RE: Finding Someone

RE: Finding Someone (Full Version)

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dennidson -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 12:24:22 PM)
I have a similar problem to reify. I'm 25 so a bit older, but still too young for many Dommes out there including those younger than me. I'm also new to this which has been another drawback. They obviously have their preferences the same as we have ours. I suppose we both just have to be patient in our search and hope that it will all work out.

BoiJen -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 6:46:40 PM)
Read slaveKal's book... "The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman" http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=5043162 damnit boi Future ruler of the Universe serving MsK

reify -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 6:51:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou Finding a good woman isn't like finding a good lawn mower...and I haven't met the perfect one yet. But I've had a helluva fun time trying. I'm not looking for the perfect woman! The perfect anyone, I like to believe exists only in the mind. It's quite difficult to find anybody who approaches any sort of ideal. That being said, you're right! Finding someone isn't like shopping at home depot. quote: ORIGINAL: MsDDom for me your age would be the "stop". you may not want to hear that, but perhaps that could be an issue. i know that there r the boys that enjoy the cougar Dommes/Mistress, yet having a boy at her feet that is not mentally prepared b/c of "youth" is more a headache that "fun". my own son will be 19, so i dont want someone i am a mother to like i am w/ him. so, unfortunately, gaining some years might be the thing...unless u find someone who is very close in age to urself (20-24). I understand that young men turn women off, but I have never the reason for this particular social stigma. It seems that older men seek younger women, and I have never quite understand why. Personally, I believe that all people regardless of race, gender, and class have equal innate talent (is race a turnoff?). It appears that the social stigmas that permeate society are also prevalent in the BDSM communities. I had thought BDSM communities were above this pettiness. quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger Persistance! Hello reify. Frankly, that is about the only contribution that I can make. Hang in there> Mike SnowRanger I will persevere. :) quote: ORIGINAL: DomineK "For what it matters, I lead a very busy life. I define myself as a student first and foremost and I see myself attending medical school one year from now. " That plus your age is what would make me take a pass on you. Since you asked. I understand how people don’t want to be working around a student’s tedious schedule. I probably should have clarified that I am amazing at managing time and that I believe if people truly want to do something, they can always make time. And are dommes really looking for pushovers as subs (n.b.: I do not consider myself a slave)? I’m motivated and quite superb at pursuing things that interest me. That can’t be a bad thing… Someone mentioned something about attending munches. If I were to go to a munch, I really wouldn’t have anything to contribute as I have no experience! And in my head, to some degree, (or when it’s convenient) words are simply words. I’d rather do than talk about doing. I appreciate all the input I have received and I took something positive out of each comment. Please don’t consider me ungrateful if I haven’t quoted you. To be honest, I’m not really sure about forum etiquette. I don’t spend much time on forums. If I’ve been impolite in any regard, I apologize.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 9:12:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reify Someone mentioned something about attending munches. If I were to go to a munch, I really wouldn’t have anything to contribute as I have no experience! And in my head, to some degree, (or when it’s convenient) words are simply words. I’d rather do than talk about doing. Hon, if you're under the impression that people go to munches to talk about nothing but kinky sex--you're wrong. People go to munches to meet other people and make friends. You don't need experience, you need a personality. If you approach the bdsm community as nothing but a sex club, you are almost guaranteed to fail. Lifestyle dommes are human beings and we connect with our partners on multiple levels. It isn't all just about sex, beatings and kink. If you don't want human contact beyond that, stick with the professionals. You'll be much happier with their services and you will avoid wasting a LOT of time and heartache for yourself and others.

DelilahDeb -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 11:09:46 PM)
A suggestion about experience: you can get experience with play without committing more than an evening to one person—if you're willing to go to real-life stuff. Munches to meet local scene folks; classes where you can volunteer (better in advance) to be a demo bottom for someone teaching or demonstrating a technique. (My buddy who teaches Sensual Caning never seems to lack for willing volunteers, and if one's not available, another will pop up.) The same is true even more if you are able to join a kinky club or local dungeon; same with kinky conventions although that takes making your connections in advance. All of these activities will provide you various sorts of experience, and at the same time enable you to meet some of the wide variety of kinksters we are. Lady Delilah Deb

dennidson -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 11:24:59 PM)
Good suggestions. I think one thing that some Dommes should consider though is that while a lot of subs/slaves may come to a Domme with expectations based on their previous experiences, I am a blank slate and have no such expectaions. Of course people want what they want and all I can do is hope to find a Domme who shares that view.

