RE: Leaves me wanting

RE: Leaves me wanting (Full Version)

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Lynnxz -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 2:26:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Heritagesub I am new to the D/s lifestyle, My Master talks to me most of the time on IM or through text, rarely do I get a phone call. When he does decide to see me, it's for a short and brief sex encounter, then he leaves... this is my problem. Is this supposed to be normal, is he just training me to want him more? I don't know about you other subs, but I am really frustrated, and almost to the point of saying I don't want to do this anymore. Please enlighten me on this... If you are not happy, leave. This is not some special tutti frutti magical relationship, just because you wear silly leather clothes and he's got a paddle. It's still real life, and people need compatibility.

sixin -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 3:02:32 PM)
instead of listening to everyone ....be your own judge and witness....listen to you heart ...period ......

fragilepieces -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 4:04:12 PM)
So did he act like this before he became your master?

laura2161 -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 5:27:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Heritagesub I sent him an IM last night after he left me, he was here 45 minutes and left.. almost like bolted! He told me to wait right here( pointing at my computer) and said he would be with me in 30 minutes. Two hours later and few angry text's from me, he told me to be patient. Are you allowed to call him or just allowed IM and text?

DesFIP -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 5:53:11 PM)
When words and actions disagree, believe actions. You want more than to just be a booty call? Then don't accept that anymore. When he starts talking about seeing you, tell him you'll meet him at the movie theater and which movie would he like to see. If you don't accept this treatment, he can't dish it out. But I'm betting he's either married or living with someone.

DavanKael -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 6:01:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Anaquot He is training you alright, to live on table scraps. Beautifully said. If you're inclined to settle, hang in. If not, address it. If it improves sufficient to your liking, dandy. If not, jettison. Davan

califsue -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 6:08:18 PM)
Communication is the key and knowing the MUST HAVE for you are important. You will get all kinds of responses on the boards. What is important to remember is what do you want? Take the BDSM/kink out of it. I had a Master and while he is on his journey of finding himself we remain friends and play partners. For me at this time in my life works for me. For many, it doesn't. It is as much about getting your needs met, as it in serving and submitting to someone.

LovingMistress45 -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 7:03:43 PM)
Ok, so now he is saying that soon he will never leave. Hate to say but that sounds almost as believable as the married man that say he is leaving his wife soon. Soon - how does he define soon? On another note since you say you are new - relationships should be negotiated. You do not have to settle for less than you want because you are submissive. Do you want a relationship where all you are worth is 45 mins? I wouldn't tolerate a man screwing me and running out the door. That is not because I am dominant, it is because I am worth more than that as a person and so are you.

Rayne58 -> RE: Leaves me wanting (3/31/2009 8:23:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Heritagesub I am new to the D/s lifestyle, My Master talks to me most of the time on IM or through text, rarely do I get a phone call. When he does decide to see me, it's for a short and brief sex encounter, then he leaves... this is my problem. Is this supposed to be normal, is he just training me to want him more? I don't know about you other subs, but I am really frustrated, and almost to the point of saying I don't want to do this anymore. Please enlighten me on this... This isn't confined to BDSM - I had something similar happen with a vanilla man. We met several times but only once did we spend a night together, and that was when we stayed in a hotel when he had to get to the airport early in the morning. All other times we met for short encounters in motel rooms and he came to my place once, but claimed he'd forgotten his medication and had to get home (yeah right [8\|] ). After about three months of this I gave him the push [>:] I was tired of being used for what one poster described as a "booty call". The sex wasn't even that good! [:'(] And he started getting possessive and jealous....shades of my ex husband [:'(] I was so relieved when I ended it [:)]

eyesopened -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/1/2009 4:38:48 AM)
If you don't know you are "in training" then you are not. You have, however, learned a lot with this encounter. You have learned to ask questions about the nature and goal of the proposed relationship. You have learned that it is best to communicate these things prior to accepting one as your 'Master' so in this regard, it's been a good thing and now you know some things you didn't know before. Keep in mind that this "lifestyle" is made up of ordinary human beings and these human beings do not magically become other more superior beings just because they donned a title and a leather vest. How long would you have put up with the "leaves me waiting" crap in any other relationship? Sweetie, you sound like an intelligent woman and you probably knew the answers before you asked.

KneelforAnne -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/1/2009 5:15:48 PM)
Regardless of the dynamic of this relationship --overall it is supposed to bring you joy, correct? You wouldn’t go into it to be UNhappy, right? So…the question is: Are you happier now that you are with him? (And I mean even when you aren’t talking to him or with him or in that hour or so “afterglow” from contact.) It seems to me that it’s just making you doubt yourself, him, the situation and what you know you need vs. what you want. ~ Perhaps take a quiet moment, and really sit and be truthful with yourself. What can you live with? What can you live without? What is a need? What is a want? I think it would be fair to tell him all of those things. (I’d do it in person so I could gauge the reaction.) It’s a possibility that he will agree to change but then not follow though. If that is the case then you have to be strong enough to cut ties. However, it’s also a possibility that it will all work out and you will be part of a stronger, happier relationship. ~anne (Who always wants the happy ending…. J )

HerLord -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/1/2009 6:07:28 PM)
My Love had this post open, so after perusing the replies, I must tell you that if I had been your "master" "lord" "Owner" or whatever, I believe I would flip my lid and come at you for bringing this type of personal detail about my failures, as your "keeper," to a public venue before coming to me about fixing it. It might just be a terminal condition. I am CERTAIN, that had you done this to me in the manner in which I see you doing it here, I would not only be supremely pissed, I might NEVER talk to you again. EVER! If you have had this convo with him Prior to bringing it here, ignore this post. Peace, God edited to add: It is just plain rude not to have the confidence, the courtesy, or the trust in him to confront him directly before bringing it to a public forum.

