RE: Please help Me

RE: Please help Me (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

cloudboy -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 8:38:27 AM)
Classroom managment is a real art. I sucked at it.

KnightofMists -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 1:44:33 PM)
ummmmmmm your wasting your time!

DelRey -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 3:55:06 PM)
Huh ? quote: Your giving her until noon, then your giving her a month of no contact ! ? why the phuck don't you give her until retirement. Shit, If I were a judge I'd give you 90 days for impersonating a Dom. Dude, Get out of the Dom pool your starting to stink it up. Out ! del Rey

IrishMist -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 5:24:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: artglfr I gave her till Noon today to phone. If she calls after 12 which I expect she will , I am going to give her a month to think about whether she really is serious and to realize that I am. During the month there will be No contact so she can hopefully realize her actions or inactions brought this on. If she is serious and it is meant to be after a month she WILL phone and on time. Will keep Everyone posted next month. Thanks for the great information. It is awesome to have a forum like this. All the knowlege that I have received has been taken to heart. Cheers, Art No offense bud...but ummm...you are going about this in the wrong way...and this is coming from the submissive PoV...If any Master/Dom allowed me to get away with what she is getting away with...and then still gave me more time...well, sorry...but I really would not have a whole lot of respect for him. Just my opinion though. And darn it...you just forced me to agree with DelRey a second time... I really need to get my bitch attitude back [8D]

RavenMuse -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 5:44:32 PM)
OK folks, maybe going to get my head bit off on this one.... But the guy is sort of 'in transition' here, trying to find and identify his Dom side. Trying to find what works for him. If someone is acting like a jerk, fine whip out the knives and take a slice. Artglfr maybe a little hesitent (It seems his first time dealing with this kind of situation) but he is heading the right direction and unless you are reading diffrent posts than I am, he has come across as anything but a jerk. I'd have been a lot firmer a lot earlier myself and I'm sure that should he find himself in a similar situation in future he'll do so. Maybe cut the guy a bit of slack?

IrishMist -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 5:53:26 PM)
quote: Artglfr maybe a little hesitent (It seems his first time dealing with this kind of situation) but he is heading the right direction and unless you are reading diffrent posts than I am, he has come across as anything but a jerk. His hesitancy in this area is going to cost him in the long run...whether he is trying to find his footing or not. The girl is playing him...and playing him big time, and if he can't see that...then well fuck it...that makes him a jerk in and of itself...let's face it...in a normal vanilla setting, I doubt very much he would put up with this, why the hell should he be putting up with it now? quote: Maybe cut the guy a bit of slack? Nope...sorry.... /bitch mode on

RavenMuse -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 6:23:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist His hesitancy in this area is going to cost him in the long run...whether he is trying to find his footing or not. The girl is playing him...and playing him big time, and if he can't see that...then well fuck it...that makes him a jerk in and of itself...let's face it...in a normal vanilla setting, I doubt very much he would put up with this, why the hell should he be putting up with it now? If you are reading it the way I am what is the chance of her coming into line? Even if she does, even less of a chance of her sticking to it for long Try reading what he wrote, he has realised she played him and that he should have dealt with this earlier. This way however He has set HIS terms for it ending and can take some positive lessons out of it.... namely to stop thinking like a sub and actualy BE dominant next time. What do you gain by having a go at him what he has already heard the message and got the point.... you annoyed at him for 'switching sides' or something? Or just not got a dog to kick?

DelRey -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 6:28:26 PM)
quote: And darn it...you just forced me to agree with DelRey a second time... we were made for each other baby... [;)]

Leonidas -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 6:42:26 PM)
quote: I feel she is just playing me but as I am new to this I don't want to tell her to go away if I don't need to. I am certain You Masters and Doms out there have already had this and dealt with it. Please help me..."What do I do?" Go back to being a sub. That way she can pussy whip the fuck out of you and you'll like it.

