RE: Clingy?

RE: Clingy? (Full Version)

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pixidustpet -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 5:19:19 AM)
i once had a friend of mine describe me as "more in need of petting than any 3 people combined that i know!" yeah....that's a bit clingy. [:D] but neither TheEngineer nor Daddy have ever said that it was a bad thing. and i do grasp the concept that everyone needs some alone time, and that sometimes i am going to have to amuse myself and deal with things on my own. it doesnt mean i LIKE it, just that i understand it. kitten

persephonee -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 5:31:11 AM)
im just not a clingy person. im affectionate. i want to sit at His feet, or cuddle if it is appropriate to do so, watching a movie or reading or whatnot...but all in all, we entertain ourselves until He wants some entertainment that includes us. If i were having a bad day or needed some contact, im pretty sure i would get it. Never really had to give it any thought, which indicates that everyone is getting exactly the amount of contact they need or want. shrugs When accusations of clingy come up, it usually is an excuse given at the end of a relationship...but in the end, its just another excuse.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 5:34:17 AM)
I disagree with a previous poster who said that there was no such thing as clinginess, but rather it was a compatability issue. When I first entered into a relationship with Reality I couldn't pee without him being there, it was as if I had an extra shadow, one that needed constant reassurance/physical touch, numerous daily phonecalls/texts and it was suffocating. HIs neediness was to a degree that very few people would feel comfortable experiencing. However, knowing his background/experiences with other women I knew from where that insecurity stemmed and that given time he would gain confidence, and feel secure within our relationship enough to relax and allow us both time to breathe. It took a year of perserverence, understanding and acceptance he has grown in so many ways, has developed a confidence that sees him walk proudly and take on just about any situation that once had him avoiding, and while we relish as much time together as we possibly can have, it is no longer with the urgency that fear of losing someone brings.

CollaredLisa -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 6:11:58 AM)
I'm pretty clingy sometimes I guess... or more "cuddly", maybe that would fit it better.

InTonguesslut -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 6:18:47 AM)
quote: I disagree with a previous poster who said that there was no such thing as clinginess, but rather it was a compatability issue. Whilst i agree that clinginess exists i'd have to disagree with you about it not being a compatibility issue. Is it not common sense that a highly clingy sub/dom is not compatible with a none clingy sub/dom?

MissMorrigan -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 6:27:03 AM)
It can be, but doesn't necessarily mean that it is depending on why it is there. Insecurity in a person is bourne from various issues, just b/c that issue exists doesn't mean people can't overcome them, it depends to the degree with which a person is willing to venture. The definition of clinginess is also muddied on this thread, with many misconstruing it for affection.

InTonguesslut -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 6:28:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan It can be, but doesn't necessarily mean that it is depending on why it is there. Insecurity in a person is bourne from various issues, just b/c that issue exists doesn't mean people can't overcome them, it depends to the degree with which a person is willing to venture. yeah i agree it can be worked through as i said in my first post depending on the reason for it in the first place [:D]

agirl -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 8:05:56 AM)
All situational for me. Not quite sure what clingy is..but depending on how life is treating me, it seems perfectly natural, considering I have a certain amount of dependency on him. I've never thought about it as clingy..but most assuredly I look to him, want him, pine for him and appear to need what he supplies at certain times, more than others. agirl

SirDominic -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 9:10:37 AM)
Using quick reply. Clingy can be either good or bad depending. When being clingy is a desire, that is good. When being clingy is a NEED, that is unhealthy, and often ultimately destructive to a relationship. That being said, I think those whose desires match closely are going to be happiest, whatever that level of desire is.

NihilusZero -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 10:18:13 AM)
Isn't this just a matter of taste? I enjoy my sub to be clingy. Heck, the dynamic of emotional power exchange would, I think, naturally breed a clingyness in the sub, if not just for the desire to be physically near. I'm sure there is a point where anyone could conceivably be suffocated by too much doting, but it would seem to me to be an understood (by the D-type) natural byproduct of the dynamic of a D/s relationship in the first place.

akisha -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 10:19:27 AM)
I think Master would like me to be more clingy or co-dependant. I have a hard time relying on others and it takes awhile for that kind of thing to develope for me. Personally I can't stand overly clingy people. I feel smothered and closterphobic and my first desire is to get the hell away as fast as possible.

NihilusZero -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 10:26:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan I disagree with a previous poster who said that there was no such thing as clinginess, but rather it was a compatability issue. When I first entered into a relationship with Reality I couldn't pee without him being there, it was as if I had an extra shadow, one that needed constant reassurance/physical touch, numerous daily phonecalls/texts and it was suffocating. HIs neediness was to a degree that very few people would feel comfortable experiencing. However, knowing his background/experiences with other women I knew from where that insecurity stemmed and that given time he would gain confidence, and feel secure within our relationship enough to relax and allow us both time to breathe. It took a year of perserverence, understanding and acceptance he has grown in so many ways, has developed a confidence that sees him walk proudly and take on just about any situation that once had him avoiding, and while we relish as much time together as we possibly can have, it is no longer with the urgency that fear of losing someone brings. All of it is based on compatibility. Taking the result of a chosen path that ended up working out does not discount other potential options. A relationship with someone that would have welcomed and liked the continual need for proximity would yield the same type of confidence, just based on a different status result. Every idiosyncrasy we have can be shoved in one of 2 boxes: 1) This is part of who I am and I am going to embrace it. 2) This is a flaw in my persona and I'm going to fight to change it. There is no underlying universal requirement for which one must get put into which box. It could even be argued that if someone feels compelled to change something about themselves because it appears necessary to remain in a current relationship, that itself could be a form of coercion and manipulation. It all gets excused under the guise of whether we want to think said "change" is "for the better" of that individual (which is a malleable and subjective assessment in the first place).