Lashra -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/1/2009 8:42:40 PM)
I'm not a sub but it certainly sounds to me as if he is married or involved with someone else. Especially the short, brief sexual encounters. I know when I haven't seen my sub for a couple of weeks I want to spend every second that I can with him. We text during the day and talk on AIM at night, that is when we aren't on the telephone. Ask yourself is this relationship meeting your wants, needs and desires? If not it maybe time to reevaluate whether you wish to stay in it. Good luck, ~Lashra

Caressive -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/2/2009 2:13:53 AM)
Let's get real: you're being played. If you can't can't get enough of someone, you don't "bolt" away as soon as possible. He either has other women to see, or he has no interest in you beyond the physical. That's fine if both parties are on the same page, but you're not - you need an emotional connection, and aren't getting what you need inside. Move on. Sorry to be blunt, but you deserve better.

Mikalsheart -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/2/2009 5:02:20 AM)
Sounds to me like he is 1 married 2 too into himself to care about you 3 not worth a hill of beans as a Dom all or any combination . i had an on line relationship with my Master before W/we met........W/we could not go days without talking. and W/we also got to know E/each O/other over many months before W/we met... how long had you written/chatted/texted prior to meeting?? I agree with the comments ...would you tolerate this in a vanilla relationship?? If not then why in D/s where TRUST is key??? Just because you are new does not mean you cannot be informed and use common sense. best of luck...... heart

OttersSwim -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/2/2009 6:26:11 AM)
Personally, it sounds like you are just a booty call to him. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, sounds like he has other "ties" that are binding him. BUT...you talk about him not answering texts or IMs right away. Realize that just because your IM says someone is there, does not necessarily make it so. They may have walked away from the computer, had their cat jump up on the table and move the mouse just enough to activate it...etc. So you get all hurt and angry while they are blissfully out at the grocery store. Instant replies to IMs are not ever guaranteed, so don't take them as such. Texts to cell phones can also be suspect. I am always putting my phone somewhere and moving away. I often have it on vibrate while at work, etc. So it can be several hours before I get a text sometimes. Just sayin'...

Missokyst -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/2/2009 9:25:28 AM)
It always amazes me what people will tolerate to feel "in role". Why do they abandon the core values of a relationship, respect, communication, contact.. simply because they don't wish to lose a master or the feeling that they are submitting? I find it just as assinine when so called slaves counsel them to be patient, the master knows what he is doing, and ask respectfully for changes.. which may or may not happen. Is putting master in their choice of identity making them develop super powers beyond others in regular relationships? Do masters become brilliant, skilled, talented, mind readers, or more intuitive? Or are they still.. gasp humans who may be only out for what they can get? Good grief. I think people abandon all sense when it comes to having someone in their life. Sense is not common any longer. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Mikalsheart ...would you tolerate this in a vanilla relationship?? If not then why in D/s where TRUST is key??? Just because you are new does not mean you cannot be informed and use common sense.

sublace -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/2/2009 10:11:06 AM)
Hello Hope you are well. In a nutshell -You care and value the relationship. It doesn't seem right to simply slam the door closed and lock him out of your life forever.

KneelforAnne -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/2/2009 4:48:42 PM)
Of course it doesn't. But there is some point where she has to stand up for what she wants and needs or she'll risk feeling like this for the duration of her experience with him...which could also shade her future experiences. If she doesn't tell him what she wants and needs....then how will he know? And...if once he knows he can't or won't deliver...then it's up to her to keep her happiness and long term needs in mind. She's gotta stand up for herself. Either it works out or it doesn't.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: Leaves me wanting (4/7/2009 10:43:25 PM)
I have read through the 3 pages of posts on this topic, and it seems to me a common happening for a first time sub. I'll explain... We have natural urges and discover there is a Dominant compliment. It's like being a teenager again with the intensity of energy and emotion that gets thrown into high gear. "Sub frenzy" used to be a term....not sure if this is still being used? I had a friend, also submissive....she and I got into relationships at the same time. Hers was very much how you describe yours...in the beginning. She is still with him today, over 10 years later. My relationship lasted 6 months, although my partner and I continued to live together for 5 years as friends/roommates. From what you describe here, there can be many assumptions, but only you and he know the truth. From a psychological standpoint, he is creating with you, an extremely intense psychological situation. Because he has limited and intermittent contact with you, isn't operating in a transparent communication dynamic, and is apparently pushing a lot of your submissive triggers, I bet he can put you into both bliss and dispair with very little effort? This is an excellent lesson for you to learn regarding how much control are you willing to give up, to someone you don't 'really' know? It happens on a regular basis to newbies, especially online. It's a hard lesson, but worthwhile. Why do 'Dominants' do such a thing? Many reasons, beginning with ....'because you let them." You should look at actions not words. You should evaluate what you seek in a relationship, and choose who you interact with wisely. Don't give away too much power or control too soon. Get to know your partner...because it is a PARTNERSHIP....and make your own decision on whether he cares about and respects you enough, for you to give him access and control. Vanilla rules still apply, as several people before me have stated. You are fully participating in this dynamic...if you don't like it, stop playing. It's not anyone else's job to make you happy. Happiness occurs when you and your partner have complimentary needs, which the other person WANTS to meet. Now, to keep your honor and integrity intact, you can correspond with him politely. You can respectfully ask for what you want. Understand you are just communicating. As with all relationships, the other person can use this information as they see fit. In the end, if you are not happy, you've communicated what you would like, and you still aren't getting it, likely, you still will not be happy. At that point, its time to make a decision, and hopefully choose a path making decisions that get you to Happiness. Self respect and awareness of one's own power, are essential to understand, prior to giving them away. Wow, its late and I'm rambling. Time for bed. Good luck with these difficult lessons.

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