IronBear -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 7:27:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Artglfr maybe a little hesitent (It seems his first time dealing with this kind of situation) but he is heading the right direction and unless you are reading diffrent posts than I am, he has come across as anything but a jerk. His hesitancy in this area is going to cost him in the long run...whether he is trying to find his footing or not. The girl is playing him...and playing him big time, and if he can't see that...then well fuck it...that makes him a jerk in and of itself...let's face it...in a normal vanilla setting, I doubt very much he would put up with this, why the hell should he be putting up with it now? quote: Maybe cut the guy a bit of slack? Nope...sorry.... /bitch mode on I can see both of the arguments above. been there done that and took time out to figure out if I realy wanted to own a slave. (No I was never sub in my life but at that time had never dealt with a sub/slave except on line and that is where I made my mistakes.) Owning a slave is more difficuly than I originally thought and much different to commanding people in other areas. Remember as a Dominant and especially one with a sub puts you top of the food chain with nowhere to go except down. remember there are plenty of people who will enjoy tearing you down till you sink into oblivium. My thoughts would be to release the sub and take the time to take a long look at yourself. Seel help from people who you can trust, especially another Dom to see if you have the heart of a Dom. If you feel you do then take things slowly. Otherwise revert to being a sub and take your experience with you to be a better submissive.

IrishMist -> RE: Please help Me (1/27/2006 9:18:42 PM)
quote: If you are reading it the way I am what is the chance of her coming into line? Even if she does, even less of a chance of her sticking to it for long Exactly. She's playing him. No if's, and's or but's about it. quote: he has realised she played him and that he should have dealt with this earlier. This way however He has set HIS terms for it ending and can take some positive lessons out of it.... namely to stop thinking like a sub and actualy BE dominant next time. That's utter bullshit. He's not controlling this at all, she is. By giving her more time, he is not setting the terms...he is telling her..."hey, you're playing me...but what the fuck...it's ok...go right ahead...I'll even be so Domly as to give you another month to play your game" quote: What do you gain by having a go at him what he has already heard the message and got the point Now that is cute. He heard the message, and got the point so much that he is giving her more time to play her little game. Uh huh. quote: you annoyed at him for 'switching sides' or something? Or just not got a dog to kick? Nah, not annoyed...I just enjoy being difficult [8D]

RavenMuse -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 12:30:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Exactly. She's playing him. No if's, and's or but's about it. Has been doing yes. Basicaly he has been thinking like a sub, it is all very well giving an order but he hasn't been setting a clear boundery and sticking to it, you subs are going to test a boundery, especialy with someone new, to ensure the dom means it and can hold it. She was allowed to walk all over any boundery that was set. This as far as I see it is no longer about her. Its about him getting out of it in a way he makes a decision about. If he sets this boundery (Or if by some quirk she makes this one, she'll test another very soon) and she fails at submitting to it, he can hold to it at least this once. Come out of this with a better mind set, more knowledge and able to look at if he is realy cut out for being a Dom (And that is upto HIM to work out, not you or I) quote: That's utter bullshit. He's not controlling this at all, she is. By giving her more time, he is not setting the terms...he is telling her..."hey, you're playing me...but what the fuck...it's ok...go right ahead...I'll even be so Domly as to give you another month to play your game" You are looking at it as if there is any chance of this continuing. Petal that would take a change on the scale of the road to Damascus. He knows what she is, he knows what he did wrong. He has taken advice here and made a decision.... Not the way I'd handle it but he's made a decision and if he is going to continue trying to find hims Dom side then he has to start making decisions and sticking to them. Not just with a sub but with himself. THAT is the positive bit here. quote: Nah, not annoyed...I just enjoy being difficult [8D] And your sort of cute with it too[;)]

