forward to all views on this. Thought I don't think you read it the way I wrote it. LOL You may have responded in a way i'm not totally understanding if you read it right.

I know there's everyday hussle and bussles in and out of the house. I was refering to as KatyLied put it... finacial security.

But I maybe didn't post it in a way making it come across better to you. I tried. But thanks for your response as well.

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 8

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 3:38:18 PM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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Interesting story Mistress Alexas

And exactly what I was looking for. So that Richard can see that it's not only the Doms that get duped... "So to speak" by a pretty face... but so does sub/slaves. When lots of lies, promises, are tossed around. And precautions are not taken to investigate more.

Thnk you for this post as well. Very informative.

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

Post #: 9

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 5:06:11 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

In a previous life of the vanilla variety. I noticed that my natural way of being, rendered my partners pretty useless. Time and again, id start off a equal responsibilities relationship, only to end up, the one that organised everything, the one that ran the home and a job. The one that did well in their career and finances, and supported the other. The one that ended up with totally dependant males on their hands.
I had created these situations, then found them dissatisfactory to my needs to be cared 'FOR', not just caring 'OF'.

So in my D/s life, yes, i wanted to be controlled, so that i would not take over. I too would control that side of me, but when i slipped up, i wanted to be secure in that the Dom would not allow this and prevent it.
I had been let down on numerous occasions by apparently independant people, who became a chain around my neck, partly through my dominant personality, partly through their submissive personality, despite how they described themselves and acted in the beginning.

Also on the kink side, i sought submission, and seemed to end up on top? My will, was stronger than their dominance of me, so it never worked out for long. Then i got real fussy. No longer happy to play with Dom's who turned out to be subs to me. I stopped playing and got serilous about who i was, what i needed. More importantly, what style of dominance i needed to control me.

A sugar daddy would be fine with me. I guess in someways, that is what i have. Today, without me lifting a finger, my car registration has been sorted. My lift to a wedding that he will allready be at as the best man, has been sorted. I need this sort of care. It makes me feel good inside. It feeds my submissive nature, keeps me very sweet.

For all the kinky perks that come with bdsm, well folks, for us adventuresome sexually active vanilla's. Most of it is available anyhow. Just doesnt have the 'correct' name. Just something that is called fun.

What is new, now im in this lifestyle, is anything that could be construed Power Exchange. That is my re-inforcer of my submissiion to my Dom.

Sugar Daddies get the thumbs up from me!
little1

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 6:29:10 PM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Sure, some do. I think one of the basics of any relationship is a sort of division of labour - dividing up life so that each party can focus on what they're good at. There are many permutations of this, depending on those involved, and what you're talking about is certainly one of them. It's not, however, unique to D/s.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 6:32:01 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

We laughed about this once, slick, let's laugh again...........Most people find their 'ONE' many times in life, Ja?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 6:44:50 PM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Every relationship has give and take ..its all in what is decided at the beginning
jennifer

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 7:40:44 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I was just going through more of the thread of Lifestyle = sex, seen tis in other threads as well. And I ran across a few responses that left me thinking about some I wouldthing like to have others view points on.

Now this isn't a rant, this isn't a attack on ones thoughts or view points. This is a serious question.

And the question is..... Am I reading some of these responses, post correct? Some decide to enter into submission and or slavery because they're tired of dealing with reality? Tired of dealing with certain responsiblities of everyday life? And upon entering this life, they see added perks? What I mean by this, is the added perks being non responsible for bills, (sometimes work), life in general. Only having to deal with the home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, raising kids. Not having to be concerned on a personal level if the electric bill is paid, groceries, gas for heating..... etc.

I know not all do. And I know there are sub/slaves out there that do work. I'm asking about some. Does some just look for a way to escape responsibility of the every day hussle and bussles that most of us stress about? And go with the relying on another to deal with it, so they're not bothered by it?

Have any Doms ran across these types of sub/slaves. Accepted this?

Have any sub/slaves started out with this in mind?

I am asking this too more on the behalf of a friend that has found his Dom calling, and this has crossed his mind, how to be leary of ones looking for a Sugar Daddy.

We both look forward to seeing others thoughts and opinions on this. Thank you.

My husband doesn't work and we don't have kids to take care of either. But I only have one thing to worry about: making a living (that will support us both). If given a choice, and I was able to earn the exact same income but my responsibilities would be : cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, going to the grocery store, balancing the checkbook and paying self employment taxes, running errands....etc. -- I would NEVER do it. I hate those things on a level that isn't even measurable.

So yeah, I make all the money and my husband does "nothing" as some people see it. But what he does is take care of all the things that make me able to have a clear head and run my business effectively so that I can continue to earn at a level high enough to support us both.

