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What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/26/2009 10:02:37 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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So since I started on this site I have seen Post after Post after Post asking the "How do I"'s and the "What would you"'s and the "Have you Ever"'s and I have to ask what does it ever accomplish?

Do the answers you get change the way you do things?

Do you ever get the answers you are looking for?

What was it about these things that made it so difficult to decide for yourself what to do? Why bring in all the outside static?

For that matter what do you get out of the process?

I am a VERY open person if you look though many of my posts I am fairly open about just about everything in my life. I know I have asked many questions wanting to know why other people do what they do but rarely, like maybe once possibly twice have I ever asked something of the people on this board to help with something I was going through.

So Seriously what does asking for help on this board actually accomplish?

**As a side note, I know the purpose people ask, I am more curious to know if it ever actually helped and if you did something other than what you were going to do anyway after you waded through all the Comments.**

Steel

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Post #: 1

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/26/2009 10:16:44 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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~FR~

On the rare occasions I ask for any sort of help here, it's usually because I either haven't found what I wanted by searching the archives or because I want to know how others have handled a situation so that I can learn from it. Sometimes it changes how I look at the topic, sometimes I confirms what I already think. Either case is helpful since it either gives me more options or reminds me that I'm on the right track.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 2

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/26/2009 11:45:35 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Well I sure got some fun and interesting replies to my post on how folks flag. I did that post for amusement primarily.

But one time I asked a very deep question and got amazing heartfelt replies....its funny you just never know when some one will say just the right thing at just the right time and you look at the world a whole new way...

I have had a handful of those in my 5 years at collarme ...and they really have the power to be paradigm shifting if you are open to them.

What always amazes me is how much folks are willing to give on these boards, even the grump-a-lumps and snarky mc snarkisons, can sometimes reach out and make a difference...which is why I think we are here, we want to hear ourselves matter....

good question thanks for asking.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 3/27/2009 12:11:44 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 12:08:05 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I once asked a question on how to deal with a friend of mine...nothing about kink at all...just wanted someone else's point of view. I was amazed at the great answers I received. I'd never heard of Asperger's autism but someone suggested that my friend seemed to have many of the same characteristics. I researched and I do believe my friend has this condition. I found new ways to deal with him that made our friendship better because I had better understanding of how he thought....and all from asking for help in the forum.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 4

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 12:22:49 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I do know of one person who did nopt only receive the answer the needed but also received help fron several members contacting her privately.. perspnally, I would be more inclined to ask the "How Do I's" and "Where can I find this's" or "Has anyone here had experience in's and can they share with me's"

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(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 5

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 12:57:42 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So since I started on this site I have seen Post after Post after Post asking the "How do I"'s and the "What would you"'s and the "Have you Ever"'s and I have to ask what does it ever accomplish?

Do the answers you get change the way you do things?

Do you ever get the answers you are looking for?

What was it about these things that made it so difficult to decide for yourself what to do? Why bring in all the outside static?

For that matter what do you get out of the process?

I am a VERY open person if you look though many of my posts I am fairly open about just about everything in my life. I know I have asked many questions wanting to know why other people do what they do but rarely, like maybe once possibly twice have I ever asked something of the people on this board to help with something I was going through.

So Seriously what does asking for help on this board actually accomplish?

**As a side note, I know the purpose people ask, I am more curious to know if it ever actually helped and if you did something other than what you were going to do anyway after you waded through all the Comments.**

Steel

Dear Steel

Yes of course it helps. I don't do beebo or face book. I simply don't have the time to set up face book as I would ideally like it to look.
I actually really like this forum facility on here and of course I absolutely appreciate the friends that this has made for me. Contacts I would never have otherwise 'met'.

ut above all, when I have been broken, or down, then I have, yes, used this for dearly needed advice. And I have also given advice.

I have also been snarly, and ironic and sometimes find that others don't know the difference. But hey wit and irony is a survival mechanism where I come from.