SurrenderForMe -> RE: Finding Someone (4/5/2009 11:54:02 PM)
Go to a munch, make friends, take your time. Go to events and parties, parties are better. Make friends, take your time.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 7:24:47 AM)
The magic solution is following: BINGO You need: yourself preferrably with a ribbon on (red would be awesome but if red doesn't suit you then some other color) a few dozen bingo cards a few dozen dommes (as many as the cards) bingo balls bingo ball cage a person to control the bingo Now..put the bingo balls in the bingo ball cage. You gather all the dommes together..give each a bingo card, and then tell the person who controls the bingo to start the bingo. Now the first domme to get a bingo is your perfect domme. I'm telling you, it works every time![:)]

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 7:41:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reify I understand that young men turn women off, but I have never the reason for this particular social stigma. It seems that older men seek younger women, and I have never quite understand why. Personally, I believe that all people regardless of race, gender, and class have equal innate talent (is race a turnoff?). It appears that the social stigmas that permeate society are also prevalent in the BDSM communities. I had thought BDSM communities were above this pettiness. Actually, it's because a good deal of the older men who are with younger women feel that they have something to prove (i.e. that they are still virile enough to attract a younger woman) and because they have something to offer (the term "SugarDaddy" comes to mind ...). Now, keeping in mind that I said "a good deal" there are exceptions to every 'rule' - as shown by older men who truly care for their younger partners instead of what others must think of him for being with a younger women (almost always positive) and women who have younger men, despite what others think of them. It happens, but it's not as common. quote: I understand how people don’t want to be working around a student’s tedious schedule. I probably should have clarified that I am amazing at managing time and that I believe if people truly want to do something, they can always make time. And are dommes really looking for pushovers as subs (n.b.: I do not consider myself a slave)? I’m motivated and quite superb at pursuing things that interest me. That can’t be a bad thing… No, we aren't looking for pushovers - but there is a difference between a pushover and someone who has time for us. Not only are you "a student first" but you are planning to go into a program that is VERY demanding in both time and energy. How on earth are you doing to manage to serve someone in a way that they deem proper and still pass your classes? I don't care how "amazing" you are at managing your time, you only have so many hours in the day. quote: Someone mentioned something about attending munches. If I were to go to a munch, I really wouldn’t have anything to contribute as I have no experience! And in my head, to some degree, (or when it’s convenient) words are simply words. I’d rather do than talk about doing. The easiest way to get to doing is to go out and meet people who have done ... the best way to do that, is a local munch. And as Shakti said, munches are a time for kinky people to socialize, not for people to socialize about kinks (although that does happen too).

MsFlutter -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 7:43:24 AM)
Probably wouldn't hurt to have a photo more recent July 11, 2004. :)

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 9:29:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: reify Someone mentioned something about attending munches. If I were to go to a munch, I really wouldn’t have anything to contribute as I have no experience! And in my head, to some degree, (or when it’s convenient) words are simply words. I’d rather do than talk about doing. Hon, if you're under the impression that people go to munches to talk about nothing but kinky sex--you're wrong. People go to munches to meet other people and make friends. You don't need experience, you need a personality. If you approach the bdsm community as nothing but a sex club, you are almost guaranteed to fail. Lifestyle dommes are human beings and we connect with our partners on multiple levels. It isn't all just about sex, beatings and kink. If you don't want human contact beyond that, stick with the professionals. You'll be much happier with their services and you will avoid wasting a LOT of time and heartache for yourself and others. Just scanning this thread, and this line popped out!! TOTAL pepsisnort, Shakti! [:D]

slavekal -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 12:51:51 PM)
Not to unduly toot my own horn, but Boijen is right. I have met and served many Mistresses throughout my life. From my teens through middle age. It is not as hard as many men seem to think it is. You have to use every method at your disposal.