Could any of my previous partners been granted this glorious lifestyle of having nothing to do but keep the household running? Sure -- if they showed the initiative. I had a boyfriend at one time that was unemployed for a bit and lived with me. I had no problem with that. But while he was there, he'd sleep in until noon, "maybe" get around to working on his resume, make more messes for me to clean up, stay up until 2am playing video games. He also got in my way when I was working from home, distracting me and needing attention. My existing man is virtually invisible unless he's needed, but at the same time is proactive and intuitive when I'm in my work mode. He transforms from the perfect slut/lover/best friend into the perfect personal assistant -- If I didn't have him, I wouldn't be able to work the way I do.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 8:08:34 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

So in my D/s life, yes, i wanted to be controlled, so that i would not take over. I too would control that side of me, but when i slipped up, i wanted to be secure in that the Dom would not allow this and prevent it.
I had been let down on numerous occasions by apparently independant people, who became a chain around my neck, partly through my dominant personality, partly through their submissive personality, despite how they described themselves and acted in the beginning.

Also on the kink side, i sought submission, and seemed to end up on top? My will, was stronger than their dominance of me, so it never worked out for long. Then i got real fussy. No longer happy to play with Dom's who turned out to be subs to me. I stopped playing and got serilous about who i was, what i needed. More importantly, what style of dominance i needed to control me.

little1

I agree with this for myself. I lived too long in a vanilla life that forced me to be in a dominate role that I didn't want and didn’t handle very well. When I told my husband that I wanted a divorce he begged me and told me I could have all the control and he would do anything I told him. I just looked at him with sadness for how little he knew me or himself. I had already had the control. The difference was that he liked to pretend he had it and now was willing to let it me have it openly.

No! That is not who I am or what I want. My Dom will take control. He will expect obedience and to own me. I will give up the responsibility of taking care of myself and let him have it.

But, that doesn't mean he will be my sugar Daddy where I will get a free ride out of him and a new life where I don't have to worry about all the day to day stuff. It does mean that he will take over much of the stuff that I have hated for years. He needs me in a way that fits who I am deep inside. What he wants me to do I want to do and plan to work hard on being the best submissive he could ever want or need.

I have to learn to give up control. I have to trust him enough to not second guess his decisions. To know that he always has my best interest in mind and would never hurt me in a way that would be damaging. I have to work hard on myself in regards to health and education so I can get a job that will make me self-sufficient. I have always been in a position where I have to have the help of a man to support me. My Dom's most important purpose he says is to get me to a place where I don't need anyone to take care of me. Then when I submit everything to him, we know it's only because it is what I want to do and not what I have to do.

For awhile my job will be to make him happy, to love him, to learn who he is and what he wants and learn to submit to his will. Sure, he will take care of me financially for a while. But that is only because he can do it. If he couldn’t I would do whatever was required of me as long as he always stays my Sir.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 15

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 8:47:43 PM

cloudboy

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My GOD!! that is a hilariously sad story.

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/26/2006 8:54:09 PM

cloudboy

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Any truly successful person has someone backing them up --- at the office and the home. You laid it out well.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 1:36:38 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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Truesub4u, I’m not sure about a potential sub wanting to be taken care of, but I do think they look at becoming a sub/slave as a way of escaping their situation. This is far more likely to be a personal, psychological, relationship and sexual situation than it is a financial one.

The strong desires for D/s and the perfect sex steer the boat out of calm waters into the Bermuda Triangle. Hell, yeah, Doms know this. MistressAlexa’s post represents that well. The woman desired something far more than security when she ran off with the young Dom.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 4:36:56 AM

sunshine333

Posts: 203
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Tired of dealing with certain responsiblities of everyday life? And upon entering this life, they see added perks? What I mean by this, is the added perks being non responsible for bills, (sometimes work), life in general. Only having to deal with the home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, raising kids. Not having to be concerned on a personal level if the electric bill is paid, groceries, gas for heating..... etc.

we're all good at different things. and we're all detail oriented in different ways. i can watch a person, study them and learn their ways. and in doing so i learn how i can best be helpful to them. my preference is to be the one helping ... making someone's life easier and more enjoyable ... so they can focus on more "worldly" things, which don't interest me. i'm happy to be the woman behind the man. but, just as others have pointed out, that, in and of itself, is a job. that job, however, doesn't provide an income. so, ideally, the person i will do this for will have an income enough for both of us.

i'm not looking for a sugar daddy and have never once asked for anything material from any one i've been with. i look at greedy slaves with distaste. what i am looking for is someone who is capable of completely owning a slave. and i don't believe that's possible if the slave spends more time out of the home working than she does in the home.

of course, everyone relates to this differently. this is the way i relate to the lifestyle and where i see my place in it. there is a simplicity in slavery that juggling jobs takes away.

on the flip side though ... i'm sure there are as many subs wanting a free ride as there are doms wanting free service. if any relationship is unbalanced, lifestyle or otherwise, it's sure to fail.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 19

RE: Dom or Sugar daddy? - 1/27/2006 6:26:29 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
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I think there are people in all walks of life who want to escape reality and responsibility. Some escape by convincing themselves they are slaves and need a master to control them and thereby absolve them of responsibility. Others might escape with drugs or alcohol. There are as many ways of 'escaping' as there are people looking to escape.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 20

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