Some feedback hurts but is precious nevertheless. ome feednack is just bullying.... but then I think he knows who he is by now.

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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 6

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 2:43:08 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Steel, I recently started a post about safewords. It was a "Have you ever...?" mixed with a little "What would you do...?"

I found the responses very helpful, and I learned more about the submissive mindset. I, overall, changed the way I will be doing things. (I went from toting the importance of a safeword to favoring judgment, control, and direct questions.)

I understand the idea of static. I use it as my devil's advocate. Even the snarky comments usually have some merit.

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... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

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Post #: 7

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 5:35:37 AM

Blackwolf9

Posts: 47
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline

I had a bit of an opposite reaction. I asked for advice on dealing with frustration While I got some good advice about identifying sources of stress and finding ways to vent I aso got a lot of "ditch him" type responses (which were not helpful). A lot of people on here seem to view relationships as extremely disposable, which doesn't match up with my views.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 8

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 6:10:32 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

I think the message boards are great, i have learned much reading here
I am greatful to all you posters who made things clear for me

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 9

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 6:35:18 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I ask questions when I don't have the answers lol. CM is another resource for me, along with doing my own research on stuff or asking people I know. There is also the benefit of being anonymous, I can ask 'stupid' questions without worrying (and I've asked some dumb questions!).

None of my questions have been relationship questions though. One of the reasons I don't ask those are because it requires so much background, they usually can't be answered by strangers and the questions are usually very limited in scope making the answers the same.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 10

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 6:51:15 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I've only ever asked one question here concerning humiliation. I got all kinds of answers and there was a brief bit of debate between a couple of people but I really only got one piece of advice that I actually followed. That lead to the purchase of a book and some really good conversations with a couple of lifestyle friends.

Did it help me in any way to post here? Sure it did because the topic wasn't something I could discuss with friends who didn't understand the why and wherefore of the question or the reasons behind it.

That being said...I will be posting a question soon about purchasing a new piece of equipment and others opinions on different options. There are some on here who's views and input I appreciate.

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 11

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 7:01:47 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I've learned a great deal from the forums here. However, I am sure I've never asked a question with regards to a personal relationship problem, and I am sure I never will.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 12

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 7:33:10 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I'm sure it has benefits for many. For me, usually, I seem to find the inspiration accidentally...happening upon words that set off mini-epiphanies on topics I hadn't actually thought to ask about.

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 13

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 7:34:09 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Hi Steel!
We've asked and answered questions. Mostly about the practical and pragmatic. For example we've got a thread going now about where and what to do on our trip. We'll take advantage of other people's experiences. It doesn't mean we'll follow all or any of them, but it's foolish not to consider the perspectives of people who have "been there & done that".

Now on the other side of issues like 'feelings' the advice moves from the pragmatic to perspective. We answer a lot of those threads but the answers always come with disclaimers; "this is the way WE feel", "this is OUR 'Dogma'", "this is the way we process sensations". For example, how does a 'Steel Warm-Up feel? What's it like to be at the business end of a single tail? You know that - I don't (lol)!

But if I did - it still wouldn't help me to understand. Your process, and everyone else's processing of sensations is individually unique. I think that is what's missed by many. Whether a physical sensation, flogging, whipping, paddling; or a 'mind fuck' mental scene of 'humiliation'; how it feels is individual.

Now a lot of people seek 'confirmation'. They want their feelings to be legitimized and seek out responses like "me too!' whether to confirm a like or or dislike. That shouldn't matter, and it sure shouldn't change the personal processing.

The "accomplishment" is knowing you are not alone; regardless of the question or the answers. It was the reason I brought beth to all the events and clubs. It's why we came to CM in the first place. I wanted her to have perspectives and resources other than mine. More importantly, I wanted her to appreciate that she was NOT alone or unique, or the 'freak' that her prior partners told her she was. Well, we are both 'freaks'.