BoiJen -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 1:12:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal Not to unduly toot my own horn, but Boijen is right. I have met and served many Mistresses throughout my life. From my teens through middle age. It is not as hard as many men seem to think it is. You have to use every method at your disposal. He has the code...he's willing to share it...use it! boi Future ruler of the Universe serving MsK invest in Ford

colouredin -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 1:23:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes No, we aren't looking for pushovers - but there is a difference between a pushover and someone who has time for us. Not only are you "a student first" but you are planning to go into a program that is VERY demanding in both time and energy. How on earth are you doing to manage to serve someone in a way that they deem proper and still pass your classes? I don't care how "amazing" you are at managing your time, you only have so many hours in the day. Which is why it is wonderful that different people want different things. Not everyone is after a time consuming relationship some people dont mind being second to studies, thank god or else I would have been celibate for years and years. What you may 'deem' proper another may find too intense. To the OP, I agree with the go to munches thing, get to know people, chat have fun all that malarchy. But the best piece of advice not just for this but for life is dont 'expect' anything, that way you can enjoy what you end up finding.

MzMia -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 1:27:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal Not to unduly toot my own horn, but Boijen is right. I have met and served many Mistresses throughout my life. From my teens through middle age. It is not as hard as many men seem to think it is. You have to use every method at your disposal. I applaud you for writing your manual/ book, I plan on purchasing it. Thank you for explaining what has SUCCESSFULLY WORKED for you, throughtout your life of service to women. I have always enjoyed the dignity and control you use when posting, especially with those that appear to be looking for an argument. I think I envy your Mistress a bit {muttering about why aren't there more like slavekal around THIS part of the country?} [8\|] I appreciate the time, effort and expense it took for you to have your book published. Kudos to slavekal! MzMia who is swooning a little, and I rarely swoon. [;)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 1:43:59 PM)
More bonus points to Slavekal---he IS very successful at finding and KEEPING good relationships with female dominants, and does not give up his personality in the process.

BoiJen -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 1:48:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia I applaud you for writing your manual/ book, I plan on purchasing it. Thank you for explaining what has SUCCESSFULLY WORKED for you, throughtout your life of service to women. I have always enjoyed the dignity and control you use when posting, especially with those that appear to be looking for an argument. I think I envy your Mistress a bit {muttering about why aren't there more like slavekal around THIS part of the country?} [8\|] I appreciate the time, effort and expense it took for you to have your book published. Kudos to slavekal! MzMia who is swooning a little, and I rarely swoon. [;)] SlaveKal is an awesome individual and so is Ms.M, if either of them ever give advice, I'd put money that it's good advice and will likely be a major contributing factor to that individual's success. And slaveKal's book really does give an insight into how to be successful in searching for a Domme (in the male s-type perspective)...but even though it's geared toward male s-types seeking Dommes...there's advice in there for anyone looking to serve a Woman that is worth the cost of the book and more. Personally, I think SlaveKal should be charging more money for the book. And I'm not into guys but slaveKal is a person who is swoonable over for many reasons (again...so is MsM...tey're well matched!). boi Future ruler of the Universe serving MsK

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 3:18:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes No, we aren't looking for pushovers - but there is a difference between a pushover and someone who has time for us. Not only are you "a student first" but you are planning to go into a program that is VERY demanding in both time and energy. How on earth are you doing to manage to serve someone in a way that they deem proper and still pass your classes? I don't care how "amazing" you are at managing your time, you only have so many hours in the day. Which is why it is wonderful that different people want different things. Not everyone is after a time consuming relationship some people dont mind being second to studies, thank god or else I would have been celibate for years and years. What you may 'deem' proper another may find too intense. I understand that - but finding those is more difficult, as there seem to be fewer of them. We aren't interested in someone who is going to be in school for years and years still ... just like we aren't interested in someone who travels all the time and is rarely home. We want someone who will be around, if not always when we want, then at least most of the time when we want. I know that not all are like us, but I think if you review the responses, we aren't alone in this either.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Finding Someone (4/6/2009 7:55:32 PM)
While I might consider a relationship with a medical student, it would very much be a light tertiary relationship; I'm not going to require him to come over every week and do my housework, because he will not have the time. (I have doctors in the family. Trust me. You will NOT have the time for that level of service.) To play on occasion? Sure, maybe, if we connect as friends. (I only play with my friends.) But I'm not going to add another primary or a secondary when he is getting ready to chase his MD. But I am poly, and so I run things a little differently than the other ladies out there.

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