Finding Someone

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reify -> Finding Someone (4/3/2009 10:24:12 PM)
I'm sure it's been asked plenty of times...but how exactly should I go about finding a right mistress for me? I've sent out creative, intelligent, and engaging emails. I've sent pictures of myself. And I've followed directions! I've been going at this for a whole year now (I changed accounts to spice things up). So far, I've gotten zero real responses. Well, I've gotten one or two derisive comments about how they don't want someone with no experience..but if everybody wants someone experienced, then it's impossible for me to gain experience. I'm also not about to dump three hundred dollars an hour for someone professional... Tthanks or any help...

slaveboyforyou -> RE: Finding Someone (4/3/2009 10:40:14 PM)
quote: I'm sure it's been asked plenty of times...but how exactly should I go about finding a right mistress for me? I've sent out creative, intelligent, and engaging emails. I've sent pictures of myself. And I've followed directions! Finding a good woman isn't like finding a good lawn mower. You're 20 years old, you need to be dating all sorts of women. I had my kinks when I was your age too, but I dated a lot. You will meet all sorts of women, and you may get lucky and run into your dream gal. I'm 13 years your senior, and I haven't met the perfect one yet. But I've had a helluva fun time trying. Winning is the goal, but the game should be fun. Don't limit yourself to collarme and other kink based websites. I promise you that you'll be a happier man.

AngelGeena -> RE: Finding Someone (4/3/2009 10:51:07 PM)
Like any relationship, it can't be forced or rushed. Sometimes you just have to back off from it and let it rest. Read and post on boards, get to know some people. Things happen when you stop looking. Good luck.

MsDDom -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 10:40:38 AM)
i can only speak for Me when being approached by a boy that is very young...(note, i have my age limits) i would definitely look at your life experiences and reasoning behind entering the Life--when did you first believe you were a submissive...what was the turning point? for me your age would be the "stop". you may not want to hear that, but perhaps that could be an issue. i know that there r the boys that enjoy the cougar Dommes/Mistress, yet having a boy at her feet that is not mentally prepared b/c of "youth" is more a headache that "fun". my own son will be 19, so i dont want someone i am a mother to like i am w/ him. so, unfortunately, gaining some years might be the thing...unless u find someone who is very close in age to urself (20-24).

Voodali -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 10:56:13 AM)
For me, youth is both a turn on and a deterrent. That cannot be helped. The fact that you have brains and literacy on your side will help you immensely, as most Dommes I've met who were in it for more than just money were fairly literate folk. One thing that might help you a little is to have a pic on your profile. I know there may be reasons why you wish to remain anonymous, but you will definitely get more hits if your face is even partially visible. Hell, even a torso shot or picture of your cat might improve your chances. People tend to zone out in front of the computer, clicking on the pics. I have stumbled upon many interesting things that way. I imagine you're aware of what a submissive male is up against...that the ratio of Dominant females to submissive males is unkind at best. A boy has to differentiate himself, to strive to have more to offer than the rabble, and then there's the matter of a true connection of hearts and minds (if that's what you're into). It looks like you're on the right path. Still, you might want to heed the advice of Mr. slaveboy. This could take some time.

Saint -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 11:03:48 AM)
Good luck.

slavekal -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 12:37:49 PM)
You are doing fine so far. Keep it up. But you have to do more. You must met women in every way and in every setting. You have to keep answering profiles and make a good one yourself. And make sure it has a pic. And you have to try to seduce the domina from the "vanilla" women you meet. You may be surprised at how many women take to the female domination lifestyle.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 12:55:34 PM)
Your profile definitely screams "intellectual" which isn't a bad thing, and I guarantee that quote will be lost on more than a few--however, "to thine own self be true"--as has been said, it takes time and patience---nothing good from rushing unless its in football. [;)]

Andalusite -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 2:17:36 PM)
I started dating the man who became my submissive for almost 5 years when I was 20, so I don't think you necessarily need to date submissive or vanilla women. Like slavekal mentioned, I had previously been relatively vanilla (though I had read and enjoyed and fantasised about BDSM, but the stories were far too extreme for me to think I'd actually want to do it). He was able to present it in a way that was attractive and seemed worth trying. [:D] Personally, I'm fine with someone who doesn't have experience, and would view a lot of experience with pro-Dommes as a negative for a potential partner (not necessarily a dealbreaker, but it makes it more likely that they are in a mindspace that isn't necessarily compatible with what I want in a relationship). I'd suggest cutting the King Lear quote to the relevant paragraph/phrase, if you want to keep it, and adding some of your vanilla hobbies, and a little more writing that gives an idea of your personality and what you are looking for. It can be tough to find what you're looking for, though, try not to be too discouraged!