Maybe the real goal and "accomplishment" was letting her know that under the right circumstances and with the right compatible complementary partner it is okay to be a 'freak' - in fact it's GREAT!

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 14

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 8:48:40 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Good Morning, Steel. I hope you and your andi are well.

You wouldn't be suggesting that, in over 5,000 posts that I would have never had a question? LOL. Yes, at times, that has meant the how to's and what for's. That can even include things about My personal relationships.

Like you, I tend to be something of an open book around here. That includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. The reason I do that is because I want people to know that there's a whole and real person on the other side of the screen when I post. This isn't a fairy tale. It's a life. I have no desire to play it off like it's some perfect picture. I hit the same bumps in the road as everyone else.

I completely admit that there have been things I've struggled with. When I've brought those things here to the boards, I've never been disappointed. There have been times that I've had questions that were greater than I, and I've needed a little input from different perspectives to help formulate decisions. In those instances, I do want to hear from those who have been there and done that. Those are some of the best responses to threads that I've created that I've ever received.

In the past couple of years, I've run up against some road blocks that not everyone will in life. At My next local munch, it's highly unlikely that I'm going to run across another poly Dominant, Head of Household, who's a military wife, who's husband is across the world and has a married sub who's about to be deployed to Afghanistan. So, yes, I come here for that. Even the big, bad, sadistic Dominant of Oz needs a hand up from time to time.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 9:03:57 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I don't think is accomplishes much of anything. Pretty much a time waster that I enjoi. Kinda like sailing sitting around drinking beer, watching the sunset and talking smack.

BadOne

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RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 9:08:06 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I don't think the lead-in's like "How do I" and "Have you ever" mean that as literally as much as it's just a way to open up a conversation. Most of us here like to talk about "this" and most of us can't talk about it at the lunch table in the cafeteria.

Perhaps we should open with something more along the lines of "Okay, let's discuss this: Panty Raids!"

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RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 9:09:55 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Do the answers you get change the way you do things?

On a rare occasion I might think twice.

quote:

Do you ever get the answers you are looking for?

If I had been looking for a specific answer then I wouldn't post in here, it would be something I knew or would do, regardless. I don't seek validation from strangers.

quote:

What was it about these things that made it so difficult to decide for yourself what to do? Why bring in all the outside static?

Sometimes its not really asking for advice or seeking attention. Sometimes it is just there so a person can look at it for themselves. Kind of like.. putting on a blue dress and realising its just not the right shade.

quote:

For that matter what do you get out of the process?

LOL around here? It's going to get sympathy, or arsenal. Oddly, I prefer arsenal. It makes me hold tighter to my decision, or let it be blown away.

quote:

So Seriously what does asking for help on this board actually accomplish?

**As a side note, I know the purpose people ask, I am more curious to know if it ever actually helped and if you did something other than what you were going to do anyway after you waded through all the Comments.**

Steel

For me it is mostly just a sorting process. Seeing it, allows me to analyse it. I do not know if it is the dyslexia that influences me, but having a visual/verbal map in front of me allows me to make the turns I know are necessary. This is much the same as when I used to write or draw on my closet walls.

And no, to date, nothing has changed my path. I know who I am and what I find acceptable. I have never been sheep. But sometimes it is nice and comforting to hear all the baaaaaaaaaaaa's around you. It reminds me I am not really alone.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 3/27/2009 9:10:28 AM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 18

RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 9:59:40 AM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

every single time ive posted a question or thoughts about something ive always had amazing responses that have helped me a huge amount.

just knowing that other people identify or understand and so often share their experiences with you makes the process worthwhile.

but also ive had people write to me on the other side and comment that the thread that ensued from the original OP has helped them out alot too. so youre not just getting feed back for youreself often, sometimes its helping others out as well, and thats a definite positive.

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RE: What do you think it accomplishes? - 3/27/2009 10:25:28 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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The only reason why I participate in the forums is to display my amazing wisdom.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 20

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