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Confused? - 3/31/2009 1:28:12 PM   
sinnocence7


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		Not sure where I fit in? I’m VERY dominant in personality. I don’t like to be dominated except during sex. I find it extremely exciting to be ravished. I’m new to the site and I'm trying to understand just how I fit in. I find only dominate people to be attractive. Strange? I always see Dome/Sub never Dom/Dom. Contradiction?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 2:00:32 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Lots of submissives have otherwise dominant personalities. It is nothing new. If what you desire is a partner you can submit to, then so be it. If you prefer to co dominate another, then seek that. If you seek a submissive of your own, then go for it. If you feel the pull of something else or more than one of these, that is fine too. It is really about what appeals to you and what dynamic seems to fit your needs and desires.

lovingpet

(in reply to sinnocence7)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 2:15:54 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		If you're struggling to pin your identity into a box, I understand. Very few of us have clear lines about which box we fit in.

Your dominant nature (outside the bedroom) is certainly important to take note of, but since you want to be dominated, you align as submissive. It doesn't mean you can't be a complete bitch outside the bedroom, it just means your play preference is to be the bottom. Moreso, you seem to be a sexual submissive... But putting that on your profile will score you loads on men who ONLY want the sexual submissive, not the strong willed, dominant outside-girl.

Whatever colour you choose to align with, be sure to explain your submission ends at the threshhold.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 2:29:32 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label.  Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
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RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 3:29:18 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it.

BadOne



Nailed it.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 3:35:01 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		I guess the choice from the OP would be looking for a dominant who is such only in the sexual part and your relationship otherwise is equal and gender roles are either used or decided upon.
 
Like SailingBum said.
 
Labels mean nothing !!  Did I say nothing?  Yes, labels mean nothing.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 5:38:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		For the moment you're a bedroom sub. Should you meet someone who you can trust enough to make the right decisions, you may discover that you enjoy yielding control in nonsexual situations also. But start with being a bedroom sub.

Besides smart people don't turn over the keys to their car, the passwords to their bank accounts etc to someone they've just met. It takes time to work up to that level of control.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 5:44:45 PM   
PeggyO


Posts: 129
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Also keep in mind you may not ever want to be submissive outside of the sexual arena.  Contrary to popular  belief, it's not a trust question.  You can completely trust your partner, yet not be interested in yielding control in non-sexual situations.  It's ok to not necessarily want to be submissive outside certain situations.  However, if you find yourself attracted by control outside sexual situations, that's cool too.

You don't have to be what other people tell you that you "should" be.  You need to be what you are comfortable being.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 5:50:41 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think that is a big part of the journey is discovering all these things about yourself. I have said it before too. Labels really do an injustice to the person wearing it. Don't pin one on willingly. There are words we use to help describe who and what we are, but it is the understanding of the term we attach to it that matters. Explain in your profile what you mean by submissive. Explain what it means to you to have a dominant personality. Explain the dissonance you are clearly feeling from this. My guess is there are people out there that, when they have the chance to work with you one on one, can help untangle it all for you and that will be part of the fulfillment they will get out of the relationship. Then you will move on to new challenges, yours or theirs, to enjoy discovering and sharing. Honesty will do more than all the false self assuredness ever will.

lovingpet

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 6:13:00 PM   
sinnocence7


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		thank you all....I appreciate your comments...its funny admitting/thinking I might be a "sub" in the bedroom...hard for a dominant person to admit

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 8:24:29 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I might be a "sub" in the bedroom...hard for a dominant person to admit


Take the time to read up, and you will see the very logical exploit that quite a few dominant people enjoy losing control (under tightly controlled situations, such as having sex in a bedroom). I recall the sub who was very controlling but insisted she was the opposite, and insisting she had not had an orgasm immediately after she had two in a row. Shouldn't be that hard to admit, but probably limited in admission to a person in whom you have very deep trust.

(in reply to sinnocence7)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 9:40:28 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it.

BadOne


More words of wisdom BadOne. Labels are for cans, not people...

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Confused? - 3/31/2009 9:43:27 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

quote:

You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it.

BadOne


More words of wisdom BadOne. Labels are for cans, not people...



I like that! May I borrow it?

lovingpet

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Confused? - 4/1/2009 3:46:03 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet


quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

quote:

You don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about a label. Find someone that enjois similar things and have at it.

BadOne


More words of wisdom BadOne. Labels are for cans, not people...


ANYTIME Loving pet!


I like that! May I borrow it?

lovingpet



_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Confused? - 4/1/2009 4:18:27 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome to the jungle first of all you can have a DOM couple relationship out side the bedroom, and be more D/s like in the bedroom. You could be Dom outside the bedroom with a guy who's sub outside the bedroom, and you guys reverse the roles inside the bedroom. You could be Dom couple in and out of the bedroom. Hell.. damn it.. just find somebody who is into what you are.

In short, you can list yourself as a bedroom/sex/kinky only submissive. Not into D/s as a relationship. Then again, who the hell knows, because there are a number of submissives that's that have Dominant personalities and are responisble for a lot of things at work. They simply enjoy having somebody in charge of things on the home front.

Lord, you gotta sort of feel things out and simply be honest and a bit open minded. Rememer a relationship takes two people and it all depends upon the chemistry between you and somebody else..

(in reply to sinnocence7)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Confused? - 4/1/2009 6:39:20 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sinnocence7

Not sure where I fit in? I’m VERY dominant in personality. I don’t like to be dominated except during sex. I find it extremely exciting to be ravished. I’m new to the site and I'm trying to understand just how I fit in. I find only dominate people to be attractive. Strange? I always see Dome/Sub never Dom/Dom. Contradiction?

Best advice I can give you is to STOP right now. STOP trying to put yourself in a box. STOP trying to define yourself in this way.

Instead, embrace all the parts of your personality and let them reign free. There is no reason to box yourself in and stifle your personality simply because someone/others say that you MUST be 'something'.

Be yourself; and in being yourself, you find someone who embraces and accepts all the pieces that make up YOU.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to sinnocence7)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Confused? - 4/1/2009 6:54:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

Also keep in mind you may not ever want to be submissive outside of the sexual arena.  Contrary to popular  belief, it's not a trust question.  You can completely trust your partner, yet not be interested in yielding control in non-sexual situations.  It's ok to not necessarily want to be submissive outside certain situations.  However, if you find yourself attracted by control outside sexual situations, that's cool too.

You don't have to be what other people tell you that you "should" be.  You need to be what you are comfortable being.


Peggy, should you reread my post I said she "MAY" discover that she enjoys giving up control in nonsexual situations. I did not say she, or any other person, absolutely would.

But indeed, just as she may discover she enjoys nonsexual submission, she may also decide she does not.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to PeggyO)
Profile   Post #: 17
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