Focus50 -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 1:48:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IceyOne quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Despite what many others are saying here, I'm not yet so convinced there's something "wrong" or sinister going on with this sub. It's just as likely she's been testing the boundaries of your control and found them to be a little too flexible for her liking.... Obviously you need to put an end to being jerked around but maybe that's just what she wants from you, too! You don't get respect just for adopting a Dom persona, she's entitled to have you earn her respect with more than words. I've said it before, it takes 2 to create a D/s dynamic, not just the sub submitting.... It works much smoother when a sub submits to a Dom who dominates - you have your part to play; and to prove you're capable of taking charge. Focus. Ok, I simply have to ask this question...Focus50 Are you saying that if you were to meet someone...and they refused to meet in public with you even though you both lived close enough to each other for this not to be a problem, and if they refused to give a viable phone number...or they refused to answer the phone after promising numerous times that they would... You would stll think that they were just testing your boundaries of control? Really curious about this here. I'm saying I haven't heard her side of the story and nor has anyone else. The only perspective thus far has come from an inexperienced newbie dom whose been dealing with her in a, shall we say, "wishy-washy" manner. I think there's bigger issues going on between the two than appointments and phone numbers etc, core D/s issues.... Dom/mes lead; subs follow. Even allowing for inexperience etc, the lack of positive leadership is here for all to see and subs generally respond to the standard being set for them - good and bad! She may well be jerking him around anyway, but we really don't know that for sure. But I have seen the lead she's supposed to follow. Example: Post #12 - artglfr: "I allready put an end to this situation but I have learned a lot and will be less gullible." 24hrs later Post #19 - artglfr: "I gave her till Noon today to phone. If she calls after 12 which I expect she will , I am going to give her a month to think about whether she really is serious and to realize that I am." I prefer to address what's obviously "broken" first, then consider if the theoretical secondary issues are issues at all. For now, I'll stick with her being guilty of nothing more than responding to the standard set for her. Hope that satisfies your curiosity.... Focus.

artglfr -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 5:48:25 AM)
Lots of advice, Thanks to all for Your posting. Obviously it wasn't all what I wanted to hear but You take the sweet with the sour and it is all good in the long run. Talked to a Dom friend of mine here and a couple of subbies I play with since they know more about the situation and have come to the conclusion I am doing the right thing(ducking all the trash going to get thrown lol). The subbie is new to our group and from her responses I believe she is new to the Lifestyle and even a little bit scared if this is her first journey into R/L submission. I (sucker that I probably am) prefer to give her the benefit of the doubt and if this isn't meeting someone elses ideal of "Domly", so be it. If I am wrong and she is just "playing " me I will know next friday. I gave her a week to think of why I am disapointed in her, to think why she wants to be a subbie and why she wants to be My subbie . If she wants to continue , by the end of the week she WILL have written Me answers to these questions and on Friday she Will call and we Will meet to discuss the situation. I told her failure to follow these last very simple instructions would mean I would never contact her again, delete her from Messenger and block her from mail. To Me this is the best way to deal with it. I do appreciate all the advice and feel there are some very good and caring people here. Cheers, Art

FTopinMichigan -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 6:37:29 AM)
Adding my two cents....based on the info presented, I'm wondering why you're going through all this trouble, when it's more than apparent...."she's just not that into you!" I have found that many people pull away, versus the confrontation of telling someone they are no longer interested. Ultimatums and deadlines to make decision aren't attractive coming from someone they are not involved with in any way other than the beginning stages of communicating. And if she is "new" as suggested, even more so. I'll be curious to return to the thread to see how this ends up though. K

IceyOne -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 9:39:49 AM)
quote: I'm saying I haven't heard her side of the story and nor has anyone else. The only perspective thus far has come from an inexperienced newbie dom whose been dealing with her in a, shall we say, "wishy-washy" manner. I think there's bigger issues going on between the two than appointments and phone numbers etc, core D/s issues.... Dom/mes lead; subs follow. Even allowing for inexperience etc, the lack of positive leadership is here for all to see and subs generally respond to the standard being set for them - good and bad! She may well be jerking him around anyway, but we really don't know that for sure. But I have seen the lead she's supposed to follow. Example: Post #12 - artglfr: "I allready put an end to this situation but I have learned a lot and will be less gullible." 24hrs later Post #19 - artglfr: "I gave her till Noon today to phone. If she calls after 12 which I expect she will , I am going to give her a month to think about whether she really is serious and to realize that I am." I prefer to address what's obviously "broken" first, then consider if the theoretical secondary issues are issues at all. For now, I'll stick with her being guilty of nothing more than responding to the standard set for her. Hope that satisfies your curiosity.... Focus. LOl, yes, thankyou. I understand what you said better now.

