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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 6:54:32 AM

dreamerdreaming

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He's not a master. He's just another jerk using you for sex.

Dump him.

You deserve better.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 6:55:19 AM

Heritagesub

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Thank You dreamer!

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 6:58:16 AM

littlekitten1

Posts: 160
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Whatever the reasons behind his actions... I just don't think you should be in an unsatisfying relationship.. I think that sometimes people forget that Doms and subs alike go into these relationship with the same intentions... To get something out of it. Happiness, pleasure, fun.. Whatever.
So if it may just be that you two aren't compatible or that he's hiding something, or just using you for sex. If in the end, you decide you're getting nothing out of this relationship, you should leave. Love yourself and treat yourself well...

Only a happy sub can make a dom happy :)

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 6:59:07 AM

Heritagesub

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I would like to thank everyone for their responses, I don't know where I would be without this forum.. It is a Godsend to be able to ask people in the lifestyle questions, and that know what they are talking about by experience... Again Thank you all!

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 7:08:18 AM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Heritagesub

Thank You dreamer!

Anytime, girlfriend! :o)

Stick around the boards. We're right here with you.

D/s is like any other relationship. The individuals involved both have a right to get their needs met.

Routine neglect is not a basis for a relationship. He is disrespecting you.

Vote with your feet.

Insist on a reciprocal relationship: one in which you get as much as you give.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 7:31:21 AM

AngelGeena

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 7:31:31 AM

VolFFtrDm

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Joined: 3/20/2009
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"I am new to the D/s lifestyle, My Master talks to me most of the time on IM or through text, rarely do I get a phone call. When he does decide to see me, it's for a short and brief sex encounter, then he leaves... this is my problem"
Just my thoughts- If you were in a nilla relationship and not D/s, would you feel the same way about what is happening? I think that in any relationship everything needs to be talked about wants, needs, likes, dislikes, and what each person wants from it. Even moreso with a D/s relationship, he needs you to trust him with what he does to you while playing, and you need to trust him to stay inside the boundry's that you BOTH have agreed too-these will undoughtedly change as time goes on.
So the jist of what I am saying is talk to him
" I sent him an IM last night after he left me, he was here 45 minutes and left.. almost like bolted!"
Lets see 5-10 min. for warm up- leather the skin- 10-15 min. for play, then at least 15 min. for aftercare. Would almost seem to me he that he does not really care about your feelings one way or the other, the other side is that he may verry well be trying to condition you for his own wants, desires, needs, but still you both need to Talk to each other.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 7:54:40 AM

Heritagesub

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I have just spoken with him, I expressed in a nice way that I felt used and abandoned. I said is this the way our relationship will be, you always leaving after sex? He told me it will not be like this, "Master: no it is going to be never leaving and that will happen before you realize it". hmmm right answer?

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 8:07:03 AM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Heritagesub

I have just spoken with him, I expressed in a nice way that I felt used and abandoned. I said is this the way our relationship will be, you always leaving after sex? He told me it will not be like this, "Master: no it is going to be never leaving and that will happen before you realize it". hmmm right answer?

Talk is cheap. Don't go by what he says. His actions belie him. He's stringing you along. Don't let him.

Judge him by his actions, to date. How long have you been putting up with his neglect?

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 8:16:44 AM

agirl

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It's AN answer.

I have to say that I wouldn't be chuffed to hear that he was NEVER going to leave either, without any discussion or conversation about it...lol. I'm rubbish at guessing games.

agirl

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 8:16:46 AM

littleone35

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Sounds to me like he is just using you for sex when he gets the urge. Somteime it is hard to get all the time you want with him. It also sounds like you and he are not a good match. When i was looking i put in my mprofile that i wanted a Dom i could see at lest twice a month if not weekly( never expected t get one i see every day). I think you can do better. You say you are new to this, don't be takrn in by a guy who says he is a Master. Just because someone says they are a Master does not make them one.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 8:28:45 AM

Heritagesub

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I hear all of your concerns, and your right, words are just words until they are proven. He asks me to trust him and believe in him, and to be patient! We are talking about this as I post, will keep you all informed as to his actions... and he's know's I am posting on here about him!

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 8:32:31 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Heritagesub

I sent him an IM last night after he left me, he was here 45 minutes and left.. almost like bolted! He told me to wait right here( pointing at my computer) and said he would be with me in 30 minutes. Two hours later and few angry text's from me, he told me to be patient. I left him a note explaining, in my opnion, I am allowed to have one, that I was not satisified with the quality time he is giving me and that if this is making me unhappy, what is he going to do about it, His job is to keep his sub happy and taken care of, Right?

