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Cheating - 3/31/2009 10:14:25 PM   
Alphascendant


Posts: 285
Status: offline 		Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years, each with her saying she never will talk to me again, except for this time, both of us have ended up in the sack with somebody else, again except for this time, as I haven't even been close to doing anybody, even myself, for two months. With myself, each time has been with somebody new. With her it has been the same guy she has known for eleven years. She says it's okay for her because it is a friend of hers but as for myself, oh filthy me for having a casual lay with somebody that I don't even know and otherwise means nothing to me. Maybe this isn't the forum to be asking this, but is there really any difference? Isn't cheating cheating regardless of who it is with? Maybe she feels safer because it's with somebody she knows. With me, I can't have sex with anybody I love because I love her and the thought of being with anybody else makes me sick to my stomach..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Cheating - 3/31/2009 10:28:46 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Cheating is cheating.  Take control... you both are doing this to yourselves.  If it makes you sick to your stomach.. why do it?  Wait it out or take control of yourself.  Or move on and actually find a healthy relationship.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Cheating - 3/31/2009 10:33:13 PM   
NoFury


Posts: 18
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline 		Wait wait wait, "Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years,"  (1) How many times has that been? (2) How many times is aceptable to you? (3) If you're broken up, having sex with anyone else isn't cheating.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Cheating - 3/31/2009 10:42:33 PM   
Alphascendant


Posts: 285
Status: offline 		It seems to be cheating when I do it, but not when she does it. I am inclined to wait it out. As for giving up and seeking a healthy relationship? When we are together the sky is the limit, when we are apart... blah. Love is as love does.

(in reply to NoFury)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cheating - 3/31/2009 10:43:10 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		That isn't love.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 7:31:57 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you broke up, then it isn't cheating.

If you say "That's it, we are through", then she is a free agent. The fact that you don't choose to take advantage of your freedom has no bearing on her choosing to do so.

Nor should she be expected to assume that when you break up yet again, that you really mean "I'm too tired to continue arguing tonight. I'll talk to you in the morning". Because if that's what you meant then you should have said that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 8:26:42 AM   
CruelNUnsual


Posts: 624
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		Sex is sex, love is love (though its really sex). If sex with someone else is "cheating" on you then you are insecure in your relationship and worried that the next time youre cheated on you'll lose that persons love. Forced monogamy doesnt work, like any other prohibition. Work on the "sky is the limit" aspects of the relationship, recognize that sex is a biological event, not a pre-meditated insult, and enjoy what you bring to each other.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 8:31:45 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alphascendant

Isn't cheating cheating regardless of who it is with?


Yes, cheating is cheating no matter who it is with. However, you are broken up which means you are both free to screw anyone you would please. You cannot cheat when you are single. If she has problems with you doing what you want when you are broken up then there are 2 options. 1) Break up and keep it that way, or 2) stop brekaing up and when you arent seperated then neither of you will wander.

My exhusband thought sleeping with hookers was acceptable and not cheating because it was paying for a service not pursuing a relationship. My definition is sex with someone other than me, when we are not poly, and without my consent... is cheating.

The problem is... at the time you were both out having sex with others you were self declaredly single. Hence there is NO cheating.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 8:33:03 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		That's one thing I've never done.
When I'm with a woman I'm with her exclusively.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to CruelNUnsual)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 8:43:04 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Send her to me. When Im thru with her I will tell you if what she does is cheating or not. What is wrong with sex on the side. Don't you get bored with the same old stuff all of the time.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 8:46:01 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		~fr~

I don't understand two things.

1. How is it cheating if you're single?

2. Why the hell do you keep getting back together multiple times? I can understand giving a relationship *one* more shot... but several?

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 9:25:53 AM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alphascendant

It seems to be cheating when I do it, but not when she does it. I am inclined to wait it out. As for giving up and seeking a healthy relationship? When we are together the sky is the limit, when we are apart... blah. Love is as love does.


Different standards of acceptable behavior then. Personally I stay away from folks that expect different standards from me than they do from themselves. And I don't mean just sexual, or faithful, standards. This dynamic usually crosses into many/most/all areas. In essence it demonstrates an overinflated valuing of themselves, and an extensive devaluing of the other party.

In what other ways does she/has she valued herself high above you?

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 11:53:07 AM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alphascendant

It seems to be cheating when I do it, but not when she does it.

Sounds to me like she's just got a fuck-buddy, but you going out with somebody new risks meeting someone you really connect with and ruining the game.
 
Unh... it is a game, you know.
 
K.
 
 

< Message edited by Kirata -- 4/1/2009 11:57:48 AM >

(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 4:08:54 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alphascendant
Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years


Precisely how man times can you break up in three years?

(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 4:27:46 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Alpha,
 
What you need to be asking yourself here is, "what is it that I need to learn from this relationship?".  Learn the lesson and then move on with your life.  You are stuck in a destructive, co-dependent cycle, lather, rinse, repeat.  Go to the self-help section of any bookstore or Amazon and look up John Bradshaw's books. 

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 4:41:38 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alphascendant

Nearly every time we have broken up the past three years, each with her saying she never will talk to me again, except for this time, both of us have ended up in the sack with somebody else, again except for this time, as I haven't even been close to doing anybody, even myself, for two months. With myself, each time has been with somebody new. With her it has been the same guy she has known for eleven years. She says it's okay for her because it is a friend of hers but as for myself, oh filthy me for having a casual lay with somebody that I don't even know and otherwise means nothing to me. Maybe this isn't the forum to be asking this, but is there really any difference? Isn't cheating cheating regardless of who it is with? Maybe she feels safer because it's with somebody she knows. With me, I can't have sex with anybody I love because I love her and the thought of being with anybody else makes me sick to my stomach..


Bud...when did you arrive in this century?

She's got the pussy.

(ergo...etc.).

(in reply to Alphascendant)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 5:12:56 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		  Bad Lookie! lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Cheating - 4/1/2009 7:16:19 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		   All hail the power of the pussy!  

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 18
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