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Experience Level - 4/1/2009 6:14:46 PM   
InspiredLadySub


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/29/2009
Status: offline 		Do you prefer submissives with a certain amount of experience (be it more or less)? If you do, why? Does it matter to you when considering someone?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Experience Level - 4/1/2009 6:19:09 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Did you try the search function, this has been covered many times.

Mike

(in reply to InspiredLadySub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Experience Level - 4/1/2009 6:39:19 PM   
RexLongBeach


Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		For me, it's changed over time.

Earlier, especially when I was first starting out, inexperienced was better. An inexperienced Dom with a highly experienced sub is a tough combo to make work.

Later, experienced or inexperienced didn't matter much to me: it was all good.

Before settling in with (my girl) damita, I was looking for an experienced submissive, primarily because I felt I had a better shot at long term compatibility with a submissive that knew a fair amount about her submissive side.

A submissive with experience has a better understanding of her wants and needs vs. the lifestlye. I wanted a girl who'd tried things in real life (as compared to fantasies or cyber); she knew what she wanted and didn't want, what she'd do and what she wouldn't.

I wanted a girl who loved submission, knew it, and who wanted to be with a Dominant that had dreams/desires/passions/fetishes compatible with hers. Sure, the non-kink stuff counts for a lot in a relationship, but you weren't asking about that.

Good luck and have fun,

Rex

(in reply to InspiredLadySub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Experience Level - 4/1/2009 7:07:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I was totally inexperienced. He liked that because he had previously met a string of subs who were constantly saying "My last master didn't do it like that". And such like phrases. Turned him off of women with experience.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RexLongBeach)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Experience Level - 4/1/2009 7:26:57 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Affinity and broad-based compatibility is far more important to me, however, I am looking for a life partner who is also my playmate and not just a playmate. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Experience Level - 4/1/2009 8:33:30 PM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RexLongBeach

A submissive with experience has a better understanding of her wants and needs vs. the lifestlye. I wanted a girl who'd tried things in real life (as compared to fantasies or cyber); she knew what she wanted and didn't want, what she'd do and what she wouldn't.

I wanted a girl who loved submission, knew it, and who wanted to be with a Dominant that had dreams/desires/passions/fetishes compatible with hers. Sure, the non-kink stuff counts for a lot in a relationship, but you weren't asking about that.

Good luck and have fun,

Rex


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I was totally inexperienced. He liked that because he had previously met a string of subs who were constantly saying "My last master didn't do it like that". And such like phrases. Turned him off of women with experience.


i know i'm not a Master, i'm a mouthy "s" type, but Y/you'd think that both would have good points and bad.  i'm relatively new and inexperienced, but highly trainable to specifications a lot easier than if i had massive experience already.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Experience Level - 4/1/2009 11:19:14 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Of course the other side of that coin is. You are clueless and have no idea how to act or what is expected of you in the future.
just saying

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Experience Level - 4/2/2009 12:15:55 AM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		I'm very inexperienced. My experience has been online only with one other collar before Master that went south on both of our parts. Master likes that because he can teach me his way of doing things, what he expects but he also enjoys seeing my reaction when i try something new and enjoy it and i want to keep doing it until i'm sick of it lol. He's very much a teacher so when i have questions or concerns he's very helpful with those as well. But he's had experienced subs/slaves in the past.

(in reply to InspiredLadySub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Experience Level - 4/2/2009 4:43:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Of course the other side of that coin is. You are clueless and have no idea how to act or what is expected of you in the future.
just saying

BadOne



I don't know about crh, but personally I had been fantasizing about bondage and playing with rope while masturbating for years. Hardly clueless as to what I liked.

As far as what is expected of me? That would change from dominant to dominant anyway. Some relationships are based on obedience, some on service, some on emotional transparency. I had plenty of real life experience to know which I was looking for.  Stuff transfers from other experiences if you are sufficiently self aware.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Experience Level - 4/2/2009 5:31:09 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Experience is of course a consideration when looking at a new person and the possibility of a collar or as a casual play partner. If they have experience different to my own I will want to learn from them. More importantly is the computability with that person and myself and wife and our lifestyle.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Experience Level - 4/2/2009 12:55:59 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Of course the other side of that coin is. You are clueless and have no idea how to act or what is expected of you in the future.
just saying

BadOne



I don't know about crh, but personally I had been fantasizing about bondage and playing with rope while masturbating for years. Hardly clueless as to what I liked.

As far as what is expected of me? That would change from dominant to dominant anyway. Some relationships are based on obedience, some on service, some on emotional transparency. I had plenty of real life experience to know which I was looking for.  Stuff transfers from other experiences if you are sufficiently self aware.


Yea your response to my post was completely out of context.  For the record What you enjoi is a no concern to me.  It's about the sub pleasing me NOT me pleasing her.  Bottom line I don't care what you like.  Maybe that clears it up a little for you.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Experience Level - 4/2/2009 3:25:26 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I prefer some experience yes. That way he at least has some idea of what is going on. I did have to train my current sub as he was brand new to subbing after years of being a Dominant. But at least he knew what was going on.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Experience Level - 4/3/2009 1:04:14 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't consider a submissive's experience level beyond three factors. 
 
1.  Do they know enough about themselves to separate what appeals to them on a fantasy level from what appeals to them on a reality level.
 
