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what not to do - 3/31/2009 2:39:11 PM   
submalewhore


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline 		hello all!
im new to all this, and before i start talking to people, i would love to know what not to do.
so my question is, what realy bugs you, what things should i avoid at all costs?

thank u for your time.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 2:44:53 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... this could get interesting!

What not to do... with me... don't be fake, don't lie, don't be all about yourself or sex, don't fail to read each profile of the person you contact, don't expect something quick, don't be needy, don't be stuck in fantasy, don't fail to treat me like a person/woman before domiant as I am not your dominant, don't fail to make yourself the best you can be and don't fail to do your homework and read the message boards so that you can learn what some like or don't.

Good luck to you!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 2:52:38 PM   
MissLaura1973


Posts: 161
Joined: 11/11/2008
Status: offline 		I can only speak for myself, here ...

- Spell out words such as "you" (I see anything less as laziness)
- Fully read profiles and follow the instruction in them (if there are any) - comment on the profile, so that the message's recipient knows that you have read and comprehended what is set forth
- Don't pester or beg, unless otherwise directed
- Do include a face photo but not one of you naked and certainly not one of your genitalia
- Do not push for an immediate meeting / phone conversation / chat
- Don't send a "friends" or a "chat" request to someone right off the bat
- Be honest about your experience and interests
- If you don't know an answer, just say so
- If you're not interested or are having second thoughts, speak up
- Be respectful to all (dominant and submissive), as you would in a vanilla situation
- Relax - be yourself - have a good time

Good Luck!

Laura


_____________________________

Though boys throw stones at frogs in sport, the frogs do not die in sport, but in earnest --- Bion

(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 3:06:28 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Don't assume just because you sit around fantasizing about something, we must do so as well.  We all have a wide variety of interests, to assume that someone else has the same level of interest in something as you do and to try and force a match will just end poorly.  That is not to say that there can't be 'blending' (my boy is a very into foot/ shoe fetish whereas I reward him with it but it is not main fetish or even a great interest other than his reaction to the reward) so there can be mutual enjoyment out of seeming disconnect.   

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


(in reply to MissLaura1973)
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RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 3:14:54 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		1) Don't forget to spell check your profile and your messages to people.

2)  Don't ever send a message to a woman without reading her profile and her journal entries, if there are any.  Sometimes there are important instructions in those entries.  READ THEM.  And if they are so boring you can't read them?  This is not the woman for you anyway.

3)  Don't ever write an opening message to a complete stranger that says, "Hello, can you please dominate me and tell me what to do?"  Try, if you possibly can, to get to know her somehow first.

Dominant women understand from your profile that you are a submissive man; we already have a general idea what you need from us.  The trick is to learn what the WOMAN wants and needs, and figure out how to give it to her.  That's what will set you apart from the rest of the crowd.

Well, that and a pretty face. 

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 3:42:19 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Oh! Silly me, I forgot something...don't be a douche.  Not being a total douche is very appealing and will help you stand out from all those other guys who email us.

Also, don't get disheartened.  I can sit here and tell you 'not be a douche' and all these other wonderful ladies will also give you great advice (no..seriously...read the profiles lol; it's amazing how many seem not to or just don't care) but, in the end, there will be people on this site, just like in real life, who will not treat you in a way that is equally respectful of you.  Don't assume or think that 'just' because you are an s-type you somehow 'deserve' being treated like sh*t.  Unless of course that is your thing . 

Anyway, it may seem at times that your search is some sort of big folly, and the people on the 'otherside' of this site are a bunch of wankers, so if you find that one approch (like going on CM) isn't working, expand- go to local muches, look into types of people you might not normally consider...even other states. But know that any great reward is worth great effort.

Respect your self, respect others and keep the faith...     


_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 4:00:50 PM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Not so much `things that bug me' but things you should do, in no particular order.

o Be yourself; don't just do things because that's what you think `submissives do'.

o Approach dominant women as women who happen to be dominant, rather than dominants who happen to be women.

o Read her profile before mailing and don't address her as `Mistress' or similar unless she specifically asks for it.

o Don't say you're her sub/slave because you're not until you both agree that.

o Don't write your life story in an initial mail.

o Don't just say `hi', either.

beeble.