daddysprop247 -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 10:27:37 AM)
i agree with those who've said that clingyness on the part of the submissive or slave is a quite natural by-product of a serious D/s relationship. now the exact degree of that clingyness will vary of course. in my case, i am EXTREMELY clingy towards my Master and if i could i would be in his physical presence every minute of every day. this need has only intensified over the years. when he gets home from work i am so excited it feels like my heart will burst, and i will rush him and just bury my head in his chest. i have a tendency to follow him around the house like a puppy dog...he walks from the family room to the kitchen, i follow...he goes from the office to the bedroom and back again, i follow...he goes to the bathroom, i attempt to follow and am kicked out, lol. but i can't help it, i crave his presence.

lilgirl2008 -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 2:53:30 PM)
\I think it depends what one's definition of clinginess is. My ex dom said i was clingy. I don't tihnk I was clingy. We talked on the phone once a day. We used to talk more but over time it declined. We used to see each other every weekend, unless something else got in the way. Over the last year together that declined as well. Was I clingy? No. Did i miss what we used to share together and want it again, you betcha. I work, have friends and would keep myself busy. So I don't understand where this idea that becuase I wanted to see him and spend time with him, that made me clingy? Maybe someone could explain that to me.

DesFIP -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 5:44:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilgirl2008 \I think it depends what one's definition of clinginess is. My ex dom said i was clingy. I don't tihnk I was clingy. We talked on the phone once a day. We used to talk more but over time it declined. We used to see each other every weekend, unless something else got in the way. Over the last year together that declined as well. Was I clingy? No. Did i miss what we used to share together and want it again, you betcha. I work, have friends and would keep myself busy. So I don't understand where this idea that becuase I wanted to see him and spend time with him, that made me clingy? Maybe someone could explain that to me. What it sounds like is that he was too cowardly to tell you he wanted to move on, had met someone else and instead tried to turn it all around and blame everything on you. Don't accept that blame, because you know you hadn't changed - only he did. But learn from this for the next time.

yesMaster247 -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 6:23:58 PM)
Sadly i am very clingy towards my Master. For example tonight he got home from work at 3:45 pm...we talked did laundry together i made dinner and served it and he had to go back to work at 5:30 pm and would be back at 10 pm. i sat at the table when it was 5:25 and cried. i didn't want him to go i m so lonley with out him. i miss him and feel as if i can barely function with out him. so yeah i am pathetic...

junecleaver -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 7:54:02 PM)
I think the word my partner uses is....psycho? lol I can call him ten times in a row until he picks up and he literally doesn't bat an eye. I can follow him around and invade his personal space. He just pets me. I think it has more so to do with his cultural background. But I love it. I've never had a man let me be so clingy and affectionate. I don't need to be as clingy as I am, but I enjoy it. I've been in relationships with a lot less contact and affection and those relationships were fine and enjoyable. But I like this one too. I like to take a day that we are going to spend together and make him the center of it. We don't have the sort of lives or even the sort of relationship where either of us would want him to be the center of my life. But I know we both enjoy having a weekend like that. Ime, a good chunk of the time when people call another person clingy it is some sort of excuse for their own behavior/decision.

Midgie -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 7:58:12 PM)
For me, I am clingy in the fact that I like to snuggle and I'm very affectionate. I try to monitor my affectionate-ness because I know it can come across as "OMG I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED YOU!" when I am just very affectionate. I try to be open and communicate too. "Is it okay if I invade your personal space?"

VampiresLair -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 8:04:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pridedenied Does anyone else out there have the problem of either being too clingy toward their Mistress/Master or having their sub/slave be too clingy? How does it make you feel? How do you deal with it? Are there things that are always too clingy to do or say or does it really depend on the circumstances? Fox and I have a very close couple who is Male Dom, fem sub. Fox is very clingy, which I do not mind most of the time. We have enough time apart that it doesnt really cause problems. He is a very touchy cuddly type. This other couple, the sub is super clingy also, but the dom is not. He never has been and while he does tolerate it at times, he doesnt usually like it for long. We cope together, we get away from the subs and spend time together discussing things and playing video games and not snuggling or touching beyond occasionally a hug hello. We both ind its a good way to ground ourselves without having to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. I would never tell Fox to leave me alone when we are home, but having a little time apart means that I am not smothered. It all works out in the end. DV

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Clingy? (3/31/2009 8:11:28 PM)
quote: There's no such thing as being too clingy. What there is, is incompatibility in the amount of contact and attention you both need. There's a poster on another site who talks to her owner once briefly during the week to set up weekend plans. That's all the contact either of them want or need. Then there's The Man and I, who are happiest when together damn near 24/7. And when we are separated we send multiple emails during the day, multiple quick phone calls and the occasional text. Neither of us have a qwerty keyboard phone so we get frustrated easily hitting wrong keys. If we had qwerty phones, we'd be texting a dozen times a day also. This amount of contact is just right for both of us. Now you could be pejorative and characterize the previously mentioned couple as cold fish and emotionally detached. And you could make snide comments about us being codependent and needy and clingy. But both couples are perfectly happy with the amount of contact in their relationships. We're compatible with our partners. If someone calls you clingy or needy, you need to figure out why you didn't discover this glaring incompatibility before getting involved first, and second why you picked someone who isn't willing to try to discover a win/win solution but instead blame you for something that is as much his fault as yours. Because he picked you despite your need for more contact without discussing it and how to solve the discrepancy. Bravo!!!! Bravo!!!! Said Beautifully, and Elegantly! Now that I agreed, I am clingy, He loves it, but I am not Horribly insecure and when I am? He makes sure I am fine. Somehow we are in the Clingy and touchy and totally happy with it!

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