2.  Are they able to give some level of informed consent.
 
3.  Is their experience so ingrained that they need to serve their past, rather than serve me (ie: the "right way" is the way they've been doing it, rather than the way I want it done).
 
Beyond that, experience is the easiest thing to acquire... it just takes a little time.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to InspiredLadySub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Experience Level - 4/3/2009 1:25:33 PM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Of course the other side of that coin is. You are clueless and have no idea how to act or what is expected of you in the future.
just saying

BadOne



I don't know about crh, but personally I had been fantasizing about bondage and playing with rope while masturbating for years. Hardly clueless as to what I liked.

As far as I had plenty of real life experience to know which I was looking for.  Stuff transfers from other experiences if you are sufficiently self aware.



Thank You for Your reply, SailingBum, Sir.  ~respectfully~  i do see Your point and it can be the case, but on the other hand i am a fast learner and a perfectionist.  i am hardly clueless, but after being chastised by You, i am thinking maybe i should stay away from this message board, as it is Ask a Master, and obviously i am not.  ~again, respectfully~  But then again, E/everyone seems to post all over the place, regardless.  Again, thank You.     

Also, thank you, DesFIP.  ~smiles~  i also had not only been fantasizing about being submissive for years and known for a long time that it was what i really am, but i had done a lot of reading over the years on what it is and what is expected.  True, it is not the same as experiencing it, but it was informative.  And i do agree in that, what is expected of me? That would change from Dominant to Dominant anyway. Some relationships are based on obedience, some on service, some on emotional transparency.  For me, i do my best to give all three.  And yes, experiences from other areas of my life only improve my ability to give in this area.  ~hugs~ 

Thanks to both of Y/you.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Experience Level - 4/3/2009 2:55:20 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline 		Two examples:
Girl a: completely new to the scene and i was her first D/s relationship yet she could absorb everything i brought into our dynamic and reacted the way i wished her too (she naturally channeled everything positively and understood me exceptionally well

Girl b:Very experienced and knowledgeable and although i could go at a much faster pace with her fundamentally she channeled as the girl above

It was down to pure chemistry between both those girls and i(seperate relationships) and for me thats the only thing im interested in with no interest in previous experience....


(in reply to InspiredLadySub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Experience Level - 4/3/2009 5:40:03 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		DesFIP, obviously that worked out well for you, but I just wanted to point out that things that arouse me to fantasise about in that situation aren't necessarily things I enjoy or want to actually do, while there are lots of things that I never would have thought were particularly hot, and still don't fantasise about, that feel fantastic to actually *do*! Fantasy and learning are fine, as far as they go, but I don't think that a person who is new to BDSM can figure out what they want and need from them.

Personally, I tend to be more trainable in general if I have some grounding in a particular area of interest, and I know better than to play any teacher off against another, whether for Calculus, dancing, or BDSM. When you are working with an individual person, their standards are what matter.

(in reply to Knite064)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Experience Level - 4/4/2009 1:24:06 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957



Thank You for Your reply, SailingBum, Sir.  ~respectfully~  i do see Your point and it can be the case, but on the other hand i am a fast learner and a perfectionist.  i am hardly clueless, but after being chastised by You, i am thinking maybe i should stay away from this message board, as it is Ask a Master, and obviously i am not.  ~again, respectfully~  But then again, E/everyone seems to post all over the place, regardless.  Again, thank You.     




HUH  My post was to show another way of looking at it.  I was NOT referring to you < the generic you> as clueless.  I don't know you well enuff to call you clueless.  Just cuz someone doesn't agree with you make you not want to post.  What happens to the exchange of idea then???

Ya know sometimes I'll take the other point of view just cuz I can.  smirks

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 4/4/2009 1:25:07 AM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Experience Level - 4/4/2009 6:02:46 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		Are you scaring the girls away again?  What are we going to do with you Bad One?

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Experience Level - 4/4/2009 6:18:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I don't consider a submissive's experience level beyond three factors. 
 
1.  Do they know enough about themselves to separate what appeals to them on a fantasy level from what appeals to them on a reality level.
 
2.  Are they able to give some level of informed consent.
 
3.  Is their experience so ingrained that they need to serve their past, rather than serve me (ie: the "right way" is the way they've been doing it, rather than the way I want it done).
 
Beyond that, experience is the easiest thing to acquire... it just takes a little time.
 
John


G'dfay John, good to see your posts again.. I agree with what you say.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Experience Level - 4/4/2009 7:58:02 AM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957



Thank You for Your reply, SailingBum, Sir.  ~respectfully~  i do see Your point and it can be the case, but on the other hand i am a fast learner and a perfectionist.  i am hardly clueless, but after being chastised by You, i am thinking maybe i should stay away from this message board, as it is Ask a Master, and obviously i am not.  ~again, respectfully~  But then again, E/everyone seems to post all over the place, regardless.  Again, thank You.     




HUH  My post was to show another way of looking at it.  I was NOT referring to you < the generic you> as clueless.  I don't know you well enuff to call you clueless.  Just cuz someone doesn't agree with you makes you not want to post.  What happens to the exchange of idea then???

Ya know sometimes I'll take the other point of view just cuz I can.  smirks

BadOne


Thank You, Sir, for Your reply.  It's much appreciated.  i just did not want to appear too mouthy and did not want to offend.  BTW, i do enjoy all Your posts on the boards.  ~smiles~

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 20
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