_____________________________

Kita's owned slutpet.

(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 4:16:32 PM   
submalewhore


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline 		O NO!!! spelling, my worst enemy it seams that we meet agen! :( lol. wow thank u ever one that was by far more helpful information then i ever thought i would get. it actually sounds alot like vanilla (if im using this wright) dating, which really should not be that much of a surprise, come to think of it. Ok so dont be an ass and dont let others treat me like an ass, i think i can handle that, thanx agen for the help.!!!!!!!

(in reply to beeble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 4:18:50 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... you got it!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 4:52:17 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		No-one's mentioned those generic mailings yet -

Don't do them.  They're easily spotted and these women talk to one another! 

And I think I'd avoid "thanx agen", too . . . .

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 4:54:51 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		it actually sounds a lot like vanilla

Best rule of the thumb, in my opinion.  Good luck!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:10:26 PM   
submalewhore


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline 		dame, i have to remember this is not AIM dame dyslexia :S, ok, now i should go out there and talk to people

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:11:17 PM   
VelvetCruelty


Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submalewhore

hello all!
im new to all this, and before i start talking to people, i would love to know what not to do.
so my question is, what realy bugs you, what things should i avoid at all costs?

thank u for your time.


Nice name!  Just be genuine.  It can get kind of depressing when you are sending out email after email after email without response.  Women get a ton of mail usually and sometimes it is not a matter of disinterest, but of the person being really, really busy.  It's not always a personal thing, so don't take it too hard.

Try to spell or type correctly.  The messages that look like text messages are annoying to us older folk, lol.  But to each his own.

Welcome, and good luck!


_____________________________

She who must be Obeyed and Her demands Satisfied :)

I'm like an apple with a razor blade in it - sweet until you bite into me!

Why does Mommy have such big teeth? The better to eat you with little girl....

(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:27:41 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		As a fellow sufferer of dyslexia (I put the 'sex' in dyslexia ) I totally sympathize.  When I am on IM type like I am some sort of illiterate lunatic.  

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


(in reply to VelvetCruelty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:32:02 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		You have had some good advice.  I would add that rewritting your profile in proper English would be a good idea and using spell check.  The best advice is to read the profiles/journals and make sure you send personalized emails - mention what it was that attracted your attention about the profile.

Good luck

(in reply to VelvetCruelty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:49:34 PM   
submalewhore


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline 		all right, i think ill do that wright now, and another thing, what exactly dose being fake mean? i keep hear in but truth be told i realy dont understand
o and how many dyslexics dose it change to take a light-bulb? lol

(in reply to LovingMistress45)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:51:21 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		For what it's worth - I think your avatar pic's a good one.  It sets a great tone.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to submalewhore)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 5:54:55 PM   
submalewhore


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline 		why thank u, it just seamed right

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 6:00:39 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

For what it's worth - I think your avatar pic's a good one.  It sets a great tone.


*fights Peon back with a stick* I saw him first damnit! Er.... excuse me.

So far you've gotten great advice. As far as what 'fake' means, it varies from person to person, but mostly it means - don't lie about what you want so you can get what you really want. A lot of men here seem to message women thinking they can pull the wool over their eyes and trick them into some sort of kinky cyber thing, despite what the mans profile might say about wanting a real time meet.

Be yourself, mind your manners like you would with anyone you met on the street, and remember to look pretty.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what not to do - 3/31/2009 6:08:31 PM   
submalewhore


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline 		:D hello hello, what is this? i quarrel? over MUA?!?! (giggly boyish face)
ya i would love a face to face meeting, but i live in the middle of no were (for those of u that do not no, Upstate new york is in-face, the exact opposite f new york city, my nabers are cows and sex offenders, i wish i was kidding) and have no monie or a car, so i dont know how its posable (sob)

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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