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RE: Please help Me - 1/28/2006 7:25:39 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Exactly. She's playing him. No if's, and's or but's about it.


Has been doing yes. Basicaly he has been thinking like a sub, it is all very well giving an order but he hasn't been setting a clear boundery and sticking to it, you subs are going to test a boundery, especialy with someone new, to ensure the dom means it and can hold it. She was allowed to walk all over any boundery that was set.

This as far as I see it is no longer about her. Its about him getting out of it in a way he makes a decision about. If he sets this boundery (Or if by some quirk she makes this one, she'll test another very soon) and she fails at submitting to it, he can hold to it at least this once. Come out of this with a better mind set, more knowledge and able to look at if he is realy cut out for being a Dom (And that is upto HIM to work out, not you or I)
quote:


That's utter bullshit. He's not controlling this at all, she is. By giving her more time, he is not setting the terms...he is telling her..."hey, you're playing me...but what the fuck...it's ok...go right ahead...I'll even be so Domly as to give you another month to play your game"


You are looking at it as if there is any chance of this continuing. Petal that would take a change on the scale of the road to Damascus. He knows what she is, he knows what he did wrong.

He has taken advice here and made a decision.... Not the way I'd handle it but he's made a decision and if he is going to continue trying to find hims Dom side then he has to start making decisions and sticking to them. Not just with a sub but with himself.

THAT is the positive bit here.

quote:


Nah, not annoyed...I just enjoy being difficult


And your sort of cute with it too


I have read this over a couple of times and thought about it. It does make sense provided we had more information from the sub, but do you not feel you are being awfully presumptious considering we have absolutely no data to work with apart from that of the Dom?

My way of looking at things is that there are three sides to every story. His side, her side and the truth. Unfortunately we do not have enough data to make any accurate conclusions, so I do not think it is fair to judge her sight unseen.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Please help Me - 1/28/2006 7:44:02 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin
I have read this over a couple of times and thought about it. It does make sense provided we had more information from the sub, but do you not feel you are being awfully presumptious considering we have absolutely no data to work with apart from that of the Dom?

My way of looking at things is that there are three sides to every story. His side, her side and the truth. Unfortunately we do not have enough data to make any accurate conclusions, so I do not think it is fair to judge her sight unseen.


It doesn't take information from the sub at all. It takes two to tango as they say and from his side we can see that he has had a great deal of difficulty in setting a boundery and sticking to it.... even in the thread he changed his decision about how he was going to handle it three times in around 36 hours.

There maybe other things he can learn as well but the importance of not making that mistake again would be a possitive thing for him to take away whilst deciding if he is cut out to be a Dom.

It isn't about judging her as much as about him getting something possitive out of an obviously lousy situation. (Hopefully she may have learned something too and is considering if she is cut out to be a sub, or if she just needs someone who will enforce those bounderys)

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Please help Me - 1/28/2006 11:26:57 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
Yes, I certainly understand about the Dom aspect of it. I Myself do not approve with the way he is handling the boundaries, not that that is really worth anything.

It was just the condemnation of the sub I was questioning. I have no data to work with, so it is only safe to say that there very well could be reasonable circumstances preventing her from making the commitments she has attempted to make. I believe in this circumstance there is no harm in giving the woman the benefit of the doubt.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Please help Me - 1/29/2006 2:10:09 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Yes, I certainly understand about the Dom aspect of it. I Myself do not approve with the way he is handling the boundaries, not that that is really worth anything.

It was just the condemnation of the sub I was questioning. I have no data to work with, so it is only safe to say that there very well could be reasonable circumstances preventing her from making the commitments she has attempted to make. I believe in this circumstance there is no harm in giving the woman the benefit of the doubt.


I think I can see where we maybe diffreing here.

This being the net, I am not judging a person. I am giving an opinion on a situation based on the given scenario.

As for 'reasonable circumstances', I haven't seen any evidence to suggest any and its a behaviour pattern I've seen before. One that I deal with quite early if someone starts doing it with me.

Anyone can make time to at least communicate more if they want to and if something is a high enough priority then its amazing just how often people find they can manage to fit in meeting after all, especialy when given several options and told pick one that you can make from someone they trust to hold firm to a set boundery. If the relationship isn't a high enough priority for them to make that effort.... then it is more than likely time to let it go.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Please help Me - 1/29/2006 2:46:12 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
I do understand better where you are coming from. I approach it from the angle that if it is very early on in the relationship, which it appears it is, I feel that it is entirely reasonable for the woman to have other priorities in life. Once she has made it known that she wishes to serve Me, My expectations become more stringent obviously.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Please help Me - 2/2/2006 5:10:38 AM   
Dracironsgirl


Posts: 175
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline
i know You asked for a Doms point of view but i wanted to say something if i could please.. sounds to me like she is confused because she failed more than once and has not learned from previous failures ...yet makes another one right after the first one..not sounding judgemental here but it sounds like she needs a bigger punishment perhaps ? or put on contract i would think at very least..just one's opinion and i thank You for Your time.
~kristn

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to artglfr)
Profile   Post #: 46
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