ShaktiSama -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 3:51:14 PM)
shrug I find it a little hard to believe that I am the only dominant woman on the planet who likes younger men who are attractive, physically fit, intelligent, literate and authentically submissive. You must be approaching the wrong people, darlin'. If you're getting a lot of talk about "experience" and flat rejections from your prospects, "experience" is probably just being used (as it usually is) as a euphemism for age. Many older women have a bias in this respect, so try not to take it personally. It would seem from anecdotal experience that the best way to connect with people to acquire experience in play and non-collared service would be to find a good chatroom and make friends there who actually get to know the real you. Be prepared to 1) travel, 2) visit bdsm conventions, gatherings, munches and clubs and 3) play or serve non-sexually until you meet the right person.

SnowRanger -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 4:09:00 PM)
Persistance! Hello reify. Frankly, that is about the only contribution that I can make. Hang in there> Mike SnowRanger

AngelGeena -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 4:11:05 PM)
I've always preferred younger men in any type of relationship. [sm=hyper.gif]

SnowRanger -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 4:12:31 PM)
PS: My first experience was with a Pro.

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 4:25:22 PM)
In all honesty, I tend to prefer younger guys ... however, since most guys your age are not at the same point in life that we are (i.e. typically still in college while we are done; not necisarily ready to settle down, which we are; etc.), we just aren't compatable with guys your age. As for actual advice, find a munch that you can visit and meet people. Date people that you like (even if you think they are totally "vanilla"), as someone else said - one of the biggest turnoffs for us is a guy who has never really dated and has absolutely NO idea how to interact with someone in a romantic setting appropriately. Be patient, it takes time to find someone unless you are really REALLY lucky - and sometimes, you meet the right person and don't know it for awhile. Just keep trying, you'll find someone eventually.

MistressDolly -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 4:27:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reify I'm sure it's been asked plenty of times...but how exactly should I go about finding a right mistress for me? I've sent out creative, intelligent, and engaging emails. I've sent pictures of myself. And I've followed directions! I've been going at this for a whole year now (I changed accounts to spice things up). So far, I've gotten zero real responses. Well, I've gotten one or two derisive comments about how they don't want someone with no experience..but if everybody wants someone experienced, then it's impossible for me to gain experience. I'm also not about to dump three hundred dollars an hour for someone professional... Tthanks or any help... Some good advice in here... I would also suggest contributing to the forums on a regular basis, if possible. It is absolutely possible to meet someone in real time on collarme. Good luck :)

LAgirlsub -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 11:18:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Voodali I imagine you're aware of what a submissive male is up against...that the ratio of Dominant females to submissive males is unkind at best. I know I'm going off topic, just for a second, but does anyone have any numbers/a guess on dom women to sub women?

Andalusite -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 11:34:23 PM)
I'm not sure about other areas, but in my local community, I'd guesstimate the women I've met to be about 75% submissives , 20% switches (including top/bottom and/or D/s), and 5% Dommes. Personally, I started out as a Domme for 5 years, and currently identify as a switch. If you mean the number of submissive women who specifically are seeking a Domme compared to Dominant women who are seeking a submissive, I'm not sure - I've seen a lot of women playing with other women, but most of them don't seem to be in monogamous, committed relationships with each other.

LAgirlsub -> RE: Finding Someone (4/4/2009 11:46:20 PM)
Yes, that's what I meant...how many submissive women seeking dominant women? And you haven't seen many committed relationships? Well, at least for the ones that notice me, they tend to mention they like intelligent subs. I guess I'll come across one that hopefully doesn't mind someone without experience or with luck, might like someone new.

Andalusite -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 12:11:53 AM)
Committed might be the wrong word, but most of the women are poly (usually with a man as a primary partner, but not always) or single/dating around. For all I know, they are seriously considering dating the other women, but I've had the impression that most like playing with other women, but aren't necessarily seeking a girlfriend. Other women have approached me for play, but not for dating (unless they were already in a poly relationship with a man), on both sides of the whip. I'd be open to dating another woman, if we connected that way, but I'm usually more drawn to men sexually and romantically.

DomineK -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 12:08:22 PM)
"For what it matters, I lead a very busy life. I define myself as student first and foremost and I see myself attending medical school one year from now. " That plus your age is what would make me take a pass on you. Since you asked.

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