If actions are the key.........the part I've bolded are his actions, are they acceptable for you, in a relationship?

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/31/2009 8:33:16 AM >

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 9:49:06 AM

SassySarijane

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Watch the actions. They are usually more honest than the words. If words and actions don't match, then actions are generally your answer to how he feels about you. It's still a relationship whether D/s is part of it or not and just because you are submissive doesn't equal you not being fulfilled in it. How can you serve fully if your needs and wants don't matter to the one you serve? It's a two-way street. It's not all about one person in the relationship, everyone in the relationship needs to be fulfilled or it will never last and will be bitter and painful.

One more thing: Take D/s, M/s, bdsm, "Lifestyle" out of it. Now, would you put up with this or accept it without all that?

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 10:31:40 AM

Missokyst

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Once again I am glad I am not a slave. I see things as relationships, where people are sometimes incompatible. I could not tolerate such limited contact.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

First, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's difficult.

Second, showing your anger about it will rarely get you what you want. You are the submissive, and while many of your wants should be met that doesn't mean that they all will be, and not necessarily on your time schedule.

Try to put yourself in his shoes. Not all people enjoy talking on the phone and prefer to use the computer. He's not the first Dom that I've heard of that finishes having sex and leaves within minutes. He asked you to be patient and you got more angry.

Patience is one of the most difficult things to learn. We all crave time with our Doms/Masters or we wouldn't be in the relationship. Only he knows if he is training you or if all he wants is short conversations and some sex and run. Let him know calmly and respectfully what you want from him. Here's an example: "You know, my ideal would be if we could have contact each day for at least a short time on the computer and if we could talk a couple of times a week. I enjoy your company so much that I wish you could stay with me more than a few minutes after sex so that when you leave I could feel that I truly pleased you." If you put it in terms of him being pleased, even though it is taking care of YOUR wants, you are more likely to get it.

Yes, a sub's wants should be fulfilled but by simply demanding it chances are you won't get it. It may be a case of incompatible goals for the relationship.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 10:46:51 AM

MadameW

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If he is experienced and a worthwhile Dom, he should be communicating better with you..especially since this is a new experience for you. Ask him if you can put down the roles for just a moment so that you can express your feelings and he can share his experience with you. I am sure you can find a more caring Dom out there if he is not willing...training or no training.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 12:11:27 PM

peppermint

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As you can read in another forum post...there are NO RULES as to the behavior of a Dominant or a sub. Whatever works best is fine. In your case it doesn't appear to be working.

I suggest that you have a talk with your Master. If you find you can live with things the way they are...then great...no problem. If you find that you can not live with things the way they are then you will have to consider breaking off this relationship. It is YOUR choice. Whatever works best for YOU is what you are seeking.

Edited to add......You might want to read that other forum post here http://www.collarchat.com/m_2532036/tm.htm

< Message edited by peppermint -- 3/31/2009 12:51:05 PM >

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 12:28:34 PM

akisha

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This is just my personal opinion, but you are nothing but a booty call. He says he's your Master ergo you will sit quietly by and wait for when he deems you deserve his time.

You don't have a relationship you are a fuck buddy with no extra benefits.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 2:16:53 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Heritagesub

I am new to the D/s lifestyle, My Master talks to me most of the time on IM or through text, rarely do I get a phone call. When he does decide to see me, it's for a short and brief sex encounter, then he leaves... this is my problem. Is this supposed to be normal, is he just training me to want him more? I don't know about you other subs, but I am really frustrated, and almost to the point of saying I don't want to do this anymore. Please enlighten me on this...

Can't help you because you are asking the wrong people for an answer that you should be asking of him.

Be mature and bring it up with him. Then make the decision about whether or not you can live with his answer.

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RE: Leaves me wanting - 3/31/2009 2:23:25 PM

softness

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If it is making you happy then continue, if it is not ... then change ... simple

Asking other people to tell you what is right or wrong about your relationship will get you the answers you need, it may give you the answer you want to hear, but all it will be is other people's relationship values/set up held up against yours.

It doesn't sound to me that you are all that happy, your actions as described match those of someone who is not that happy, all the evidence points towards a set up that is not making you happy. If I was behaving in the way you described towards Sir, we would both understand that I was not happy and we would change or we would part. Simple.

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