B1gbear -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 9:52:32 AM)
Its not a when you feel like it kind of thing. Although many new subs don't understand this, you as the Dom need to be willing to show how it works. I myself make it clear up front how the ground rules work and that they have the right at any time to opt to not comply, at which point I will opt to walk away never to return. They need and expect you to be firm and in control. If you can't do that, then your not ready to be someone's Dom. If they can't do it, then they are not ready to be a Dom's sub. My gut feeling, this girl is playing a game and doesn't have any real sincere commitment towards the common goal you seem to be pursuing. You could be nothing more than a fun fantasy she has no intention of following up on with action. Or... She doesn't know what she's doing or what is expected and going along in a typcial laxidazical attitude like the rest of her life may be driving by. Or... She's simply testing your resolve and control. Seeing if you are going to put her in her place or make her fear the preprecussions or losing you if she doesn't comply. If you don't think every sub/slave will test you at one point or another, then you need to go back to the books and start studying some more before trying to be someone's Dom. Take control no matter what direction you go. If that means you need to get rid of her and stop wasting your time, then taking control will make that an obvious conclusion. If there is something there worth keeping, then taking control will make that possible too.

desoutter -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 1:30:02 PM)
quote: Petruchio It's so easy to miscommunicate. Just give her instructions to contact you when she wants to get serious and perhaps have her mail you a token of come kind, like a lock of hair. When she's ready, she's ready, else you may never hear from her again This sounds pretty good - give instructions on when and how - is she playing the bad sub? by not getting back to you? Then again - the other suggestions are pretty right on too... if this isnt the kind of D/s relationship youre after - "buh bye" desoutter

IrishMist -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 2:51:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Exactly. She's playing him. No if's, and's or but's about it. Has been doing yes. Basicaly he has been thinking like a sub, it is all very well giving an order but he hasn't been setting a clear boundery and sticking to it, you subs are going to test a boundery, especialy with someone new, to ensure the dom means it and can hold it. She was allowed to walk all over any boundery that was set. This as far as I see it is no longer about her. Its about him getting out of it in a way he makes a decision about. If he sets this boundery (Or if by some quirk she makes this one, she'll test another very soon) and she fails at submitting to it, he can hold to it at least this once. Come out of this with a better mind set, more knowledge and able to look at if he is realy cut out for being a Dom (And that is upto HIM to work out, not you or I) quote: That's utter bullshit. He's not controlling this at all, she is. By giving her more time, he is not setting the terms...he is telling her..."hey, you're playing me...but what the fuck...it's ok...go right ahead...I'll even be so Domly as to give you another month to play your game" You are looking at it as if there is any chance of this continuing. Petal that would take a change on the scale of the road to Damascus. He knows what she is, he knows what he did wrong. He has taken advice here and made a decision.... Not the way I'd handle it but he's made a decision and if he is going to continue trying to find hims Dom side then he has to start making decisions and sticking to them. Not just with a sub but with himself. THAT is the positive bit here. quote: Nah, not annoyed...I just enjoy being difficult [8D] And your sort of cute with it too[;)] Dayum it RM, stop being so intellectual...how the hell can I play the bitch if you make sense? /glares at you [:@]

RavenMuse -> RE: Please help Me (1/28/2006 4:04:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Dayum it RM, stop being so intellectual...how the hell can I play the bitch if you make sense? /glares at you [:@] And thats even cuter[;)] I'm sure someone will be along actualy being a jerk in a post before long. then you can play to your hearts content[:D]

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875